Nostalgia · 7:01am Nov 12th, 2016
Whooo, boy. Hey folks. Feeling... strange, recently.
There's been a lot of changes in my life since that fateful day four years ago (four?!) when I sent the link for Rainbow Factory to Glaze. Things got... very dark a couple years ago. I went from one of the greatest highs of my life to the deepest pit of despair. Maybe some of you know what happened, but I'm guessing most of you don't. It's not really important to anyone, so I won't delve into details, but anyone still following me or even who's perused my blogs could figure I went from someone who really cared about the fandom and my image in it to someone who couldn't give two fucks about what anyone with a pony avatar had to say.
What I'm typing isn't for sympathy, only context. In February of 2014 something monumental to me rocked my life and shattered every expectation I had for my future. This event left me without a sense of identity or purpose, and, coupled with a dwindling follower base (every "internet famous" person has their five minutes, and I had played mine out to two years) I felt hollow, useless, and without meaning.
Depression is a bitch and if you think you might have it, seek help. I started with counselling after I finally got drunk enough to vomit out how I really felt to my family. Eventually that only took me so far, and 9 months ago I started antidepressants. These get a bad rap online sometimes, but I have to say; the last 6 months have been likely the best in my life so far. I've made real friends. Moved on to a career I enjoy in a place that respects me. Found true hobbies I can share with complete strangers. The catch with not being depressed, of course, isn't that you're always happy, however; For the first time in years, I could feel emotions again. Happiness, yes, contentment and acceptance. These feelings came when they were deserved to be felt. Depression is a black hole that swallows everything, though, and with my new ability to enjoy my life, came renewed ability to be fearful, sad, frustrated, and on and on.
2016 has been a year of many tragedies, both personally for myself and globally; I've yet to find someone who hasn't gladly agreed with the sentiment "Fuck 2016". Lately the deluge of hatred and violence in my social media feeds have been overwhelming and even antidepressants couldn't prevent me from a hanging shadow of sorrow and exhaustion with everything going on. Election fights, scandals, friends unable to meet without arguing about liberal or conservative extremism. I began to search for an out, an escape. Rocket League was one, which I heartily enjoy with some new "IRL" friends (What a weird concept to write, if I may aside.) Baking has definitely helped, too; usually an argument on Syria can be diffused quickly with a plate of cookies, and I'm getting a reputation as "The Baker" at my workplace.
With new friends being met through work and hobbies, history eventually comes out. We share our successes and our embarrassments, with a trust that they'll never use the info to hurt us as an ultimate expression of love. We divulge information we never thought we'd tell other people, because they find us fascinating, and honestly what's a better story than one they wouldn't believe?
I'm waxing poetic badly here so I'll get to the point: Recently I've told my friends how, after writing a hastily written horror fanfic based on a show I'd only watched half a season of, inspired by a song I'd heard while heavily stricken with fever, I became a cult sensation in a cult-like group of fans of a show, and it brought me to new countries, new people, and new love in my life. Fantastic claims are only entertaining with proof, of course, so I went searching for relics of my time in this fandom. Comments on my stories. Remixes of songs based off Pegasus Device. Fan art, good lord, the metric ton of fan art. Merch.
Telling my history did little to my friendships; a quick laugh together about it, some questions and expressions of awe and then the conversation moves forward to their quirky past. But what it did do is it got me looking at more fan creations than just the ones meant for me (or rather, my stories.) PMVs. Artwork, music, memes. I remembered how pure and happy this simple cartoon made me feel before hatred and longing for "how things used to be" poisoned my social feeds and corrupted how I felt about the show. It was simple, yet beautiful; relatable, yet unpredictable at times; even often adventurous or thrilling, yet undeniably cute.
Maybe we as a whole blew the whole thing out of proportion. I'm not here to get into that argument. Yes, it was always "Just a cartoon", but it was a well made one, and in these rough times I find myself finding solace in them again. I sing with the intro, repeat quotes that make me laugh, and do I laugh, and do I smile, and I get this warm tingly feeling in my heart that urges me to write this blog post.
