Nightmare Month: The God of Two Worlds · 3:37pm Oct 21st, 2015
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique.
And welcome to another day in the night of Nightmare Month!
After receiving a request, I had said I was going to end up doing a story from Headless Rainbow’s library. And I’ll be honest, I was a bit intrigued by the idea. I had been following the author for some time and had seen a couple of his fics, which were like shit if it was an intelligent entity whose sole purpose is to shit on everything that is good.
After reading about 3 paragraphs of his first fic, the one that started it all, I decided that I could review all his stories at once. Because his fan fics are basically like the Saw movies. Seen one Saw movie, ‘saw’ them all.
Now you might think that I’m going to recommend these fics to you guys. After all, the Saw movies were incredibly popular and successful. But hold onto your hats, kids! Because here comes the surprise ‘Saw-like’ twist, I don’t actually like any of the Saw movies. And before you ask, yes, I am including the first one.
The actings stale and a lot of it reminded me of other, much better movies, but had some good atmosphere. At least, it did, before it became nothing but torture porn. The only interesting aspect I liked was the Jigsaw Killer himself, and even then, by the third movie he was getting just silly. Knowing things he couldn’t possibly know.
But I’m getting off topic. The point is, I equate Headless Rainbow’s writing to the Saw movies. An excuse to write shock value for the sake of shock value. Not realizing of course that when that is all you write, you shouldn’t be surprised when the formula becomes predictable and stale. Looking at all the descriptions of his stories, you can pretty much see right off the bad that it’s got nothing to do with wanting to tell a good story and to more shock its audience with the same scary hand puppet.
Sure, it was scary the first time. But about the 7000th time, I start to grow a bit concerned. Like you are some desperate child looking for attention. Well, attention I will not give you! Because, I’m not reviewing anything by you. Unless you decide to change up your formula. Now that would shock me.
Instead, I’m going to be reviewing a story that nobody asked me to, but I’m doing it regardless. The God of Two Worlds. A story in which Celestia takes over the human world as God. A stupid premise, yes, but one that made me smile. Knowing, ‘Wow, this is obviously a story that has no concept of religion does it. Or does it just want to spit in the face of other people’s faith?’ Mind you, I’m just assuming things, I haven’t actually read it yet. But that’s why you're here, isn’t it? I hope so, because I can’t do much else.
First off, I want to bring to your attention why I decided to review this one… Take a look at the description.
Hate, violence, and wars have continued to ravage the human world where Twilight Sparkle had once visited to save her crown. Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and her friends come to this world under a new spell that would help them stay to their true form as ponies, in an attempt to bring peace and love to this world.
Okay, going to have to stop you there, story. I know you just got on stage, but I’d like to point out the stupidity of the premise. For example, how could Twilight know all the bad shit that goes on in the world? It’s not like she sat in front of a T.V and watched the news. Granted, she could have gotten all this from history books. Keyword being, of course, HISTORY!
I may not like Equestria Girls, but I’m pretty sure that the school was cartoonishly perfect, save for Snails, Snips and Sunset Shimmer. Who wasn’t even part of the human world to begin with! She was an evil pony! A poorly written evil pony… But an evil pony all the same!
So, you’ll forgive me if I don’t immediately buy this shit. But let’s see what they do with it.
Our story begins with Twilight Sparkle and her friends… Oh, yeah, they are the main characters, aren’t they? I’ve read so many fics where OC’s take their place, I forgot. … are preparing to travel back to the school where Equestria Girls took place. Apparently, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna have been keeping in touch with Twilight via letters. Forgetting the fact that the mirror closes after certain points of time and then opens for only a short amount of time and I doubt Principal Celestia knows about that, but if I have to pick apart every plot hole in this thing, we’ll be here all day.
Twilight and her friends talk to Discord and Discord says that he can conjure a spell that will keep them in their pony forms while they are in the human world. Yes, everyone… Twilight and her friends thinks it’s a good idea to go to the human world… in their pony form. Instead of their human form and leading them into this idea slowly. Even the fucking ears and tails would be a more subtle way to do it than this! Why do you have to be in pony form for this to work?!
Whatever, they go through the portal and find that the entire school is conveniently outside waiting for them. I guess they had some kind of school gathering. I wonder how that must have sounded to the kids?
Principal Celestia: Alright, students, we will be visited today by creatures from a magical land to tell us all about being kind to one another and the magic of friendship.
Cheerilee: … Okay, Celestia, it’s time for your medication…
As they arrive, the kids just kind of stand in awe, instead of screaming that six magical talking horses and a baby dragon just appeared out of fucking nowhere. Spike sees the human version of Rarity and instantly falls in love with her. And what’s even weirder than Spike falling in love with the thing with boobs rather than the creature he’s been in love with for 3 fucking seasons, is that Spike acts like this is the first time they’ve ever seen her!
Spike leaned over and whispered in Rarity's ear, "Is that the human version of you, Rarity?"
Okay, story, did you even see the movie?! Way I remember it, Spike entered the portal to the human world, even against Twilight’s wishes, because he wanted to help her if he could. I mean, granted I wish neither of them had gone on that adventure, but this is still stupid!
And, as if this story couldn’t get any more stupid, Spike goes up to the human version of Rarity and finds out what personal space is when he looks up her skirt. Classy.
Princess Celestia and Principal Celestia are having a conversation and Principal Celestia pretty much piddles on every religion there is… I wish I was fucking kidding…
“No one raises the sun in our world," human Celestia replied. "Are you God or something. There is no God in our world. Science has come a long way and the best possible theory we that we have lies in our faith of Evolution."
