Mistaken identity · 5:09pm Aug 30th, 2013
It's been brought to my attention that I'm not the only Estee in the fandom -- or the only person writing under that name. There's at least one other. And that person writes stories about --
-- y'know, one of the worst things about having an entire blog entry show up on the user page is that you can't ever stall long enough to get past a non-existent spoiler space, much less hide anything from the younger readers --
-- pony vore.
For those who don't know the term, I'll save you the trouble of putting it in your search history. That particular author writes stories about ponies eating other ponies. Apparently on demand. Name your consumer and consumee.
And having learned that, I just want to make the following things clear:
1. That's not me.
2. That never was me.
3. Barring some really weird twists in reincarnation, that is never going to be me.
Hopefully that's all cleared up now. Really, it's more for that one's benefit than it is for mine.
After all, we wouldn't want anyone to accuse a poor innocent vore fetish writer of being Pony Piano Murdering Hitler.
The twist is it's you from the double-future, after the bronypocalypse, when pony vore is the standard currency. And food. The stories, I mean, not actually eating ponies.
After the Piano Incident, I mentioned it to a friend that this was apparently enough to get lots of people very worked up, and he suggested that I write a story which is just a long sequence of pianos being destroyed in increasingly elaborate and volatile ways. In order to save the world, donchaknow.
I thought I would give you the chance beforehand to denounce this plan resolutely, if you want, or endorse it, or even just ignore it entirely. I can reasonably safely promise it won't have vore in it.
This entry is a prime example of why blog posts need Like buttons :heart; That last line cracked me the heck up! Mildly oblique pun intended.
Oh, and the responses by Daedelean and presentperfect (which, ironically, do have Like buttons, which I have pushed) were also delicious. Second mildly oblique pun intended.
This made my morning. Thanks, everypony!
Light and laughter,
SongCoyote
Still not as bad as piano abuse!
1317743
I don't know... I mean, if you're really going for increasingly elaborate and volatile, then you could easily have one piano eating another... Lids=Mouths, Keys=Teeth, and Blood=I Don't Know, Player Piano Lubricant Oil?
There's probably a site for that, but I'm not looking.
I'm not going to tell you what to write (or not to write), though. If you want to tackle that story, that's your choice. Just beware of 88 Keyes. He probably won't look kindly on this sort of thing. And if he won't do it for free, the Tuners Syndicate is always hiring.
...no, not the music producer. A Dick Tracy villain.
The Real Piano Murderer
And that is your Non-Pony Fact For The Day.
1317767
Okay, I wasn't going to include vore in it but now it sounds kind of unavoidable. An evil race of intelligent pony-eating pianos has infiltrated Equestria. Only Twilight Sparkle knows the truth, and has to stop them by any means necessary before every pony in Ponyville is swallowed whole. Using enhanced interrogation and totally not torture techniques on captured pianos, she climbs the piano chain of command until she gets to the Keymaster, the Piano Overlord of the Tuners Syndicate, who rules the musical underworld from the Canterlot royal orchestra hall. In a final battle, Twilight not only destroys all existing pianos, but magically disrupts the very idea of 'piano' at all, so nothing like it can ever be created again.
I'll consider it
1317793
I smell Feature Box!
...also about three hundred downvotes worth of screaming piano outrage.
But mostly Feature Box!
Okay, now you have to work out what the enhanced interrogation and totally not torture techniques are. Maybe something no piano could stand to have near it... And given that they have tone-deaf colts and fillies pounding away all day, a really bad musical composition might not do it. Unless it's Scootaloo's. The ultimate weapon. Pianos suicide to escape.
Or even (insert not-at-all veiled parody of your least favorite musician here).
Possibly several (ibid, only now it's a band).
Or just will.i.am. After all, he has nowhere else to go.
1317997
I must now clearly embark on a research project to learn everything there is to know about the inner workings of pianos, so that I can more effectively
tortureinterrogate them. Because I am a civilized person and not a monster.1318040
Guard yourself carefully. Not only is there the risk of having them figure out what you're up to, but there's a chance of Steinway Syndrome. That's how they recruit.
1318098
Clearly this is what alerted Twilight to their nefarious scheme. Perhaps the CMCs tried their hands at piano crafting... and actually succeeded. Everypony else congratulated them, but Twilight knew that something was seriously broken in the fundamental order of the universe and that only she could possibly stop it.
1318098
It's odd that that is still your highest rated story...
All you need do is retcon that story to have the piano travel through a wormhole to the human world, and have it land on a Morris Marina. First of all, that subtle nod to the UK version of Top Gear will give you more story views. The only problem would be raising the ire of the Morris Marina's owners club. As Top Gear found out, they are a formidable foe.
They may even go as far as writing a strongly worded letter of protest.
YouTube link. Witness the horror.
You're already a piano murdering, pony Hitler. You may as well attempt to offend the maximum number of people.
And if the above group confuse the other Estee for you, the resulting backlash may be enough to convince him to change his name. Pony vore is one thing, but being accused of being a piano murdering, pony Hitler, with a casual disregard for Morris Marinas, would make anyone weep...
Super Mario 64. If you ever played it this comment will remind you of the nightmares you had in Boo's House of Horrors. The only place, to my knowledge, where the scariest room in a house contains only 1 Red Coin and a piano.
As Daedelian's friend and editor, I promise to do my best to ensure that said story gets written. The fandom community... nay, the world... needs that story.
For what it's worth, I've happened upon another Sage out there, though not connected to this particular fandom. Just the same, finding the name was a bit of a shock.
1318333 why would you do this to me
1348550 The only way that room could have been scarier is if the piano played some scary music after it SUDDENLY ATTACKED YOU AFTER LOOKING LIKE A TOTALLY NORMAL PIANO.
Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor would be appropriate I think
1348654 THE FUCKING PIANO SUCKS, MAN. THE PIANO WAS WORSE THAN FIGHTING BOWSER!
1349178 I dunno man, 3rd Bowser was kinda a bitch compared to the piano...
1349305 The piano nearly gave me a stroke...
I know you can mark blog posts as NSFW and they'll be hidden on the feed, I guess that doesn't work on the main user page?