Magnolia · 11:15pm Oct 16th, 2015
Hey everyone.
So, I was really surprised by the response that my last blog garnered. I want to take this opportunity to thank the supporters among you followers. As for the other comments, I can't blame you for your vitriol. What I did was reprehensible, illegal, and terrible, and I regret every bit of it. I can understand why the entry might have been interpreted as a call for sympathy, but at the time of it's posting, I truly felt despondent, having been robbed and looking at as bleak of a future as I've ever imagined. But, I think that perhaps, it was supposed to happen. I'll explain.
First, my situation.
On the civilian side;
I am out on bond, and because my offense was a first time, non-violent crime, I am eligible for a program called 'pre-trial intervention.' If it's approved, I will fulfill the conditions set before me, and the charges will be dropped. If not, well... I prefer to have hope.
On the military side;
My commander and first sergeant are waiting to see the results of the civilian case first before proceeding with UCMJ action. The investigators are Air Force OSI, a separate branch of the military, so they haven't communicated too much with one another.
So, what could lead me to think that this was orchestrated? Well, it started when I went to jail, and my life was turned upside down. Visually, even - my cell number was 116, and my room number at the barracks was 119. Literally flipped upside down.
Next, were the books. The cell block I was in was under lockdown the entire time, and prisoners were only brought out one at a time to shower every two days, so they couldn't contact one another physically. But, I learned from the shouting that they often did from the doors that they didn't have any books to read, and access to the library was restricted while the block was locked down. Meanwhile, I had four books in my cell.
The first was "Time of Attack" by Marc Cameron. It's a hugely entertaining thriller, but the thing that struck me was that the main character was a member of the Air Force OSI - just like my investigating officers.
The second was the sixth book in "The American Bicentennial Series", titled "The Warriors." The book follows the exploits of an American family during, and after the Civil War, and the struggles that the Kent family faces as a result. I likened it to my own situation, as my time with the military is drawing to a close as well.
The third book was an oddball. It was the 1996 Readers Digest Condensed Works, Volume 4. It had four stories in it: "Notorious" (proof that Mary Sue stories with generic main characters can sell), "Snow Wolf" (A great imagining of how Joseph Stalin may have died during a covert US operation), "The Cat Who Said Cheese" (a quirky small town mystery, wherein plot points are unwittingly foreshadowed by a pair of Siamese cats), and "Mirage" (a tale of a woman living in, then escaping a middle eastern country presumed dead, only to have her noble husband track her down). Why does this bear any significance to me? Of all the Readers Digest Condensed book sets to make it into my cell, it was the same as the singular Readers Digest Condensed book that currently resides on my mother's shelf at home.
The last book was the fittingly titled "A Gentle Thunder: Hearing God Through The Storm" by Max Lucado.
Coincidence? Maybe. But I won't lie that the notion that what has happened to me is part of some divine orchestration is comforting.
This experience, though not finished by a long shot, has taught me rather a lot. Maybe that was the point of it. The biggest thing that I learned was about forgiveness, and how important it is. As demonstrated by a lot of the comments from my previous entry, there is a lot of hatred directed at sex offenders, even in communities that have "love and tolerance" as a mantra. Life for a sex offender is one where they are subjected to judgment, scorn, and vilification for a bad decision that they've made, and all most of them want is a second chance. And there's me, desperate for one.
You may recall that when I returned to my room, I found that a lot of my belongings had been pilfered. My TV, games, movies, what have you. Well, the thief also had taken my debit card, and tracking it's usage revealed that the identity of the thief was someone whom I considered a great friend - we were inseparable while deployed. He had a falling out with the significant other whom he lived with, and I offered him my barracks room as a place for him to stay. Cue Rarity Takes Manehattan,
When I brought it to the attention of my first sergeant and commander, I insisted that I didn't want to press any charges or have any severe disciplinary action brought to him - I just wanted my things back. We've since recovered a good bit of my belongings, and he isn't facing any legal action that may adversely affect him as a result of my insistence.
After all, what good is asking for forgiveness for mistakes made when one can't forgive someone else for theirs?
When the universe throws you an olive branch grab on with both hands and don't let go.
I'm so happy for you!
