out and about has been edited... · 2:42am Mar 9th, 2014
I guess I should have asked somebody to run through my work before I re-uploaded, but my face has been agonizing ever since I got my teeth properly cleaned.
That shit's not fair. That's why I don't go to the dentist - every time they poke my teeth I get a toothache in my cheek from my wisdom teeth. It's been hell.
Anyway, It's like 4:30 am and I've rearranged chapters 1-6 of out and about to my satisfaction. Here are the changes:
First of all, I considered changing the first person perspective of Oats to third person. I actually did do it for chapters 1 and 2, and then I realized how boned I was and decided against it.
Chapters 3 and 2 have somewhat swapped places, as Oats' reintroduction is now in chapter 3, and Julep's sign up to the sheriffs is a little different - she's now monitored by Rogers, and declares she wishes to help people. It's a minor change, but worthy of note. Similarly, Stalwart is a different kind of avatar. Oats plays as Stalwart when he quests in Equestria, but it's been made clearer that Stalwart lives in Equestria. He's connected to Oats, but he's not an avvy like Julep is.
Chapter 5 - to skip ahead a bit - has the entirety of the memory change scenes in it. The flow is a little different - Oats is hacked a lot earlier, and it's clear now that Rogers is not only aware something like this could have happened, but was prepared. He took a datadump in chapter 2.
In chapter 4, Oats now agrees to Juleps binding offer whilst in the ancestor cafe, and there is less aimless wandering around.
chapter 6 has changed very little. It is shorter - by about 2000 words than I would normally post it - but that's not something I'm going to change.
Chapter 7 will be up when I'm happier with it and have it finished.
EDIT: feel free to slap me upside the head if I've missed anything or fucked it up. I will fix it.
"Sensitive mouth? Here, let me jab at your gums with this prison shank."
"Take a datadump" sounds far more awkward than it probably is.
Woah. That's a lot of changes
Can't you let them, you know... pull the wisdom teeth? It's rather common practice for patients who get constant aches from them
1910973
Im going to.
In JUNE.
Sigh.
By the way, talking about singularity and stuff like that... there's a book series I've read recently that you'll probably find interesting too: K.B. Spangler's "Rachel Peng" series, now spanning two books; "Digital Divide" and "Maker Space".
The premise is that a group of USA government agents volunteered for an 'experimental communication program', and got a chip in their head that would make them able to communicate with each other instantly. However, not only did it turn out this linked them all together in a kind of hive mind, but it actually allowed them to access any kind of digital device in a way that completely bypasses security.
The whole thing was really not as fun as it sounds, from their own point of view, especially since the ones who started the experiment were aware of all this, and didn't want their "digital supersoldiers" to just do whatever they pleased, and thus added an unhealthy dose of brainwashing integrated into the damned chip. Not to mention, after they managed to get rid of that and expose the whole thing, they had to deal with how the rest of the world reacted to their very existence.
It's a magnificent look at the fallout of a first hesitant step towards singularity, from a very human perspective.
(The books are side stories to the webcomic "A Girl and her Fed", in which you get the actual full story about the chips... which goes a lot deeper than most of the agents even know. The books are perfectly readable without the webcomic, though. And if you read the webcomic... beware of the koala. I'm serious. He's one nasty critter.)
1911019
Hmm! I need to put those on a list somewhere. They... sound like something I may have read, but... I don't think I have.
1911020
It's a pretty new series, really. The first book is from April 2013, and the second one only came out like, a week or two ago.
Oh no we've all been hacked! The past as we can experience is now different! Slightly, rearranged! I'm afraid!
1911738
It's the best I can do with my face exploding. I'm... happy with it though. Still not my best writing, but... better.
1911748 I'm really sorry about your face (empathetically). I had to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed simultaneously, but was luckily able to get it over with before they became much of a problem (other than messing with all the work that had been done with braces and whatnot).