MECHANIC: February ('cause I couldn't think of a better title) · 2:47am February 8th
I coulda thought of a better title . . .
Anyway, you know what to do!
We've got three quick ones for today, and they won't be in chronological order. They're tangentially related 'cause all three were pickup trucks, two basically identical Fords (with similar but unrelated problems) and one Chevy for routine maintenance.
Starting with the first Ford, it's an about 2017 F-350 diesel (6.7L), owned by a local builder. It had first come in a month ago 'cause the heater didn't work (that wasn't the only thing that didn't, but that was the customer's main complaint). Some quick diagnosis out in the parking lot suggested that the blind spot monitors were to blame, which are in the tail lights.
I mentioned those in a previous blog post. On most cars and SUVs, they're under the bumper cover. See, you can't shoot radar though metal, so they've gotta be behind something plastic. A pickup, what have you got that's plastic on the back? Nobody's gonna buy a truck with a plastic rear bumper cover, so Ford (and probably others) put the blind spot radars in the tail lights.
It's a great idea until you crack one and it fills up with water, and then the blind spot monitors don't work any more.
And because Ford didn't design their network to be as robust as GM did, when the blind spot monitors go, so does the heat—both of those things are on the same network.
Due to corrosion, we ultimately wound up replacing both tallights, all the bulb sockets, the in-taillight jumper sockets, one of the blind spot sensors (the one that had drowned), and the taillight harness, which runs under the tailgate.
This truck spends a fair amount of time on dirt roads or not on the road, and everything underneath was coated with mud. I sometimes gripe about customers not cleaning their cars before bringing them in for service, but in this one, what was he to do, take it to a car wash and lie down on the floor to spray up under the bumper and inside the fenders? It was annoying but what can you do?
When I was done, I had to program the unit, and while I could have done that quickly and easily with the Ford tool, the manager didn't want to get that from the other shop, so I used our Autel and manually entered all the required hex codes. I won't bore you by listing them out, but it was basically me going up front and asking my manager "Okay, I need the hex code for 7C1-01-01" and him saying "That's 3A4C-4343-BA" and so on for over a dozen codes. Midway through he asked me how many there were; the way the scan tool is configured I didn't know; I'd keep entering them until it stopped asking.
Worked on the first try, yay!
In case you're wondering why this is even worth mentioning in a blog, as it happened while I was working on the truck (before the programming part), the customer showed up. He needed a pair of gloves that were in the truck. I just happened to be up front when he came in, and he looked over at me and remarked, "you're really dirty."
I looked him in the eye and said "It's all from your truck." (seriously, I had to excavate some of the electrical connectors)
He apologized to me, then he got his gloves and was on his way.
Next up is how my Monday went, and I'm gonna present this in sort of a script format. Which is against the rules on FimFiction, but not if it's a blog post.
2018 Chevy Silverado 2500 with 130k on the odometer, it's in for brakes.
Manager: got a truck for you to do brakes on.
Me: cool
Manger: they're original, so I sold all four. <gives me the keys>
I know these brakes, they suck. Pins in the calipers stick, and even Snap-On doesn't sell the tool you need to remove the rear calipers, you've got to improvise it (as an aside, it's amazing how much of a bend you can put in the handle of a good-quality 10mm wrench and have it spring back).
Me: <gets the truck in the air, wheels off, start inspecting the brakes.
Manager: Before you continue on this truck, I need you to look at this minivan and diagnose why the sliding door doesn't work right.
I've already diagnosed this van once, so it's actually really easy to do again, but I don't tell him that.
Me: Needs the door umbilical harness repaired, there's one or more broken wires in it.
Manager: What about those brakes on that truck?
Me: Rear caliper pins are stuck, haven't gotten into the fronts yet.
Manager: 'Cause the customer is expecting it by two.
That's a three hour job if all goes well, and it's already 11:30
Narrator: It did not all go well.
Manager: Oh, and I'm going to pull you off it one more time to look at another vehicle. Also I don't have all the parts yet. Also most of the parts I do have for it are the wrong parts. Also I need you to fix the windshield washers on that truck, too.
So yeah, I needed the torches to get it apart.
