Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk? · 7:35pm Jul 4th, 2014
Let's mark July 4 with something from the Master of Chaos...
“How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!”
Discord sat casually reciting poetry and chuckling to himself in a large wicker armchair, mounted, by some physics defying feat, at the stern of a small rowing boat. His weight was balanced by that of Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie, who were all crowded, rather uncomfortably, in the prow. Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat in the middle, doing their best to manage the oars and keep the boat moving in a more-or-less straight course against the current.
“Perhaps you could stop spoutin' that nonsense and help with the rowing,” said Applejack.
“Why Applejack,” replied Discord, “I believe you do not appreciate the full beauty, artistic merit and practical utility of literary nonsense! On today of all days that is surely a sacrilege.”
“What day might that be?”
“Why Alice's Day of course!”
Discord shut the copy of Alice in Wonderland he had been reading, and refilled a china cup from a silver tea pot levitating in the air to his side.
“It was on this day – the fourth of July – in 1852 that Mr Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, teacher of mathematics and logic and Student of Christ Church College, took his three little friends: Lorina, Edith and Alice Liddell on a rowing trip up the river from Oxford. During which he told such a delightfully nonsensical story, that young Alice begged him to write it down. This was duly published under his nom-de-plume Lewis Carrol. He created a masterpiece topsy-turvy wonderland inhabited by dodos, mad hatters, talking playing cards, and many other creations, none of which made the slightest bit of sense! A true master of chaos, who I openly acknowledge, has greatly influenced my own artistic style.”
“And just what was the point of all that?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Purely to amuse. Why just imagine how refreshing it must have been for a generation of children brought up with all that stuffy moralistic Victorian literature, where every story had to end with a formal lesson-to-be-learnt.”
“And that is why you have brought us here?”
It had been a somewhat tiring morning. Shortly after dawn, Fluttershy had excitedly rounded up all the friends and told them with a delighted smile that Discord had invited them all to come on a picnic at a Special Place he knew. They had packed sandwiches and cake, and followed the draconequus along a path through the Everfree forest, past the castle of the pony sisters, down a steep sided ravine, then into a long dark tunnel which emerged on the other side of a mountain, next to a shimmering lake. They had walked along the shore, then across a causeway to an ancient tower. On climbing one hundred and sixty seven steps, they found a circular room containing a large magical mirror, which Discord said was a portal to another world.
Walking through the looking glass, they found themselves in a small dark room, with a lot of soft things hanging from the ceiling. Eventually, after bucking open a door, it emerged that this was an antique wooden wardrobe in a bedroom belonging to the Professor of Classical Literature at Christ Church College, Oxford (fortunately the professor was out to lunch). Shaking off the academic gowns and miscellaneous items of human underwear, they followed Discord down a staircase, across the Tom Quad and out of the college entrance. The bowler hat-clad college porters paid no attention – there were far stranger things in Oxford University than a draconequus and six ponies. Pausing only to pose for photographs in front of a Japanese tour group, Discord then lead the six friends down to the river, where they hired a rowing boat and took off up the river.
“I thought we could retrace the famous voyage and celebrate a day of nonsense as friends together,” said Discord.
“Yeah, right,” replied Applejack.
“The countryside is lovely,” interjected Fluttershy, pointing at the grassy, tree-lined banks. “I'm sure we will find a good spot for our picnic.”
“And in the meanwhile,” said Discord, opening another book, “I shall entertain you all with a reading of my fanfiction 'Fluttershy down the rabbit-hole.'”
And a happy Independence Day to all of you in the US.
Excellently done. Also, on the matter of the title:
derpicdn.net/img/2014/7/4/667266/medium.png
My school was so old we had writing desks that were like Ravens.
They had holding grooves and holes, for inkwells, and..
Quills.
Yes, the idea for Alice came from telling Alice a story today.
Lewis Carrol is also a name in the field of Election-Mathematics:
For proportional representation, STV already existed, but it is complicated to use and to count. The Lewis Carrol figured that a better simpler way must exist:
Lewis Carrol invented Asset-Voting. The idea is that in order to be proportionate, one must conserve the weight of the votes, and not waste them. The idea is that voters give their votes to receivers who trade votes among themselves to get seats. This is a bit abstract, so I give an example:
Let us suppose that the Green Party gets 17% of the votes. The receivers give some of their members enough asset to take 17% of the seats.
The voter gets 2 votes, 1 for a female candidate and 1 for a male candidate. Each vote each candidate gets is truly 2 votes, 1 for males and 1 for females, so the male candidate has to givehalf of the votes to female candidates and the female candidate has to give half of the votes to male candidates.
Let us suppose that the Pirate-Party gets enough votes for 29 seats, The vote-receivers give 29 of their members enough asset so that 29 of them get seats.
This is how it looks for the voter:
Amy the Voter believes that the best male candidate is Bob and the best female candidate is Mary. The voter votes, knowing that her vote will not go to waste.
Neither Bob nor Mary have enough votes to be seated, but each gives their votes to trusted like-minded friends, pushing those like-minded trusted over the threshold, so the the views of Amy the voter gets representation.
The vote-masters/mistresses who just invested in STV did not want to throw out all of their new equipment, so ignored Lewis Carrol. This is a shame because it is a Mathematically Proven Fact that Asset-voting is a better system for proportionality than STV due to lack of wastage:
Let us suppose that Labor-Party gets enough asset for 32 seats, but all of the votes went to Jill. Jill just gave 31 other ponies in the Labor-Party enough asset to get seats with her.
Let us suppose that the Whig-Party gets enough asset for a dozen seats, bot it is evenly distributed over a score of candidates. The candidates just redistribute their asset so that a dozen Whigs get seats.
With STV, parties getting over 2x the number of seats they deserve or less than x/2 the number of seats they deserve because the votes get stuck is a very common problem. With Asset-Voting, parties get the precise amount of representation they deserve.
¡Lewis Carrol figured all of this out a century and an half ago!
Edit:
¡I forgot the link!:
¡Asset-Voting!