I don't really know what the whole point of this post is, truly speaking. I guess I just wanted to say I'm watching MLP again and instead of anger and bad memories it just makes me smile again. And that I miss the energy it had when I first started getting into it, but not in a negative way. It's not so much like an amputee missing a limb, but a knot in a tree where a branch once grew, now part of something much grander and quiet.
The show itself is pure and is genuinely enjoyable. You can watch it over and over again without respite or any ill feelings of hatred or despair ever grabbing hold of you.
The fandom is the opposite, but that's something I know you already figured out. They take something as silly as a creepy pasta and take it to proportions that it really never really needed to be, diluting the concept and the initial story to nothing more than a cheap gimmick. It's a shame really but that's just this bloody fandom for ya...
It's great to hear that your life is has been on the up! (With a few downs but...shouldn't focus on that y'know?)
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Maybe removing myself entirely from the fandom has given me the ability to enjoy the show again? And thanks! I'm not really focusing on the downs all that much; mainly it's just been a lot of downs in a very short time span that's got me craving some pure innocent good will.
Well this was unexpected...
I mostly lurk so I don't really say much. Glad to see things looking up for you though. Do you plan on sticking around or just visiting for some nostalgia?
Have i ever told you how much RF inspired me to do both fan art and a spin off of my own? Probably the last you need to hear about right now. Depression is a pain, i know, its also how MLP gave me a reason to be passionate with my art again. I'll leave you a link so you can look if you have the time.
pre09.deviantart.net/a4ac/th/pre/i/2016/058/8/8/rainbow_s_guilt_by_thenorthremembers3-d9t9c5l.jpg
Welcome back fam to the group of adults watching kids cartoons. How far caught up have you gotten?
Welcome back AuroraDawn!
Did we blow everything out of proportion when the show was first aired? Yes, yes we did. And we did it fantastically... Kind of :P It is one of those things where you think shouldn't be a thing and somehow is. Think of it as dark matter. We don't think it exists but we all know it has to be. That was a terrible comparison but I don't care.
Also, cookies? We all know that muffins are awesome, especially the triple chocolate fudge! Depression sucks, mainly because it can be spontaneous. And politics sucks as well, that is why I never watch Sky News, couldn't give a damn about Nigel Farrage or Borris Johnson. But anyways, why am I writing this? I don't know, lets just say that I want to type something despite having little relevance and little help.
So, hello. My name is the Egg King, and to you sir I say stay dandy. Or something along those lines, I don't know. I am just a walking rambling piece of flesh.
- King of Eggs
EDIT: I did not pre-read this. So yeah. Bye.
P.S Bonjour, cava?
Thank you for being a pillar of the fandom.
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I don't know yet. Most likely I'll just be here for a little bit while I enjoy it and then leave it alone again. But who knows, right?
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Starting over with S1, still in it. I think I left halfway through S4. Whatever episode where Rainbow and Scoots become 'sisters' or whatever was the last I watched.
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ALAN. I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. The very few of us who still talk to each other abandoned skype recently. If you're wanting to catch up, send me a DM and I'll give you my Discord name. Or we could even chat with the direct messages here, no skin off my back.
I think about you a lot and hope you're doing okay!
4298778 I would say that that statement is true. As I think I've said before... This fandom is kind of cancerous. You get a few decent people who remain in the realm of normalcy and decency, then you get the absolute idiots that take things out of proportion and are just plain ignorant to what's actually happening around them.
Take the 100+ 'authors' on this site who decide to write 'Rainbow Factory sequels' as an example. They don't see how much they just...water down and destroy the original content because they're so caught up in their love for their 'original' idea. I mean this trend has died down (Thank God) but the point still stands.
And then there's the 'critics' and well... their idea of criticising is basically to insult the creator and label it as 'constructive criticism' before demanding respect and appreciation from the creator themselves for their 'help'.
In all honesty, I can't stand this site sometimes. I literally just come here to read the fanfiction nowadays. I love the world of MLP and the characters and love to see the ways people can expand on it and create these fantastical adventures and other such stories around it. I hardly ever comment or get involved with people because, simply put, I'd rather have an enjoyable time here.
