The one where I openly bitch and use some math to prove my bitching point, embarrass myself with the first pony "story" I ever wrote, and give some weekly details. Also, maybe some bragging. · 5:40pm Jul 25th, 2012
Lets just jump into me whining as another fic with Sparity possibility got thrown out this morning, good fic too. No, I won't stop reading it, but I'm not pleased at the moment. Why did it get thrown out as Sparity you ask, good question! Spike you're to young for me. The age gap would never work. 
Are you fucking kidding me? Okay I'm take a breath here... Nope, fuck it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Let's do some fact and math checking shall we. Pony ages are consistent with human ages. This is proven when Granny Smith says shes over 100 years old when explaining the founding of Ponyville to the CMC's class. Awesome, age range to work with checkety, check, check.
So now lets do something astounding, figure out Spike's age difference to Twilight. I know, GASP! Twilight being the smart adorkable mare that she is went to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns *Trumpets*! How does this help us, you ask. Two ways, one Twilight hatched Spike to gain admission, and two Twilight is afraid of Celestia sending her "back to" Magic kindergarten. Human age range means the Kindergarten age is 4-5. Admission test are done before the school year starts, and yes they do test young kids for gifted schools that young. I have a niece who passed with flying colors, she was 4. So that means Spike is roughly 4 years younger then Twilight cannonly! I know I'm amazing hold your applause.
Now lets remember the girls age and Spikes is unknown cannonly. We do know the girls are not all the same age and based on their filly versions I would place Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie as the 3 youngest most likely. But I suspect that the age gap between the youngest and oldest is at most 3 years. 3 years is awful close to 4 years isn't it?
But the show calls Spike a baby dragon. Okay, lets do this one now shall we. Dragons live longer than ponies. How much longer is unknown. However if they live at least 1000 years than according to a ratio 100 years is equivalent to being 10 in the eyes of a dragon. So Spike is still kid than. Wrong!. In the eyes of his species probably, but it appears that dragons grow in maturity on the same scale as ponies. 1 year is still 1 year of living and learning. Spike often acts with maturity we miss in the girls, even knowing a lesson before the rest of them learn this. However, Spike is still a character and male, and therefore flawed. He sometimes stumbles over his words, he doesn't always think things through, and he can be petty. Guess what, me too. Hell my vocabulary is huge, but I am the worst speller ever. If it wasn't for spell check, my editors, and Google search nothing I write would be readable.
To further my point Greed growth happens "because Spike is growing up" thank you Zecora. Basically, dragon puberty. And you thought ours was bad. Actually, I never really understood the issue myself. Further proof of this is R.D. gives him a dumb-bell to work out with. No one gives a kid a fucking dumb-bell! A teenager on the other hand is the perfect recipient.
Now lets zoom to a really scary place *ominous music* the real world. In this horrifying place relationships still exist. In high school seniors dating freshmen was not only not unheard of, it wasn't even uncommon. There's a 4 year difference right there at the same age group our little ponies and a dragon fall under. My old man is around 50 and he goes out with women in their early 30's. Notably, his long term success rate is lacking lately but still I'm proud. He'd probably have better luck looking in the 40s range though. Adult relations commonly have huge gaps i my point though. 4 years is actually a really small gap in the big picture.
So in conclusion Spike is in fact not, "to young," for any of the mane 6. Even a 7 year gap means nothing in the long run.
Now to reward anyone who got through that with something truly funny. My first pony story! It even includes sex, my subconscious knew something I didn't obviously.
It can be found in the comments on Happy Mother's Day by dlazerous. It also was based off of Curse of the Werepony and Luna the Matchmaker by the same dlazerous.
Spike: "Okay kids distract your mother while I go get her that thing I got her!"
Swettie Bell: "He didn't get her anything did he."
Garnet: "I think he was keeping Twilight and Celestia's gifts here maybe he kept moms there."
Swettie Bell"... My bad"
That moment at the pie family rock farm
Spike: "So girls were you able to craft that diamound into a heart."
Inky: "Sure did Spike."
Blinky "We even managed to get ahold of this display case for it."