Look, I’m not an expert in religion and I am not getting into a conversation about any of that, but I’m pretty sure there is more than just the faith of Evolution flying around! Are none of your students in your school Catholic, or Christian, or Muslim, or Buddhist, or anything like that?! Are all of your students so samey that they have no differing faiths about them? Certainly would explain the cartoonishly perfect world they seem to live in!
Anyway, Celestia picks up Human Celestia with her magic and instantly, Human Celestia is thinking about sacrificing virgins to appease the magical talking horse.
Celestia gently put her down, and human Celestia bowed low before her. "You are worthy of being called our God and we will worship you sincerely. What would please you, master? Shall I sacrifice one of my virgin's who attends my school here?"
You know for someone who believed in the theory of evolution to the point where she said there was no God in our world, you sure changed your beliefs pretty fucking quick. No scientific explanation, no technobabble to try and explain it. No nothing… Just… I believe now! Don’t question it! I could probably tell her I’m the God Emperor of Ponykind and she’d believe it.
So, Celestia claims that she’s only here to spread love and tolerance. Oooh, I see what you did there. But then the story pisses on it with this big speech from Human Celestia. I’m starting to hate her more and more.
"Why not just love? Why do you tack on tolerance to love? Shouldn't it just be love alone? That's so awkward to say loving someone and then tolerating them. Tolerating is like sitting next to someone on the bus that you hate but holding your anger back and not punching them in the face because you are tolerating them. Love is like reaching out and hugging that same person. This is almost like a contradiction."
Actually… No… It’s not. I don’t have to love everyone. Hell, I don’t even tolerate everyone, but let’s just stick with the two. Any brony who has been in the community for any amount of time has probably heard these words from the community. I don’t know how much weight they hold now, but back in the day, they were pretty much the only words uttered by the fandom, back when the fandom was relatively small and was a minority.
Now… Our fandom is huge. And so, it’s opened up a lot more to people. This has both been good and bad. Good, it allows us to meet more people and show that this change has been a positive thing. But for everyone of us who is a good brony, we get a few bad ones with it. People who are unwilling or unable to compromise or are just here to cause trouble for people who think differently than them. When this fandom first started, they were few and far between. Now, it’s every other day.
Here’s what I think about this ‘love and tolerate’ stuff. I love who I love, I tolerate who I want, I mess with people who mess with me and my family. And that’s how I like it. Love is showing affection for those you have grown close to. Tolerate is giving someone or something the benefit of the doubt. You neither hate them nor love them. They are just different and you respect that. That’s what tolerate means in the ‘love and tolerate’.
So, with that explanation, what does Celestia, the all wise, all powerful, lived for 1000 years Celestia, has come up with?
Princess Celestia did not have an answer to that, but together, they kept talking about their two different worlds.
Oh, yeah. Celestia has no answer. The wise, all powerful God of Equestria has no answer. Um… I think I’m going to place this is the ‘bullshit that authors just didn’t want to bother with’ pile. Right next to, Soren the Alicorn’s relationship with the Doctor, Tails’s father using a curse to turn a dragon into Discord, and why Celestia forgot that she had the power to blow up worlds with her vigina. Expect that pile to grow.
But enough of Celestia and their conversation, thank god, let’s turn to some guys who are instantly turned on by Rainbow Dash. Again, this is a world where My Little Pony, the show, doesn’t exist. … These people were into beastiality beforehand…
Totally awesome, brah!" one of the male student's friends said. "Let's touch it."
"Uh," Rainbow Dash said. "That's kind of weird and..." before she could finish her sentence, many hands were on top of her body feeling her soft warm coat and touching her cutie mark.
"So are you like the lesbian pony because you're all rainbow colored and shit?" one of the male students asked.
Uh, no," Rainbow replied. "Princess Celestia is all rainbow colored with her mane and tail, yet no one is saying anything like that about her."
"I knew it! She's gay," the student said. "We should get you all to have some kind of giant lesbian orgy with all the other ponies."
What? You don't remember the sexual pervs from the movie? Pfft, what were you? Blind? They were only the central mechanic of the movie! Would have fallen apart without them!
The best of humanity ladies and gentlemen, because clearly we don’t have ambassadors for this kind of thing and we leave it to a bunch of unrealistic, hormone driven teenagers to usher in this race of other beings. Good to know when the Daleks come for ‘peaceful negotiations.’
And the guys start moving in on Rainbow Dash, like the pervs they are… Again, this is a world where My Little Pony, the show, doesn’t exist… So… why the fuck are they acting like this?! And so out in the open where everyone can see?! I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone who is so open about their beastiality! It’s not like there’s been porn all over the internet about these characters, the show doesn’t exist! So this bullshit makes no fucking sense!
And after Rainbow Dash is almost raped by these teenagers, again, really, realistic, the group decides to leave. You’ve probably noticed that Twilight and her friends are not even trying to help get these pervs off her back, but let’s just add it to the pile and move on.
As they leave, the group unrealistic, unrelatable and therefore destroys the whole point that the story is going for teenagers decide to post the images they got of Rainbow Dash on the internet and invent the word clopping. As subtle as a sludgehammer.
Bingo!" his friend said as he winked at him. I'm going to masturbate to these pictures as soon as I get home. Fuck looking at pornographic pictures of girls, ponies are where it's at. Hey! We should come up with a special name for fapping to ponies. How about..." the male student began to giggle as an idea came into his mind. "How about we call it clopping?!"
An argument ensues between them over magical talking horses they just met a few minutes ago. Yes, they have only known these creatures for only a few minutes… and they are already coming to blows with them. This would be a shocking truth about our community… If it wasn’t so poorly handled.
So, anyway, a few weeks passed and it turns out that our world is so stupid and so wrapped up in our own shit, that we have started wars because of others not liking the same ponies we do. Kind of like the actual fandom.
