The Best of All Possible Worlds: Letter #2 from the Author · 4:23am Nov 12th, 2012
OOC:
Well, it’s time for the long- (or maybe only somewhat-) delayed meeting of Voltaire and Celestia. Let the sparks fly where they may!
IC:
The author has contacted me again. Unfortunately, she decided to send me her message in English instead of Equine. Read the following only at risk of losing your precious sanity:
Dear Son of a Human Doggy,
I think, you must provide a test, write their own linguica, then the, whereas this is a human spiderweb after all. It is also what would the secret paper, but that is a bridge under the pond present.
So, how to move, it notes the chapter 2:
5. I really had to hold the marble metaphor? Does not appear to be, well, all translated.
6. I don’t forget, what meaning is “full power metal objects from a high-speed object with the other obscure art”?
7. The parts Lin and Potsdam Burr appears to be a little dollar too talking me, for Science, although I admit it, what, precisely quoted on the casual talking.
8. So, it appears that that is exactly Voltaire saw an odd name.
9. “A piece of mechanical universe manual”--I will receive this! (I thought I was unfair to these notes is not between at least one happy writing.)
10. at last I have read, the journey to the book this Gulliver, which held a conversation by acquisition. WHAT IS THE MATTER YOU ARE MONKEY!
11. “First-try takeholes, who had lost their views of the invention after the puffy light”--see #10 thinking.
12. The writing of the “Garden of Eden” dabble: as president and Maupertuis is, the feeling, that actively tried to, I look at that silly.
13. “He would not a newt HUYNICKUYUYHMM.” I have to say that that it is only a reference to, you have another but there are reasonable grounds to believe that the newt-translation-bah business, from a piece of an obsession, to man. Only two eyes at least GUCKGUCKGNABLE is...
This list now also reaching worthy length. I will write less-more with Chapter 3 later by letter.
Critically Best Regards,
--Not A Pony Stick-Write
After I had recovered from losing consciousness as a result of the sheer awfulness of that translation, I contacted the author’s Number One Assistant and obtained the Equine original, which I translated into the following:
Dear Human McPoodle,
I suppose I should give a try at writing you in your own language, as this is a human website after all. I also would have preferred that our correspondence remained private, but I guess that’s just water under the bridge, now.
So, moving on to my notes on Chapter 2:
5. Did you really have to keep that marble metaphor? It doesn’t seem to translate well at all.
6. Do I want to know what “the obscure art of propelling metal objects at great speeds into other objects” means?
7. The comments on Burr Lin and Potsdam seem a bit too conversational to me for a scholarly article, although I will admit that you accurately quoted our casual conversation on the subject.
8. It seems odd seeing Voltaire’s name spelled that way.
9. “A piece of clockwork in a clockwork universe.”--I get it! (I thought it unfair to not include at least one positive comment in these notes.)
10. I finally got around to reading this Gulliver’s Travels book that kept getting brought up in conversation. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HUMANS!
11. “Amateur pickpockets who lost their positions after the invention of gas lighting”--see reaction to #10.
12. My description of the “Garden of Eden” painting: Like President Maupertuis, I get the feeling that you are actively trying to make me look ridiculous.
13. “He did not want to be turned into a newt.” I admit that I only have a single other reference, but I suspect that that this newt-turning-into business is a bit of an obsession for your humans. At least newts only have two eyes...
This list is now reaching a respectable length. I will continue on with Chapter 3 in a later letter.
Critically yours,
--Anonymous Author
And here are my replies:
5. The marble bit was parallelism with the lovely introduction of Equestria in Chapter 1. Do not question the parallelism.
6. No.
7. I quoted you accurately. My work here is done.
8. Yes, and it gets a bit disconcerting to see our president referred to as “Hoof Wave, Face in Window” in Equine. You get used to it.
9. I shall place the compliment in this little box. It is a little box.
10. I blame the lack of enough cotton candy in Eighteenth-Century diets.
11. 
12. Oh no, you are quite mistaken. The process is entirely passive.
13. “Only two eyes”? I now find myself wondering if I want to know...
Yours,
--McPoodle
I’ll get my translation of this off to your assistant, as I am beginning to suspect that the readers of this blog are not connoisseurs of Equine translations. In fact, why don't you let him handle the sending and receiving of messages going forward?
I need that on a t-shirt
Mysterious author we love you!
Thank you for sharing your work with us, and I, for one, don't mind if the account isn't as scholarly as you had hoped. I think it helps better humanize the protagonist and that is something we humans crave in our stories.
248966 I can do that *whistles innocently*
Awesome stuff!
Well, Mystery Author, if there was any doubt, ya' killed it. Brutally. In the kitchen with the lead pipe.
Still amazed Twilight could possibly end a list at eight items. How could that possibly be fitting for proper procedures on criticism? Did she even use the checklist?!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md1ar8hwj01rxevt4o1_500.gif
That's a checklist
At least newts only have two eyes...
Unknown letter with metallic wax seal with the image of a mirror on it appears from dragon fire
Leave the translating to your assistant my dear even I have to say that was practically attrocious English perfect before making another please
Yours truly
Kalibrius, he who reflects all and flame of insight