Biblical Monsters: Postmortem · 11:49pm Mar 8th, 2013
Edited to add: if you need closure, read this.
"Postmortem." How appropriate.
Well, I suppose you all want an explanation for this behavior. Where to begin?
Last night, I was chatting with a friend, who complimented me on the first three chapters. I warned her that the final chapter was the darkest thing I had ever written, and it was up next.
"Oh," she said. "I thought there would be more."
That stuck with me. It's a common lament in this world. Sometimes, people are cut down too young, for no good reason—just like Twilight, here. Sometimes, good things come to an end when we least expect it—just like this story.
And one thing we always think is, "I thought there would be more."
This is the first controversial story I've ever written. I knew what I was getting into when I mixed humans, religious themes, and a sudden descent into darkness. To write this story, I had to reach far down into the darkest parts of my heart, and scrape up the foulest, most evil things I found there. Then I waved them in front of your faces and asked if you understood. It wasn't pleasant for you, and it sure as hell wasn't pleasant for me. I actually like Twi a lot, which made it even more difficult. So why did I do it?
Because it's truth, as I see it. Life isn't fair, and death even less so. One of the things I wanted to do here, was remind people that life is short, and temporary, and precious. Live as though you'll die someday, because you will. And it may be sooner than you think.
Just be glad it was a story that reminded you of this, and not a close encounter with the real thing. See also this short post for my thoughts on mortality.
Of course, there are worse things than dying. Twilight's death wasn't pleasant, but her troubles are over. The two humans' problems are just beginning. The way I see it, there are two possible outcomes. The first is that Celestia punishes them. The second is that they get away with it, either because Celestia doesn't find out, or because she lets them stew in their guilt. I think the second outcome is worse, because they would have to live with innocent blood on their hands for the rest of their lives. And they can't talk about it to anyone else, because no one would believe them.
Have you ever done something bad, not from malice but from ignorance? Ever panicked and made a bad decision that seemed good at the time? What if it cost an innocent life, and you only found out later? We're all human, and quite capable of this, even if we don't like to admit it. Bad things tend to happen without warning, but if we are mentally prepared, we can avoid making bad decisions, or at least accept the consequences if we do make them.
A few readers admitted they might have done the same thing, in the humans' place. It takes courage to admit that, and I commend them for it.
The foreshadowing for Twilight's death was there from the beginning. But you could only see it if you knew about the death of James Cook. The circumstances of his first arrival in Hawaii led the natives to believe he was the god Lono. He didn't tell them otherwise. Later, they found out he was mortal. They didn't like being taken for fools. When things started getting ugly, he tried to leave. But the Hawaiians fell upon him and his men. Cook was knocked down with a blow on the head, and stabbed to death where he fell.
The natives dragged his body away, and gave it a chief's funeral, in the custom of their people. Later, they returned some of his remains to his crew, who buried them at sea.
Of course, a lot of the details are different, and the crime of the humans in my story is based on incomplete information, not faith. You see, I'm not interested in religious debates. Everyone reading this either understands my point by now, or doesn't.
I expected to catch hell from religious people, either because they thought Adams was a caricature, or because of the ending. But so far, they haven't. A lot of the people getting in my face, or wishing destruction on the two lightkeepers (and sometimes all of humanity, for some reason) have been atheists and misanthropes. I'm not passing judgement; just making an observation.
Parchment_Scroll gets a lot of respect from me for pointing out the significance of Adams's prayer at the end. Even if Adams's beliefs are nonsense, he believes them with all his heart. He's praying for the soul of someone who, he is sure, intended to destroy his world and abolish his way of life. There is a note of redemption for him, but a lot of people missed it. That's almost as depressing as this story.
In my first-ever blog post, I promised my readers I would strive for quality and originality. I don't know if I entirely fulfilled that promise. But I think I should make another.
"Biblical Monsters" is what I call a scorpion story, because it's a grotesque thing with a stinger at the end. I promise I will never write a scorpion story exceeding 10,000 words. I'm not cruel enough to lead people on for longer than that, and I don't have the skill to pull it off like George Orwell did.
