Rising from the Muck · 5:59pm Nov 20th, 2016
So... yesterday I decided to finally take look at the edits for Needs of the Few. By the time I crawled out of it, I felt like dirt. I'd worked hard on that first chapter, trying to take in lessons learned from the first run of edits in Songbird, and what I got back was a sea of red. I was left with a feeling that everything I was doing – have ever done – was trash. I felt as if I never deserved to mash a verb against a subject in the first place.
I know this feeling. I've been on both the receiving and giving end of it, and I know exactly where it stems from. I went back to look at all of the stories I've published here. That's almost 1.9 million words. I picked some of my favorites, read a chapter or two from each. I relived the moments that I loved: the terrible, the exciting, the fun and the dramatic. And in so doing, I was able to remind myself that nothing I've written is trash. If I really didn't know what I was doing, I wouldn't have been so successful. I love every story I've ever written, to the point that some of them still make me emotional when I re-read them. And with that onset of emotion, I reasserted my confidence as a writer.
My crisis of ability was resolved.
Yet the underlying issue remains: the difference between the storyteller and the wordsmith. I am a storyteller. My editors are wordsmiths. We look at what makes a story good in ways so vastly different it's as if we're from different planets. To the wordsmith, how each line is said matters a great deal. I am not a wordsmith, so I don't agonize over individual words and phrases as long as there's a general comprehension and some basic rules are observed. A wordsmith will call this lack of attention to detail sacrilege, and the storyteller will laugh at them for doing so.
I want to laugh. I really do. Laughing would feel so much better than the sense of total failure that briefly came over me. It's a nice little shield that comforts us and tells us that we're right without bothering with such frivolities as proof.
Laughing is not going to solve the problem.
So, what has been painfully brought to my attention is that I have no concept of narrative definition. In my mind, I always saw narrative in one of three lenses: first person, second person, third person. It didn't get any deeper than that, and I felt no inclination to make it so. My method was easy, people liked it, and I was satisfied.
I've been reminded that not only are there a lot of subtle variations in narrative voice, but that there are wordsmiths who will scream foul in your face if you get them mixed up. I don't hear from these people much at all, so when I do, I am left with the impression they are a minority. Maybe they are. In that case, is it really worth it to try to please them?
Or maybe they're so disgusted with my work that they don't even bother to comment. Maybe those downvotes exist for a reason. Maybe there's a whole other half of the literary world I'm not speaking to because I've been deaf to their interests, both from a lack of contact and an abundance of laughter.
I want to set an example. I want to improve. It's going to frustrate. At times it will hurt. I will get pissed off. There will be moments were I'll feel like quitting. It'll take forever, because I'm trying to fix what's wrong without sacrificing my own voice. I do not want to be a wordsmith, but I do want to at least be able to address their concerns consistently. It's about time I stopped laughing at things I don't think matter and try to find out why others find them so important. It may be that I will never understand, but I won't know that unless I actively try to do so.
However...
Knowing that this is going to take a lot of time to get right, I need something else to do in the meantime. I don't want to spend the next year wrestling with this and not having anything published in the meantime. As such, I'm making some adjustments to my long-term plans.
First, I'm stopping work on Needs of the Few. I don't think it's a good idea to try and learn two narrative styles at once, it's only making it harder on myself. Instead, I will focus the my efforts on Songbird, which is more important to me. Hopefully I can jump into Needs of the Few once that is done, but we'll have to see how I feel at the time.
Second, I'm going to continue writing Derp, and I'm not going to agonize over it. While I will make an effort to transfer what I'm learning to it, I won't be having any of that stress involved with it. It might not be a good idea to focus so hard on one story and be relaxed on another, but I need to be writing on something, and Songbird doesn't give me that. Most of my work on Songbird will be editing and rewriting, as opposed to the creation of anything new. If I'm not making entirely new material, I don't feel as though I am accomplishing anything. Two hours of new writing leaves me much more fulfilled than a whole week of trying to fix what already exists.
For now, I'm going to focus on these two tasks, if only because I feel the need to get something published soon-ish. I may go back to working on three stories at a time once Derp is finished, but that depends upon how frustrating Songbird comes to be.
Alright, that's it. I'm done for the day. I need to try and be productive for the rest of it.
Story Progress
Songbird Chapter 1 of 10
Re-writing & Editing.
Derp
Rough Draft in progress.
Thanks to L3Moon-Studios for making the bars!
