Fic recs, March 15th: More Most Dangerous Game, part 1! · 1:26pm Mar 15th, 2015
90 fucking entries, you're damn right I'm splitting this in half. For starters, it'll give me some peace of mind, but more importantly, it's gonna make my notes document a little less unwieldy, important when it comes to reading stuff on my Kindle.
So have 45 44 reviews, starting with all the stories not on Fimfiction! (I anticipated they would be more likely to be taken down once the results were published; ironically, I was wrong.) Next part will actually have a few less, because some entries on Fimfic have been deleted, ironically. :B It's also gonna be a long time coming, because I still have all the longfics left to read. D:
Highly Recommended: 7
Recommended: 8
Conditionally Recommended: 6
Vaguely Recommended: 8
Not Recommended: 15
The Queen’s Eye by JJN Whitley: In a world where moon and sun are fixed in the sky, two ponies go to Canterlot to rob graves. This gets off to a bad start in the way it introduces the two main characters, but there’s still stuff to like. I mean, I’m gonna be all over the FoE fics in this contest anyway, but this also does neat things like subtly revealing that Canterlot is in the control of changelings. Well, before it becomes blatant, anyway. I did wonder about some things, like the electronic door and the fact that some of the dialogue felt like it was straight out of an RPG, but all in all, this isn’t a bad way to start off the contest. C, If You Like OC Stories
In Tunnels by KwirkyJ: I cannot adequately sum this story up, save that it is amazing and I wish more people in this fandom wrote like this. This is some really classic sci-fi stuff, starting in medias res, showing all and telling nothing. You have to piece everything together, but it’s entirely possible and it’s absolutely the kind of story I love to read. The only problem is that there’s barely anything pony about it (the ending might be all), so I’m sure those here for ponies-and-ponies-only won’t be as enamored as I was. Still, you’ve got the edges of a fascinating post-apocalyptic unicorn-only society, excellent interplay between fiery, tempestuous Grower and possibly-autistic Counter, and some really fantastic writing, minus a typo or two. H
My Little Lyra by Sydney Rosen: Elise gets a special delivery: Lyra Heartstrings in a box! This is, sad to say, precisely what I was afraid all the MLD prompt fics would be like: more MLD. This one has the dubious honor of being exactly like every “Lyra likes humans” fic ever, too, not to mention our POV character being a brony. All it really has going for it is stronger writing than the original, which isn’t saying much. It needed to take the concept further, as well any MLD fics if they want to catch my attention. N
Moondrop by Chaotic Dreams: Three ponies set out for Canterlot to help Princess Eventide stop the Moondrop. This has that issue where a first-person narrator is continually describing themselves so that the reader can know, for instance, that they are a batpony. Alongside that, this started off on bad footing with said character also being a vampire, their name ending in “-bow Dash” and them having a lich and a lycanthrope as companions. I appreciate the attempt to do something different with a post-apocalypse scenario, and I’ll admit the setting is pretty original, but the world-building is very in-your-face and leaves little room for the characters to be characters rather than exposition deliverers. Not to mention said characters are very video-gamey and defined mostly by how they fight. Also, it doesn’t really end. Still, has all the marks of a promising writer. V
CUPCAKES REVISED by Endark Culi: Pinkie makes cupcakes with her old friend. It’s perfectly clear given the title that this is not the scenario from Cupcakes and Pinkie’s “friend” is not a pony. Unfortunately, if not for the title, this would be a very confusing slice of life story about Pinkie talking to her ingredients. In other words, connection with Cupcakes is the only thing that gives this piece context, while at the same time devaluing it. Pinkie’s not written terribly well and I spent my time just waiting for the ‘friend’ to be revealed so I could get on with my life. I also did not appreciate either the first or the final paragraphs. N
Underground by Brambleshadow4: I can’t remember the last time a story lost me in the first paragraph. The writing is flat and telly, and lays out an apocalypse in the barest detail before switching into the story. Major timeskips continue to be an issue as the story progresses, not to mention the dialogue never felt quite right. The world-building feels clumsy and the plot never caught my attention. I didn’t bother finishing this. N
The Breezie Band of Smokey Mountain by FandomAnvil: What in the fuck is “OneDrive” and why did someone think it was a good idea to keep their story there? I had to jump through a ton of hoops to even read the damn thing. Anyway, this is a heavily non-pony story, beginning with the name “Jixcy” and just continuing on from there. It also features lots of typos and very confusing use of the word “Breezie”. (It’s a train.) The chapters don’t necessarily split the story into movements, or end at interesting points, serving mostly as scene breaks. I couldn’t make heads or tails of most of the characters, since they’re lumped in together at the start. On top of that, the characters don’t talk like people actually do. I did not find anything to like about this. N