I think I'll hold off on Dark stories for a bit. This one was brutal to write, and even worse to see how it effected some readers. There were a few people I really hurt, when all I wanted to do was show them something. For that, I am sorry.
So for my next project, I think I'll try something lighter. I have ideas for two comedies—a one-shot, and a series. Let's see if I can make my new, larger readership smile as well as cry. Now is a good time for that anyway, because this story forms a thematic trilogy with "The Savage Way" and "The Writing on the Wall." Each story involves one of the three types of horror protagonists: the one who overcomes, the one who fails, and the one who is himself the monster.
I would like to give my thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts on this beast of a story. And extra thanks to people who Followed me, and continue to Follow despite (or because of) the ending.
Be well, everyone.
Sincerely,
Horse Voice
I'm still getting over the ending to this story, but it's not the first story that has affected me like this.
Ultimately, I look back on such fics with appreciation for how powerful and stark they are. I think the story you have here is a real gem. Short and bitter.
I'm following you now. :)
3.bp.blogspot.com/-2BWYNjrHwIs/T_BaFY1PBPI/AAAAAAAAKVc/e0Jxcq5tQYM/s1600/you%2Bda%2Bman.jpg
Your next story should be an alternate ending where the narrator (you) and Adams show Twilight what the Eiffel Tower sex position is. I'm sure a few people -- particularly this female mutual friend of ours -- would enjoy it immensely.
Your story was probably the darkest thing I've ever read on this site, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it on some level. That enjoyment probably stems more from the ideas that you put to words and the discourse that occurred in the comments rather than the actual story, because the events that unfolded were absolutely repulsive. I guess that's what that kind of story is like, though; it guts the reader and if it's well written it makes them really think about what just transpired.
Anyway, I followed you off the back of that story and I'll continue to do so.
Celestia discovers Twilight's death. She asks the humans the one question that will forever haunt her. It will make her wonder 'what if I had just reacted?' 'What if I had fled?' 'What if ... ?'
She asks the humans 'why.'
And receives their answer. She reads their history, their books, the effects similar situations have had on other humans. She learns about them.
She feels an absolute rage - not because they are monsters but because they are not. Not because it was senseless but because she understands.
She informs her people that Twilight was killed 'in a terrible accident' and forbids continued study of that spell for no less than five hundred years.
"Maybe then, we'll both be ready. It's quite evident that neither of our peoples are quite yet. Good day, Mr. Adams."
Augh spoilers!
Now attempting to unsee this post so I can go read chapter 4 …
901020
It's harsh medicine, but I think it's important. Thanks for following.
901033
Ah, one of my original readers. Good to see you.
901044
Oh, you!
901049
There's a difference between art one enjoys, and art one appreciates. And you're right -- it's hideous. But we agree that if it makes you think, it's worth it. Thanks for following.
901105
This is probably a better ending than I could have written. Excuse me, but... there's something in my eye... both of them...
901049
Oh dear sweet stars this is not even close to the darkest story. (And, preemptively: fuck Cupcakes. That's amateur hour.)
I had to stop reading theycallmejub's Eyes Without A Face 13 chapters in. It's to darkfic what Romance Reports is to clop.
And after skimming the comments on darf and Appleloosan Psychiatrist's Not Now, Big Brother, I'm afraid to even open it in the first place.
901413
Well I didn't say I read a lot of grimdark stuff, haha. I might have to read those things you've mentioned though, if they're as horrid as you're implying.
"He who fights monsters should see to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil
That's what the third character reminded me of.
> The foreshadowing for Twilight's death was there from the beginning. But you could only see it if you knew about the death of James Cook.
Just one last thing to say, HV: I think this digs into the weakness of the early chapters that I'd previously pointed out. Vonnegut famously said "Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages." How universally this applies is disputable, but a tragedy is all about seeing two trains on the same track, and watching as they collide. If we don't see the second train until halfway through, there's nothing to rubberneck.
I think the religious sleight-of-hand* disguised the fact that Cook was important. You didn't even mention the natives until chapter 3 (or late in 2?). I seem to remember you named one of the geographical features after Cook — because I stopped to google it and see if you were using a real-world location after you mentioned that they were on the Pacific — but it wasn't until Twilight discussed the books with AFGNCAAP that I felt like the possibility of a conflict over colonization was even opened. Name-drops aren't foreshadowing.
