Thoughts upon completion of How Equestria Was Made (semi-spoilery) · 8:17pm Mar 25th, 2014
This is going to be a relatively rambling piece, inasmuch as it reflects some very rambling thoughts. Still, I do think there's some value in getting it all out. (Also, you probably shouldn't read this unless you've read or don't want to read How Equestria Was Made.)
The most direct inspiration for this piece was Them by Ether Echoes. That fic presents the idea (boiled down very roughly) that spiritual enlightenment is found in detachment--losing desire, losing passion . . . Ultimately, the enlightened character is put in charge of enlightening the rest of the world, bringing everypony around to her way of thinking, with the implication that she will inevitably succeed. That creeped me the hell out, and I wanted to explain why, so I started thinking about what would create a person with no desires and no passion. What would have to happen to someone to make her stop wanting things, and what kind of world would she really create?
Annie isn't me, but she's a model of the route I might have gone down. I didn't know until years later that my teacher had essentially painted a bull's-eye on my back. I thought it was all my fault that I was bullied all the time. As horrible as that sounds, it meant I still had trust in authority figures. I could confide in my parents, and I could talk to therapists, and I slowly reached a point where I felt somewhat better. I still tense up if someone touches me, but at least I don't run out of the room anymore.
My latest therapist asked me last week if I cut my wrists. I told him I don't, but I've written stories about people who do. That's kind of how this story felt for me. I explored every excess of hatred and jealousy I didn't let myself feel at the time, and I saw where that would have ended--hollow numbness too deep to recover from.
It was almost painful to write this story. When I got to the part with Annie and the knife, the room around me started to look darker, and even though it was a cold day, I found myself sweating profusely. Just typing up this blog post brings a bit of that feeling back, but I think I feel better for having written both it and the story.
Polly exists to keep the story from simply being a wallow in misery. I wanted to present someone who really cares about Annie and at least tries to help her. As for why they're sisters, I'm not close to any of my siblings--I just really, really liked this song:
(Edit: account terminated. I replaced the vid, but just in case, it's "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?")
The snow globe was half from that, and half from the magic snow globe in Neverwinter Nights that has a whole world in it. I never claimed to be original.
Almost forgot--FanOfMostEverything speculated about Polly and Annie's names. I'm not sure what Polly is short for in this context--I wanted a feminine form of Apollo, but couldn't find one, so I sort of cheated. Diana Artemisia Baker is quite intentional, and intentionally misleading--Artemisia and Diana suggest the moon connection, and I intended for that to overshadow the connection to a certain pink baker whose middle name is Diane.
I have no idea how Sombra fits into the timeline of this fic. Then again, it didn't seem like he existed prior to season 3--perhaps the rainboom retconned him into existence?
There was another thing that bugged me in Them, and that was how it treated the relationship between body and identity. There wasn't enough in that fic to respond to, but then I read Human After All by Nicknack. (I don't recommend it unless you're really curious--I haven't seen an ending piss off that many devoted fans since Mass Effect 3.) Anyway, my response to that fic will be a changeling story called Chitin. It looks like it'll be pretty long--I think it'll take at least three months to finish.
If you've got any questions, I'm happy to answer them.
Wow, you're a pretty deep person.
1954794 I've spent much of my life sitting alone in small rooms. I've had a lot of time to think about things.
To be honest, I think FIMfiction has helped me to some degree. It may be across a long distance, and it may just be discussion of stories, but social interaction is still social interaction. (Also, it's got cute little ponies.)
Thanks again for everything, and I hope to work with you again in the future.
1954816 Same here.
Actually, at the time, I thought you referring to the concept of the Pollyanna, (caution: TV Tropes link) she whose optimism will not be defeated be such petty concerns as reality. Not exactly what happened, huh?
A deconstruction of what one might call a Buddhist dystopia. That is, the crippling of suffering at the cost of the death of passion. Interesting. I'm going to have to go finish Them. Haven't read that since ChaoticDreams handed it off...
I loved the ending to Human After All, personally. The way it leaves itself somewhat open, with no clear right or wrong, only winners, losers and people doing what they thought was the right thing, just left me loving it. That and the controversy.
Thank you for writing How Equestria was Made. I look forward to Chitin.
EDIT: Never mind. It appears I blocked out the very last chapter from my memory. I liked it better when I treated chapter 10 as the last chapter.
Excuse me while I bang my head against a wall to return to that state.
I just read the story, and then I read this blog
I'm sorry for all your bad experiences, and I hope you're doing okay and getting better. I would like to offer you a hug, if that's okay; if not, that's fine too.
The story was delightful, clever, imaginative, insightful, evocative, and gripping
Thank you for writing it, and sharing it with us.