Shimmer of Hope by Nicktendonick: A pony goes to a King to a find a mare. Right off the bat, this story tries really hard to convince us that the main character is One Bad Motherfucker: she wears shades, she took a spear for Celestia once, she’s obsessed with the terrible cigar she’s smoking. It’s a poor start for what turns out to be a pretty decent fic. The characters are written well, and the writing is generally decent, minus a few typos. I definitely got into the main character’s moral conundrums, not to mention her actual mission, though some of the setup is a little clunky. And then there’s the precise thing that she’s coming to this mare for, which turns this from “decent Fallout style post-apoc” into something a bit more memorable. Suffice to say, entrants weren’t supposed to use more than one prompt, but this makes great use of a second one. This definitely feels like the work of someone swiftly approaching greatness. C, If You’re Okay With Gritty Realism
Pinkie’s Secret by BonMod: This gets off to a good start with a slightly tweaked weather report, quickly followed by a typo. But once I realized this was a comedy, I felt more forgiving, but soon found other things to ding for, like fast pacing, telling, and the odd habit of not indenting dialogue. Or much of anything, after a while. Unfortunately, this is another story that has no context without the Cupcakes connection, in this case Rainbow Dash reading Cupcakes, which was written by Pinkie. In doing so, it attempts to deconstruct the original, which I at least appreciate, but there’s really nothing to this, not to mention it wastes the entire first scene on unrelated things. N
Harmony by Jessie Gage: Waking to a ruined Equestria, Twilight tries to figure out why she alone out of her friends survived. There’s some good imagery in this, but the effect is lessened by some word usage issues, plus some other small problems like LUS and some paragraphs not being indented. This mostly just needs a good proofreader. Still, it’s not bad, it feels like the author is on the right track as far as expanding their writing ability and just hasn’t grown into it yet. There’s actually quite a lot going on in this, and once it gets to the twist of its premise, I found it engrossing. Granted, it’s hard to imagine Twilight giving into the anti-pegasus sentiment this particular apocalypse is founded on, and there’s a little more gory death in this than was really necessary. And while I really do like the main idea at play here, this doesn’t make enough of it, ending far too soon and too quickly to be satisfying. V
(Untitled) by Ben Berry: Reading the opening, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was a condensed, slightly better-written retelling of MLD. And then our rather bland main character finds Rainbow Dash in a box and again, I have to ask, “Wasn’t the point to write something original?” Up until the school issue, this is literally just a slightly reimagined My Little Dashie with better writing, and then it becomes “MLD, but with Rainbow going to school”, and I really have to wonder why it was written. N
(Untitled) by Tangerine Blast: A ‘collage’ student finds Scootaloo in an alley. As I hint with the description, the writing in this is very shaky. The main character feels like a general self-insert, and nothing really happens in the story. I wasn’t too thrilled with the “A year later” scene breaks, either. N
Giggle at the Darkness by Mike Mallett: Pinkie keeps asking Rainbow Dash to perform errands ahead of a special surprise. Apart from needing a serious proofreading, this story doesn’t do much to try and break away from Cupcakes. I mean, it features Rainbow Dash and the others trapped by Pinkie in some kind of death maze, but at the end of the day, it’s still playing on imagery and expectations from the original story. The opening is full of extremely weird foreshadowing. Rainbow’s descent into madness is completely unbelievable. The ending is ridiculous. I’m really not sure what this story is on about, to be perfectly honest. N
Hands-On History by Nickel Bristle: Lyra Heartstrings, Ponyville’s self-proclaimed resident archaeologist, seeks audience with Princess Twilight Sparkle, bearing artifacts of a past age. One neat thing about this is that Twilight’s the one who knows about humans, and it took me considerably longer than it should have to figure out why. Not much goes into this — it feels like a prologue more than a complete story — but I have to say I like the writing. And not because it’s particularly good; in fact, it’s quite amateurish, but note I don’t say “filled with amateurish mistakes”. It’s actually very clean (I counted a single typo, a missing word) and so comes off as the place where all good writers begin. I hope this author keeps at it! V
Along Came a Spider (Mature: Gore) by Kirby Krackle: This starts in a very odd place, with one character talking about herself and a lack of opening quotes making it look like first-person narration. Then she stops and the POV shifts to third-person from a different character. I can’t remember the last time I experienced narrative whiplash like that, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Unfortunately, it means we move from one OC backstory dump to another, the latter far less interestingly put. And that’s a shame, because started a few paragraphs in, this has all the markings of a good in medias res opening, with Grey Steel waking up in a pool of his former comrades’ bodily fluids. But yeah, as pat as the opening is, Black Widow at least pops as a character, and while this is, as far as I can tell, just a Fallout fic, the scenario is pretty gripping. It’s rough around the edges, but overall I found it compelling. C, For Fallout Fans
