Into the Trash Pile We Go · 12:03am Sep 21st, 2023
This isn't a blog about my stories, but oh boy, is it a blog about something. So, Reader, let me ask you -- do you enjoy looking where the grass on this site ain't so green? I'm sure that every one of you has your favorite gaggle of pony stories on this site, the passion projects, the works worthy of the loftier label of literature. Maybe there is just a simple story that was honestly written and makes you happy. If you've been on this site for some time, you're bound to end up with stories that influence your own writing -- should you go on to do any -- or are just a nostalgia trip that live up to their legacy, but reflect an earlier time in the fandom in some shape or form. And perhaps there are those my followers who like combing for gems, either in reviews, other folks' bookshelves, or the new stories section. A few of you might have fond memories of hunting for half-remembered stories or rare pairs to grace your favorites list.
Then there are things that are the direct opposite of what it means to find a good story in this fandom. When I say that, you know there are a couple of different directions that I could be going by what makes something bad. I could be talking about stories that you just genuinely hate to the point where thinking about them brings out the unpleasant reading experience you had. Maybe you have some painfully talentless overrated creator already on your mind. I could be talking about the tiresome and barely-applicable-to-ponies subgenres like Displaced. Maybe I'm talking about the stories that reveal the mind of an author so disturbed and pornsick you know they belong on a watchlist somewhere -- oh boy, does this site have its share of those. I might also be talking about endless streams of fixfics and tired fandom tropes delivered with none of the skills that the author needs to deliver their promises. Or, I could be talking about the vast sea of obvious trollfics on this site that range from pony creator cover art grammatical massacres to genuine legends, like SomethingEmoAndEdgy and Nightmare Star's Revenge.
But I'm not talking about those kinds of badfics, not today. I'm here to talk to you about a story written with such unsettling earnesty that manages to hit a brand of unique awfulness I have not seen in some time. I've read works by DakariKingMykan and even spoken to him (I don't recommend it; he talks in circles). I was there when Evictus was still writing -- and still writing as Evictus. I've heard Spike Gets Neutered read aloud multiple times. I've combed through years of threads from the Rage Reviews group where the earliest editions of stories like Finding Destiny are immortalized in their ability to keep you reading despite the pain. I have endured the corpus of Apple Short and passed on this tradition to fandom friends and non-ponyfans alike. I remember when GrayOnBlue was actively publishing their misanthropic edgelord works. FelixDawn stories are a fucking delight to force people to read. All of these are different from the works of Good Christian Ethesto, CrimsonEquine, and Windlife, who are more obvious (or confessed) trolls than, let's say, Sonic_Applejack2005.
Stories that manage to be genuinely terrible for reasons other than obvious degeneracy hold a special place in my (allegedly) cold, black heart. I don't care if they're trollfics written like that on purpose or just everything that can possibly go wrong happening, this level of cringe is something deeply amusing to me and I love to share it. (Oh, and I guess it's also educational in how not to write, even if some of the lessons are, ah, refreshers and nothing new.) I still enjoy revisiting the worst of what this site can produce. I also enjoy combing around to find new additions for badfic groups and obvious bait. And, of course, an active comment section to get a few FunnyPoints™ in doesn't hurt. I've gotten some nice memes that way.
So, let's talk about what I found for you today. It's the antithesis of a gem, but you know what I mean. One of the most uniquely bad stories I've stumbled across in a while. I found it through some fairly questionable additions to the new stories section, where I learned that our friend, the author, has some... special traits. Here is what I mean by that: inserting author tracts about not downvoting in his long descriptions, "read and find out" type of additions, poorly done summaries, info that should be in the story in the description, not understanding how red tags work, low context summaries, chapters under 100 words without good cause, poorly formatted chapter arrangement/titling, putting author's note's content in the descriptions, poor formatting of additional information, and abuse of the horizontal rule feature. What I also noticed was that of the three stories this author published today, all of them appear to have been unpublished for staff-ordered changes at some point. Obviously, I had to check out more of this guy's library.
What I found wasn't just more of the same and majority-downvote tales, I found someone who puts messages to the mods in long descriptions, can't even use the series tags right, published chapters before they had their prologues ready, puts blog-tier content about updates in descriptions, lists most chapters with (TBU) seemingly without further addressing them, talks about their dreams in the long descriptions (of multiple stories), can't figure out how to mark stories complete (despite doing so in the past), putting paragraphs worth of content that should be worked into an a/n or the story itself (or a blog) in the description, spelling errors in the titles, incoherent summaries, useless info in the description, inconsistent formatting of descriptions, redundancies in the descriptions, poor cover art, and more.
This is to say literally nothing of the actual contents themselves.
It is, however, where I found the piece that I'm about to show you now. And to call it a 'piece' is rather elevating for reasons you'll see shortly.
[Adult story embed hidden]
Let's look at it together, shall we?
- Over 100 downvotes
- Less than ten upvotes
- 3D Pony Creator art
- No manes or tails
- You really don't need your character names in the description, 'kay?
- Description needs a rewrite
- "Read and find out"
- The author tract in the description about the downvoting
- The sexual content
- "The Only Chapter (TBU)"
- Marked incomplete
Hoo boy. The sexual content of this story can only be experienced in two ways. Reading the description, and venturing into the belly of the beast itself.
Contains: Foalcon, Incest, Estrus, Cum Inflation, Vaginal, Oral, Deep Throat, Impregnation, Birthing, Hyper, Watersports, Urine Inflation, Cum In Bladder, Bladder Inflation, Urethral Penetration, Urine In Balls, Urine In Bladder, Urine Exchange, Ball Inflation, Omorashi, Full Bladders, Bursting Bladders, Urine In Womb, Drinking Urine, 69ing, Babycon, Masturbation, Breastfeeding
Are you afraid yet?
