Post: Rules of FIMFiction.net · 2:29am May 25th, 2014
So in the Seattle's Angels Skype chat, people were talking about Magnum Opus Dissonance and about:
[12:45:23 AM] AdamTheAstoundingEquine: People either remember the silly stories or the sexy ones.
So I decided:
[12:45:53 AM] M1Garand8: We need to compile a list of Rules of fimfic
Because I have a silly imagination and it links MOD, the above and Rules of the Internet together for some reason.
So, hail the list (revised 29th May):
Rule #1: When in doubt, clop.
Rule #2: When in doubt, write a shoddy spinoff of an established, popular story.
Rule #3: When in serious doubt, combine human and costumes.
Rule #4: Bandwagon is magic!
Rule #5: Readers always remember the silly ones. Always.
Rule #6: If not, then they remember the sexy ones.
Rule #7: Upvote is love. Upvote is life. Hail upvote.
Rule #8: Deleting comments is the ultimate sin.
Rule #9: Level 4 Anthro, mang!
Rule #10: Instant basebreaking, add humans.
Rule #10.1: If the human is a brony, then it almost invariably leads to sex with the Mane Six, the Princesses or whoever is the author's Waifu.
Rule #10.2: The human is 90% Gary Stu.
Rule #10.3: The human gets mistreated by ponies.
Rule #10.4: Humans always appear in the Everfree forest. The rest of the Kingdom is overrated.
Rule #10.4.1: Unless it is Celestia's bedroom by the way of her summoning. Surprisingly, it's not for sexual reasons.
Rule #10.5: 99% of the time the ponies will be conveniently speaking English.
Rule #10.6: Human convert to veganism without fuss and health problems, even if he/she was a total carnivore beforehand.
Rule #10.7: Human is a blackhole of magic.
Rule #10.7.1: Human absolutely tanks everything a unicorn or some monster in the Everfree forest can throw at him/her.
Rule #10.8: Human gets turned into a pony.
Rule #10.8.1: Especially if the pony he/she turns into is neon colored.
Rule #10.8.2: Especially if he/she turns into a zebra pegasus with horrible color palette.
Rule #10.8.3: Even more especially if he/she turns into an Alicorn OC.
Rule #10.9: Human was attending a convention in costume before getting stranded in Equestria and becomes a megalomaniac villain.
Rule #11: Ponies on Earth fics is 80% Twilight messing up a spell and ending up on Earth.
Rule #11.1: 99% of the humans ponies encounter are bronies.
Rule #11.2: There will be a mention how Humanity is Evil(TM) and the human will apologize for it.
Rule #11.2.1: All humans are Evil(TM) except the human the pony meets.
Rule #11.3: There will be an overdramatic hiding/discovery that *GASP* humans eat meat!
Rule #11.4: There will be a mention how the US Government will cut the pony up.
Rule #11.5: Pony stranded on Earth is always female. No exceptions. Because two dudes in one tiny apartment is just boring.
Rule #11.6: If Luna gets stranded on Earth, it always involves the moon. And Apollo 11.
Rule #11.6.1: Wallace and Gromit may or may not be involved as well.
Rule #11.6.2: If not, Luna appears in the bedroom of a teenage brony and gets to play Video Games.
Rule #11.6.3: Luna will get addicted to Video Games. No exceptions.
Rule #11.7: Celestia and Cadance get neglected somehow.
Rule #11.8: Unless it's PonyEarthVerse.
Rule #11.9: The transportation/displacing always also somehow involves Discord.
Rule #12: Either Humanity is superior or Ponies are superior. There are no middle grounds. No compromises.
Rule #13: Self-Insert? More like Mary Sue Insert!
Rule #14: Shipping is serious business. Never changed.
Rule #15: Instant hate, add TCB.
Rule #16: The more stubborn you are to change, the more trolling the comments.
Rule #17: Knighty messes up big time every eight months or so.
Rule #18: General Zoi's Ponycreator is an instant coverart machine.
Rule #19: Five Score Divided By Four is not allowed.
Rule #20: Instant downvotes, add Flash Sentry.
Rule #21: Cross everything with ponies.
Rule #22: Spike Harem fics are actually a metaphor for Projection Self-Insert.
Rule #23: We don't do meta.
Rule #24: Feature Box is 99% clop, unless you use the mature filter.
Rule #24.1: Then it is 70% shipping fics or silly fics that starts bandwagons.
Rule #25: The readers are allergic to Red and Black Alicorn OCs.
Rule #25.1: Or Alicorn OCs in general.
Rule #26: An OC always moves into Ponyville.
Rule #27: OCs are bad, mmmkay?
Rule #28: Readers frown upon chapters with less than one thousand words.
Rule #29: Twilight's Library also frowns upon one-shots that is pretty much a novella in itself.
Rule #30: There is a group for every conceivable waifu. Yes, that includes Alicorn OCs and OCs.
Rule #31: We don't talk about Dakari-King Mykan.