My Little Dashie: Cloud Trails by Door Matt: Who put Little Dashie in that box, anyway? As much as the opening scene of this piece is just an extra MLD scene with better writing, once this gets into the swing of things, it’s hard to put down. The narrators are strongly voiced, and even though this does lack some context without the original (or maybe not! There’s a certain coyness that could make it work as general fantastic fiction), this not only provides some background for the original, but shows how an Equestrian pony on earth can affect more lives than just the one. The reverse chronology makes it even better. Now, with that said, for all that this is a masterful piece of storytelling, impressive for its number of narrators, the final scene is very much like the first, which makes sense, since it has the same narrator. This is still My Little Dashie as it more or less should have been, with no pandering, as a look at how the fantastic can change the mundane in small ways. I’m still somewhat bemused at recommending a story with this title, but I can see why it’s a finalist. R
Life Is a Party (Mature: Gore) by the dobermans: This dubs itself “A modern retelling of the time-honored classic”, and I have a lot of issues with that statement, not least of which is the author wanted to write that in the first place. The way I see it, this does two things right over Cupcakes: it’s better written, if not as horrendously visceral, and it depicts Pinkie in the midst of a severe mental breakdown. Granted, that gives her an agency the original’s number system took away, but either way, it’s still hard to reconcile with canon. Still, ignoring whether or not it’s Pinkie, I was somewhat convinced by the lines of thinking in this. It’s still gorn, but there’s a better psychological aspect to it. helped by the inclusion of Luna as a co-victim. I can’t say I “liked” it, but if you wanted Cupcakes to be a better story, this might have some appeal. Though, had Cupcakes been written more like this, I dare say it wouldn’t have spawned the eternal legacy it did. C, For Grimdark Fans Only
Just a note to say I’m skipping Humans and Heartstrings by Cyanhyde, because the author apparently didn’t finish and left editing notes in the middle of the story. A tad hypocritical, considering what I did in the last writeoff, but I didn’t have as long to write.
Secrets of Everfree by ArkansanDragon: Lyra sets out to find more information about humans living in Equestria. It says a lot that this starts off with almost the same conversation between Lyra and Bon-Bon as the last one. And then it references a fanfic as an actual in-universe text. The characters discussing what Patchwork Poltergeist may or may not have known is, frankly, creepy. Like another story, Equestria Girls is brought up, but of course those humans live in their own world, not horse world. Much like Lyra herself, this piece is very disjointed, throwing her every which way before tossing her in another direction, with little time passing between scenes. The writing is otherwise decent, and this is actually mostly about Lyra’s relationship with Bon-Bon, which is a good thing, but it really doesn’t make an impression and fails the Zecora Test. Plus, again, creepy. N
Pandemonium. by IMN: What if the Elements of Harmony turned Discord, not into stone, but a foal? This is a very special kind of comedy, the sort that has lines like “That was all it took for Twilight.exe to stop functioning.” The big thing that gets me about this is that Discord is turned into an egg, hatches, and immediately starts talking. I mean, sure, draconequus life cycles, whatever, the point is, it removes a certain amount of uncertainty and potential for conflict. Unfortunately, after the somewhat amusing narration of the opening, it turns into a long headcanon dump about the Elements. And then an awkward scene about potty-training little not-Discord. No, seriously, why did that take up a good third of the story, with lots of detail? This had the potential to do “Twilight is suddenly thrust into motherhood” better than Past Sins, but everything else about it is just off, if not downright creepy. N
The Wild Garden of Childhood by SuspectEQN: Twilight finds a filly Trixie lost in the Everfree Forest. This is a pretty neat little story, though the writing does have some bumps. The big problem as I see it is the massive time-skip in the middle (why not just start the story there, since everything before it is just setup?) But this has good characterization for Trixie, and I like the way the conflict at the end plays out. It just needs a little more to it, despite what I said about the time-skip. C, For Trixie Fans
Those Who Pierced Him by Clockmaker: A stallion gets a first-hand view of the war that happened long ago. One major thing that rubs me the wrong way about this is, okay, it’s an FoE sidefic, you’ve got a stallion watching a memory orb or a transcription crystal or whatever the heck you want to call it. So you’re watching this character’s life alongside this other character, who breaks from it now and again to react to it. In essence, this is the story telling you how to feel about the story within it. You see my issue. Beyond that, the writing attempts to be highbrow, but little quirks show through, mostly close repetition that spoils sentences like the very first one. There are some other issues: the occasional typo, the Youtube links (one of which doesn’t work), the fact that our main character’s name is “Prevalent Dictation”. I didn’t really buy Pound Cake’s characterization, and mostly I’m just left wondering what the point of the framing story was, since it never gripped me. I suspect just to fulfill the prompt. N
The Time of the Alicorn by Goldfur: A unicorn walks through the history of a ruined Equiestria. Despite starting with a character, rather than a weather report, this story quickly trips over itself by making sure we are very clear on what has transpired in the past. Not that we get a lot of imagery about what things are like now, just what happened to cause whatever is currently going on. I found myself growing extremely irritated by the history dump, telly as it is, and waiting for the actual story to start. There isn’t one, really, and while atmospheric scenery could work for introducing us to a post-apocalypse (see also The Fragile Art of Bonsai Trees), but in this case, it’s too much of an infodump to be interesting. V