Yes, I do make fun of the fandom a lot, but it’s only because I care.
Anyway, the principal, who I guess has been appointed the unofficial ambassador of this whole ordeal, sends a letter to Celestia saying that she will send a letter explaining the problems they are having in their world… You might think this is kind of stupid… And you’d be right.
A few weeks went by, and Principal Celestia sent Princess Celestia a new message. The Principal would tape a letter to the portal, and Princess Celestia would use her magic to pull it in back into her own home world.
Why the hell didn’t you just send her the one message, you stupid fuck?!
My school has been arguing over who is the best pony and they can't concentrate on their school work because most of the male students are drawing pictures that they like to call clop pictures.
Oh, heaven forbid this one isolated incident cause the downfall of society. A group of stupid young kids arguing over which porn star is hotter! Seriously, think about that for a second?
Also, I seem to remember Princess Celestia and her crew being the problem in the first place! The only reason these people are bickering over ‘who is best pony’ and ‘who has best plot’ (Hint: it’s me!) is because they made contact with the human world to begin with! Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy!
"Celestia!" Luna cried out, "You aren't communicating with humans again are you? I can barely remember this, but weren't we told not to do that? Didn't we have some kind of scroll that said not to do that?"
Princess Celestia had very vague memories of what had happened.
Celestia looked at her sister with a dumb founded look. "I don't remember anything about a scroll."
Oh, I guess we aren’t going to worry about that…
A strange pegasus enters the facility and spouts out that if Celestia tries to help the human world that she will incur the wrath of God. Again, not an expert on religion, so, I’m just going to put a pan on my head and pretend I didn’t read that part.
And then… Celestia acts like a fucking bitch here!
"And what use are you to God?" Celestia asked. "I have heard about you before. You are poor and only have one wing. You aren't even royalty like me. God would never care to use somepony in such poverty as yourself. I will rule this earth as God and I will rule the human realm as their God as well! Guards, take him away! Lock him up and starve him, but keep him alive."
Um… Story, why is Celestia being a fucking bitch here?! I know I’m not Celestia’s Paladin, but I seem to remember her being… well… not a bitch! I mean, this is supposed to be the kind Celestia that everyone adores? Then why the fuck would she sentence someone to starve to death?
Also, that line about God not caring about somepony like him? Yeah, you are really showing him up, aren’t you, Celestia? Taking the higher ground as you stomp him into the dirt and claim that it’s helping him.
I think I’ve figured out who I’m supposed to root for. Me! In the hopes that I can survive this mess!
Luna disagrees with Celestia’s decision, but in keeping with Celestia being a completely bitch….
"But I have been with you for thousands of years as well. I may be younger than you, but I have been granted powers to raise the moon so that you can rest."
Celestia was starting to become angry. "I don't need you to raise the moon, and I was fine doing it on my own when I had banished you to the moon for a thousand years. I may banish you again if you keep threatening me."
Yes, really think she’s going to be a good God from what I’m seeing.
So, the very next day, Celestia goes to the human world to tell everyone that she is their new God… And everyone is just okay with it. Seriously, they start bowing to her and everything…
Celestia stood in front of an enormous crowd. There were police and media people all around the portal.
Everyone bowed down to her as if she were God.
So, wait, if everyone is willing to ruled by her as their god, then why the fuck is there a problem? Okay, freedom of religion and all that, but the world’s faith must have been pretty fucking weak if they are willing to trade it all, with very little effort by a magical talking horse! I don’t care if she has magical powers or not! Unless it turns out that this is some kind of brainwashing, this is going to be extremely disappointing.
During the ritual of bowing to Princess Celestia, she finds one of the kids in the school has drawn porn of her. As punishment, Celestia makes the dude’s head explode. In a very ‘love and tolerance’ sort of way.
After committing her first murder, because that is exactly Celestia’s character, we cut over to Fluttershy. Oh, good, maybe we’ll have a likable character in all this nonsense. Fluttershy looks outside to try and figure out what is going on and sees piles of ashes outside her doorstep. Angel attempts to tell Fluttershy what is going on and…
Fluttershy looked back to Angel Bunny and said, "I just don't understand what that's all about. What's going on out there?"
Angel Bunny took his front paw and slowly dragged it across his throat as if he were simulating slicing his throat with an imaginary knife.
Fluttershy could not figure out what he meant.
He continued to try to explain with actions, but his master did not get it. Angel Bunny eventually gave up hope and signaled that he wanted to eat breakfast.
So, Angel tried to explain that there was some murders going on… And then decided that it was hopeless.
Let me try that with other characters…
Applejack, it’s horrible! Twilight has been murdered!
Sorry, Fluttershy… I don’t know what you’re talking about… What’s murdered?
Well… Twilight is no longer alive…
Not sure I follow….
She’s dead?
Still not getting it.
She’s a bloody corpse who’s body is now hanging in the middle of Ponyville with all her organs below her like she’s been ripped open by some hungry beast.
Sorry, Fluttershy. I’m totally lost.
Oh, never mind. It wasn’t important.
THINK!
So, Twilight comes along and they have a conversation about how different Equestria is from what is was. Funny, I guess Celestia thought that the human world wasn’t the only world that was fucked…
And only now has Twilight and the others decided that something is seriously fucked up with Celestia. Twilight and Fluttershy confront Lord Voldemort… Oh, I’m sorry, Princess Celestia… The two are so different in this story, I surprised I mixed them up. Sorry, it won’t happen again..
So, Twilight and Fluttershy confront Lord Voldemort and it turns out he is torturing Fluttershy’s animals for funzies.