Rule #32: Always screenshot your story on the Feature Box as "proof".
Rule #33: Feature Box is the life goal of every author on fimfic.net. No exceptions.
Rule #34: If there is a new pony character in the show, whether background pony or not, there will be porn of it. No exceptions.
Rule #35: If there is no porn of said pony, it will be made.
Rule #36: No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. Still no exceptions.
Rule #37: I'M NOT A BRONY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Rule #38: "Standard" chapter length is ten thousand words.
Rule #39: Fausticorn is our Goddess.
Rule #40: If you post a story, there will be uninvited reviews.
Rule #41: Use a shotgun with birdshot of multichapter stories of one thousand words that you will never finish and you will get many, many followers.
Rule #42: The bottom three rung of the Feature Box is actually the Top 3 of updated fics. No, this rule isn't the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything.
Rule #43: Use a pistol and fire at every genre you can think of and you will get even more followers. This time you actually try to finish them, though.
Rule #44: The Popular Stories list is consolation prize for the poor guys who didn't make the Feature Box or were nudged off the Feature Box by the next silly fic.
Rule #45: My Little Dashie is the best story on fimfic ever. What do you mean it is a cheap heartstring tugger with dubious grammar? Heretic!
Rule #46: Having Pinkie Pie kill every pony is always an option.
Rule #46.1: Having Cheerilee kill every pony is also always an option.
Rule #47: Nyx is best Alicorn OC of fimfic. No, Princess Neon Boom only counts in that crazy land called Tumblr.
Rule #48: Instant super basebreaker, add foalcon.
Rule #49: Suddenly, Doctor Whooves. Always. Do not heed what the readers have to say.
Rule #50: Do not listen to Obselescence when he gives out story ideas. It results in Peaches. Or Celestia Pops Bubble Wraps. Or Twilight Eats a Tuna Sandwich.
Rule #50.1: You can, however, listen to his beard. He's a cool guy.
Rule #51: Love and Tolerate.
Rule #52: kkat is actually an omniscient goddess of followers tracking.
Rule #53: Princess Celestia has multiple personality disorder, according to every story about her on fimfic.
Rule #54: Everyone pines for the old days where Luna was a shy, out of touch of modern times pony princess.
Rule #55: Your "canon" will be jossed by either the Season Premier or the Season Finale. Eventually. No exceptions.
Rule #56: Never post in the Self-Promotion Bureau, you're bound to get dislike bombed.
Rule #57: Dragon/Ursa/Harry/Cerberus problems? Introduce Fluttershy.
Rule #58: It's not bestiality if both parties are intelligent, dammit!
Rule #59: Elaborate anime fight sequences are now canon. Thanks, Meghan McCarthy!
Rule #60: Bat Ponies are vampires. Always.
Rule #61: Meeester hates everything.
Rule #62: We don't talk about Princess Skyla.
Rule #63: Conner Cogwork owns all the rights to the Genderflipped!Mane Six and the rest of the Genderflipped!characters because he/she did it first.
Rule #64: The story you put the greatest amount of effort into will be the one with the least amount of views.
Rule #65: The story you put the least amount of effort into will be the one with the greatest amount of views.
Rule #66: If you're an exception to rule #64 or #65, then that's an indication of what you'll be known most for and, promptly, the only thing deemed acceptable for you to write.
Rule #67: If a one-shot is popular, then it must be turned into a multi-chapter epic.
Rule #67.1: It has a sequel.
Rule #68: Your story has probably been reviewed, turned into an audiobook, and/or has had fan art drawn of it. You just don't know, and probably never will.
Rule #69: Your story's ending is inadequate for someone somewhere.
Rule #70: Everyone wants the [Wanderer] D.
Rule #71: Mistreat books and Twilight WILL END YOU... but only on fimfic. Because show Twilight treats books like crap.
Rule #72: We don't talk about the Royal Pony Sisters' other Royal Siblings.
Rule #73: Rainbow Dash is shipped with everyone and everything. Yes, even the kitchen sink.
Rule #74: Remember kids, roleplays sink servers.
Rule #75: Conversing with ponies in comment sections is the hallmark of a fimfic author.
Rule #76: Every city name is a horse pun. Always.
Rule #77: Youtube links in your stories are your best pals.
Rule #78: Seattle's Angels is the Soup kitchen of views for less known stories.
Rule #79: Rarity always uses "Darling". Aren't I right, Darling?
Rule #80: Princess Celestia can't ever get a good date.
Feel free to add new ones. :3
Special thanks to:
Professor Plum for providing Rule #18.
Curify for providing Rule #56.
RazgrizS57 for providing Rules #64, #65, #66, #67, #67.1, #68, #69.
I appreciate this.
kek
I've dodged most of the HiE cliches, so that's something.
As for bandwagon stories . . . I don't jump on the bandwagon, I'm the driver. First Twilight Eats a Peach story? You're welcome.