Save the Records by TheBandBrony: When the apocalypse comes, what happens to the music? Here’s a great gimmick that goes right over my head: each paragraph is labelled with a note. I treated them like different characters telling the story, but honestly I don’t know the difference between an f7 and a Bb6, so it ended up ultimately being noise that I skipped. But even disregarding that, this is great. The story itself, a eulogy for music and culture lost in the end of the world, is not something I’ve seen before. The beat writing (I love beat, or at least I loved On the Road) fits the concept perfectly and is executed marvelously. My only complaint — other than this is gonna go over the heads of any reader not musically inclined — is that, despite the copious use of horse puns, this isn’t pony in the least. It works as a general meditation on the importance of music, and that ain’t a bad thing. H
The Serene Forgetting by Avox (Reading by CreepyPastaSalad): A mare in a forest remembers what was, and what fell. I think this story has what a lot of the post-apoc fics are missing: something concrete at the beginning. If this just started off with everything crumbling around a mare, I’d forget what the hell was going on and who was involved fairly quickly. But a mare in a snow-covered forest with a foal? That’s concrete. That’s an image upon which the apocalyptic changes underway can be hung. What didn’t catch me about this is the style in which it’s written. It’s something of an epic history, and if there’s anything done right with it, it’s entirely based on word choice (because Avox is a good writer). Some of this is understandable, as it’s laying out a big AU, and some really nifty world-building comes with that, plus the ending is really good. It’s precisely the kind of ending this story needed. A good entry. R
The Marching Madness by Orbiting Kettle: Oh my golly. You will not find a more imaginative wasteland in this contest. This has a surreal Paprika vibe to it, and never ceases to surprise. That said, if there’s a downside, it’s the writing, with editing mistakes burgeoning as the story progresses and some passages that feel a little too random, if that even makes sense. EDIT: After some heavy-duty editing help from yours truly, this story is now a flawless masterpiece. :V No, seriously, despite the author explaining the story to someone in the comments, all the pieces are there, and the story it tells is pretty damned awesome. H
Aftermath by Murder Knight: I was rather disappointed that this didn't seem to be post-apocalyptic at first. Then the opening turns out to be a story told by Twilight. But it almost feels like an attempt to write FoE's backstory. It's not, not really, but zebra war, c'mon. What's more, the writing is very telly, narration and dialogue alike, and Twilight doesn't feel terribly in character. This trends toward the overdramatic and I didn't find the setting or the events particularly interesting. N
The Perspective of Many by UnicodingUnicorn: After the end, ponies continue on. I hate that this begins by knowingly quoting Fallout, because the writing is otherwise decent, though it takes a while to figure out who is speaking. That's a big problem: I was more irritated by the unending coyness than the mounting writing errors. Added to that is the 'many' aspect that makes it hard to care about any given character, and this is a hard read. The particular sort of apocalypse is interesting, but it may not be enough. V
Broken Roads by Not_A_Hat: Dinky Doo and Silver Spoon are all that stands between the splinters of reality and total oblivion. This is the crazy chaos-induced apocalypse envisioned in The Marching Madness with the fantastic writing and structure of In Tunnels. If I can criticize anything, it’s that the author sometimes lets the characters lapse into explication. But the narrative around that is excellent, as it the portrayal of the world. The main conflict is surprising and handled fantastically, and there’s a lot of good emotion in the characters. Plus, I really adore the scene where we get to see the impetus of all the wrongness in the world and the way earth ponies are used. Ultimately, what may make this work is that it’s about friendship at its core. A great read, all-around. H
Ruin Value by Titanium Dragon (Reading by CreepyPastaSalad: Celestia is not alone in the ruins of Canterlot. When I talked about “pulling a Titanium Dragon”, this is the story I was referring to, which came from the writeoff but was changed (the original was a minific) for submittal to this contest. Anyway, I’ve seen a lot of “pony wandering through empty” city-type post-apoc fics, and the image never seems to get old. This is the first one I’ve read with Celestia in that role, which makes it even more refreshing. She’s a perfect character to tell the tale of those lost from their remains. There’s a very distinct separation between the two halves of this, the latter being the original version, but even without a smoother transition, each has its own, well, value, and works. And oh yes, let’s not forget about the twist at the end! It recontextualizes the whole story and undoes anything that seems like a mistake. If the excellent apocalyptic imagery doesn’t work for you, that should be enough to keep you reading. R
Interview With an Alicorn by M1Garand8: Celestia, the only sapient pony on Earth, agrees to an interview to talk about her life. Not only is this a good entry into the MLD side of things, it does better an idea I once had (to get all the views). But yeah, Celestia grows up as a (vaguely) normal schoolchild in Singapore after being found in a box. That she’s found by a family and not a loner was a very good idea. I also really appreciate that this is set somewhere that isn’t, y’know, the States. Complaints are a few missing words and I want more. Seriously, a lot could be done with this setup, but it’s excellent as-is. R
