Storytime With Rust, Vol 0.2, Electric Scootaloo · 1:40am Jan 13th, 2015
respectfully featuring The Descendant, who hopefully will never read this
At the very roof of the world, something cute and fluffy was scuffling about where the snow and rock met open sky.
"Nnnnnggghhh! Billy, you fat fuck! How do you weigh so much! I barely even feed you!"
A pony hunches over a sheer cliff drop, sliding across the ice, slowly but surely towards the edge, one hoof pulled nearly from her socket by a pair of mittens latching on for dear life. Below her, a gangly human dangles into a sheer void. It is impossible to see the bottom through the distant clouds and eternal blizzards. The human tightens his grip.
"I b-b-b-brought extra socks. You gotta keep your f-f-feet warm, Mister Rust," he manages to whimper into his scarf. "Please don't let go."
The mare bunches her shoulders and growls deep in her throat, a sound not unlike a locomotive. It would have been somewhat intimidating, were her tufted ears not twitching adorably with the effort. "Goddammit goddammit goddammit goddammit goddammit goddammit!" Her hooves skid to a halt, inches from oblivion.
Billy glances down. He immediately shuts his eyes.
"Nngh. Billy. When we get home. One month, basement. Hrrk! No lights, no food." The pony wheezes, hot steam blowing from her nostrils as she grits her teeth. "Capice!?"
"Mhm!" Billy murmurs. "Just don't drop me!"
A rustling at the mare's sides as her wintery wrapping parts around her shoulders. With a leathery snap of skin, a pair of wings sprout to full sail at her sides.
"NRRAAAGHH! FUCKING COCKMEAT SANDWICHES!"
With gargantuan effort, she surges backwards, hindquarters visibly shaking from the strain, wings backpedaling furiously into the cut of cold air. Billy is wrenched upwards, nearly losing his grip, and then dragged a full five feet through the snow until the mare collapses in front of him, breathing hard.
Billy crawls over to her and wraps his arms around her. "Thank you, Mister Rust! I was gonna die right there."
"Ew! Faggot, get off me!" she weakly squirms. "Don't make it gay." A cheap shot to the groin frees her from the human's embrace. She staggers to her hooves, craning her neck around to open up the winter wraps so she can nestle her wings back inside. This high up, exposed skin would freeze in minutes. She wasn't lucky enough to have those cushy feathers like normal pegasi.
"Nut up, wimp," she mutters to the groaning human on the ground. "We're almost there."
Billy nods mutely, blinking frozen tears from his eyes as he lurches into a hunched-over crouch.
The path isn't much farther. There are no clouds up here, and all that can be seen above is the cold beauty of space, swirling cosmos and galaxies meshing together into a carpet of brilliance that stretches from horizon to horizon.
All except for one large spot, just above a large outcropping of stone at the very peak of the world. The spot moves, stirring from deep meditation. A long, black beak clacks as ebony feathers shiver in the wind.
"That's a big c-crow, Mister Rust," Billy whispers.
The pony sighs. "It's a raven, you fucknugget. It's the raven."
"Is that who we're here to see?"
"Yes, Billy." The mare strides forward, confidence in her shivering steps. "If we're lucky, maybe he can give me the help I seek."
"Help your vagina problem?"
"I don't have a pro--" The mare glares back at him. "Oh, fuck you."
Billy only smiles.
Snorting, the pony continues forward, coming to a stop mere yards before the great bird, who is now watching her every movement with dark beady eyes. In them, she catches a glimpse of terrible knowledge and understanding, far beyond her ken. Truly, this was a being that existed on a plane of enlightenment many only wished they could come to imagine.
"Yo!"
The raven blinks.
"Yeah, you! Tall, dark, and fluffy!"
The raven's eyes widen. He looks from side to side.
"No, I'm talking to the other eight foot cretaceous throwback."
"Krrrrk..." Somewhat perturbed, the great avian shuffles on his throne of rock. "What brings you to my Perch, little one? K-kaw! Surely you did not come all this way for... such pleasantries." His voice was shrill, and yet grated like two tectonic plates doing the tango.
