Lightning Dust Reviews · 4:13am Oct 5th, 2015
I asked for Lightning Dust fics, and you guys delivered. Let's see what we got.
In this little tale, Lightning Dust is fighting through a terrible blizzard to retrieve an ancient relic to take her vengeance on Rainbow Dash. The atmosphere is excellent, you feel the icy wind biting down on Lightning Dust and just how desperate and hopeless she is. With a stallion to play off of, we get parallels between Lightning and Commander Hurricane, and it works well to reinforce what Lightning's delusions of grandeur really measure up as. There's a twist as to who the stallion is that I really ought to have seen coming, and it's well-played.
The major problem with the story is that the moral Lightning Dust learns doesn't gel well with her actions at the end. I won't give it away, but let's say that the story summary prompts Lightning Dust to choose between "revenge and life," and while I understand her choice, I don't understand the action she took because of that choice.
Recommendation: For great atmosphere and the right mix of tragedy and hope to evoke feels, look no further. For a morality play that develops character, it falls a bit short.
A very simple idea to this fic - Rainbow meets up with Lightning Dust for the first time since the Academy and makes amends. Where the story falls apart is the execution. To spoil it, the author immediately backpedals on the ending to the episode: Spitfire didn't really kick Lightning Dust out, that was for dramatic effect, she was put on suspension and made a formal apology. I don't mind fixfics, if the author thinks they can do an idea better than the canon did, go nuts. But this was clumsily handled. Equally clumsy is the shoehorning of a backstory with Lightning Dust's three siblings that she was apparently estranged from but now is good with, again. There was no need at all for this and it seems there to give artificial feels that Lightning Dust has made amends with three OCs who were introduced barely three sentences ago. And then she and Rainbow Dash hug and are friends. And Flash Sentry has a very inconsequential cameo as one of Lightning Dust's siblings.
The story is very rushed and, for lack of a gentler work, fake. There's a lot of talking but not much actual emotion behind it. A lot of words are spoken but not a lot is said. The fic is not even 1,300 words, as though the author was trying to fit under a word limit. A pity, because this fic needed to be a lot longer to allow its plotline to play out properly. Instead, we get a jumbled mess of plot elements and character development that don't work like they could have.
Recommendation: The fic has some good ideas, but makes little effort to actually explore them.
We start off with a YouTube link I didn't click. My personal opinion, while fanart can be fine to stick at the start of a chapter to use in the same manner as a story image, keep music and art out of the writing. Good writing can speak for itself, as can the lyrics we don't need actual musical accompaniment.
The story itself picks up immediately after Lightning Dust's dismissal, the same day infact. After a short bit with Rainbow Dash, we get an unexpected twist that works and makes sense - Lightning Dust is a Rainbow Dash fangirl who has known her since flight camp, but as a distant idolizer who's followed her exploits. All things considered with the Mane Six, they should be famous across Equestria, Rainbow more than the rest with the Sonic Rainboom, and Lightning Dust idolizing her casts her reckless behavior in a new light, she was showing off for her hero and trying to get her approval. Retconning Lightning Dust as a fan of Rainbow makes sense and I accept it as such. Rainbow comes in and the two have it out. Rainbow acts super-mature and reasonable here, perhaps a bit too much. Then Spitfire comes in and we get a sob story from Lightning Dust that is sort-of rushed and seems a bit contrived to justify her mindset. Long story short, Spitfire admits that all fliers have made mistakes and Rainbow has talked her into taking Lightning back, but she's on probation.
There are parts of this story I like, but I dunno if it works out to a cohesive whole. As I said, Lightning Dust as a fangirl of Rainbow Dash works, but it's forgotten by the author and characters once the conversation moves on. Spitfire asks Lightning point blank why she wants to be a Wonderbolt at all, and while it's a good question, the answer is unsatisfactory to me. I do like that Spitfire takes her back in and her reasons for doing so make sense, but Rainbow Dash seems to work more as a soundboard for Lightning Dust to bounce her backstory exposition off of than someone to actually help her, and some of her advice seems contradictory or just not helpful. I dunno, perhaps I'm being too hard on this story. I want to like it, but I don't, yet I can't precisely tell you why.
