Random Ramblings CXL - P.D.P.1 · 11:34pm Feb 25th, 2017
IN WHICH I RELUCTANTLY KEEP MY PROMISE
This blogpost is the first in a six-part series. Here's part 2-1, Part 2-2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4-2, Part 5, and Part 6.
I'm still bummed about the poor/lack-of reception to my latest "Burritoverse" fic, to the point that I haven't felt like continuing any of the stories I have on my plate, or writing at all actually. I don't know when or if I'll get them done. Hopefully soon. But before that, my most loyal readers -- all two of you, who are awesome -- have requested a look at the Pinkamena fanfiction I wrote starting back in 2013 and never published. Well, here's a synopsis of the first part. Follow me past the jump, and be prepared for, well… this part's not too terrible. But even the TL;DR is kind of a long read, as the original document is over 16,000 words.
I originally started writing this fic beginning in June 2013. Going through my files, it turns out I actually rewrote the first part significantly, as I have two completely separate documents. This happened in June 2014, shortly after I joined FimFic. The inspiration for the fic was, of all things, "Pinkie Apple Pie". I was trying to figure out how Pinkie could be related to the Apple Clan without something stupidly convoluted like in the actual episode. But that explanation comes in Part 2. Anyway, here's Part 1 -- any excerpted passages are from the rewrite. None of these Parts were divided into chapters; I guess I figured I'd do that later (a tactic I eventually used with my first actual fic on this site, Ponyville Holds An Election, which was written in one block but then divided into seven chapters before publication)
P.D.P. -- Part One
Despite the name, this part actually focuses pretty much entirely on Twilight -- this was before I really came to dislike her character, so she's actually likeable here. And, as always, NOT an Alicorn. The year is 1002, the season is summer.
Anyway, she's reading the final treatise by one of her old supplementary magic professors, "Sharp-Tack", from her school days -- hey, Celestia would be the first to admit she's not omnipotent, and Sharp-Tack is an expert on theory. Before she can finish the book, Pinkie Pie shows up at the library to invite her to a party; turns out one week from that day is the fifth anniversary of Ponk's arrival in Ponyville. Twilight yeah-yeahs just to get Pinkie out of the way. But then Pinkie says something cryptic about the book as she leaves.
It turns out Sharp-Tack wrote a mea culpa at the end of his book where he repudiates nearly everything he taught for 50 years -- the reason was because he discovered Earth-ponies have a special type of magic beyond helping plants grow; he calls it "latent" magic, states it's incredibly powerful if used by somepony who knows how, and that Unicorns lack it entirely. He gives credit to the discovery to a pony who only goes by the initials "P.D.P". No gender or age is ever mentioned.
Twilight is of course livid that some unknown pony would have the gall to cause one of her mentors to give up on his life's work. She immediately searches through all the academic journals she stole from the Academy, assuming this pony must have published articles on magic, but she finds none. All she finds is a few high-ranking scholars giving "P.D.P" credit with help on research. Moreover, every single one retired or passed away within the past six years. So Twilight immediately hops the next train to Canterlot to find some answers.
When she gets to the Royal Academy, she meets Sharp-Tack. He's pretty flighty and kinda depressed. They have a brief conversation, then Twilight gets to the point -- "Who is P.D.P.?" Sharp-Tack responds by saying Twilight will never find her answer in mainstream journals. He then explains that the "Great Learnèd Ones", the ponies who run the Academy in Celestia's stead, are a bunch of stuffy incurious dunderheads. When they read "P.D.P"'s work, they felt threatened and had it officially declared Heresy, meaning no one could read it or discuss it, and those who did were either expelled, fired, or in Sharp-Tack's case kicked upstairs. But Sharp-Tack and his soon-to-be-fired colleagues collected "P.D.P"'s work and hid it in the Restricted Section of the Royal Archives -- that place Sunset Shimmer broke into that led to her exile (but I didn't know about Sunny-sun at that point). Sharp-Tack also admits that he never met "P.D.P". To his knowledge, no one did, with one exception in Fillydelphia who died just over five years before. "P.D.P" only ever communicated through letters.