--
* This is probably unfair. Religion is a major theme, and the point about Adams' prayer is a powerful one I didn't catch myself, but it's not the source of conflict. Structurally, I submit that makes it secondary.
I'll be more than happy to read whatever you come up with in the future, dark, funny, sad, scary, whatever it may be. You've proven your skill to me, that's for certain.
On that note, I should probably read those other two fics sometime in the very near future. Hell, I have a week off. I've no excuses to do otherwise.
901478
As I recently said, most literary experiments result in flawed prototypes. But I'm glad you see this has merits too. I was waiting with bated breath for your verdict.
Strangely, your reaction--liking the second half but not the first--is the exact opposite of that of everyone else who had complaints. (Now part of me wishes I had written mare-on-lightkeeper action.) The sharp left turn halfway through was not inspired by any literary style, but by events from my own life. It goes like this: you're living your life, minding your own business, when suddenly everything goes wrong. And you realize the signs were there all along, and wonder why you didn't see it coming. And you want to go on the way things were before, just as a lot of people wanted the promise of the first two chapters fulfilled, but that's just not the way things are.
Vonnegut's words are food for thought, but of course, he didn't write horror stories. A Poe or Lovecraft story tended to go like this: buildup, buildup, buildup, STINGER, ending. If people know what's coming, how can they be afraid of the unknown? Problem is, I mistook a tragedy for a horror story, since I thought it was about "protagonist as monster" rather than "Greek-style antihero".
Plus, I had taken so much time between stories, I wanted to kick this one out the door, and not keep people waiting any longer.
Well, thanks for the advice. I appreciate your honesty.
901614
Oh yes, I would certainly like your thoughts on them. Be honest, now.
901655
Glad to provide an alternate perspective.
Horror doesn't require surprise, sometimes. Horror can work with inevitability, relentlessness. Cf. The Tell-Tale Heart.
I understand the kick-out-the-door impulse. Speaking of which, I really need to stop faffing about in comments and get some editing done.
901105
I am writing a sequel to this story. Can I implement this in it? (Yes, I asked permission)
901776
*le gasp* So am I! But I'm not using this verbatim, this is more of a paraphrased treatment. Uhm, name-drop me and yes? I am
notan attention whore, what are you talking about?901795 901776
I never expected this. I'm flattered. I'll be interested to see where this goes.
901795
Okay, well, when we finish our stories, we just need to put "DJEpicNerd's" version, and vis versa for you. And thanks for letting me us that idea.
Biblical Monsters Chapter V
The narrator's name is John.
"John, what are you doing to that pony?" said Adams, dropping the sledgehammer from numb fingers.
"Adams, I am fighting the biblical monsters!" said John as he continued to thrust the knife into Twilight's lifeless neck.
"No, John," said Adams. "You ARE the biblical monsters."
And then John was a zombie.
901845 901830
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/89174/biblical-monsters-lost-angel
Pre-readers? Editors? What are those?
In the end, what made me unfavourite the the story was neither its darkness (although reading the end was painful. I'd rather take the hammer on my own head than let anyone harm Twily, were I in that situation) nor its religious topic, but rather that I didn't ...feel the change in the main character. After his previous night's understanding and calm nature, I missed him arguing with Twilight, questioning her motives and trying to make her see, instead of blindly going into a panic.
Had he only not been present during the murder and just tried to cover it up with his boss, that'd have worked for me too. But him suddenly deciding she needed to die after a few wrong words and some nightly uneasiness didn't sit right with me.
Of course, that's only my personal opinion, I don't claim to possess the one and only truth here. I might be a little biased as well, I just love Twilight a little too much to be able to enjoy a story painting her demise like that.
However, since it was still written quite well, I'll keep following your work, I'm looking forward to your next stories.
909713
Yours is one of the more legit complaints I've received. And it's true -- this has the most flaws out of any of my works here. I wrote it as therapy, and kicked it out the door as fast as I could. It was not until later that I realized: Here, Twi represents me, or at least aspects of me. The humans represent... well, never mind. No wonder I couldn't bear to look at it too long.
