Friendship is Card Games: Micro-Series #8 and Reins, Trains, and Carts with Wheels · 12:40pm Jan 1st, 2017
Happy New Year! Let’s start it right. And by “right,” I of course mean “with trading cards.”
One could argue that I should be doing something from the main comics, but I feel the holiday special counts. Besides, this lets me delay some of the more egregiously stupid storylines for another week, which is definitely a win in my book. So, let’s take a look at two stories of friendships in trying times.
Micro-Series #8: Celestia
Oh hey, Gordon Ramsay pony, seen well before “Spice Up Your Life.” Not too far off from that character design, either.
Also, I have to wonder about the golden dragon centerpiece. Did Spike pose for that?
“Pony-teacher committee” feels like an unnecessary equinism. Also, I’m pretty sure Honey Sweet demonstrates that nepotism is alive and well at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.
I have to say, the character establishment for the teachers is done quite well. In just four panels, I have a firm grasp on who both Gingersnap and Giddilee are.
I don’t see what the three -ooies are laughing at. If someone were telling me about a fight with a giant mechanical pig, I’d be hanging on every word.
These ponies may snicker at Inkwell’s precautions, but I see someone who’s survived some terrible things in her time. That isn’t senility they’re snickering at; it’s a bunch of mental scars on par with her eye injury. Asshats. (Granted, I do know what’s coming, but I suspect I’d feel similarly even if I didn’t.)
… Okay, the bit with the pastries is a bit much, unless Inkwell’s referring to poisons.
Potentially silly question, but did Inkwell put that radiation sticker on the teapot herself, or was it always there? I could definitely see Celestia enjoying something that gave off gamma radiation, though not necessarily in public.
Hmm. On the one hand, filly Hotaru could probably take out every animated food item by herself. On the other hand, the collateral damage would probably be catastrophic.
Also, I love how Hermione is helping out. Good for her.
I admit, I can see where Floribunda is coming from. The coney cake carnage was clearly catastrophic. Still, you can’t argue with results.
… Well, clearly the parents can, but still.
I find it telling that Celestia keeps a mural of the siege of Canterlot in her own chambers. Likely acting as a reminder of whatever failings she feels she’s responsible for that led to such a catastrophe. And there’s definitely a story to tell if shadowy forces managed to push all the way to the nation’s capital only a few generations ago. Has anyone examined this in fan fiction?
I see Fringe isn’t the only series with extratemporal observers overlooking Equestria.
Interesting to note that the pegasi helped push the shield through wingpower. Meanwhile, out of the three earth ponies in the scene, we have one guard, one gobsmacked onlooker, and one injured fellow next to the latter. Well, it is Canterlot; not the biggest contingent of earth ponies in general. Still, it’d be nice to see them do something.
Ah well. It’s still a great scene, a triumph of friendship and harmony over that which would seek to destroy it. Also another Sailor moon cameo, which I won’t say no to.
I love how Inkwell’s fan club includes some G1 ponies. A lovely continuity nod that subtly emphasizes Inkwell’s sheer age.
Huh. Weird to think that CSGU is only a few generations old. Or it’s just an odd way of phrasing how Inkwell contributed to a preexisting school.
Huh. I wonder who wrote Ethereal Haircare. How many other beings in the world need to deal with magical manes?
On the one hand, it’s heartwarming to see everypony realize how much Inkwell has done for them over the years. On the other hand, it might be a good idea to make sure her curriculum’s still up to modern standards. Just saying; don’t want those old-fashioned ideas to be technically inaccurate in the light of more recent discoveries. (And while we’re on the subject, maybe establish her veteran status. Might garner a bit more respect, or at least understanding.)
Friends Forever #8: Reins, Trains, and Carts with Wheels
What is it about Rarity side issues that gets them proper titles? I suppose she won’t settle for less.
Ah, the friendly neighborhood mailderp. It’s neat how one can track the ascension of this particular piece of fanon.
Huh. Given the sheer spread of the Apple clan, you’d think they’d already be a one-family industry for all things fruit-related. I suppose not all ties have been formalized yet.
The Apples’ barn is like the dock at Camp Everfree. It just doesn’t want to exist.
The eager, oblivious expressions on the Crusaders are quite hilarious. Still, I can’t wonder if this is how they’re actually looking or just how Applejack perceives them.
Whinnyworld is on the other coast, Rarity. You’re thinking of Whinnyland.
I can only assume that Rarity learn how to better mix business and pleasure from this trip; all the better to focus on the task at hoof when doing her own expanding.
Given the uncertain nature of goat sapience in Equestria, asking whether they’d be offended when pet actually does seem like a legitimate question.
I look at that ball of yarn, and all I can think of is the sheer devastation it would wreak if it ever started rolling.
You’d think they’d do more to secure and protect (and possibly contain) the last known example of anything, much less textiles from a long-lost empire.
Sorry Rarity, but Applejack has you beat when it comes to dream panels.
You’d think they’d mark some kind of crash zone if that happened every show. Honestly, that seems like a negligence lawsuit waiting to happen.
