JK Reviews Round Four · 11:04pm Feb 19th, 2016
This round is going to be, well, somewhat specific. How do different characters react to finding themselves in bed with another? Exploring that are today’s fics, all rated Teen:
Pillow Talk by Pale Horse
So You’ve Just Slept With Your Best Friend by Nyronus
Adagio Everlasting by emgrbu
As always, for the full list of stories I've reviewed, check out the Reviewed by JKinsley bookshelf.
Quick note about another story on the bookshelf: an author asked for constructive criticism in the notes of her story, and the extent of that critique warranted it being listed in the bookshelf. While I doubt it’ll make it into one of these posts, it’s worth noting that after the edits and some discussion, I can comfortably say I liked it.
Onto more pressing matters!
Tags: [Sex][Romance]
Description: While sharing an intimate moment, Celestia and Twilight Sparkle have a little chat.
Cover art swiped from Longinius.
Dramatic reading by Monanniverse.
French translation courtesy of inglobwetrust.
Why it’s here: A Twilestia story from my liked bookshelf. A little old, but a story I enjoyed as it released shortly after my own Twilestia story, Celestia Wants to Date Twilight Sparkle
The rundown: Twilight is coming down from a rather intense orgasm (not mentioned in the story as such, but it’s fairly obvious that’s the case) and struggles to regain a sense of self and composure. Celestia teases her, and they share a heart-to-heart about their relative differences. Twilight wonders why Celestia would want her when she could have any pony she so desired. In spite of sharing a bed, Twilight also struggles to come to terms with Celestia being a pony like any other, a pony who has needs and desires.
Back when this story released, I feel like the depiction of Twilight and Celestia was a little closer to how I would portray them; Twilight being filled with self-doubt and Celestia as the older, more experienced authority figure steering Twilight and their relationship. Reading it again feels like a bit of a step back in where I see their relationship now. Celestia is still more experienced, yes, and her age tempers a lot of her reactions because of that experience. But Celestia is, in my mind at least, now in a role of a princess who can let her mane down once in a while and really be herself: a mare who enjoys laughter and good company, tired of the pomp and circumstance that comes with her title and wants to revel in just being a pony among equals. And Twilight is no longer the young mare who doubts all but her academic knowledge. She’s gifted, but those gifts are not merely a lifetime of book learning. She’s a confident planner who can still think on her hooves and improvise solutions; a mare coming into the spotlight with the backing of a strong group of friends who can and do accept the occasional quirk and bit of worry. Celestia is one of her friends, perhaps one of her oldest. Their relationship is a familiar one, even from the earliest moments of the show.
All of which isn’t to say that I dislike this story. While the characterization now feels old, it’s not detrimental to the experience. Where I have another problem, however, is in Twilight’s referring to Celestia as God. Capital G God. It feels overtly religious in a way that I find to be uncomfortable. There’s a whole other can of worms ready to be opened in discussing religion, and that’s not the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say, my own experiences mean that I’m troubled by the reference.
The story otherwise works as an exploration of what Twilight and Celestia would talk about post coitus. It’s an important discussion for the pair to have as they transition from what was formerly a platonic relationship to a romantic and sexual one. It’s not as transformative as, say, Correspondence by Friendly Uncle, it does give a good look into how they would handle their situation.
The verdict: Liked it, worth reading
Tags: [Sex][Drama][Equestria Girls][Romance]
Description: Sunset Shimmer's life has been on the up and up. She turned from her past, made new friends, and is now passing the magic of friendship to others, including this world's Twilight Sparkle.Which is why, of course, this is all just a mistake. Things got a little out of hand, but it's over now. So now they can just move past this. Why, it'll be a funny story to tell in a few months.
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Special thanks to the following:
SoloBrony, for being who he is.
CarcinoGeneticist, for his charitable contribution cleaning up the grammar.
Nadnerb who along with Solobrony convinced me to work toward publishing this stuff, even when I didn't want to.
And Skeeter the Lurker, Tourquillian, Nyerguds, and Prane for arguing in the Gdoc about what worked and what didn't.
The catalyst, but not part of, The Shelf Cleaning Intiative
Why it’s here: It’s Sunlight. I’m enough of a sucker for the ship to read basically everything that hits my feed.
The rundown: Sunset wakes up to her alarm and is shocked to find Twilight tangled up her sheets. Sunset offers Twilight the use of her shower and Sunset heads to the kitchen. She runs through the memories of the night before: Twilight brought beer and a romantic comedy to watch during a private movie night. After laying out the facts, Sunset realizes that Twilight planned the night from the start. Sunset resists the idea, and when they sit down to breakfast, Sunset tries to convince Twilight that Twilight shouldn’t be in love with her. It doesn’t work, and Twilight launches into the reasons why she does love Sunset: in spite of her being a monster, she’s progressed so much further, risen much higher and done great things. Sunset realizes the feelings are genuine, and while she’s still doubting herself, she’s willing to give Twilight a shot.