A World Without Kindness by BillyMorph (Reading by VisualPony): A monster meets an old friend in the Everfree. So, here’s the winner! It’s very odd, knowing that ahead of time. This gets off to a good start with a monstrous Fluttershy hunting a deer, and uses “Hush Now, Quiet Now” to good effect. Then it calls her a “thestral” and Iuuuuuuuugh. But this is honestly great, because we see the aftermath of a great civil war from the eyes of one on the dark side; that it’s Fluttershy (and don’t get me wrong, she feels very different, yet more familiar bits of her character creep through the narrative constantly) makes it even better. That said, it starts to feel like more of a pat dark AU once out of the first scene. The story of the war, of what happened to them all, is compelling, but too much effort was spent making sure we know what happened to every single character. There are some light punctuation issues, and I could have done without the dual Fallout references, too. Honestly, consistency is the big problem I see with this. That first scene is great, and so is the sequence with Fluttershy hunting unicorns. But all the parts in the Dusk camp feel like Super Edgy Mane Cast Time, and every dark AU ever. All that really works in those spots is Fluttershy’s anger at Celestia (and Pinkie’s gratuitous fourth-wall breaking does this story no favors, either). And then they go through the whole Elements of Harmony speech at the end, for no reason that makes sense in context. I am so thoroughly disappointed by this story. C, for AU Fans
The Mulberry Gospel by Doseux (Review #1900!): A fox brings a book to a village. This heralds a literary form long forgotten, and I just adore the language use in it. There’s a certain otherwordliness to the way the characters speak, and the lack of dialogue tags turns the conversations into something more. Overall, I grokked it, but I’ll admit certain details were heavily obfuscated and I often didn’t know what was going on. My other complaint is that it’s more a Reynard the Fox fanfic. Other than a couple name drops and the very end, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with ponies, an example of putting the apocalypse too far in the past. Still, it’s definitely worth reading and you’ll likely not see another like it on this site. R
Rainbow Dash, the Spartan by Lord Mackeroth: My Little Dashie meets 300. So where Interview With an Alicorn changes the setting and family structure of MLD, this story changes the setting and time period. It’s amazing what simple changes you can make to a story to breathe new life into it! And it’s written in Heroic Verse! Well, until it isn’t, anyway. I couldn’t help feeling it suffered for the change, though I do dearly love the scene with the Oracle. It’s not, thankfully, an actual crossover with 300, though it does include the battle of Thermopylae. The author did his research, and if you know Greek legends, you’ll get a lot out of this! R
Remorse by RainbowBob: Man. I had a lot of feels in regards to this story. First, I thought it was a mistake to start off with a worse loser than in the original story. But once he and Rainbow Dash get talking, things quickly careen into “oh my god”-ville. Even if you catch what’s happening early, it’s one of those stories you can only ride out, and everything is justified by the end. A really emotional bit of character-building. R
Nightmare Knicks by Super Trampoline: So this is about basketball and terrible horse puns. I could criticise this for use of real people, but quite honestly, I never had any idea what the fuck was happening. If you don’t know anything about basketball, this isn’t gonna do much for you, and besides that, it is just phenomenally silly. (I’d honestly suggest the Swootie Bell series over this, though, if you want something similarly ridiculous. But they’re in the same vein.) V
Horsemeat (Mature: Gore) by KingMoriarty: Pinkie Pie invites Fluttershy to help her try a new flavor of cupcake. Yeah, not getting away from the source material is a distinct detriment to the Cupcakes fics. The way the prompt was phrased should have been enough to deter copycats, but I guess not. The writing is at least competent, more than I can say for the original, and I found Fluttershy’s characterization, in the opening scene at least, compelling. But there’s just no attempt to reconcile this scenario with canon, and I didn’t find the actions of any of the characters to be believable. N
The Exterminator by HackamoreHalter: Y'know, it's right there in the freaking title: this is a ponified Terminator series. And that is what kept me ffom ultimately enjoying it, because there's nothing else to it. The writing is a mixed bag, the goofily-named Reese's Pieces is your standard gruff antagonist, but on the whole, I thought the world was both original and interesting. Until I got to the penultimate chapter and had my suspicions confirmed. This could have been a decent entry, but no. N
My Little Dashie: Reversed by Stanku: Rainbow Dash finds a baby human in a cardboard box. A clever inversion of the original. This plays a lot on “Rainbow Dash is super-irresponsible”, and most of the value comes in seeing her grow up alongside little Brian. That said, about halfway through this, I realized I wasn’t really having much reaction to it. I wanted to see where it went, yes, but ultimately it wasn’t as interesting as it could have been, and the final emotional note lost something for it. That, and the writing is fraught with your standard non-native English speaker issues, mostly involving prepositions. I feel kindly disposed towards this, but I’m not sure how enthusiastically I can recommend it. V
