On Death · 12:44pm February 21st
I call myself a hopeful agnostic. I vigorously want there to be an afterlife, where there's joy, justice, and fellowship for all God's creatures, great and small. I am unbelievably terrified of the prospect that one day I will cease to exist. And I want so desperately for all entities across space and time who have felt hurt and pain and suffering and helplessness and confusion and fear to feel peace joy hope and love. Whatever form that might take beyond the material plane, likely far beyond my mortal human comprehension, I hope with all my heart that the absurdity of this infinitesimal material existence as matter and the forces between it animating each other and aware of it is followed by an infinite spiritual coda.
Thanks for listening and being my friend.
Don't worry, no one close to me died. I was just talking to an old brony friend who used to co-run the extremely dysfunctional SoCal Ponytones with me, And they had a bunch of loss in their life recently though thankfully no one super duper close to them beyond their cat which to be clear is a great loss I'm not downplaying that.
Yeah, that sounds on-brand for you. My own views are... complicated and slightly insane.
I want to believe my energy will return to the earth and one day be reborn as another creature, but I'm pretty sure oblivion is all that waits and I don't like that. :(
....I think of death constantly, to the point that I regularly double my melatonin consumption.....
Other, I will hyperventilate and start saying "I don't want to die" over and over
Be good to each other in life, and the rest takes care of itself.
âI am unbelievably terrified of the prospect that one day I will cease to exist. And I want so desperately for all entities across space and time who have felt hurt and pain and suffering and helplessness and confusion and fear to feel peace joy hope and love.â
Same
Probably almost every person in history has probably thought of and been afraid of death at some point as itâs just an instinct for all animals including humans to want to live and be afraid of death in general, especially as someone gets older. I think oblivion waits for us all unfortunately, but I do hope sometimes that maybe that could still be better than the inevitable pain of being a human being in general for everyone somehow.
Religions I feel are largely in existence in general, just in different forms all over the world, as a way to comfort people that everything is not over when they inevitably die. But thereâs no way to know what really happens obviously. Assuming youâre still relatively young and healthy, at least appreciate that it probably wonât happen for a long time to come.
But yeah unfortunately death is a part of life and itâs the debt that all men pay. Just gotta make the best of life in our time but I agree it can be a curse to be sentient and know that it will happen eventually unlike all other known forms of life. It sucks.
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Please please PLEASE talk to a psychiatrist. A therapist too, but bandaids are easier than fixes lol. Please, look into getting on some anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds. existence is terrifying, especially with how large our knowledge sphere of suffering is now, but it can be less terrifying.
My bad drug advice:
Interestingly enough, you might try amphetamines, which I find mute how much I care about the inevitability of death and avoid caffeine, which I find tends to trigger those sorts of episode for me. And occasional acid and mushroom trips can help immensely with understanding and accepting our place in existence. DMT too.
I like drugs, so there is my bad advice
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i agree with pretty much everything you said. As far as religion and knowledge about the world go, I think I'm glad I live now in an age of great knowledge of evil, but also great advancements and great understanding, though obviously we have so very much further to go.
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Definitely. I hope humanity can really figure its shit out and we donât all die all at once by blowing ourselves up or some other catastrophic global calamity with similar results eventually.
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some scientists think large asteroids are the number one reason life is extinguished on planets beyond our own. hopefully not our own included. GF was watching a depressing slice of life netflix show about a 40 year old woman figuring out who she is as the end of the world creeps closer month by month.
Im one of those wusses who avoids upsetting content almost pathologically intensely. It helps her regulate stress though.
They say for people with trauma, traumatic media can be comforting because it's familiar.
imma end this comment lol
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Itâs all good man lol. Trauma sucks though, believe me I know.
I love your writings and you are a very relatable and down to earth human. You get what it's like to have a haphazard soul like me. And you're crazy good with words! I think once all is said and done, our souls part from our bodies and dance in blissful eternity within the stars and the sky, and we can watch over all of earth, and all is well and peace is finally had. My dad died when I was 14, and I had "visitation" dreams and stuff. He'd appear in them, looking healthy and young, but he wouldn't speak. He'd just watch after me with a warm smile. There's that instinctual part of me that fears death, the uncertainty that it'll be complete darkness, the kind that makes my heart wrench in terror... but I'm really not afraid anymore. Be it because I've come pretty close to death myself, or because I'm a spiritual crystal-girl who thinks numbers are signs from the universe, I'm pretty confident I understand where I'm off to. But from what I've gathered, there is unfathomable peace and joy and love. Actually, it's all joy and peace and love. But you won't need words to convey that up there.. You will just know and understand. It is full of warmth and rapture, and color, and things that humans like you and me won't be able to understand until we get there ourselves. Then it all falls into place. You are where you belong, as you should be, as you will. I could go on and on, but I'm already waffling, so I'll wrap it up now! Make of my schizoranting what you will. I don't mind. Peace and love forever, I hope everything is going as well as it can. Also Starlight Glimmer is all I think about most days, so thank you for the food. derpicdn.net/img/view/2024/3/24/3328851.gif