Spike: "You two are the best. What do I owe you for the case?"
Inky "Don't worry about it Spike. Consider it a bons for letting us make this beautiful piece for her. We know she'll just love it."
Spike: "Thanks girls."
Later that night Spike got super special sex for being the greatest husband ever!
A/N: I AM THE KING! Also very awesome man. Man Spike is so fucked hes got eternity hes gona run out of ways to one up himself eventualy... probably when he carves her face into a mountain.
I AM THE KING! Seriously, look at all the raw unbridled talent. On my grave stone these words shall be engraved "Died in an orgy with six ladies, butt-naked, dripping with sweat all the way down his back, and wearing a shit-eating grin." And the scene shall be fully depicted in large carved marble as my grave marker. Fuck getting an angel or a cross. Plus I'm an atheist, no we aren't talking religion don't even start with me, so those things wouldn't make much sense anyways. This is way better.
Now for the story related stuff I wrote a decent chunk of the next chapter of Eternal yesterday I expect to finish today. Update is emanate today or tomorrow.
SaHSLL is still waiting on IC for chapter 2. The chapter 1 rework is coming along nicely. I have actually updated what is there all ready, but I'm not done, so I wouldn't suggest rereading it yet. I felt that A.J. was really fucked over as her reasons for being in love with Spike weren't very clearly displayed, and I fell into my Sparity tendencies and failed to make Spike's love seem even with both of them. So Rarity will still have some favor as he was his first love, but it will be much more evened out. I did this rather fantastically in Chapter 2 which is what made me go, "Fuck! I'm a dumb ass," when I looked back.
Weekend will be started near the end of this week chapter finish and post is unpredictable, sorry. I promise to make it worth the wait though!
Rarity's Punishment falls under side project. Notably, the first chunk of the next part of Teling Twilight is already written, but it was done with part 1 though.
Feel free to drop comments or questions below. I'm gonna go channel my rage into writing for the sake of saying fuck you to anyone who questions Spike's chances.
I forgot the bragging! Oh well, next time.
THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!!!!.
I agree with every single point in this blog, thank you for making it clear.
Actually I always assumed rarity was the oldest, due to the fact she was the only one maintaining a business which I assumed meant she had to handle bills. Even with that said you are still correct my friend.
Edit
than again, they don't seem to have any problems with child slaver....labor laws I mean.
249263 And you know what the funny part is? I came up with this in about 5 seconds one day while ideal working on some stupid shit. My mind made like 1 connection and it all just exploded out of my head. Being a genius is scary sometimes. What? I said there would be bragging.
249264 I know. I totally deserve that tomb stone. I'm putting it my fucking will. Oh, you mean the age range thing, yea that too.
249267 Originally, I did as well. But filly Rarity looks a lot younger then filly Shy, Dash, and A.J.
I actually know someone who owned a restaurant, a full fledged restaurant, by the time they were sixteen. They retire from managing it this year, and she is just under 50. She will however still own it. None the less, a very impressive achievement.
249279
I mean those type of achievements really aren't unheard of. There was a documentary on two 10 year old boys who ran a successful business and was bringing in some serious money.
Than there was the 17 year old kid who ran a drug ring in his town bringing in 30-40k a month.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BRAGGING? I SIGNED UP FOR BRAGGING.
249284 No they're not, but they are still fairly rare and very impressive. I can't decide how to rank the last one there. It's kind of impressive, illegal, but impressive.
249292 Friday probably. It's about the new computer I just built that would make even the most hardcore of techies and geeks drool.
249300 I suspect if the writers didn't want them to seem, "doable," they wouldn't of bothered with most of the episodes that take huge leaps in advancing and building the foundation for a relationship between them.
What Rarity really means whenever she says Spike isn't big enough, is that he isn't 'big' enough.
But seriously, I'm one of those people that can't get over the age gap usually. Still, I don't see a problem with it. These are fictional characters after all. At least it's not foalcon
249356 Haven't been to college yet, hmm? Also, sex jokes from you I'm appalled. Here I thought you were better than that
249299 Hnng, I need a new computer. One that isn't a laptop. This one keeps burning my crotch.
249405 Bad place to have a welt from burns. It's a desktop my laptop needs to be sent in for repairs actually due to overheating.