So I understand exactly where you're coming from and do not blame you in the slightest for wanting to get away for a while. I honestly think your decision to take a break from all of 'this' as a good one. I'm not saying that you should leave completely, that's up to you really, but you could try find the good aspects of this fandom that's been hidden away behind all of the filth.
4298807 there's no adults in this fandom...
4299336 all fandoms are cancerous though, I mean, can you honestly name any one that isn't?
Society itelf is a cancer at this point. This fandom Should be above it, but here we ae. I dissociate myself, try to be a better person, above the drivel that's the core of this fandom. But I'm still a terrible person sometimes and I know it.
4299351 Yeah I guess that is true enough. I do try to live up to the standards that I think should be the norm, y'know... treating people with respect and respecting their opinions/ideas. If I see a new author who's obviously struggling I will try to be their friend and offer any support I can, instead of just blindly throwing criticism at them. People react differently to that and I find that getting to know someone on a semi-personal level makes it easier to help them out. A lot of people don't really understand that on this site and you see them doing the blind criticism shtick a lot.
Can't say I'm not a bit of an asshat at time either, but I try to keep that to a minimal just for the sake of everyone else, coz I know I can go deep into the rabbit hole if i've had a bad day or i'm in a bad mood. That just comes with being human really.
I think the term 'Friendship is Magic' is forgotten a lot these days, y'know... as well as 'Love and Tolerate'. I've not even seen that much anymore to be completely honest.
I want you to know that your stories matter to me. I don't know what you went through with the fandom turning sour for you, but you should know that I am grateful to you for your work and it makes a difference to me that you made it. One of the things that helped me with my depression was getting myself to work on my fanfiction, and one such fimfic was something based loosely on your story, Pegasus Device. I didn't start it thinking I would finish it; the plan remains to be that I would run it by you first if I ever wanted to post it. That's not the important part; I mentioned it to prove that maybe you felt like too much awfulness came out of your involvement in the fandom, but you had a great ripple effect on me, and for what that's worth, I'm grateful to you.
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Good episode that scootadash one
Welcome back Aurora! It's nice to hear that things have been going well for you!
I know how it feels. Taking a break always works. Talkinghelp too
I have a great respect for you aurora rainbow factory along with cupcakes introduced me to the grimdark genre of fanfiction (which eventually led me to join this fandom), and Pegasus device remains my favorite story to date
So glad things turned around Auroa,
The way you went out was a bit worrying and I'd always wondered what happened to you.
Since seeing this blog I went and read your stories again (been out of the fandom for a few years but occasionally check for stories I never finished) and they brought such nostalgia and joy. So Thankyou for that and I'm glad things are looking up fam.
Welcome back bro, Looking forward to seeing more of you!
Welcome back
I come on here randomly and see a post from you pretty cool.
Glad to see you're doing well.
Oh man, I remember first reading that story. I'm a huge Dash and Scootaloo fan, so that story was instantly put up there with my favorites. Things like cupcakes, rocket to insanity, etc. I left the fandom a long time ago, (like 2013-ish) And only recently came back. I'm kinda upset that there weren't many ultra-popular stories like back then in the time that passed. But aside from that, I'm really glad you're back in the fandom Aurora. Your stories are absolutely, posotutely awesome.
You're better now? That's great! I didn't even know things were going so bad for you but I'm still happy to hear that they're not anymore. I hope you stay at least a little bit active in the fandom, but it's ok if you don't want to. You're kind of a celebrity around here, so, even if you don't, I doubt that you will soon be forgotten.
It's good that you found some peace. And it's even better that you actually came back to watching the show, back to the roots one might say. Especially when more often than not I hear how people leave the ponies behind saying that they get worse and worse while I find it to be quite the contrary. So I find it really enjoyable that a person whose creativity has brought me to the show in the first place (yes, RF got me hooked on the actual show) keeps on going and just enjoys what is being aired. Best wishes for you and thanks.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’m glad your story has a happy ending, and I’m glad you’re watching the show that created a fanbase so large it made the news, and a great positive fanbase at that.
I feel like some people just have stories like these, stories that make everyone happy at the end.
One of my friends said that life doesn’t have a happy ending. But some things beg to differ. Keep telling your story.