"Yeah, sorry." She awkwardly rubs the back of her head. "It's been kind of a ling trip. Look. You do a lot of cool shit, man," says the pony. "I got, like, mad respect for you! You're like, awesome and smart and shit, and I thought; hey, if I've got a sitch, that dude's probably already got it down pat! I mean, we are kinda in the same field."
The raven coughs. If she didn't know any better, it sounded like a muffled bout of laughter.
"I... krrrrk... have seen your work, from afar... it is..."
The raven pauses.
"It is a thing."
She winces. "I know I'm not the best of the bunch, but jeez, man."
The raven shrugs. "Calls it as I sees it."
"Whatever." She shrugs off the sting with her usual sneer. "My questions is this; how does one kindle the drive to do what one loves?"
"..."
"I mean, like, you like to do something, right? And, and, sometimes you sit down, and you're like, 'alright, let's fuckin' do this shit,' and not thirty seconds later you get bored and do something else even though you can feel that shit pulling you back! That thrill isn't there, that drive isn't in your head, it's all just weak sauce, right? Not in my fuckin' kitchen! My shit ain't gourmet, but when you're hungry just about anything tastes like five stars!"
"..."
"Mister Rust has writer's block," Billy pipes up.
"BILLY, I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU!" the mare screams, sending Billy scampering off to a safe distance. She turns back to the raven, a twitchy smile on her face. "Heh. Sorry. That's uh, I got that under control."
The raven sighs. "Kkkrrrk. I... am afraid I cannot offer much in the way of... solutions."
"What?" She starts. "But your shit is god-tier!"
The raven shrugs. "Why do you think I am up here? C-c-caw! This... is solitude... this is where I empty my thoughts of all distraction."
"But you're, like the head model for Intellectual Calvin Klein! That package ain't even photoshopped!" The pony stomps her hoof in the snow. "Shitballs!"
With a shake of his great beak, the raven says, "Kaaaw! Even I fumble blindly in the darkness, from time to time. But... I have learned. Sometimes, you must free your mind... to reign in the possibilities."
"You fucking got that off a fortune cookie, I'm calling it."
The raven ignores that remark. "My advice to you is this... if you cannot find it within yourself to remove the distractions... then simply remove yourself. The stillness will find you in solitude, and with it, true inspiration."
And then, with a great storm of dark feathers, the massive avian leaps into the sky. His wings blot out the stars for an instant, and then he is gone, nothing more than a black speck receding off into the distance.
The pony stares after him for a while, then sighs, before dejectedly turning about and plodding back the way she came. Billy eventually trudges to her side. "Any luck, Mister Rust?"
"Sort of." The mare pulls her ski goggles off her face, revealing a pair of green, slit-pupil eyes that are locked into a frown. "I think that guy tried to pull a wise sensei master shpeel on me. I mean, I think he may be right, but at the same time..."
"...Meh?"" Billy suggests.
The pony nods, lowering her head to the snow, muzzle barely scraping the ice as they shuffle down the steep trail.
"Why so glum, Mister Rust?" Billy eventually breaks the silence.
She moans in despair. "Cause, Billy. Now we gotta go find someone else who might know how to help me out."
"Golly! Where we goin' next?"
"...Underwater."
Billy's eyes widen. "You mean..."
"Yup."
Deep beneath the waves, something stirs. A dark, evil chuckle rumbles from the pit of an unholy lair.
"Are you ready, kids?"
Inspired by a a comment from a blog post a few weeks ago.
I'm not quite sure what to make of this, but I think I'm in love with your OC.
You have a vagina problem? As Kevinsano would say, it's nothing a horsecock can't fix!
AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN!!!
Kick him in the nads again for good measure.
This made my fucking day. Although seriously man, I feel yea, writer's block is the worst.
Writer's block, eh? Well, I can only give advice by telling you how I deal with it.
I get through it by streaming. Basically, I set aside times to write in advance and announce them to other people, then link to a stream where they can see me write. It allows me, not only to connect with my audience, but it also makes it so that I have a constant reminder that somebody is watching me, so I'd better not just stop. I can't disappoint my audience, after all. They came to see me write and get a preview of my next chapter/story, so I better damn well give it to them. For the reader, it's like getting access to a behind the scenes section on a DVD. For me, it's like having a fussy schoolmarm hanging over my head making sure I do my homework. The difference is that it's homework that, at my core, I WANT to do.
