Another excerpt from No Escape From Yourself · 2:51am Apr 19th, 2015
Still sick, haven't written anything I can formally publish, so here's an excerpt from No Escape. This contains spoilers, and it doesn't look like I can block them with the spoiler tag function. Apparently changing paragraphs breaks spoiler tagging.
I'll See You On The Dark Side of the Moon
They will never love you
They will never accept you
"Ha! Tell it to someone who cares."
You have no friends
You deserve no friends
"What about me makes you think I'm going to listen to what a bunch of bodiless whispers have to say? Please. Whisper all you like, it just pleases me to know that someone's paying attention to me!"
You betrayed them
You cannot be a friend
"I thought I made it clear that I wasn't listening to you."
You love them
But they hate you
It will always be this way
"Oh, don't even try it. I know all the tricks, my dears. What, do you think you can drive me insane this way? Think you can break me? Hahahaha! If a thousand years in stone couldn't do it why do you think you can?"
You will always be alone
"Tell me something I don't know already, why don't you?"
You had friends and you threw them away
You lost your one and only chance
You will never have friends again
"...tell me something I don't already know."
It's not fair
It's not fair that they should be happy and you should never be
"Are you going to try to convince the Lord of Chaos that life should be fair? Really? How stupid do you think I am?"
They think you're evil
You could show them what true evil really is
"I could also show them what true fashion really is. Imagine it! The bright lights, the cameras... me on the runway in a glorious ensemble... paparazzi chasing me everywhere..."
You cannot have both friends and magic
Twilight lied to you
Friendship isn't magic
Not for you
"All right, you know what? I've had it with you. You have no bodies, you have no energy. You're parasites, and you can't accomplish anything with your miserable existence other than to try to drag it out as long as possible by stealing life from others. I have no friends? You have no bodies! You can't eat! Sleep! Dream! Fly! Dance! Have sex! You can't feel anything! And yet you think you can trick me into letting you in just by telling me what I've known my whole life? This isn't news, dear Shadows."
You're alone
You placed yourself in exile to save them from yourself and they don't even respect your decision
They berate you and demand you return home as if you are a child
They don't respect you
"And who does? I work very hard at not being respected. You know, the whole 'eldritch abomination' thing you guys have going on? Not my style. I don't like being an eldritch abomination. I like being a friendly, approachable Lord of Chaos."
And yet no one will approach you willingly
And yet no one will be your friend
"Fluttershy."
You hurt her
You betrayed her
She fears you now
Your friendship is over
"That's not what her letters say."
She lies
They want to control you
To use you
"Oh, so I should believe you instead. That's a brilliant idea! I don't want to be controlled by Celestia or dragged around by the promise of a friendship I never actually get, so I'm going to let the Cold Ones in and give over my magic, my body and my soul to entities who want to eat my planet. What magnificently good ideas you guys have!"
We can give you peace
We can heal you
End your loneliness
"You complete and utter idiots. Do you think I don't know your name? APEP! Eater of Suns! The Corruptor! The Devourer! I remember when you whispered to Loki and made him think what a wonderful idea it might be to off his cousin for being more loved than he was. I remember how you whispered to Set in the darkness when he stood guard over his lover, night after night for hundreds of years, until he broke, and fell, and then he was yours. I remember every other chaos avatar you corrupted. And I remember seeing what you did to Luna, and what she paid for it. The only way you would give me peace is the peace of the grave. Don't lie to me and think I'll fall for it."
You will never have peace any other way
You will always be alone
"Why do you keep telling me things I've known for two millennia as if they're supposed to shock me?"
You can never go home
You've angered them
If you return you will have to fight them
Weakness softness friendship blocking you from your birthright
Your world
"Yes, well. I knew what I was getting into when I did it."
Tirek used you
Celestia used you
Everyone uses you
"Shut up. I'd actually like to get to sleep sometime tonight."
They will never love you
"...I know. But I love them. And that's going to have to be enough."
It isn't fair
"Fairness and chaos hardly go hand in hand. I never expected life to be fair."
You are martyring yourself for creatures who despise you
"And the best alternative you have to offer me is that I let you things eat my mind and turn me into a puppet. Thanks but no thanks."
You have no hope
You have nothing to live for
You cannot have chaos and friendship both
You don't want to live without chaos and friendship both
"...true but irrelevant. I'm going to live just to spite you."
There is nothing for you anymore
"Wrong! There's fighting with you! I'm Discord! I'm conflict and disharmony incarnate, and you idiots keep trying to sweet-talk me into succumbing to you, and that just makes me stronger! Don't you understand? I live for conflict! And if you're going to keep presenting me a challenge, I'm just going to have to keep living and keep refusing every offer you make, just to prove I'm stronger than you. Because I am stronger than you. Also I have a much more attractive dress sense. Purple and black? Bleah!"
...
"Ha! Nothing to say to that, huh? Plainly I win!"
...
"Haha, I showed you! Chased you right off this moon! That's right, go running with your tails tucked down! You can't beat me!"
...