GM sent us the wrong brake rotors, and I didn't get the right ones until two. Needless to say, the vehicle wasn't done by then.
I was also having flashbacks to the last one of these where I was on a time crunch and it also didn't go well (this style of brakes rarely does, it's a terrible design and GM doesn't use it any more)
Which brings us to the third vehicle in this. A 2017 Ford F-350 with a 6.7L diesel, and the customer's complaint is that it doesn't work.
Actually, I don't know what the complaint was exactly, but I'll give you a summary of what I found on my initial inspection:
The power seat works
The adjustable pedals work
The instrument panel cluster powers on enough to display the mileage
The brake-to-shift interlock works even though it shouldn't in the vehicle's current state
And here's what didn't work:
Literally everything else
The remote doesn't work, the power button doesn't work, the headlights don't work, the horn doesn't work, it won't communicate with the scan tool at all; this truck's dead as a stick.
Also I'm working on it out in the parking lot 'cause it's big and heavy and we don't feel like pushing it in.
Codes weren't pulled before the batteries were disconnected, which is unfortunate for me. I literally have no direction on this thing, except that something is broken that affects everything. Except the power pedals and the power seat, and it apparently knows that the driver's door is open ('cause it gives me the mileage) but it can't turn on the interior lights.
Stuff that should work even without turning on the vehicle doesn't work.
Some of you might be having flashbacks to the Caravan with mouse-chewed wiring I worked on some time back. I know I was. I was anticipating spending hours and hours on this thing, checking powers and grounds, figuring out which modules should power up when the power button is pushed, and trying to determine a way to know if they 'see' it or not; poring over wiring diagrams to see if I could use some test relays or jumper wires to get enough of the network communicating to give me some codes, some direction to look.
Identifix was a mild help, while nobody had the symptoms I had, the Body Control Module (BCM) seemed to be a rather vital component in all the vehicle systems. With no other ideas, I started by testing powers and grounds to it, they'd all light a test light. A test light doesn't tell you the whole story, since it doesn't pull much current, but it tells you something.
Everything that should be powered or grounded was, and this story would have taken a different turn if I hadn't accidentally found that ground 202—which is right next to the BCM and has some big fat wires going to it—was loose. Tightened it down and all of a sudden everything worked again.
Once it was powered up I pulled codes (better late than never) and to my complete lack of surprise, a lot of modules on the truck were wondering where the BCM had gone. I'd assume on this truck the network was robust enough to let things keep operating without the BCM (or at least enough things that it would run and drive), but once it was shut off, the signal from the power button goes to the BCM first, and without that, you got nothing.
Except a power seat and power pedals.
Did I say there were three vehicles in this blog? I meant four, 'cause this one's a flashback!
2010 (let's say, I don't remember) Jeep Patriot, basically a Chrysler 200 with Jeep badging. Crank no start. Pull codes and the ones I care about are both for the ASD relay (Auto Shut-Down); among other things that relay powers the injectors and the spark.
Those things have a standard fuse box in a standard location and a secret relay box tucked down low behind the bumper. Some years ago I had one where the wires had corroded in that box, and it wouldn't start. I pulled a relay and it was green with corrosion . . . think I found the problem.
It doesn't run yet 'cause we're waiting for parts, but that one was a quick parking lot diagnosis.
Did I say there were four vehicles in this blog? I meant five, 'cause this one is also a flashback! Chevy Express crank no start, sounds like the fuel pump doesn't work . . . the last one of these I worked on had a broken engine-to-frame ground, and you'll never guess what I found on this one.
Okay, you probably guessed. It looked good, and then I touched it and it turns out it was powder held together by nothing but hopes and dreams.
I don't yet know if that's the only problem on this thing or if the fuel pump is also bad, but I've got a good direction to go in on it. Tried to get it running with jumper cables from the battery to the frame (that worked on the last one); sadly, it didn't work and we had to push it into a parking spot.
Did I say there were five vehicles in this blog?
Well, that's all there are!
Source Unknown
Seems like lately we've had a run on wiring problems.