Twilight bluffs her way into the Archive, but notices that a lot of bat-winged guards are there -- Luna's guards. Luna of course lets her in and screams at her own guards for being jerks. When Twilight explains the situation, Luna effortlessly finds a book and gives it to Twilight — The Complete Scholarship of 'P.D.P': 993-997. Twilight was shocked that this mysterious pony was only active for four years and that Luna (who had only come back in Y1k) even knew about the pony. Twilight asks Luna if "P.D.P" is still alive. Luna confirms yes but has only met the pony through dreamwalking.
Twilight reads the book and realizes quickly that "P.D.P" was an absolute radical who was staunchly opposed to the schooling style of the day and to Celestia's government itself, in addition to having way-out-there theories about magic, cutie marks and destiny, cognition, and about a mental disease wherein a pony's cutie mark does not seem to fit them and it slowly drives them mad -- "Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome". Twilight's verdict was that "P.D.P" was insane but brilliant. She demands Luna give her more information, but Luna refuses on the grounds that she considers dreamwalking a sacred duty (but admits "P.D.P" has particularly awful nightmares most of the time) and will never divulge what she learns. Then Luna leaves Twilight to think of another way.
Twilight realizes that every published article needs to have an editor/proofreader. "P.D.P" only ever used one, Crowquill, and her office just so happened to be at the Royal Academy. Twilight meets her and grills her about the mysterious pony. Turns out Crowquill never met "P.D.P" either -- all of "P.D.P"'s articles were sent care of Steel-Gaze, whose books Crowquill also edited. After Steel-Gaze died, "P.D.P" sent in two more articles directly -- the one about latent magic that Twilight already knew about, and one about magical creatures in the Everfree Forest.
Upon learning of the Heresy declaration, "P.D.P" sent in a short column slamming the Academy and Celestia, along with a declaration that "P.D.P" would be trying out one of Steel-Gaze's crazier theories about the brain, and that was the last anyone ever heard of the pony; Crowquill assumed "P.D.P" was hiding in the Forest. Twilight asked if Crowquill still had the envelope. She did. Turns out the last letters were postmarked in Ponyville (makes sense as it's the closest existing post office to the Everfree). Wild goose chase yay, but we're still only 2/3 of the way through.
When Twilight gets back to Ponyville, it's the dead of night. She has a dream about "P.D.P" but doesn't really learn anything. It's all cryptic and shit.
The next morning, Twilight is mean to Spike and goes off alone into the Everfree Forest to speak to Zecora. They have tea. During the conversation, Zecora admits she's never met "P.D.P" either -- that pony was gone before Zecora showed up four years ago -- but the spirits she communes with did know "P.D.P", and Zecora lets slip that "P.D.P" is female, built the tree-house she now occupies, but left the Forest due to being "ill". Zecora had tried to find her several times but always failed.
Twilight then heads to City Hall to check the records. We learn why Mayor Mare hates Twilight (Meyer was friends with Biblion, the original librarian who was unceremoniously kicked out by Celestia to accommodate Twilight in the Library and died the next day, plus Twilight's better-than-you attitude). And apparently it turns out the Mayor used to have a different secretary who looked and acted almost exactly like Raven: "Lainatype" (a pun on Linotype). Lainatype talks a bit about Pinkie's upcoming party and admits that Ponyville's resident cop has wanted to arrest her for years but can't because Pinkie always plays by the rules, filling out every single bit of paperwork to the letter.
Lainatype admits that the one problem Pinkie has with these forms is an extreme disinclination to sign her own name. Curious, Twilight looks at the form where Pinkie does so, and finds her full legal name: Pinkamena Diane Pie. Twilight doesn't think much of it at first beyond it being sort of a silly name -- who names a pony "Diane"? But then her brain puts two and two together and realizes Pinkie is indeed the pony she's been looking for.
Twilight runs back to Golden Oaks in complete disbelief, and magic-locks herself into her room. There's just no way Pinkie could be a high-level scholar! But then she realizes Pinkie knew a lot more about local folklore than even natives like Applejack, and was (at that time) much more circumspect about her own past -- remember, 2013.
At that point, Pinkie pops out from under Twilight's bed to remind her about the party. Twilight confronts Pinkie about everything. Pinkie has no idea what Twilight is talking about. But Twilight presses further, pointing out every inconsistency about Pinkie's personality. Pinkie still denies everything. Finally Twilight calls her a liar and says they can't be friends anymore and leaves the room. Pinkie of course breaks down in tears. Then she stops. Twilight gets a little worried at the silence and reenters. When she does, she finds a straight-haired Pinkie, and then this happens:
With long straight hair and an ever-so-subtly duller coat, Pinkie looked like a completely different pony. She was sitting in the middle of the room, motionless, eyes shut, breathing slowly and purposefully. Meditating perhaps? Eventually she opened her eyes and levelled an unusually piercing gaze directly at Twilight.