You know, I don’t think we’ve made Celestia cartoonishly evil enough. Better throw in a genocide scene, a polluting the environment scene, a putting a tack on the teacher’s chair scene, and a scene where she ties Fluttershy to a railroad track while she evilly twirls her mustache…
The logic behind this is actually quite sound! If Celestia can’t take away all the human’s shit to make them stop being dicks, then she’ll take away all of the pony’s shit to make the humans stop being dicks!
Um… Hey, Celestia, you ever think about putting up a suggestion box?!
So, I guess I can’t fucking say anything about Celestia’s plan, because apparently, showing Fluttershy suffering is enough to make everyone on Earth stop being dicks. Well, if that’s the case, then this should work!
And now I should never want to be a dick ever again and bad mouth every fanfic I come across. Well, maybe not every fanfic, just this piece of shit!
So, it turns out that a thousand years ago, Luna was given to Celestia as a warning of her hubris. Celestia thanks the lord for the gift of her sister who is perfect in every way that cannot be denied.
Wait, I’ve got that Luna is Jesus image here somewhere…
Also, she’s so perfect that she let jealousy get the better of her and turned her into an evil spirit bent on enslaving everypony. Thanks a lot for that one, God!
This flashback is entirely pointless, so you guys can just take a drink and forget all that. I’ve already got a three bottle head start.
It turns out that a group of people, who I guess haven’t worshipped Celestia as a God, didn’t know there was a faction, but whatever, the story is almost over. A group called Bronies. Whoa, how did you come up with that name?
The Bronies are basically people who worship fucking horses the entire day. Again, because My Little Pony, the show, doesn’t exist. So they don’t love the horses for their personalities, their struggle to define oneself, the continuing character arcs, the wonderful animation, the catchy songs, the bright colors, the friendships that were born from a shared experience, the healthy morals, the great voice acting, the ability to find good in a bad situation or pretty much any other reason why anyone might enjoy the show! They only love it because porn!
As you’ve probably already guessed, that’s the biggest issue with this story. It makes no fucking sense! It comes out of nowhere and has no build up to it whatsoever! It acts like this is the majority when, in this situation, there is no way this could possibly exist! Now, if they had gone to a world where My Little Pony, the show, is a big hit, maybe, fucking maybe, I could have almost thought about buying it! But I’m sorry! This way doesn’t work!
Oh, and get this, there are wars happening, actual wars. Not made up internet war bullshit, actual guns and tanks and military might wars over best pony!
… Is this a South Park episode? … It has to be! There is no way anyone is expected to take this seriously?! I could honestly see Cartman being on the side of the haters and getting some military to back him up against the Brony Movement. Could you guys not see this as some kind of stupid South Park episode?!
And to be honest, I think I would take the South Park episode more seriously than I would this. At least, it would make itself clever. This… doesn’t even have that distinction. But we’ve just got a little more story to get through. And believe me when I say, we haven’t even begun to get stupid yet.
So, Celestia goes home to reflect on what she is doing. Asking if what she is doing is wrong. Celestia, I am so glad you came to your sense. I sure am glad it took the humans trying to kill each other over best pony that got you to realize you are a monster, rather than killing Fluttershy’s animals and seeing her suffer. You are made much more relatable that way!
So, the story starts to preach about how Celestia was wrong and this isn’t the way and I’ll spare you that, because I lost interest about halfway. Believe me, it’s no more interesting than anything else in this fucking piece of shit.
Hey, remember that guy from earlier that was sentence to prison. You know, the guy from weeks and weeks ago, it turns out that he’s still alive and was only there to make Celestia save him at the last minute… Fucking cock tease!
So, in a flashback, during the battle with Discord, Celestia learns that it was God that created the Elements of Harmony and not some tree that hasn’t been introduced yet, so I can’t pick on this story for not knowing about something that hasn’t happened yet… Still as stupid as Peter Parker finding out that the spider that bit him was actually a ‘magical spider’ that just happened to be radioactive.
So, it turns out that Discord is evil, because the guy who you locked up for weeks said so. And Princess Celestia, being forgiving motherly figure that she is, decides ‘Yep, that bitch needs to go!’ How loving and tolerant of her!
So they turn Discord into stone, Twilight and her friends can’t track Tirek and find out that, ‘Oh, loving and tolerating Discord would have saved our asses when the fucking devil finally appeared!’
Celestia goes back to the human world to try to stop all the fighting and thanks to the intervention of God the world decides ‘Fuck it, we didn’t want to fight anyway.’
Oh, so that’s how war is stopped! Peace isn’t accomplished by economic interdependence or spreading of similar ideals. We should just keep fighting and wait for God to come and stop all the fighting. Like some parent who is telling their two children to stop wrestling over the Gameboy!
What a fucking load!
Now, I want to make something clear right fucking now. My religious views, be they different or similar to yours, have nothing to do with why I think this story is a dangling piece of fecal matter. However, it’s terrible writing, unrealistic storytelling, rushed plot, and un-relatable characters do!
Let’s start with the biggest reason right off the bat of why this story fails. I know what it’s trying to tell us. I know what the message is and I do think it’s a good message. It’s just that the message here is poorly handled. Like a horse handling the fine china.
For starters, the children who are drawing the porn of Celestia are pretty much unrealistic. This might surprise you, but most people who write or draw porn actually have personalities beyond ‘Oo, I wonder how I can make my willy feel today.’ They have families, friends, probably school, a job, co-workers they interact with. They are not a giant cock that needs to be rubbed every five fucking minutes.
A good story would have made the children more relatable and sympathetic. A character the reader could relate to and see themselves as. Instead of a over the top parody of them. Alienating them by making the characters less human instead of more.