The Motion of the Stars by Carabas: Sweetie Belle and Rarity try to survive in a twilight world. As to what I think should have won, here's a good candidate. (I look forward to seeing what took second now!) It's about generosity, self-worth, the bond between sisters and it is just a real masterpiece. story shows us how to use a flat 'It' backstory time now' approach to filling in details and make it flow naturally from the narrative. Just about every FoE prompt writer could stand to learn from this piece. Readers from Outside Insight will likely be pleased, as I was, to note that this story takes place in the same continuity as Moonlight Palaver. If you' t read that story -- and why not? -- you won't miss out on anything, but it does make for a far more organic apocalypse than pretty much any other, certainly those war-based ones. Ultimatelt, this is one of those stories where I saw the title and, quite ignorant of the author's identity, just knew it was going to be really good. This is an utter joy to read. H
The Last Orchard by Soge: A man finds a pony in a box in the ruins of Tokyo. I was going to accuse Soge of cheating, but the apocalypse in this story is entirely human (and also zombie!), so it’s another “MLD, but” like Rainbow Dash, the Spartan. This is a decent piece, if you can ignore the surprising and sometimes bizarre word usage issues. Unfortunately, for all that this is a fast-paced romp around zombie-apocalypse Tokyo with babby Applejack, the ending went for the emotional punch in the sappiest way possible and more or less ruined the story for me. I mean, there’s an implication to using Applejack as the pony and a place like Tokyo as the setting, but nothing came of it, nor was the main character strong enough for me to care much about his epiphany near the end. All in all a disappointing entry. N
Life in the Wasteland by NorsePony: A squad of ponies tasked with spreading Equestria to the Wasteland encounters an old, forgotten foe. While the MLD prompts have been surprisingly decent so far, I'll be sad when I'm done with FoE. Anyway, this has a great opening, starting us off after the End, when the princesses were actually able to save some ponies (for once), after they've figured out a way to rebuild and started doing so. There's hope. It's just that everything out in the Wasteland is just that scary, so there's room for lots of post-apoc action. It’s the good world-building I expect from Norse, plus a lot of good action. The characters might be a low point, in that most of them are defined by what they can do, though a few like Doc really stand out and they are at least all distinguishable, which is hard to do with a large cast of OCs. Fans of earth pony magic will definitely get a kick out of the way it’s used here, something I’ve not been before. This also has the distinction of a very pony (if slightly creepy) genesis for guns in Equestria. All in all, a very solid fic. The author’s note says this is a work-up for another story, so I can’t wait to see what he does with that! R
Please, Count to Five by Magello: Lyra summons a pair of humans into Equestria. Oddly, I had flashbacks to that nose-picking fic I reviewed not too long ago. Thankfully, this pursues Lyra’s human fetish far more seriously. And once you get past the weather report opening (which is actually very important to the story, along with a number of very small, seemingly details laid out in the first scene) and the patent ridiculousness of Lyra’s lovable fanon charm, it becomes quite clear that this is not your average HiE. But there’s no story quite like a fervent wish gone wrong, and even then, you’ll never expect it to go wrong quite like this. Magello proves again that he has a knack for reinterpreting old tropes so that they don’t suck! H
The Cup Cake Killer by SaddlesoapOpera: (Reading by Agent0Fluffy) Pinkie Pie commits Ponyville’s first murder. Ever. At first, I wanted to pan this, because despite how good the writing is, how good a reimagining of Cupcakes this is, Pinkie didn’t seem to have a motivation. Even when the “whodunit” was being revealed, I wasn’t quite sure it all added up. (It does, as a comment from CSquared attests.) But this isn’t a story about the why, even if it does get explained. It’s about the effects of a crime like murder on a small town community, and on the main characters from the show. It’s also about the futility of trying to do right in the face of unmistakable evil. It’s a horrific tragedy because Pinkie understands the difference between right and wrong at the end. It’s also about the world of Equestria (their corporal punishment is just really cool, I’m sorry), how murder doesn’t fit it, and, surprisingly, a little bit about earth pony culture. If there’s anything to pan, it’s that injection of common misfortune from our world (again, see CSquared’s comment) into theirs, setting the events in motion, that makes this feel un-pony. But this is one of the best dark fics I’ve ever read. I’ll be amazed if any other Cupcakes prompt entries give me as much to think about afterward. H
Urheimat by Monokeras: Twilight keeps in touch with Lyra as she searches for humans in the Everfree Forest. The problem with this story, other than a certain oddness to the language use, is that right at the end of the first scene, Fluttershy chastises Twilight for not going with Lyra, due to the danger, and I have to agree with her. Twilight wouldn’t be that callous. If not for that fact, this would be an unusual way to tell the story, rather than being right there in the thick of things with Lyra (if one ignores that you can not read Lyra’s passages and get the gist of the story by reading Twilight’s summaries to Bon-Bon). I also like the background of the humans. Unfortunately, most are going to be turned off by the character voicing; they just don’t sound like themselves, not with that vocabulary. N
Please tell me you at least figured out who Pencil Pusher was. (Though you're on the wrong coast to have met him in person, so...)