“So, you finally figured it out.” This was Pinkie talking, but her voice was calm and quiet, slightly deeper, and a bit harsh.
Of all the reactions Twilight expected, this was absolutely not one of them.
“Pinkie?” Twilight had to ask, just to make sure her eyes and ears were both correct.
Pinkie furrowed her brows in mock confusion. “Who?”
“You, I-I thought.”
The pink pony before Twilight smiled wryly, an expression Pinkie would never make.
“What?” Twilight was now more confused than ever.
Pinkie-or-perhaps-not-Pinkie stood up and ambled purposefully toward Twilight, circling her, speaking in a voice that was almost a purr despite its clear disdain for everything.
“As I said, you figured it out. I have to give you credit, Twilight Sparkle. I’d had you pegged for an idiot.”
Twilight had so many questions about the currently-in-progress exchange, but decided not to ask them lest she prove her apparent idiocy. Thinking logically, there was only one conclusion she could reach, and decided to go with it and see what happened.
“I take it you really are ‘P.D.P’ ?”
“Bra-vo,” came the sarcastic answer. “Pinkamena Diane Pie.” She extended her hoof as if to offer a handshake. Twilight was naturally hesitant to take it, so Pinkamena continued. “Such is the name I was given, not that I use it anymore. She doesn’t care for it; can’t say I blame her.”
“She?”
“Pinkie,” Pinkamena said, “That simple girl prefers not to be reminded about things she doesn’t understand.”
“I can’t say I fully understand either,” Twilight admitted.
“Don’t feel too bad, Twilight Sparkle. It’s a difficult concept to wrap one’s mind around. Suffice to say that Pinkie and myself are, effectively, two minds sharing one body.”
“Then… she didn’t lie to me?” Twilight now felt awful for snapping at her friend.
“Not intentionally, no.”
Pinkamena, after explaining that the "side effect of the experiment" is that she can only appear when Pinkie suffers extreme mental anguish/trauma so do NOT try to cheer her up, agrees to tell Twilight her backstory, as they both have time.
END PART I
4438211 - Oh I already know about the "Alternate Universe" tag. Nearly all of my Sunset stories use it, for obvious reasons.
THIS part isn't the issue. I was actually pleased with how Part I's rewrite turned out. It's everything that comes after this that's at issue.
Also the fact that I never figured out how to write the ending (that'd be Part VI).
I hate to be a butt but I'm only now really reading through all these.
I don't regret how I've spent my time over the last month but i did want to read through this sooner.
Part 1 has some interesting concepts and makes me want to read more. The earth pony magic thing has been done by others but I still think it's a rich vein of material I know from later on that the story gets into some really strong bits.
I wonder if the length of the setup of part 1 works against it to some extent, though. Like the reader will know or guess from moment 1 that PDP is Pinkie, so for them that's where the story would really kick into gear. You could almost open with the confrontation and do a quick flashback about the research Twilight's been doing. Or you could have a third character be the perspective character so that they can summarize things quicker... maybe even Pinkie herself in her Pinkie-persona?
4471277 - Those are some interesting suggestions. I appreciate them. This story is definitely one I'll be looking for other perspectives on once I'm up for publishing it.
I'm concerned that by just summarizing Twilight's research it'll run afoul of telling instead of showing. The things she learns in Canterlot are vitally important to the rest of the story, and no other character can really do that bit.
I've also considering making an anagram out of "Pinkamena Diane Pie" to make the connection somewhat less obvious, but I'm not good with anagrams so I let the matter rest for the (3+yr) moment.
What I could do is have a prologue with Pinkie being Pinkie preparing for her anniversary bash and have the Pinkamena voice interjecting in her head. Then for Chapter 1, I use Twilight's revelation (but not the confrontation, because that leads directly into Part II) as a frame story for going back to her research trip. I could possibly use Spike to set up the "How did we get here?" flashback a la the Deadpool movie, as he's reacting to Twilight flipping out -- something I'm no stranger to writing at this point.