Second, Celestia suddenly turning evil with little to no explanation given. I know the excuse is ‘she’s power hungry’, but without context, to hold it up, the explanation kind of collapses. Like Applejack with her legs cut off.
And Celestia comes off as so cartoonishly evil that I found myself laughing at her rather than being afraid of her. No matter how gory she came off. She became one of those types of villains who would only eat her breakfast in front of some really hungry orphans. And that makes me laugh, not because I’m a bad pony (though that doesn’t help), but because it makes her unrelatable. I know you want us to take this character seriously, but the way to do that is not to make her more evil. The way to do that is to make her more human. (If you’ll excuse the terminology.)
Again, it goes back to the whole ‘pervs’ talk we had earlier. Making your characters less human sucks out their humanity and people are less likely to see what they could become.
And because of all that the subtlety suffers greatly. It has this big message about love and tolerance plastered all over it’s body like that guy who really likes his tattoos. Instead of being clever with its message having it hidden throughout the story in hints and clues, it beats you in the head with his message, rather ironically, giving it less of an impact.
I’m not even going to mention the other stuff, like ‘show, don’t tell’ or ‘plot holes’ or anything like that. One, because if I did, this review would be a lot longer. And two, even if that shit was perfect, it still wouldn’t save this fic because, again, the subtlety is not where it needs to be. For something like this to work, the best way to learn a lesson is to trick your audience into thinking they aren’t learning anything at all. Or leave them to find answers for themselves. Not outright telling them the morals.
And that’s another painful night into the day of Nightmare Month. I hope you all enjoyed it. I certainly didn’t. And I’m not looking forward to next week’s review.
***
Sir, somepony is hacking my communication systems.
Who?!
I am unsure, sir. I am attempting to locate the source.
*Static echoes in the room, causing Critique to cover his ears and screech. The volume automatically becomes higher as a raspy voice enters the room.*
Hello, Copper Coin… I want to play a game.
Oh… shit…
Right now you have finished your fic and your review. Probably quite pleased with yourself. Probably thinking you will have a peaceful night before ripping apart somepony else’s dream.
Look, do we really have to do this?
Do you have something more important?
Actually, yes. I um… I … uh… next week is Nightmare Night…. And… my niece is dressing up as a vampire. … And I promised I’d… take her and her little friends… on Nightmare Night.
Well… that was unexpected… I didn’t think you cared. Very well. I shall spare you this year. But next year… We will have our game.
*The speakers screech once again, causing Critique to shout in pain. The voice is gone and Computer remains.*
Sir, are you alright?.
Did you happen to get the location?
Unfortunately, not. The encryption was difficult and he was not on the line long enough for me to have an accurate location.
Damnit! Well, at least he’s off my back for a year.
Are you not worried?
Relax, it will all be fine. I told him some lie and he won’t be back until next year. We can deal with him then.
*The doorbell rings.*
Now who could that be?
*Critique opens the door and hears a tiny high pitched roar that sends Critique on his flank. His eyes widened with horror as he beheld the giggly filly in a black and red cape. Her false fangs revealed as she smiled.*
I scared you, Uncle Copper!
*The tiny filly pounce on her uncle’s chest as Critique gave a nervous smile.*
Yeah. That you did, kid.
*As Critique looked up he saw Melody’s mother standing over them. At least, he knew how his niece got there. Melody’s enormous eyes looked straight into Critique’s glasses and smiled through her false teeth*
Uncle Copper, can you take me and my friends on Nightmare Night?
Well, that’s one way to get out of a lie.
Okay here's a little flaw with the whole "God" thing in this story. Just going by the one and only title of "God" DOES NOT mean you're THE God as that singular title? BELONGS JUST TO HIM!!!!
A line from Dr. Manhattan, who, despite his insanely high power levels, is in fact? NOT a god or even close to being on the level of God himself. Why? There's a little category Alicorns and even Superman-level characters fall into. Physical gods. Mythology often depicted gods as "human, but bigger." Similar emotions, virtues, vices, etc. but with more power. Special effects and global story-telling exposure has expanded the concept. Gods are often humanoid (easier for actors to portray them) and have a number of powers. The difference between them and non-divine characters is they don't have to be "balanced" in terms of other characters.
Superman? Physical god. Thor in Marvel or hell real life mythology in general? Physical gods. The easiest way to tell the difference between God and these other gods? If you can accurately describe one of them in terms of appearance and they only have one defined role or only a few roles or are just the God of Something or other? You aren't dealing with the LEGIT God. Keep in mind even in those other religions/mythologies where there are multiple gods? Yeah THOSE GODS WERE BOUND BY AN OUTER FORCE BEYOND THEIR CONTROL!
For humans, it was the gods. But then for the gods, most of the European mythologies, at least, had some version of Fate/the Fates, whose decisions/prophecies no god could avoid. The Greeks and Romans mentioned it every once in a while, usually in the form of prophecies, but the Norse gods were already planning for their own deaths at Ragnarok as they knew they couldn't avoid it.
God on the otherhand? YEAH! Can do anything, avoid anything, or just outright STOP anything from happening. A level of power that goes beyond ANYTHING a human can perceive and thinks in such high ways and infinitely intelligent that you cannot sum him up in just a few words.
I'm not saying calling Alicorns gods is not doable, I'm saying this story is just outright offensive to anyone who believes in God in whatever religion you happen to be a part of because this tyrant of a Celestia just proclaiming herself God? YEAH THAT'S NOT TERRIBLE OR EVEN CLOSE TO SACRILEGIOUS!!! God? At least how I've always been taught? Wants people to have free will, to CHOOSE to worship him because they want to, not going
"WORSHIP ME OR BE TORTURED TO DEATH!!!!!!!!"