Its good to hear from you man. Try not to pay attention to the people giving you trouble over your last blog. A lot of people are ignorant and don't understand just how much it f**** you up when your abused yourself as a child and how it can lead you to do things you later regret. As somebody who experienced it first hand and who has dated somebody who experience it I understand where your comming from.... To an extent, I can't pretend I know exactly what your feeling. I do hope everything works out on the 'pre-trial intervention' program. Hang in there man, you've got people in your corner.
*hugs*
I'm so glad things are looking up.
And about the books, it certainly sounds like the big guy upstairs was watching and wants to give you a second chance.
*Hugs*
And I'm so glad that's the case.
And you definitely proved yourself a bigger man by forgiving your friend. Not everybody would and it says a great deal about you that you can.
I hope that you should get the help you need. If they have not offered psychiatric help, please request it. Please do as your lawyer says, because your lawyer knows more about this law-stuff than you do.
Your Scootaloo has suffered but is strong. You can be like her. Just please do not let Diamond Tiara incite you to violence.
The trolls have moved on and had their say, we're still here for you.
( partially to 3475787 , but mainly HMXTaylorLee)
Actually as far as your lawyer is concerned, make sure he actually wants to help you. My brother's lawyer did not want to be his lawyer, but rather the prosecutor and scoffer, hence a biased trial.
I've been praying for you. I'm so glad that God has been orchestrating everything. I'm also sorry about everything that has happened. I hope everything goes well. Forgivenes truly is a hard thing to do, but it is the best thing. I've struggled with it. Now I can honestly say it is the best decision you can make.
Praying for you and God Bless!
~Melly~
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Thanks for all of your support, guys and gals. I'm going to use this time in Limbo to try and crank out some writing for you fine folks!
It is good to hear from you again, and better to hear that you believe there is hope. I don't like being philosophical, but I'll say this anyway: hope is a good thing to have. (Better still, your situation seems to be under the control of reasonable authorities.
)
I like to think I've also learned something from your communication of your experience - my perceptions towards accused perpetrators of the relevant acts have become much less polarised, and I regard that as a very good thing. Most people are redeemable - you seem to be among them.
Remain hopeful, and may your authorities stay reasonable.
I sure hope you don't get put in jail, I believe you can do this, You have my support.
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To Pencil Melody:
You earned a thumbup.
To HMXTaylorLee:
I have no idea what to do if your lawyer is against you and you cannot afford a private lawyer.
Hurrah! You're back! Congratulations and good luck!
And yes, forgiveness is very powerful indeed; personally, I hold it as the most powerful virtue of all.
3479033 I have a private lawyer, so if he's not fighting for me, he'll be fighting to earn his check.
Man, you're back! I am glad! :-)
It's very touching to read your words of faith. I think/hope, that you are on the right path.
I hope it's not offending you in any ways, but I will pray for your well-being.
Cheers!
P.S.: And keep writing your awesome fics... :-)
Wanted to share some Bible verses, if you don't mind.
-1 John 1:9
-1 Peter 5:6-9
-2 Corinthians 12:9a
-John 3:16-17
John is a great book of the Bible, especially to get in touch with Jesus's character. If you don't mind, I'll keep praying for you. It you'll bear with my long post, there's a really good story in John that I think you would enjoy, found in Chapter 8. It goes like this:
Jesus forgives even the most atrocious of sins. Look at Paul, who wrote Romans. He was a serial killer, yet Jesus redeemed him, and used him as one of the most influential apostles of the time period. He forgave and accepted me, helping me past struggles with porn, and though I'm far from perfect, His grace continues to cover me when I mess up. It's because of Jesus's intervention that I'm free now.
From your last post, it seemed like you perhaps don't have a relationship with Jesus yet. If this is the case, please consider it. Do some research, and seek Him out. He loves you more than you can imagine. And though He won't magically make life easier, or fix all your problems necessarily, He will help you through them.
Welcome back.
I see you deleted your other blog post... I don't blame you, it was attracting trolls like flies. At least it seems the jerks have gotten bored with their game and have moved on since they don't seem interested in trolling this page. I just want to say that what you've written is beautiful. You created something beautiful. And that can't be taken from you.
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Yeah...
I figured at this point, there wasn't any point on dwelling on it. What happened, happened. What happens next, happens. I don't feel that additional persecution is beneficial to anyone at this point, and I would very much like my stories to be judged fairly on their own merits as opposed to what I've done in the past.
I'm glad to hear that things are starting to brighten up for you!