Recommendation: Give it a read, it's worth at least that, and decide if it works for you or not on your own.
We open to a formatting nightmare; no line break between paragraphs and speech is not given quotation marks... until halfway through the story, it is. As for the story itself, once again we pick up right after Lightning Dust's dismissal, but this story is in her POV. The first several paragraphs is a lot of exposition on Lightning Dust's backstory that's a headache to read because of the formatting. Then she's called into Spitfire's office to be yelled at some more, and then she's reassigned as Rainbow's wingpony for a second chance. Then Lightning runs into Rainbow, they yell a bit, and we get a very tacked-on backstory about how the only person to support her dream of being a Wonderbolt was her brother, and he was murdered and she had no one. She and Rainbow make up, Rainbow offers to be her friend, and all is well.
The creative aspects of the story are white-bread bland, there's nothing stand-out good here, but nothing stand-out terrible, either. Yet, again, nothing stand-out good. The formatting really hurts the story's readability and in tandem with its lack of substance, there isn't a lot here.
Recommendation: None. Whatever plot aspects this story tackles are handled better by the previous story, and in a style that's easier on the eyes.
Then we have its sequel, Storm of Loyalty
Right off the back, formatting is much better and I'm greatly relieved for it. The two have left the academy and Lightning Dust is apparently moving in with Rainbow to live in Ponyville, because... I have no idea. She takes her to a party to introduce her to the gang, but they recognize Lightning Dust as the mare that almost killed them and reject her. I immediately question this; sure, be hostile and suspicious, but if Rainbow vouches for her and set this up, at least give it a chance. Instead we get some very OOC behavior from Applejack and Rainbow that ends with Lightning running off to cry, and Rainbow joins her after a very spiteful and mean speech to Twilight about how disappointed Celestia is in her. I question this, as well - how strong is Rainbow's friendship with Lightning Dust is that she'll side with her over her other friends.
Then Celestia herself arrives, pretty much upholds what Rainbow said by saying, and I quote, "I thought you were all better than this; especially you, Twilight. It's clear to me that you all still have much to learn." With Celestia's urging, amends are made and the group have a party.
Unlike the first part, this fic is plain bad, and the major reason is way too much OOC. Applejack and Twilight, and to a lesser degree the rest of the Mane Six, are quickly broken apart by one argument over Lightning Dust, to the point Celestia herself comes in to help them make up, and bows to Rainbow Dash for demonstrating herself a true friend by standing by Lightning Dust. I think that description of events will speak for itself so I'll end the review there.
Recommendation: What this story fixes from the first in terms of formatting, it ruins with terrible characterization.
This fic is short and simple, but sweet. We follow Lightning Dust as a young fliers training camp teaching some foals to fly. There's hints of some shipping with Thunderlane, but just hints, it doesn't dominate the fic. The focus is on Lightning Dust interacting with the kids and doing her impression of Spitfire to whip them into shape, and then we get an ending that's a bit out of left field, but gives a feel-good moment.
What I found very interesting with this fic is that the events of Wonderbolt Academy are barely mentioned. Rainbow Dash only comes up once, and we get a couple nods to the episode but not direct references. But the great thing is, we don't need them. It's very clear just by paying attention to her behavior and thoughts that Lightning Dust has already begun the path to redemption, she's learned her lesson and is a better pony for it. It isn't spelled out, it's shown through her actions, which is great.
Recommendation: For fluffy good feelings and good characterization, this is where it's at.
Did you see the others I listed in your previous blog.
3444158 No, I only read half your post and then stopped.
Likes for obvious reasons.
Well try to read the others whenever you feel like it. Some of those are really good in my opinion.
The Storm of Loyalty link goes to the first chapter, not the story page.