The way I see it is that it's like this. You can call yourself a free spirit and an artist all you want. And in the mind of the masses and as depicted on TV, an artist or a creative-type or whatever you want to call it, they are presented as free-spirited, chaotic, tempermental people who work when the will strikes them. But the thing is, it just doesn't work that way. With no structure to the process, the process falls apart.
Somebody once said that "The enemy of art is the absence of limitation" this holds true for both the work of art itself and the process by which you make art. You need to set rules, structure, and conditions to the way you write. Otherwise you get nothing done.
The people I stream with provide that. They give me incentive to keep going, and setting aside times gives me structure and parameters for when that shit has to go and get done.
Now, granted, you can only tie yourself down so much before structure becomes stifling. There's a balance you have to strike. A harmony between the order and the chaos if you will. ;)
There have been times when I have said "I don't feel like working on 'X' story at the moment," and that's not only inevitable but it's okay. At times like that, I apologize that we're not going to be doing the scheduled story, and instead work on something else. But I make sure to at least WORK. I make sure to put on the show I promised.
I'm sure there's some way to achieve the structure and incentive that doesn't involve streaming and spoiling things for your audience, and if you can find out what that is, be sure to let me know. It might help me write more often. But that's my recommendation. Structure and Incentive. Structure to give you a plan to get it done. Incentive to start it up and keep doing it.
There is no force on earth that could possibly prepare my anus for what is about to happen.
Rust, please never change.
Aye aye captain!
I can't upvote blogs, but today I learned I can do this
*Yaaawn* HELLLLLOO WORLD!!! That was a pretty long nap if I say so my self. Hmm, I wonder what I mis-
.......
....
....
..wake me up when I'm famous.
That's the best thing I ever saw
I alerted The Descendant. I eagerly await his reaction.
I don't know who this raven is, but he sure seems like a self-centered asshole to me.
2718997
This^ I agree with this, Rust. There are only three words in the entire human language that can express how good of an idea is this.
do it, fagot
2719948
2718997 I also agree. I mean, you have to get big enough first that people actually want to hang out with you, but other than that it does work well.
2719941
Hope no offense taken, good sir. I really do respect your ethic and talent as a writer.
2721098
I was being snarky and self-deprecating! Of course no offense taken, and I'm glad to have had some small role in this, both as a character and as someone whose advice you trust.
Good luck with The Sponge, though.
Nice one Billy, I only hope that it was worth the extended basement stay and probable beating.
2719481
I must learn how you did that. It is important.
2728245
Ah! Someone finally noticed.
May I present Mr. Sollace, my number 1 source of Fimfiction userscripts. The main one is "Fimfiction Advanced", which requires either Tampermonkey or Greasemonkey to run.
Once downloaded, there is a Flag Button (). Push that, and go to "Icons" and click.
It runs off of Font Awesome. Have fun!
2728325
Oh, good. I guess I've had this ability for a while and never knew it. I'm mainly a mobile user nowadays, so I had hopes that I could do this on my phone. But alas, I think not.
2728329
Yeah, I know the feel. Then again, my typing speed on mobiles is atrocious, so I prefer to wait to get back to my computer whenever possible.
2728329
Oh, technically, its possible on mobile, but rather time consuming and difficult. I believe the [icon][/icon] tags still work, but you need another tab open to the Font Awesome site and a way to figure out what the names of each icon are.
2746210 you mean https://www.fimfiction.net/user/RainbowBob?
2794052 LOLNOPE I think that comment belongs on the newest blog, not this one.
2794052 You know what. I really apologize, because I just posted things I wanted to post on somewhere else, but...
You know what?
Just know that I am sorry for posting posts on the wrong place.
2794056 Yup. I posted posts and completely forgot which was which now.
THIS IS THE RAVEN!
NEXT PERSON IS CAPTAIN FROM SPONGEBOB!
2794058 theinternetandstuff.com/wp-content/uploads/these-are-6-real-spell-books-that-even-harry-potter-wouldnt-touch1.jpg
2794070 That is not an accurate representation of my thoughts.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE THREEQUE!L
2794059 Poe wrote on both?
2794082 They're both made of matter.