The thing is, I actually like Twi a lot. I used to jokingly say she was my waifu, because I have the most in common with her. I won't bore you with details, but the circumstances of her death symbolize something. The narrator's sudden change of tune does too, but that's also too painful to talk about. In any case, I learned something about myself.
If I could be identified with one story, I would want it to be "The Writing on the Wall". But BM was my breakout, and that's kind of sad.
Thanks for following, and for not taking things personally.
oh. okay
I'm trying to figure out if this describes something I've been looking into.
I've been reading the comments on the story, but my interest in the controversy has died out pretty quickly. I do wish there was a way to browse tagged blog posts, though.
2831645
I've read a few entries on that list, and I'd say we each have a word for the same type of story.
And yeah, you had to have been there to get the full effect of that particular drama storm. All you really missed was a lot of unpleasant behavior my myself and others. I like to think I've moved beyond the point where things like that can happen.
Honestly, I really liked the story, Horse Voice. I didn't read it until today, but it really affected me in a big way. I wasn't crying or screaming in rage, but I was certainly put in a far more contemplative mood. I'm sorry it was initially received the way it was, but frankly, I feel that a story that made such terrifying statements about the nature of humanity was bound to get some flak.
It's sort of funny: Being a religious person myself (more than some, less than others), I was initially scared that Adams would turn into the 'Insane Christian Stereotype' that a lot of writers seem privy to use. Having been raised in that faith, I always get annoyed when that troupe gets used in works of fiction (probably similar to how atheists get mad at inaccurate portrayals of themselves in various media). I was one of the people who actually liked the twist(?) that both men go through with the act, and not out of Adams' religious fervor, but out of other factors that influenced their actions. It's refreshing to see a fic where a person's actions are more complicated than 'he did it because he was an Episcopalian'.
This, along with "Writing on the Wall", have what I would argue one of the best dark endings in FiMfic history. They also have the similarity in that they both know when to end. In this case, I'm glad the story ended where it did, because I feel like what needed to be said had been said. If it had continued another chapter, I feel as if it would be trying to spell out the message far more clearer than it needed to be. Some might want some more closure, but I feel like works of fiction should end when they have said what they needed to say, and absolutely nothing more. I'll still read the continuation that Minalkra did, but I still feel like the story should end where you ended it to get the greatest impact.
I look forward to reading more of your works. Hope to see more great stories.
(Sorry this post was so long, but like you said, sometimes you need to put your thoughts to writing to get them out of your head.)
2897962
It's always nice to see feedback like this--that is, showing I've made a difference in a total stranger's life, in my own small way. I'm especially glad to see this old thing still making people think, even after two years, which is a lot in Internet time.
True, while it did cause a few flame wars, (the second being when it was inducted into the Royal Canterlot Library) there was a silent majority who did like it, including many atheists. But I did notice that devout Christians took the ending well (they might have chosen to take it badly that Adams's faith doesn't stop him from breaking an important Commandment) while hardline atheists did not. Perhaps this fandom just doesn't attract anal-retentive religious fundamentalists. Or perhaps Christians are just used to harsher treatment at the hands of modern artists.
The two stories you mention form a thematic trilogy with The Savage Way, and all three were meant to end in a way that made people think. I tried to do the same with later stories, but you be the judge as to whether they hold up. (I'm partial to Leviathan and Long Live Sonata Dusk, myself.)
2898420
Well, I can't ever be sure, but personally I think they may have disliked your story because it didn't go the direction they wanted it to. Maybe a lot of them were hoping to have a fanfic that criticized religion and declared it something to be feared. Honestly, that's where I thought the story was initially going when it first started. And I'm not going to lie, if it had gone that route, I probably wouldn't have liked it as much. Blaming religion for the pony's death would only have come off as uncreative (I could name a dozen works of fiction off the top of my head that claim religion is the scourge of humanity).