Since that 'Christmas Present,' where I had to replace my soldering iron (the new one's working great, and I stand by my recommendation. I did have to tighten the tip with the little wrenches they provided, and it doesn't always light on the first try, but always does on the second). Anyway, since that, I've gone through three tubes of solder fixing wires on various vehicles.
Also, this was almost the 'torch' picture; I put in Sunset for Wanderer D's benefit, but this one's good too:
derpicdn.net/img/2023/4/6/3094474/large.jpg
Source
I'm not gonna say that I have that exact expression whenever I break out the cutting torches . . . but I'm not gonna say that I don't, if you know what I mean.
In the words of an internet meme, 'can't be tight if it's a liquid.'
At least you havent had the time where someones fitted the wrong battery, and its only when you DROP the engine lid down that it flexes enough to short directly accross the terminals? And then the fun starts.
I really could go for some rum, but I quit hard stuff.
Tax season and my mother crashing here due to condo repairs and valentine's depression is taking it's toll.
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I am not familiar with that meme, but Daniel Bernoulli just turned in his grave.
RUM the drink for those who can't drink Tequila. The rest of us drink both
😁
Some engineers need beaten with a stick until they make more reliable designs.
"The heater doesn't work."
"Let me check the tail lights."
....What?
Sadly, the auto engineers who flunk out go write Windows software. (and if they flunk there, I suspect they go write HP printer drivers).
Had one laptop two weeks ago that came up with "USB device not recognized." Every five seconds. Constantly. With a pop up on screen and a beep. Normal solution: Strip out all the USB devices in Device Manager and have Windows rebuild them. Works 99% of the time. This was the 1%. Beep. Beep. Beep. FINALLY got the pop-up to quit popping by some arcane slider somewhere in there, but it still threw the error and beeped in the background every five seconds. Not a clue how to fix it and Google was worthless, so we turned off the speakers.
Today, had another user with the same issue. Did the same thing. Didn't fix it. Brainstorm. Last week, we installed a $50k digital microscope that required some special PC settings, so I unclicked the "Allow windows to turn off this device to save power" checkmark on USB hub like we did for the widget. Didn't fix it, BUT it popped up a new USB device that looked screwy, so disabled it and.... silence. Apparently, turning a certain USB port OFF made it error and turn back on... which Windows promptly said "Oh, that port can be turned off" which made it error... and fast enough it wouldn't show up on the list to be disabled. Applied fix to second computer, fixed it just as well. Why only two machines out of hundreds, I have no idea, but if engineers built buildings the way computer programmers wrote code, the first termite to come along would destroy civilization.
I'm not technically inclined but I somehow feel like if you said that near a snap-on salesman that tool would exist shortly after for 102 payments of "don't worry about it, it's for work, right?"
wow how deep was the rabbet hole?
or are you still trying to climb out.
Welp MORE STRUGGLES!
remind me if my car ever breaks down to make sure i DONT have this happen
Also that Hitch and twilight art? OH MY FAUST ITS CUTE
This morning, I saw the strangest vehicle malfunction I've ever personally witnessed. On the car's driver's side, the wiring for the turn signal and brake light was swapped, so the amber light was lit up while the red light flashed for turning.
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I'm quite sure it's "can't be stuck if it's liquid". That may just be me.
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I wonder if it was a hardware issue? Perhaps damage to a port or debris in a port?
A gatekeeper at Equestria Daily once berated me for having Twilight Sparkle recall and recount in 'script form' a critical conversation during a tabletop game. The argument was that it was unbelievable that she would be able to remember word for word what everyone said!
My Suzuki Swift (Chevy Aveo with weird wiring, or so I'm told) was at the garage all week for a very rough drive while in gear and moving forward. I thought a cylinder was out of whack. Check engine was lit but no codes. Finally the mechanic found a leak and a sensor problem in the air supply to the engine and taped the hole. But now I have oil in the coolant. Already made my next appointment. Less expensive than getting another car.
You can be "stuck" in a liquid if you try to move fast enough. That underwater volcano near Tonga in the Pacific kept its shape when it blew in 2022 because the ocean didn't compress and the explosion wasn't strong enough to move the entire Pacific a few hundred meters. Tight fit, volcano didn't blow apart, just straight up. Like Mentos and Diet Coke in a bottle.