This was the story that essentially inspired today’s theme. While Sunset’s emotional outburst in thinking that she’s made the mistake of taking advantage of Twilight feels like it could happen, like she does doubt the extent of her own heroism and leadership, it doesn’t really mesh well with what else happens in the story. We’re introduced to an awkward morning after situation and then catapulted into a bit of angry self-loathing. Then we get Sunset’s recrimination of Twilight and her emotive outburst. Then we get more awkwardness and then a tease of more sexual tension. It’s a quick read and worse for it. While it is a cute story (unfulfilled promises at the ending notwithstanding, I liked it), there is a noticeable lack of material to even things out. The jumps from high to low and back again are sharp; while not unrealistic, fiction is a chance to give more weight and evenness to these kinds of occurrences. To quote myself from the comments,
I just feel like it's missing more details. More content. I'd like to see things fleshed out a little more with regards to Sunset's emotional outburst, and maybe give Twilight more material to work with when it comes to assuaging her fears and doubts. Plus, right at the end, I felt cheated out of a stronger resolution to their sexual tension.
Nyronus was kind enough to respond, saying
... earlier versions where (sic) much more about the whole humorous "We had sex, what do?" angle, but by the time I got into this draft the emotional pacing was so tight and so focused on Sunset's emotions that I basically didn't have the time to bring it up. Which is a shame in some ways. There's a really cute/funny moment from an earlier draft that just didn't make it in.
It is indeed a shame. While being tightly focused on Sunset isn’t a bad thing, it does deny the opportunity for Twilight to have agency and work with Sunset’s continuing development into someone who can have a healthy relationship that’s not ground down because of her history.
Again, for as much as I’m criticizing one specific element here, taking this angle of Sunset, of her struggling to relate romantically to someone and fearing that connection, it’s not done often, and that part is done well. The only other complaint is that the story is in dire need of more vicious brand of red pen: there are grammar, spelling, and sentence structure issues that should have been solved. It’s not to an “every other sentence” level, but I should not be seeing this many mistakes in only three thousand words.
The verdict: Liked it, worth reading
No cover image at time of writing
Tags: [Sex][Equestria Girls][Romance]
Description: After getting it on, Sunset Shimmer and Adagio have a chat about feelings and stuff.
Why it’s here: Sundagio is starting to grow on me as a viable ship. Post Rainbow Rocks, not as much, but post Friendship Games? Weirdly enough...
The rundown: Much like the last two stories, we’re introduced to a post coitus discussion, this time between Sunset and Adagio. Sunset’s clearly very happy with the outcome, though we’re not privy to what lead to their copulation. As Adagio gets dressed to leave, they have a talk about Adagio not relating to non-immortal beings; for her and her fellow sirens, life is about “living in the moment, constantly seeking pleasure and adoration....” Sunset’s expresses concern that it’s not a way to live. Adagio shrugs it off, saying it’s the way it’s always been and tells Sunset not to waste her time with someone who isn’t going to treat each moment they share as special; for Adagio, a mortal’s life is insignificant because of the limited time they have to live. With very little convincing, Sunset and Adagio are back in bed with the understanding that Adagio will continue to treat their tryst as just “rutting.”
Much like with So You’ve Just Slept With Your Best Friend, I came away from this with the same feeling of being cheated by the ending because there wasn't a longer, more substantial build up to that end. With even less material to work with, what worked before doesn’t work here. It has elements that I like: the interplay of an immortal or near-immortal being having some kind of relationship with a mortal (which is why I enjoy a number of pre-accession Twilestia fics and post-accession Twilight ships), but the overall combination just leaves me wanting. Sundagio is growing on me, and there's a dearth of content. My biggest problem, the one thing I feel like I can really nail down about why I'm not liking this fic is that I just don't buy the ending based on the conflict between Adagio and Sunset. Sunset is desperately clinging to some imagined emotional connection based on the "passion" of their sex. Adagio is firmly pushing back and denying that connection because for her to become emotionally connected to a mortal would, in her eyes, doom their relationship and she seeks the minute-to-minute, hedonistic pleasure. As far as the ending itself goes, it either needs more interaction, more discussion between Adagio and Sunset to discuss expectations and their situation (which I would prefer). Or it needs to follow the logic given by Adagio, she makes the choice to deny Sunset in order to maintain that level of disconnect from someone who won’t be around as long as she will.
The verdict: Didn’t like it, probably not worth reading
Pillow Talk - Liked it, worth reading
So You’ve Just Slept With Your Best Friend - Liked it, worth reading
Adagio Everlasting - Didn’t like it, probably not worth reading
I like how you had a theme with these. :)
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It was fun to do. A bit difficult to find a fic in my Liked list that I could really say fit what I was aiming for. I'm a little sad to say that a secondary theme here was a disappointment with major parts of the story.
I want to stick with doing themed or otherwise related fics together for future installments. I'm not sure what will be the next theme. I'm open to suggestion.