Like this Celestia likes to do.
Good review, mate!
So basically, Celestia in this story is an even blander and far less badass version of Wesker? Anywho, with all the "LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!" bullshit that they were forcing in, all I could think of was something to ease the pain: Queen.
Am I the only one who's really sick of seeing Celestia being portrayed as a tyrant from out of nowhere? I don't know, it just feels stupidly out of place given what we know about her. SO WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP DOING IT???
Anyways, quick question:
Umm... what was the message exactly? I honestly didn't figure out what the message it was trying to convey was. Maybe it's just because I didn't read the story itself, but I'm not quite sure what the message it's trying to send is?
Anyway, nice review, mate. Cheers
I can only imagine what kinds of crap can be found there... Question, are you going to do The Spiderses?
Next time you see them (which I doubt will be soon), just imagine happy carnival music playing whenever someone dies.
And we still love you for it.
First off, ooh, how many ways am I going to be offended by this?
Second off, I was rewatching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and the Big Bad's plan is basically to sacrifice an entire country's worth of people so he can swallow God and become all powerful. Maybe this has a similar premise? In which case this is very OOC.
Because one person stopping one bad prom night (or something) is obviously going to bring world peace. Maybe Kamala Khan was doing something wrong when she punched Loki in the face.
... You do bring up a fair point. The world sucks now, but it was a lot worse at several points in history.
I think they magicked up some kind of explanation as to why she could go back a second time for Rainbow Rocks, but since I've seen neither who am I to judge?
'Cuz their cute?
Yeah the plan makes no sense. At all.
The Power of Boobs compels you!
"I just conveniently forgot that from last time I was here. When was that? A few weeks ago?"
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...
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To begin with, what the hell does Evolution have to do with raising the sun? Those are two entirely different fields of science that have little connection between the two.
Second off, the Theory of Evolution is just that: a theory. While you may accumulate evidence, it's not a scientific law yet. And there are religious sects that accept evolution as a mechanism through which God fosters creation (which is what Darwin first concluded when he wrote the damn theory. Sidenote, Young Earth Creationism isn't actually that old).
Third off, you hit it right on the head: it's virtually impossible that everyone would just willingly convert to a secular, science-based belief system so uniformly. I'm not sure if this is supposed to support the secular thinking, or just trying to make Principal Celestia into a Strawman. Either way, it doesn't work.
Problem:
pre06.deviantart.net/738a/th/pre/f/2011/304/3/7/god_empress_celestia_coloured_by_blueshift2k5-d4emwk3.jpg
Someone's already taken that title. And She is Our Shield and Protector.
Other than that you're spot on. No one changes their beliefs like that.
... I'm sorry, what?
Lady, YOU ARE OLDER THAN MOST OF THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD! YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME ANSWER TO THAT BULLCRAP PRINCIPAL STRAWLESTIA CAME UP WITH!!
No doubt about that.
Really? We can start wars because of that? Let me go call Obama; I have some shippers I need to take care of.
Fullmetal Alchemist, Gravity Falls, or Avatar: The Last Airbender; I can't decide.
You probably have the right idea; in the Bible, God calls for His followers to help the poor, the sick, the lost, so they can spread His Kingdom and bring peace to the world. This random Pegasus is just speaking out his ass, like everyone else in this drivel.
...
This is a joke, right? Seriously, this has to be a joke. Either that or this author just wants to give religious types a bad name. Because if it's a joke, it's not funny.
This goes against EVERYTHING that is taught in the Bible. Here, have a few choice quotes:
See a recurring theme there? Christians are not supposed to lord it over people and be holier than thou types; they are supposed to serve other and be humble in their stature. And the poor are not to be neglected (there are way too many verses I could pull out that say "give to/support the poor and needy"; Old Hebrew law even has a system of welfare for those who have no land or money). God would not portray Himself like this; He is a kind and loving God that cares for those who are in need and lifts them up in glory.
You know who Celestia sounds like right now? Some kind of Pharisee reveling in how "holy" and "righteous" they are, Heck, I'd go up to say that Celestia is more like Satan here than God.
This story disgusts me.
I.
Am.
The.
New.
God.
All is one in Celestia. This mighty body is my church. When I command your surrender, I speak with three billion voices. When I make a fist to crush your resistance. It is with three billion hands. When I stare into your eyes and shatter your dreams. And break your heart. It is with six billion eyes! Nothing like Celestia has ever come among you: Nothing will again. I will take you to a hell without exit or end. And there I will murder your souls! And make you crawl and beg! And die! Die! Die for Celestia!
I have nothing more to say that you haven't said already. This is an awfully written fic that completely skewers everything it touches, theological or otherwise. I hope this author never writes anything like this again.
On a side note, Critique is a somewhat decent uncle. Let's hope his Nightmare Night holds out
Some just can't resist doing that for some reason. There are some people who's actions I don't think I will ever understand. And most likely not worth the bother to.
Don't we all?
This is shockingly unexpected!
A twist in your review, I like it!
What you put down though does concern me when it comes to stories. Recently I have thought of many of the Ship fics. Meany of those start with some origin story. This is all well and good. Nice to know how a relationship started.
However, we have a near endless set of start up stories on how Twilight fell in love with Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy has fallen for Big Mack. It gets old. It gets hard to like reading over another alternate story on how two got together. Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of such stories, but there is a lot of them. And they are beginning to look a lot alike. Much like slasher horror stories that focus too much on the kill. It all starts to look the same.
I almost (almost now, but not quite) regret making such a short slasher story for the simple sake of making one. I might have regret it more if I was actually making it for popularity, rather then making one just to add to the mass of them, as something new to the list for a time. It also had more to do with a spare of the moment thought I tried to expand on. I do like what I made, even if it did not agree with many just the same.