"Luna was weak, but I'm not. You can't tell me anything about myself that I don't already know, and I know you have nothing you can offer me. Come on! Try it! Try to talk me into something! Make bigger fools of yourselves than you already are!"
...
"Don't even want to try, huh? Well, that's fine. I'll just enjoy the peace and quiet, then! And the sweet, sweet joy of knowing how thoroughly I beat you."
...
"Cowards."
...
"Can't even fight for what you want properly, can you?"
...
"I kinda wish you'd come back, though. Fighting you was fun."
...
"It's not like I have much else to do around here..."
...
"Come on, don't you have any more sadistic taunts for me? Don't you want to tell me how miserable my life is and how I'll always be alone and all of that nonsense?"
...
"Well, fine then. I don't need you. I can make my own entertainment."
...
"It's so quiet up here..."
...
"So dull."
...
"Wish something would happen."
...
"Ha, my clever reverse psychology plan worked! I told the Dark Ones that I was enjoying fighting with them, so they stopped and left me alone! I'm a genius!"
...
"Come back and fight me, damn you!"
...
"I'm so tired of being alone..."
You will always be alone
"Hah! I knew I could get you to come back!"
You are so lonely, you solicit your enemies to taunt you so you will have something besides yourself to speak to
Let us in
You will never be alone again
"Still not that stupid, pals."
Let us in
"I know your name."
Let us in
"I'm stronger than you."
Let us in
"Once upon a time someone loved me. Maybe it will never happen again. But it could. It might. In a world of randomness and chaotic occurrences, how could I rule out the possibility? Someday someone might love me again. Someday."
Let us in
"But you know, you guys can just keep trying to persuade me. Because I absolutely am likely to believe that the certainty of ego annihilation is better than the possibility of someday someone loving me for who I am."
No one will ever love you
"Probably. But I can't rule it out."
You have no hope
"You don't even know what hope is. So you don't actually know whether I have it or not. And I believe six impossible things before breakfast, so you can't kill my hope by telling me how completely improbable it is."
No one will ever love you
"Even if they never will. I'll go to my grave as myself, not the twisted parody you'd make of me."
You have no self
Chaos changes constantly
You will be someone else before long
"... yeah, well. At least I'll know I'm not you."
You cannot escape from yourself
You will never be loved because you will always be you, and what you are is change, and who can love a thing that cannot be constant?
It is your nature to be something else
Whatever you vow now, someday you will be someone different
"And that's supposed to make me want to accelerate the process?"
Join us and you will no longer care
"Because I'll be dead."
Luna is not dead
"No one's going to use the Elements of Harmony to purify me. They'd just kill me with them."
They will do that anyway if you return
Return in strength, with allies
Protect yourself
"I'm not listening to you."
You will die alone
You will never be loved
Never be cared for
Never have a friend
"Not listening."
Join us and it will no longer hurt
You will no longer care
You won't be alone
"No."
Join us
"NO! I won't fall for it again! I won't let some third rate wisp of dark power without even a personality outside of 'ooh, we're evil and scary' take me over! Not after Tirek... not after I..."
You gave in
You know you will give in again someday
"So what, it might as well be now?"
Give in now
Join us
End your pain
"No."
Why fight it
You know this is your destiny
You know you will always betray anything you love
"...but I don't have to do it today."
But you will
"But not today."
But you know that you will
"... yes. I know that I will. Someday."
Then join us
"But 'someday' isn't today. And as long as it amuses me to fight you, and as long as I draw strength from the idea that I'm protecting them, and as long as it matters to me that I care about them regardless of what they feel for me, someday will never be today."
They won't love you for it
"Don't care. I am who I am. And until I change I'll always be who I am. And no matter who I change into I'll never be you, because I'll never be a puppet. Tirek used me but he didn't control me. When I... when I turn evil again... someday... when I can't bear it anymore... I still won't let you in. I'll be my own evil, not yours. Because it is just that important to me to spite you."
...
"Don't come back, this time. I don't need you anymore."
We will be waiting
You will join us
Someday
Oh man this is awesome stuff. I'm really moved by the part in the middle, Apep's most effective tactic here is silence, forcing Discord to engage just to keep from being totally isolated.
I'm reminded of when I thought Discord looked vulnerable, in the season 4 opener. When Celestia and Luna first went to confront him, he was sitting on his throne in a big empty chaotic landscape with some abandoned buildings, just slumped over like a puppet with his strings cut. Only when the Sisters approach does he suddenly animate and start laughing. He was so alone then, I sometimes wonder if he threw that first fight because if he beat the sisters and they died/ran away, he'd be alone again, and anything would be better than that, right?
When he points out the fact that he could see and hear things as a statue, at first it seemed cruel to me that the EOH would leave him like that, but I'm starting to think that was a kindness, the elements were restraining him while finding a way to avoid putting Discord in full sensory deprivation.
This is amazing. I just read Nightmare Rarity earlier today, and this is the perfect rebuttal. Discord knows the Nightmare Forces far too well.
But then they leave, and it seems that's the biggest temptation of all: boredom.
Get well soon!