Stats
Total Word Count: 1,885,000 over 37 stories
Average Words Written Per Week (2016): 6,995
Follower Rank: 250th (+1)
Overall Ratings Average: 94.49% (+.01%)
Highest-Rated Story (Not Counting Stories at 100%): Of Angels @ 282/3 or 98.95%
Story with the Most Votes: Tyrant @ 2257/67 (Year+)
Story with the Fewest Votes: Paul's Peculiarly Puny Pony Pieces @ 20/1
Longest Story: Order of Shadows @ 283,000 words
Oooh, perspective issues. From the sound of it, I'm assuming you or a reader found yourself snapping between multiple perspective styles (third-limited to third-omniscient or similar)?
4310150
That's pretty much it, yeah. It sounds like a small thing when put like that, but when you've been writing in the same style for roughly 20 years...
4310194
Is it difficulty in identifying those styles, or difficulty writing in them?
Writing always amazes me, with the way there's so much to learn no matter how much you already think you know.
Maybe that's why it's so fascinating to me. It will never not be challenging. That's a good thing. The day a writer thinks they have this down cold and can't mess it up or find a better way is the day they should just quit writing.
Good for you for being willing to do what it takes to never stop improving.
4310197
It's both, actually. I've never had to think about narrative before, I just wrote words down as they came to me. Granted, I eventually started paying closer attention to those words, but always as they related to what was happening around them, never with a thought towards narrative style. I never defined narration beyond the three basics listed above, and so of course I couldn't recognize them even if they were pointed out to me. If I've never made an attempt at recognizing them, I of course never bothered trying to write in any one of them either. It turns out my writing style for my entire life has been a hodgepodge of both.
It never mattered to me. And frankly, in terms of my own enjoyment of the story, they still don't. Which is a big part of the problem.
4310218
Many thanks! I know I may be exaggerating the challenge a little, but I've never made an effort to change something in my writing that is at quite this scale. It's always been 'show vs. tell' or 'passive vs. active.' This feels like an entirely different and far more intimidating beast.
I too love every story I've written, but sometimes I'll reread one of them and realize that I could now do a better job. That's a good thing overall, as it means I've improved as a writer. It's frustrating all the same to think that my name is attached to something that's only up to last year's gold standard, not today's. Then again, that's writing. It's an evolutionary process. Narrative voice, vocabulary, and every other writerly skill is honed with practice and life experience. Getting justifiably beaten up by a skilled editor is a little bit of both
4310406
Well, if I may be so bold ... I have written a few writing guides on the topic. They may be of use to you!
'You are your own worst critic' I believe is what fits the first part of this narrative.
4310489
I have an idea of what that's like. The first four books of the No Heroes series are good examples, but the original The Gentle Nights is by far the worst. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking. But I'm still happy with it, if only because without it audience of One never would have come into being, and that's one of my all-time favorites.
4310531
Ooh, interesting! Many thanks, I'm sure it'll come in handy.
4310541
I think that's accurate, yes.
4310578
Oddly enough, I put myself in a similar Octavia-starring predicament when I penned a romance starring her, followed by a sequel, followed by the realization that the original story wasn't terribly strong... When I went back for a third installment, I made a concerted effort to make it accessible to readers who weren't familiar with the previous entries and to seek out editing help (not to mention magnificent cover art). Too bad so few people bothered to read it
Heh. And this is why I'm a socially reclusive writer. I scoff at people who say that all writers need editors, honestly. It's never worked for me. I'm arrogant about my writing, defensive about it, and cling onto the mantra of "I'm the author so I'll do whatever the hell I want, however I want to do it."
It's an extremely liberating way of looking at it. And I think that every writer needs to be a wordsmith. Because if you know all the rules and can confidently say you know them, then you can break them, too. I think you have almost a right to break them. Words are a plaything, something that should be working for you and never against you. I bet that the critics fell all over themselves when they realized that the Mona Lisa had no eyebrows, too.
Man, I've got the same issues. I've got no deep understanding of how writing works or any of that. I mean, it probably doesn't help right now but I still adore your works.
At least you can confidently consider yourself a Storyteller. I'm merely the idea guy, the big dreamer with no talent.
Sometimes, a hug can be nice. To be acknowledged as a human being with faults and soft or hard limits. With no real pressure. Just a happy state of existence for a few precious moments. So here, have a hug!
-Hug-