Yes, pleas do. For I have already done a face-palm to this description.
EQG is near nothing like our world, for starters. Just for starters! But I will let you give your take on this. It's what I am here for.
Lets ex-sponge that, and say you did. If there is that many, no need to wring out every example from every pore.
Because ponies are cool. I mean, who would not listen to a talking pony if you saw one? That would be just freaky weird, and would work for grabbing my attention, for a bit.
A talking pony! I'll by that for a dollar.
Not to bring up augment about the validity of religion as a whole, but as this is part of the same cartoon, and has near nothing to do with our world, my best guess is that God or even the idea of one would not even exist in this EQG human world. It might not have even developed into a thing to be known by them. But that would be my guess.
The two having such a conversation, to me would never likely could have take place. But I am not the one writing this. And I try to keep God out of my stories, as the cartoon seems to.
Though this does not keep me from getting a good laugh on a story Rainbow Bob wrote on Twilight and Discord having a conversation with Jesus about Easter. Damn I love his stuff!
As a long time Furry in the past (As I still am), None of this is new to me. However, furies typically seem to be much more tolerant to each other. Aside form the dislike for some of the works that some create that tend to make furies look bad to others, or is seen as just down right unpleasant. Like scat fetish pictures or over exaggerated sexual parts depictions. But this is not a furry thing, but a human thing. It is people, not necessarily Furies or Bronies that are weird. These fandoms just happen to have some weird people in them. Like most any other things people take an interest in as a group.
Porn is at the top of the list of things people do that can have some strange things in them, and has nothing to do with ponies or other mammals, just humans being humans. One would think by now people could understand such things. But that is a human thing as well everyone has to deal with, the common human's ability to misunderstand the things around them, as well as each other. Oh' God! were we created so imperfect!
And that is how I think it should be. I would not wish to be in a world where I am forced to love Hitler. Or some random person who thinks the punching game is funny, and enjoys doing it. Or even tolerate them.
I would also like to go on record with stating that being a furry has absolutely nothing to do with beastiality. One can enjoy the carton movie Bolt without wishing to fuck a Dog, or enjoy the cartoon Swat Kats without wishing to have some kitty puss, or enjoy Tails Prower as a game character with out wanting to get it on with a little fury fox boy. Just as a Brony can enjoy MLP FIM without wanting to mount each of the main six or any others for that matter. Not to say that there is not a lot of them out there that don't wish to, or at least pretend too.
When in all of existence is left but Daleks, the universe may finely know peace. The evil doctor just keeps messing things up for them. Can't he see their big plan in universal unification, of one kind to bring peace to everything!
Moving on...
I see we didn't move on...
Could not help but throw that reminder in there.
But you're right. Celestia would not be like this.
Be it okay for the one making the rules to contradict them, for personal convenience. Many in power seem to do that, unfortunately.
I see, this is another one of those plot holes that was not properly filled when it was first dug out.
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They did, I know because I did see them both.
Oh' it so does!
I do consider myself a science minded individual, and am an atheist, however I stand by that statement. I don't like people thinking of a theory of any kind as fact, no mater how much they may like it. The theory seams sound to me, but it also has holes in it. It can't be seen by me as a solid fact.
"Spock! You guess? Extraordinary!"
"Doctor, Jim seems upset with my guessing."
"You misunderstand him Spock. He trusts your theory's more than most people's facts."
True enough. Even one as myself who is dead set in my own view that God is fiction, there is still so much to consider. The theory that we where created by aliens for example. Though if one was to consider the "Q" as aliens as well, they are by all description, Gods! as it where. There is nothing to say, that what we know of as God, by any past telling, did not or does not exist. Though also seeing just how well people get things right (as in not!), what we have to go on, is unreliable at best.
We may one day even have an alien of some kind come to humanity. This alien might tell us all that he/she is God as we know it. Even if we were told this, and with powers could give proof, could we be so sure we still where not being lied to in order to control us with what we think we may know?
Deception can be a hard thing to see through, when it is done well. Unfortunately many people are easy to deceive. Many deceive themselves easy enough (and I am not talking about religion as to what people can and do deceive themselves on, I see self deception on many things with people all the time.), so it would not have to be done well.
For me, this is a long ass subject, best not to get into. It's mostly why I avoid it in my stories.
Anything!
And will not likely change any time soon. Mostly why I don't like this subject. It is just a big argument people bring up that will likely never change, or end. Though one is hopeful.
I think he was talking about text based flame wars, so try not to get too excited.
Can't say myself, you would have to ask the author. But I will give you a joke. One on atheist, despite me being one I still found it funny.
An atheist is being chased by a bear in the woods. The bear gave him a good swat to the legs and he fell down. The atheist rolled to a sitting position and looked up as he saw the bear about to maul him with it's big claws. The atheist screamed out while putting his arms up in defense, "Oh' God please help me!" At that instant time seemed to stop as a bright light shined down from above. The bear frozen in place.
A voice boomed as it spoke. "You dare to call out to me for help, when you spend your life telling others that I do not exist?"
The atheist thought about this for a moment and stated, "Well, if you are not going to help me, can you at least make the bear a faithful christian?"
The voice replied, "Very well."
The light faded as the bear got down on its knees as it put its claws together, and it spoke! "Oh' thank you Lord for this meal I am about to receive."
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No! You are not.
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Oh' I so much like that song!
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This is why if at anytime I try to compare the idea of God into something tangible in fiction, I typically go with the "Q" from Star Trek.