“Nice day if it don’t rain” jokes don’t work in a world with scheduled weather. I suppose they might not have looked at the weather plan for the day, but it still bothers me.
I like the boop exchange, but what even is Applejack’s face when she’s shaking off?
Hmm. Applejack is transporting apples. Those can’t be too fresh given all of the delays. And given her… succinct business plan, she’ll want them to be in peak condition.
Huh. A pedalothopter built for two. I wonder what Cherry Berry thinks of the design.
I like the idea of an alicorn Rushmore, but it doesn’t seem like there’d be much for need for it until very recently, to say nothing of the sculptor leaving room for Luna between Celestia and Cadence.
Still, it led to the classic “clinging to a Rushmore nostril” moment, so I can’t complain too much.
That scarfachute has no right to work as well as it did.
Whoa. Abrupt biome shift. Also, wow is Rarity obnoxious on this page.
Also also, you cannot tell me that guy isn’t voiced by Sam Elliot. He looks like he just got back from drinking a sarsaparilla with the Dude.
Full-page spreads you have to turn on their side do not work well with PDFs.
“Stop being so meadow muffin’ chipper.” You can try to slip an apostrophe in there, folks, but we all know what Applejack meant. Apparently Rarity drives her to worse profanity than the Sass Squash.
I’d say striking a middle ground is the right approach for this deal to work. Equestria doesn’t even have social media yet.
Sadly, King Longhorn is right. We will be seeing these bulls again. And are we ever going to regret it…
I maintain that Califoalnia is a better horse pun for the state than Coltifornia.
Looks like the Marx brothers really made the most of that royal endorsement.
See? Whinnyland. And I do love the admission sign. Abandon all funds, ye who enter here.
Also, very nice touch with the statue of Walt Whinny himself, Wilhelm Wombat at his side.
There’s really only one appropriate reaction to the ending:
You have to admit, Sam Elliot as Conan is a pretty amazing mental image.
The micro-series entry was a lovely story through and through, showcasing both Celestia’s benevolent cleverness and that she does more than just sit on her throne and look pretty. (If only the show could follow through in that regard…) The Friends Forever issue was similarly enjoyable, if not as deep. Sadly, as noted above, it won’t be last time we see those rustlers. Still, that’s a matter for another day.
Now, time for the first batch of 2017:
Push Back W
Instant
Prevent the next X damage that would be dealt to each creature you control, where X is the number of creatures you control.
Every step was a declaration that they would not fear the night.
Guardian of Time 2WW
Creature — Pegasus Wizard
Flying
During extra turns, phases, and steps, if you control a Plains, you may cast Guardian of Time without paying its mana cost and as though it had flash.
If a player would begin an extra turn, phase, or step, that player skips that turn, phase, or step instead.
3/3
End-Marked Foal 3WW
Creature — Unicorn Child
2W: Another target creature gains indestructible until end of turn.
When End-Marked Foal dies, destroy all creatures.
”The fate of a pony who bears my sigil is rarely a happy one.”
—Temperance, Princess of Endings
2/2
Tourist Trap 3WW
Instant — Trap
If three or more creatures you don’t control are attacking, you may pay 1W rather than pay Tourist Trap’s mana cost.
Exile up to three target creatures. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of the next end step.
Ditzy’s Delivery 1U
Instant
Each player draws two cards and reveals them.
”Information wants to be free, especially given how it can’t stay in my saddlebags.”
Misshapen Toad 1U
Creature — Frog
U: Misshapen Toad gets -1/+1 until end of turn.
”Other ponies say he’s ugly. I say ask a lady toad.”
—Inkwell, wizened veteran
2/1
Precocious Prodigy 1U
Creature — Unicorn Child Wizard
T: Add C to your mana pool. Spend this mana only to cast a noncreature spell.
”It’s a simple reversion charm. Wasn’t anypony else paying attention that day?”
1/2
Justified Paranoia 2U
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, scry 1.
Delirium — If you would scry X, if there are four or more card types among cards in your graveyard, scry X plus 1 instead.
Domineering Matriarch 2UU
Creature — Unicorn Citizen
Other creatures you control get -1/-0.
Celestia is far from the most self-important pony in Canterlot.
4/4
Minor Breakdown 1B
Sorcery
Target player discards a card. If that player has five or more cards in his or her hand, he or she discards two cards instead.
The more you have, the less you care.
Siege Shades 4B
Creature — Shade
1B: Siege Shades gets +1/+1 until end of turn. Target player loses 1 life.
They have no need for provisions or supplies as long as the defenders despair.
2/2
Shadowflame Onslaught 4BBB
Sorcery
Deathtouch
Shadowflame Onslaught deals 1 damage to each creature target player controls.
The tiniest spark is enough to reduce both body and soul to ash.
Baleful Buffet 3R
Enchantment
When Baleful Buffet enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Whenever an opponent gains life, create that many 1/1 colorless Construct artifact creature tokens.
Celestia cursed under her breath. There was a simple solution, but it would cost far too much dignity.
