Yeah, nothing too exciting.
) And wanted to know if anyone wants to collab.
Teaser for Chapter 2 of Dragon's consort(spoilers!) · 5:59pm Apr 18th, 2016
Spike was slowly becoming aware of his surroundings as his vision slowly started to return. He heard voices, more or less, angry or concerned voices. Twilight? Ember?
“...can't take him he's only a ba...”
“...ish there was another way but… if I don't...”
“… if he says no?”
“…. he is awakening.”
Slowly Spike sat up from the ground, rubbing his head.
“Ugh… wha? What happened?”
Twilight quickly came to his side.
“Easy… you just passed out.”
He shook his head before looking at Twilight then to Ember, whom looked worried and conflicted at the same time.
“Ember?”
She sighed.
“I am sorry for bringing this on short notice to you Spike. But my choices were limited. Garble would have to have been the following choice if you do not accept.” she shuddered at the thought.
Spike looked around for him, seeing no sign of said dragon or the other one as well. Slowly standing up, he also saw that the others had left as well, leaving him, Ember and Twilight.
With a somewhat shaky tone, he spoke to Ember.
“Why me though?”
“I told you, you were the first to grab the Bloodstone before...”
“No I mean, why me? Why not another dragon? Surely the are hundreds if not thousands of other dragons to choose from. I am just… me.” he stated like if he was nothing special. “I am a pony loving dragon. You said it yourself, I am different from other dragons, I am not strong, I can't fly, dragons aren't suppose to share and… well yeah.”
Ember, grew up without all those lessons burned into her mind since she first hatched from the egg. She knew that dragons are greedy, power hungry and above all… mean. However, the first time since she met Spike, a dragon born outside of dragonlands, she has found herself drawn to him. He was a dragon born and raised by ponies. Ponies whom loved one another, cared, shared and even sacrificed themselves for each other.
With a rare smile she has been seen given, she spoke with utmost confidence.
“It is those qualities the reason I choose you Spike. Your right, you are different and maybe that is what our kind needs. Change. You changed me in a day to be caring, thoughtful and even merciful. Had I not thought about what you did for me, I probably would never even consider Garble to serve me as punishment, let alone live. To other dragons, ponies might be considered, weak, helpless and not strong enough to handle anything.”
She motioned to Twilight. “I believe they are your greatest strengths, your greatest power and your generous heart. It knows no bounds and that is why I still choose you. No qualities could be found in any other dragon.” She paused and looked him straight into his eyes, baring into his soul.
“Spike I chose you because I… have found a liking to your prestigious upbringing. I rather have you then any other dragon for there are no dragons that I have more fond of then you.” She paused again, her cheeks twinging red as she realized what she said.
Spike also grew red and looked away sheepishly.
“I-I also like you too… Ember. I know we just met but… I actually liked you. I thought you were stunning and beautiful and...” he paused, realizing he also said to much but when he peeked back at Ember, she was red faced and beyond embarrassed. “...and cute.”
She tried to make a pout face but came out more cuter than before.
“Not cute.” she mumbled.
Twilight was watching the whole display with glee but at the same time was writing more notes about dragons.
Despite the ferociousness of dragons that many have come to believe, dragons in their rare moments show affection for one another, if emotions are shared simultaneously from both partners…
Partners? Was that the right word? Speaking of…
“Hey guys, I know that we have a lovey dovey moment here, but you think we can get back to topic at hoof… err claw?”
Both dragons snapped out of their embarrassment before focusing on Twilight.
“Yes of course. Now then… I am aware that it is sudden but I will give you time, though I require an answer as soon as possible.”
“Uh… how soon?”
Ember scratched her arms and looked away.
“By high noon tomorrow, I must return to the dragon lands, with or without you, sealing my fate.”
“What?” cried out Twilight. “Tomorrow afternoon? Ember that is not enough time! Besides, why do you need to have a dragon by your rule if you rule all dragons? Its not like you need an heir or to betrothed. The Bloodstone is only handed down after you ruled for years and need to allow other dragons a chance to rule.”
Ember nodded.
“I am aware of that Twilight, however, part of the rules when it comes to the Bloodstone is that I must be seen as the most powerful dragon in the lands. By my side, I need to have a dragon that is worthy enough to be my mate. They must be seen as just as great as me. Hence, should I choose to have a mate, they must be able to participate in the challenge to acquire the Bloodstone. If I didn't choose, then it would be a dragon who comes second close because of the difficulty of the trials. Just as you saw, not all the dragons made it and even fewer got to the end.”
Expect heavy edit in final and changes around these parts as well.
This looks really good, but I do expect editing cause their were plenty of problems here and there.
Sorry, Ember. But you really are to all of your fans.
I think that last paragraph can be streamlined a bit? Are you saying only last leg runners up are eligible as mates? And it still didn't seem to answer exactly why she needs a mate right now, what is forcing her hand?
I hope there will be. I want to like this story, I really do, but it needs so much work.
You can't randomly shift tenses in the middle of the story, and you need to make the dialogue realistic. Make sure the characters are IN character— I don't see Twilight saying "I know you're having a lovey-dovey moment, but can we get back to the matter at hoof...err, claw?" That sounds more like Rainbow Dash. Twilight's more sensitive than that. The part after 'but' is fine, but you really ought to change the first part. Keep in mind the thoughts that are likely going through her head. Spike might be 1) leaving and/or 2) gaining a mate. She still thinks of him as a baby. She's also in the presence of the Dragon Lord. Both of those concepts would likely affect what she says. And in general, think of how the characters would actually speak:
'Also' and 'too' in a matter of six words? Nnnnnnope.
You should keep what 3879305 said in mind, too.
Make sure you work with someone who knows their stuff to get this fixed up. I want to see this story do well because it's well-written, not just because it got a jump from being in the Featured Box due to popular subject. I want to see it deserve that spot in the box. You can do it.
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I am open to any and all editors, questions and feedback. I mean, people really loved, there is even a youtube reading already so... please any help from you guys or edits, would be appreciated.
3879305 I honestly am still trying to figure out how to fit that in. I mean, this is a teaser, if you really want to spoil yourself, i could pm you or anyone reading this how the rest was suppose to go. But like i said, if you have real trouble with this, i dont mind the heavy criticism