Ah yes, pulling a Titanium Dragon. Shame on me.
Just a few comments on the ones that I've read:
The Marching Madness is quite good, and I noted it as being worth reading in my own review of it; the setting is very cool, and I look forward to more stuff out of everyone's favorite reference to Russel's Teapot.
I believe that should be "The Marching Madness".
Ruin Value is clearly awesome and everyone should read it :V I'm glad you liked it, though.
If you aren't aware, Horizon also wrote a coda to it, "Ruin Value Meal", in his Never the Final Word collection; it can be found here.
Interview With an Alicorn was a neat idea and was set in a very different setting. I liked the idea of it more than I liked the actual story, but I'm a grumpypants. If you like the idea of it, you should read it; it isn't terribly long, which, of course, is something PP objects to. I do rather agree that it is actually something which could be expanded on and be potentially interesting.
I'm not sure why Doseux hasn't submitted The Mulberry Gospel to the site proper yet.
I was also a grumpypants about Remorse, but it was an interesting twist on the MLD idea. That story is labelled Sad for a reason.
The Motion of the Stars is also pretty sad.
Regarding Life in the Wasteland, I actually have a question/comment for you, PP: someone pointed out in their review of it that this was set in the past, with the conical mountain in the wasteland being the mountain that Canterlot was later built on. I'm not sure if that's true, but if so, it might explain why they couldn't recognize the changelings, among other things.
And regarding Please, Count to Five: I'm sad that you didn't mention that the summary of the story actually is a part of the story.
I'm going to have to read a few of these that I haven't read yet.
2879388
Not a clue. :B
2879425
Yeah, for some reason it's always been "The Dancing Madness" in my head. :B
W-wait, people are saying that about Life in the Wasteland? If that's true, I may very well have to up my rating for it! @_@ That's mind-blowing! (Although I didn't get that from the story itself, so...)
2879430
Yeah, I didn't get that from the story either, but on the other hand I don't remember anything that contradicts the idea.
I thought they were fine in that they reminded me that the story was in fact miserable and I could rest easy saying, "Not even close to a chance."
>capital 's'
:(
I haven't read Norse's updated version yet, but I'm convinced this story happens thousands of years before the show. Unless I managed to completely miss something, there were no references to things like the Elements or the princesses. The reason I think this is the mountain they mentioned. It was recently discovered/sprung up/added into the safe zone/whatever, and it had crystal caves. Sound familiar? I think it's Canterlot mountain. Also note the lack of a mention of city ruins. So that means it either isn't Canterlot mountain, or this is in the distant past. I'm inclined to go with the latter, given the lack of other references. My thinking is that after the tale of Hearths Warming Eve, the ponies tried to create a unified country. The post-apocalyptic world we see is the post-apocalypse for that country. Another thing that I think supports this theory is that they don't know what changelings are, and that changelings seems to be rather primitive in that not all of them can shapeshift yet.
2879443
The changeling thing has merit. I can think of numerous reasons why none of this is true, but like 2879436 said, there's not much supporting or contradicting a theory either way. :B
Well, thanks for the raving review, the editing help and for taking your time to read and recommend stories in general
Thanks so much for giving "Life is a Party" a fair reading, PresentPerfect. Being an author of sad/(grim)dark is normally a thankless job, so it's encouraging when a reviewer takes such stories seriously.
Gah, so many. I think I'll just add all the Hs to my Read It Next list and run away screaming.
Well, and Life in the Wasteland too, the discussion in the comments here has me interested.
Somehow, this sounds familliar :P
Suffice to say it sounds like something I'd enjoy immensely.
2879491
And here I thought it was just because you were an eccentric recluse. :B
At least it's not another "Isegrim loses his wings" fic :V
As you draw attention to the fact that Marching Madness has received an update, I will also note that Nicktendonick and I have spent some time on Shimmer of Hope and published it on fimfiction. (Because it has been rated M, here is a link to Nick's stories list, instead.) Only a handful of its endemic structural issues have been addressed, but I like to think that it is now a much more polished work overall.
Also, thank you for the highly positive review of In Tunnels! Re, typos: It is possible you read it before the typos were corrected, and one or two were likely deliberate (e.g., "thisyke" being a portmanteau of 'this' and 'cycle,' equivalent to 'today' where a day is meaningless). Would like to think the true typos are all gone, now...