Path I am proud of you I hope that gets some people to stop saying age as why it can't work. The big scary place *real world* needs a bit of hope and this two do just that even if they are just cartoon
Have a Sparity I think you might like it.
th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2011/345/2/9/holding_your_dear_one_by_daniruuechidna-d4is9i6.png
I was going to use something more *NSFW* but I think this gets the point across.
249430 I was just looking at that picture.
I doubt it though. To even get my blog you have to favorite a story or watch me and considering my stories that means you pretty much have to believe in Spike's capabilities for romancing the mane 6, specifically Rarity usually.
249361
When have I ever claimed to be better than that? I keep those out of my stories, but my comments are filthy!
And... I graduated university... Two years ago...
Haha, yes! For once, I'm not the one being waited on! Take that, IC!
249467 Weirdest relationships you'll ever see happen in college. Makes a Dragon and Pony look normal.
249473 That's what you took away from this? Well it is true I suppose.
249485
Well, I'd thought of that sparity conclusion long ago. You aren't its creator, nor am I
249482
True dat. College is... Weird...
249547 I meant the awesome grave stone!
249564
I'll kill 6 strippers and bury them with you, how bout that?
249580 That seems excessive. I mean what good could they do me if I'm dead.
A whole blog post on this subject? Really...?
You have a point here and you just destroy the 'age gap' but it's something that is really ignored in most Sparity's fics I've seen. What are you reading?
249634 It's not the whole blog, I had other stuff too.
Lights, Camera... is what set me off if you're asking. He sets up this great potential to do the pair justice hints at Rarity possibly having feelings, shows Spike being Spike, and then he just goes, "You're to young. You should find someone your own age." My disappointing was vast. Still a great fic, but while everyone else is finding love, Spike gets fucked over again. This is far from the only story that pulls this either, and it just gets frustrating to get 15 chapters or more in to have something like this pulled.
In a Sparity only fic, it isn't usually a problem. However, some ship fics don't do just one ship. Luna the Matcmaker, A Very Special Somepony, and a number of others do multiple ships at once. Beating the Heat will ever remain the best fic that pissed me off the most. Spike goes through hell and back while everyone else has their fun and in the end he still gets fucked over, very, very hard. And of course, few people tell you going in what ships they're going to do in such stories so you have to read through um, and when you get to the end and they go, "lol, no. Hes to young. He's a dragon." Must resist urge to kill.
249692
Beat The Heat's ending pissed me off too. In every love fic that has Spike, the author goes "Ha ha. Sorry KID, you're friends are gonna get some while you don't". I feel you bro.
This will cheer you up
249699 Yea it's miserable. Spike get's fucked constantly.
Read it already. Another story where Spike gets the no go from Rarity. Upside he does get to sleep with her and most of Ponyville, ends with him and Luna cause it was obvious. Lost interest about decently in to it.
I prefer Spike's Harem as he does have a love relationship with Rarity, even if he is getting to fuck everyone else. Plus I know the author is a big Sparity guy.
EPIC POST IS EPIC..........andso very true man
249740 Indeed. Also, that avatar, I approve!
249703
Ever heard of Spike's Sexual Misadventures? I think you'll like it.
249746 That's the one with the water sports right?
249748
Yeah. I'm not a fan of water sports, but its a good clopfic.
249749 It's funny. Really, really funny. And overall it's not bad.
You have written the best blog post on this site.
Also, I totally sympathize with the big vocabulary and bad at spelling thing. I am exactly the same way.
Please, feel free to brag some more, because you are a genius.
251009 You may take a cookie.
251321 A non-poisoned cookie I presumed? I won't touch this plate marked FIRST then.
252579 I see no gain in poisoning the smart ones.
oh my god thank you for explaining this to every body who read this. plus jeez man are you in collage cause this seemed very confusing but you explained it well
253926 Well I am, but it's not really related. I've always been good at putting all the pieces together. puzzles are my forte I guess.