Maybe those other readers didn't feel that way; maybe they just wanted a simple fic where there was a good guy and a bad guy (in their case, Twilight vs religious fanaticism). It didn't matter who won, just so long as there were two discernible sides. But your fic didn't give them that; it gave a very complex portrayal of two men who did something horrible, but did it out of realistic emotions that anyone could feel, religious or otherwise. There were no categories when it came to fear and distrust. And if there's one thing people don't like hearing, it is 'you are just as evil as your enemy'.
In a way, that's far more terrifying than what happens to Twilight. If we're just as bad as those whom we don't like or share beliefs with, how can we tell who is 'good' or 'bad' anymore?
2898637
What you describe is exactly what happened. This was elaborated upon at length by The Heroic Review, who ended up agreeing that my theme was right.
But that's not to condemn atheists in general, for my editor is a rather proud one, and he approved of this story, theme and all. One reader, in a series of private messages, said that while he's quite anti-theistic, he already knew that fear is the root cause of evil acts, and he couldn't understand all the fuss.
So it seems to me that those who got mad were specifically scapegoaters, who were shocked when someone pointed out their hypocrisy. I'm sorry to have made so many enemies, but I thought someone ought to put it into fable.
2898776
Hearing this, I'm curious to see how those folks who didn't care for "Biblical Monsters" reacted to "The Savage Way". In a way, that story is "Biblical Monsters" complement, as it shows one pony being driven to do a horrible act to a human because of his distrust of him. Granted, it's not nearly as grim in the end, but it still raised unsettling questions about how ponies would react to humans.
2899484
I think the reason that one was much more well-liked, and had no drama surrounding it, was the ambiguous ending. People were split over whether the human had planned to eat the pony, and I heard plenty of good arguments on both sides, to the point where even I'm not sure who was right. Ambiguity provides an "out," as it were.
2899596
Now, to be fair, your story does have some ambiguity towards the very end when Celestia shows up. The main difference is that the ambiguity of "The Savage Way" is the crux of that story; the entire story is shaped by your perception of who was the real villain. There was evidence for both sides, and this uncertainty is what allowed people to draw their own conclusions. They could pick whatever version of the story they thought fit best and be done with it. No matter what, they would be satisfied with the result, since they themselves had decided what had really happened.
"Biblical Monsters" leaves very little room for personal interpretation, at least in the way of what actually happened. We know what happens to Twilight, and we know what drove the men to do it. The ambiguity at the end is merely what Celestia would do when (and if) she found out what the men had done. Sure, the readers could fill their own ending in that sense, having Celestia either grant great punishment or forgiveness or whatnot. But at the end of the day, Twilight is still gone, and no contrary interpretation would change that. This does not give the reader the freedom to say what actually happened; it just makes them a witness to a tragedy. And that feeling of helplessness is a horrible one, even if its just in a fictional story.
2900003
All fair points. You know, since two years have passed, perhaps it's time to admit it: a number of months after this story ran, I got an idea of how it could have continued. If I had thought of it earlier, it might have been half again as long and dealt with themes of forgiveness and redemption. But I was in a very bad mood when I wrote it, and just wanted to work out emotional baggage.
I don't know... Think I should try to write a second part?
2900774
Honestly, I don't think you should. As the story is written now, I feel like it ends perfectly. It's a brutal ending, no doubt, but it serves the story's overarching tone and message well. Continuing the story from there may remove some of the impact the original ending has. And as much as I like Minalkra's interpretation of what happened afterwards, I still think your ending fits in better with the overall theme. The only thing I might be interested in seeing is an alternate universe fic where Luna or Cadence come looking for Twilight instead of Celestia. But that's assuming that they would have wildly different reactions, and that may be a lot of effort just to expand on themes that you already made clear in the current story.
So, if I had a say in the matter, I'd say keep the story as is. It's not uplifting, but it says what it has to say, and nothing more.
2901146
I'm sure others would say the same. Yes, it's better to let sleeping dogs lie. Can't get clean by rolling around in the muck.
Oh, and thanks again.
2901390
No problem. Thanks for taking the time out to yammer with me. This has certainly been one of the more enlightening conversations I've had on FimFic since I've joined.
Looking forward to reading some of your other works in the near future!