They have no real form we can perceive, and they are suppose to exist in a reality of all space and time, as if the span of it was like one of us waking around in a room, and could see everything in it all at once, as if their vision viewed everything from one corner of the room wile they walked in it freely. Though I never though the writers of that show represented them at all well in story.
Much like the "Q". This is why I don't like how they where represented on the show. Granted I love the acting of John de Lancie as Q, though it was not his acting I did not like. Just the way Q was written. The "Q" seemed much grater than what the show gave them credit for what they are suppose to be. It is like representing Dr. Manhattan as a flee, when Dr. Manhattan is grater than that.
There is also a few plot holes with the "Q" regarding any life and death of them. A real big one if one saw both Next Gen, and Voyager. Long story.
As for this story, Celestia makes not, God, as the one many believe. She has been shown to have limitations in the TV show. Limitations God would not have.
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Okay, that was hilarious!
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Yeah, I'm not really a fan of this type of storytelling either.
It's trying to promote 'love and hope' without really promoting love and hope.
I don't really see much of the point of trying to take the piss out of something that is clearly trying to take the piss out of itself. Maybe if I can come up with something clever I will.
And the armies of the world lined up to battle the Harry PotterXDraco Malfoy shippers.
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Makes sense. I'll try to find something else for you to review
This is just what the world needs, and even shitier version of the Conversion Bureau, only with blatant religious sock-pupating. And I'm not quite sure whether the story is supposed to be for a against religion, because it's kind of doing both. At the same time. Poorly.
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Kind of like trying to create peace through war. It has yet to fully work, yet people keep trying it just the same.
Helps when people finally get the idea of not trying to kill, or be belligerent to one another in order to get what they want, or just have things their way as they see fit.
Not to say this is the best of ideas and I am an ass for thinking it, but I feel killing those that kill to have their own way might be a step in the right direction to having less killers and war mongers around that muck things up for everyone else. But that's me.
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It is amazing what people come up with. Too much of it with a lack of decency.
Like I should talk...
But still that reminds me, I did not see the video myself, but I did hear about a porn video of Snape with the Teletubbies. Wish I was making that one up, but it's out there.
Then there is this I did come across. It's kind of funny in it's own way. But I have seen better.
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You know, it is about what I got out of it, that kind of confusion. I also have a funny feeling, that is exactly what the story was in part trying to portray. Much of the confusion one can find surrounding religion and God.
I admit, what I am going to put down is going to piss a few or many off (nothing new), but this is one of many examples I find very confusing. Mind you, just one of many. The deal with God sending a plague to kill all of the first born in Egypt when trying to scare the king into freeing his slaves. For an all loving God who created all life and loves us, killing kids with a sickness as a punishment to the people was a dick thing to do. You know, instead of making the king himself sick and/or die. Why did it have to be the kids who he made suffer and die to prove a point?
This is the sort of thing I just don't follow. It is one of the meany things I am told of that God did that I am very confused on.
But this is the sort of confusion one does run into when we have many different people telling different stories on what God has done in the past, or what he wants, and why those people say it is so. It just leaves people like me confused and not knowing who's words they have to say about God is the truth, if any of it.
I am not going to argue any of this, people have done enough of that already, it's just everything I am told about it puzzles me.
I think this story possibly was trying to emphasize the hypocrisy some feel they may find when looking into religion, even if it did that badly. You would have to ask the writer personally what was intended, to know for sure.
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For what it's worth, the previous Pharaoh had enslaved the Israelites and had all their baby boys killed to cull the population. Old Testament God was a bigger fan of "Eye for an Eye' than most modern works would like to admit
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I do remember something about that. And I personally don't like the story of a God playing a game of "monkey see monkey do" With the lives of children. I do understand under retrospect of what was written, it does not matter what one liked about what was done for one to believed it happened as written.
I think it also makes the The God in the old writings more believable, at least to me. One who is not the perfect creator, who is capable of making a mistake. One who can be angered by a great wrong doing, enough so, that he would do something about it. And one who is not seen as haven created the perfect specimen of life (namely us, as some would suggest.) There was a few times that suggested he was unhappy with what he made.
What gets me the most however, is in part what you put down (not that I have a problem with what you put down, or that you did.) It's about that subject of the Old Testament. Were people not satisfied with what was written, that what God is to mean to us, had to be rewritten in some way?
It to me, it is as if people wish to say what God is all about rather than accepting him as he was, or is. I would think that those who do believe in him, and possibly fear him, would not dare mess with the old text. It is like people having no fear or problem re-witting God himself, in what each wish to believe him to be.
For instance, it was against church policy to allow gay marge. Why? Did God not approve of this? And if so, why did so many fight this policy, as if it was a church ruling? I would think, as a follower of God, one would do as stated, and gay marge is to remain band.
Did God change his mind? Is this why some churches allow it now? If so, and God does now approve, why don't all churches hoop on board with this new ruling? Who is making the laws we are to live by? God, or each church as each sees fit? And if it is the churches making up the laws, WHY!? Aren't they supposed to support what God thinks on such matters, rather than make up what they wish?
This is all just the very tip of what I can't believe, when it comes to religion, or what they may have to say about God.
I will say, it is not that people wish to believe in God that can upset me. If one does, so be it, not a prob to me. My only problem is with those that would wish to control my life, and what I could do in my life based on what they believe. And as such, this is not so much a problem I have with religion, it is a problem I have with those in power (like various government powers, or even one's boss at work), who feel they can, and will decide how everyone should live or what one can do in life. That is a much bigger problem then people just beveling in God to me.
Sorry, not ranting or venting.
Just putting some of my thought out on the matter. As I said, this is a big subject, and not one some people take well. It is hardly one sided, and not likely to change in that any time soon.