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Oh we totally have. Not shorted out to the hood yet (not that I've seen, although I did once fix a Ram with a little fire caused by a "battery problem." Can't say what it was, 'cause everything was crispy due to the fire. . . .
It turns out there are a lot of wrong ways to fit a battery. I won't claim I've seen 'em all, but I've seen a bunch of 'em.
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As I get older and wiser, I do realize that the Caesars had the right idea taking days away from February and putting them somewhere worthwhile.
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cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/879533986303606834/1210034234337534032/34727540_10155341674580843_8206653544455995392_n.jpg?ex=65e91732&is=65d6a232&hm=253ac89172fc6f0fa58907588eeb5a018f960fdf9b9b5b479fc2b4ed046e4dc6&
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If you were going to drink tequila, couldn't you save money by drinking paint remover instead?
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The good news is that SOONTM (i.e., when I get around to it), I'll have a blog discussing this and other things, including Tesla's network.
I suppose if it's running in the background and not making audible noise it's a fix of sorts. Sooner or later there'll be a patch for that which will solve that problem and cause two others.
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Shockingly, that's one they don't have. And I just came across another one: a T-35 socket or bit. Snap-On guy said he'd never heard of it. Neither had I, to be honest, but we had a low-quality bit set that included one, and it was almost the right bit to remove the high-pressure fuel pump from a Ford Escape (It was supposed to be a Torx-Plus 30, but we didn't have one of those).
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The rabbit hole never ends
The good news is that every vehicle listed in this blog has been fixed and is now gone from the shop. As a minor spoiler (since I might make a blog about it), the Express van was a bad ground, but I overdiagnosed it to the point of confusing myself.
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Yeah, it's 'fun.'
At least it makes for good blog posts (mostly).
Based on my experience, there are no cars I want to own; whatever I think about buying is immediately followed by what breaks and has to be fixed on them. Sigh.
I always say, if you don't come here for the mechanic tales, you come here for the adorable pony art
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Depending on the vehicle, you could accomplish this by either putting the socket in the wrong hole, or plugging the wires into the wrong socket. Good design makes it impossible to do this, but not every automaker thinks of this.
It's also possible the vehicle owner got creative with wiring something, or they have an aftermarket trailer wiring harness that, uh, 'exceeds factory specifications.'
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I've seen it both ways. The meme I looked up said 'tight,' but I think I've seen the 'stuck' one as well.
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Kinda depends on the person, I think. I'm sure that there are people (and ponies) who can remember stuff like that; I'm more of the type who finds himself in the kitchen with no recollection of why I went there.
Oil in the coolant's not great. The air leak is not uncommon; IIRC the boot going from the air filter box to the throttle body likes to crack, and that makes the sensor that reads airflow (the MAF, Mass Airflow) read wrong, which makes the engine fuel wrong.
That is true. And there are . . . well, I don't remember what they're called, but there's a kind of thing that behaves like a fluid sometimes and like a solid other times. I think cornstarch in water is one such thing.
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A bad ground is one of the hardest things to find. my 1996 f250 diesel 5 speed, has one and i gave up trying to find it back in 2010. i just ran new ground every were witch did not help. funny is that after about a year and several thousands of miles it just disparaged.
intermittent check engine light and cutting out the hole right bank of the engine driving down the road. lift your foot off of the smoke pedal and it instantly fixed it.
but after 14 years this is the first i have even thought about that.
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Na if you want the real multi-purpose drink then you want cachaca from Brazil!
Paint remover, fuel, and drink. Get the stuff in the back country, the store stuff only goes to about 58% alc.
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I mentioned the recollected conversation thing I put into the fictional blog because you recreated here (in script format) a conversation you had had with your boss.
I think you meant a non-Newtonian fluid. I have a vague recollection about how that stuff acts, it probably wasn't on any tests I had to pass.
Well, the good news is that next time the car acts sluggish or feels like it's going to die right there while in gear, I'll be sure to ask to check the air supply for leaks. ^_^ I'd rather not have to look for a new 2nd hand car until the market cools down.
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Yeah