Cattle Rustlers 4R
Creature — Ox Rogue
Trample
Whenever Cattle Rustlers deals combat damage to a player, exile the top card of that player’s library. You may play that card this turn.
They care more about the fun of the heist than the actual loot.
4/3
Silo Raccoons 1G
Creature — Beast
Whenever a nonbasic land enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, put a +1/+1 counter on Silo Raccoons.
”Have you considered charging rent?”
—Fluttershy, to Applejack
2/2
Savage Centerpiece 3
Artifact
(2g)(2g): Savage Centerpiece becomes a 4/3 Rabbit artifact creature until end of turn.
After its rampage, few of the fillies still thought bunnies were cute, though some of the colts found the appeal.
Boar Engine 6
Artifact Creature — Boar
Boar Engine has hexproof as long as you control a green permanent.
”Go for the toes. If it’s one of those new-fangled models without toes, make some first.”
—Inkwell, wizened veteran
5/4
Troublesome Trio URG
Creature — Unicorn Child
U: Troublesome Trio gains hexproof until end of turn.
R: Troublesome Trio gains first strike until end of turn.
G: Troublesome Trio gains trample until end of turn.
3/3
Shake Off 1(wu)
Instant
For each permanent attached to target creature, attach that permanent to another creature. (Control of those permanents doesn’t change.)
Draw a card.
Whinnyland Gates 1WB
Creature — Wall
Defender
Extort, extort (Whenever you cast a spell, you may pay (wb) up to two times. For each time you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain that much life.)
You’ll leave happy. Your wallet won’t.
0/4
Ravenous Goat 1GU
Creature — Goat
Whenever Ravenous Goat deals combat damage to a player, choose one —
• Destroy target artifact or enchantment that player controls.
• That player puts the top five cards of his or her library into his or her graveyard.
3/3
Canterlot Siege 3WB
Enchantment
As Canterlot Siege enters the battlefield, choose Light or Darkness.
• Light — Whenever a creature you control attacks, it gains indestructible until end of turn.
• Darkness — Whenever a creature deals combat damage to you, destroy it.
Business 3U//Pleasure 4B
Sorcery//Sorcery
Business: Create a token that’s a copy of target artifact.
Pleasure: You draw three cards and you lose 3 life.
Mount Monument
Legendary Land
T: Add C to your mana pool.
4, T: Put a sculpture counter on Mount Monument.
T, Remove four sculpture counters from Mount Monument and sacrifice it: Create four 4/4 Golem artifact creature tokens with alicorn and flying. (They’re Pony Pegasus Unicorns in addition to their other types.)
That Friends Forever is quite possibly my all-time favorite issue of the comics. Gorgeous art, witty writing, wonderful character moments, and paced so that there's never a dull moment.
Eh, I always thought that Rarity seemed off in that FF Comic. She made me cringe.
Also... there is one thing that gets me a bit irrationally angry in that comic...
Eheh... eheh... *eye twitch*
I... have a really, really major hatred of that stupid giant ball of yarn. If Salt Lick was anything like the real life Salt Lake, it wouldn't exist because it's a pointless waste of yarn that could be better used as clothing and things. I'd be fine if it was a museum showing small samples of types of yarn and thread, but a giant ball of it is just too much for me to stand it. I accept the existence of Salt Lick City (actually went there in BBT), but I refuse to let that thing be a part of it in my universe.
I never thought I'd say this, buy I need that goat card.
I mean, it's perfect for my Mimeoplasm deck.
I think the Shadowflame Onslaught might be slightly undercosted at 3BBB for a one-sided board wipe. It might only hit one player and not kill planeswalkers, rather than everybody else at the table and murdering planeswalkers like In Garruk's Wake, but I don't think that's worth having it cost 3 less.
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I take it you're not fond of the biggest ball of twine in Whinnysota either?
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I'm honestly surprised that Wizards hasn't played with the "goats eat everything" trope. Well, other than atogs.
And you do have a good point about the Onslaught. I've upped it to seven. Bear in mind that between targeting and dealing damage, there are quite a few other ways to answer it when compared to In Garruk's Wake.
Yes, I could totally see a big barrel of heavy water in a locked storage room off the royal kitchens, with big signs "WARNING: Only for Princess Celestia's personal tea".
When you're the Sun and feeling down, all that deuterium serves as a nice pick-me-up.
I did like Sun's micro there. Of course, Sun being Sun she was more of her subtle mover, but it's always fun
A really good pair of stories, these. The Applejack/Rarity issue came from Cook just as she was entering her slump, but in my opinion, it's a shining example of all her greatest strengths as a writer. I love it for the same reason I loved her main series SoL arcs like Neigh Anything, and I wish we could've gotten more stories like it out of her before she left.
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And it has some side benefits... when bat ponies aren't in the area.
I would phrase Ditzy’s Delivery to use "Each player reveals the top two cards of their library and then puts those cards into their hand." Mostly because the procedure for revealing cards as you draw them is strange. You miss out on interactions from cards like spirit of the labyrinth or leovold, but it's slightly more grokable.
Whinyland gates is a flavor knockout though.