Interestingly, while "when in doubt, clop" sounds like a good rule, NONE of the highest rated stories on the site are mature - sex. Indeed, at the moment, there's like, one mature-sex story in the feature box.
2142857
2142866
We must spread the crazy...
2143341
And it's Obs' fault.
2143433
Shh... don't let the cloppers hear that.
2143433
That having been said, while it took me months to hit the feature box for the first time, I opened a new account and wrote a clop piece and got 2000 views in the first few days. Clop generally doesn't have the longevity of well-written non-clop pieces, but if you want to just hit the feature box or up your view count, a decent clop piece with a popular pairing is the way to go.
2143440
I'm disappointed that Blusehift's Adventures in Twilight's Gall Bladder didn't become more popular. I had fun with that one.
I'm still considering a cospyarer story, but it'll be a cosplaing pony goes to Earth.
Also, for what it's worth, I did once start writing a stallion on earth fic. It's published in my Half-Baked Biscuits anthology.
2143452
Once you've hit the feature box at least once, it becomes much easier to hit it again, new account or no, simply because you know what you're doing.
Cover image. Summary. Adding to groups. Blogging. Other promotional activities.
I mean, you won't hit it every time (especially with zero follower count) but you totally can if you know how to promote the story otherwise.
Plus, well, if you're good enough to do it once, you're probably good enough to do it again.
It is probably true that clop has an easier time hitting the feature box than non-clop if you consider all non-clop as one thing, but honestly, I think the best thing for it is a quality short comedic story with a good image, title, and summary. I mean, it is easy to look at all the crappy clop that gets featured and be like "writing clop makes it super easy to get featured".
But then you look at all the really, really awful clop that doesn't get featured.
Though it is true that some truly dire clop stories DO get featured, I think that has more to do with the fact that what mostly determines whether a story will get featured (assuming you don't get much real promotion, which is a really big thing) is the image/title/summary rather than the actual quality of writing; people who click on stories are reasonably likely to upvote them regardless of quality. The hard part is getting them to click on the story in the first place.
Clop is a relatively easy avenue for a lot of clicks. It also allows you to use somewhat risque pictures, which can act as click bait, though if you go too far the mods delete your cover and then you're left with nothing at all.
Clearly, the BEST story for getting featured is Love Is Like An Apple Tree - comedic clop with a ridiculous premise and Rainbow Dash and Applejack looking like they might be up to something they shouldn't be.
2143468
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/234/719/c7c.jpg
I've hit it three times--once for a sequel to a popular story, once for a chapter update on that same story, and once for Twilight Eats a Peach, which was shamelessly promoted by other, popular users.
IMHO, clopfics get a lot of traffic when they first come out, but they generally fade away. The stories that endure are those which are well-written and engage the reader for more than the time that it takes to . . . well, you know. And even with clop, there's the choice of the subject matter that makes a big difference.
I think that the feature box favors those who have high follower counts, high story counts, and write a story which invites comments--good or bad. I'm not saying that because I"m jaded; most of the writers who fall into that category are there because they're good, and they write things that a lot of people like.
2143458
Well, I think many of the guys were wary about those kind of stories after the whole Peach fiasco, still it made the Feature Box. =x
Inb4 Feature Box.
Guess I should read that.
2143516
Really? I never saw it there, but I usually have mature turned on.
The only downside is I'll have to actually read one of those stories so I know what to make fun of.
Caramel gets Lost. It's not that good, 'cause it was never finished. I only spellchecked and formatted.
..
2143506
Having a high follower count is a major help (especially if they are recent followers who followed you for other stories you wrote), but... that's uh. Not something you can really do anything about.
That being said, I think my first story was featured when I had 23 followers. What is interesting is that people called both of my stories that got featured, that they would get featured, before they got featured, and none of the others have been called, and none of the others were featured (though The Collected Poems of Maud Pie got close, and got a lot of external attention).
2143526
It was up for a couple of days, if I remember correctly... Maybe it was just a good part of the day (well, wee hours for the US).
The story seems okay, though a little generic.
Still, it's a heterosexual "pairing" (the implication of the rule is that the conflict derives from the problems with living and communicating with an opposite sex and of course, all the sex jokes).
##: The story you put the greatest amount of effort into will be the one with the least amount of views.
##: The story you put the least amount of effort into will be the one with the greatest amount of views.
##: If you're an exception to rule ## or ##, then that's an indication of what you'll be known most for and, promptly, the only thing deemed acceptable for you to write.
##: If a one-shot is popular, then it must be turned into a multi-chapter epic.
##: It has a sequel.
##: Your story has probably been reviewed, turned into an audiobook, and/or has had fan art drawn of it. You just don't know, and probably never will.
##: Your story's ending is inadequate for someone somewhere.
2143579
Added to the list. Thanks for the contribution! :3
Brilliance.
Pure brilliance.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Late to the party, but...
##: If it gets popular enough, there will be a 'verse for it.
2319053
Thanks! It will go up with the next set of 20 when I get enough of them. :3