Not to devalue Door Matt's story, but if you see My Little Dashie as about the impact on the narrator's life, I think you're missing its point. I think it's a Sophie's Choice kind of story. The drama is all in the last scene, when the narrator decides not to try to stop Celestia from taking Dash back.
I think. MLD puzzles me.
I nominated this for review by Seattle's Angels. If you want to second that, click on the thumb up on this comment.
2879462 Your fic was my favorite.
2879425
I do seem to have plenty of good ideas but fumble them with boring/beigey prose or a style that people doesn't seem to warm up to, as I have discovered in the course of my participation in various contests around fimfic. =x
2879857
Thanks, it bolsters my ego to hear that
Now I only (HAHAHAHAHA) need to maintain a decent quality for future offerings
2879726
Any that got posted on Fimfic, I only checked to see if they were here, not whether they'd changed. :B So there's that.
Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much!
I was wondering; would you be willing to expand on what you meant by the characters lapsing into explication? So I can know what I'm doing in the future, and possibly avoid it?
Thank you very much for your review and high opinion of Motion. Though I'm not sure what to make of "story shows us how to use a flat 'It' backstory time now' approach to filling in details and make it flow naturally from the narrative." Text mishap?
2880373
Can't remember the specifics, but I seem to recall a scene where Silver Spoon expounds upon the events that brought the world to the situation it's in currently.
2880477
yep, couldn't tell you what I meant :/ my Kindle isn't a perfect solution
2880627 Hmm.... could've happened. I tried to avoid that, but I likely missed a bit. Thanks!
2880627
Apply enough heat to it to melt it down. Then it can be a perfect solution.
2880477 If you add an 's', this becomes 'it's backstory time now'. I haven't read your story, but often asides or flashbacks simply for the sake of backstory feel forced. Maybe you avoided that?
2880691
That's likely, and I did manage to avoid doingthat according to other reviewers. Though it does leave the comment as "story shows us how to use a flat 'It's backstory time now' approach to filling in details and make it flow naturally from the narrative." The first part wouldn't seem to go with the spirit of the assumed compliment unless there's a missing 'avoid' there as well.
2880477 I assumed it was a nod to how integrated the exposition is. Technically, there are parts where you're 'filling the reader in', but they are so natural that they don't ever feel that way. This is one of the things that I most appreciated about the story, where I said that is just starts with what is happening and gets on with it. I never felt like you were pushing exposition, but there was plenty of detail there to be had.
2880782 Well, no. He's saying that you did it right.
2880933
Ah, beg pardon. I think whatever part of my brain handles reading comprehension stumbled over the 'flat approach' bit, and assumed it was being used as a negative thing the story avoided rather than something it did right.
2880954 Well, one of the terms I internalised from my big phase of teaching myself writing (some two years ago now, I think) was invisible writing. In short, you can get away with just about anything as long as no-one notices it. In the end, there is only what works and what doesn't. If no-one stops and thinks 'hey, he's dumping a lot of exposition on me here', then you've succeeded. In that, it is the vary fact that it is 'flat' that makes it a noteworthy success, since it doesn't feel like exposition.
2880683
It appears I shall have to keep a close eye on you in the future. :|
2880691
Oh! You are correct. The textual errors seem to come after apostrophes.
2880954
Inquisitor is correct, just to confirm. :B
Thanks for the comment and review for "The Wild Garden of Childhood" (and congrats for managing to read and review this many stories in all; that is indeed a feat!). I'll definitely agree that there's a lot missing from the story (hazard of procrastination), and my pacing is a little lackluster (hazard of inexperience). I'll keep an eye on it in future projects.
Would it be ironic that I'm not particularly a fan of Trixie? Heh.
2881740
Quite! :O
*RECORD SCRATCH*
I...
*opens link*
... What.
So... do I exist in that 'verse? Did I write it a long time ago? Am I even alive? Did I write it in the MLP equivalent of the 60s as the genderswapped Peter S Beagle?
It is way too late at night for this kind of existentialism.
2890786
inorite
2879788
Perhaps the mistake is looking that deeply into MLD to begin with. ^^
I certainly didn't..and hey...got a half-decent fic out of it.
Thank you for the review. I already knew it needed work, and now I have an idea of how much.
2891362
What do you mean by this?
2890786
And you did give me permission to reference your work in mine before I wrote it.
3042524
Yeah, I know. No harm, no foul. c:
3042524
I think the suggestion was that it was unoriginal. It's been so long, I honestly don't know anymore though, sorry. :/
3043409
Honestly, unoriginal doesn't bother me that much. But, what's "the Zecora test"?
3042569
Lol thanks
3043766
Being able to write Zecora dialogue that is properly metered and rhymed while still sounding like dialogue.
2879430 Who's a very well known author on this site that wrote the story this
parodiesruins?4078967
Knicks
shit