You can click away from this blog now, or you can continue to experience this story with me. There are unfortunate surprises that you're missing out on. So, let me begin. Our story begins with a physical description of the characters.
Nate McTonny is a 9 year old earth pony colt that has a lime green coat, has blue eyes, and has no mane and tail. His cutie mark is of a pole with a money sign. He's the brother of his twin sister Kate McTonny, who is a 9 year old earth pony filly that has a lime green coat, has blue eyes, and has no mane and tail. Her cutie mark is the same as her brother.
They were born in Ponyville on March 29, 917 ANM(After Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon). Around their birthday is during Estrus week.
When they turned 5 years old, they ran away from their home of Ponyville with all of their mother's money into the big city of Manehatten. They're currently living in a apartment complex that they bought with the money they earned from working at a strip club for 4 years. They work the night shift there.
After hearing news of their mother's death, they were only 7 years old at the time, they were happy that they were finally free with no more family members in their family.
They were the youngest to ever get married at the age of 8, on their 8th birthday no less.
I will be ignoring grammar errors for now.
For some reason that is never explained, they have pseudo-Scottishy, human-style last names, and human-style first names. There is no reason given for why they do not have manes and tails at any point in the story. The author appears to not understand the difference between identical twins and fraternal twins. The author chooses to set this before the show and give the calendar system in the most forced way possible, as well as misunderstanding how estrus in horses works. For some reason, they hated their mother, stole all her money, and ran away to an urban metropolis but didn't manage to have any place of residence until four years later. They ran away at five, were somehow not captured and sent back home, and are already described in a way that foreshadows and implies their incest -- with writing this crude it's hard to tell exactly what angle is desired -- and this was all done when they were five. Their cutie mark clearly ties into being strippers [1] which means the author is saying that these two minors managed to do something to stimulate sexual acts like being a stripper before they were even five years old.
[1] The author appears to conflate being a stripper and a prostitute later in the story.
At seven years old, these foals hear their destitute mother has died and rejoice for reasons that are never explained. Despite the horror of incest that fills this story, we're supposed to celebrate these two foals somehow not having any other family members. Then, at eight years old and as literal siblings, these two fucking orphans are somehow allowed to get married too. For reasons.
Reasons that are never explained.
Its the next day after their 9th birthday, just a day after they celebrated their 1 year anniversary of being married.
They were at home in the apartment complex that they bought just 2 days ago.
Nate was reading a very interesting book that he got from the Manehatten library. The book he's reading is about the plant life and their connection to the ponies around them, when he felt something touch his shoulder. He lower his book to see his wife/twin sister Kate.
"Yes Kate?" Nate asked looking Kate in those cute blue eyes of hers. She has this beautiful smell that he's smelling.
She looked at him with a lusty look in her eyes. "Bed, now." She needed to be rutted right now, because her pussy was wet. She's currently on her estrus cycle.
She was giving this 'I wanted to be rutted right now' vibe, because he smelled her scent. Her scent was driving him wild.
This story is freakishly barren of description, which manages to add to both the comedy and the horror while also sparing the reader from how much worse a vivid version of this would be. The way the fucking book is emphasized stands out as uniquely stupid because it is in no way relevant to this train wreck at any point ever again, and I am peeved that the author is trying to imply that these characters have anything resembling functional hobbies. We don't get any explanation for where these characters were living between arriving in the city and now. We don't know why these characters are so fucked up that they're going to fuck each other. We are simply meant to watch this atrocity unfold and feel the negative space from the lack of context for anything occurring adds to this fucking mess of the author not knowing how anything works like it's fucking corn syrup.
The author misunderstands even the most basic implications of 'kinda human' (aging, life cycles, and cognitive abilities) and 'kinda horse' (we obviously weren't given much info about pony pregnancy in canon but if you write ponies as going through estrus then it's going to start in fucking adolescence) about ponies that I can't help but feel pissed off on top of the mixture of disgust and hilarity that this manages to pull from me.
She's currently on her estrus cycle.
She was giving this 'I wanted to be rutted right now' vibe, because he smelled her scent. Her scent was driving him wild.
I just felt the urge to frame this uniquely horrible moment. It will be one of many.
He was born with a full grown stallion cock of 2 feet when erect. Now he's 9 years old, his cock when erect is a whopping 6 feet in length.
Earlier today during breakfast, both Kate and Nate drank alot of orange juice, and now its after 3PM. Both of their bladders were full, ready to burst.
Here is another uniquely horrible moment that occurs soon after. I also want us to shudder in pain at the horrible juxtaposition of those sentences. Right after you imagine the Button Mash-sized colt with the six-foot-long dick, let the placement of these two sentences hurt you. We're going somewhere special, folks.
Just a year after they ran away to Manehatten, after drinking alot of milk for breakfast, they both discovered that having really full bladders that was ready to burst was their fetish. Ever since then, they discovered new ways to do brace their watersports fetish.
There are two things that I would like to point out to heighten our suffering a bit:
- Children under twelve can be genetically predisposed to bedwetting, and generally, this is the developmental stage where that will occur and be somewhat of an age-expected problem. Though, if it persists for too long it can indicate physical problems or trauma. The author not realizing that children and infants literally piss themselves and making this something that only comes up now is fucking stupid. Like, genuinely a huge indication of being a dumb-dumb. For that, we should all laugh. Of course, the opposite of this would be for them to make their horrifying material way too attuned to facts about children and more accurately show off child sexual abuse instead of this garbage shockfest that we currently have on our hands.
- The residence prior to the apartment is never given and the only locations we're given prior to that are a strip club where these characters work and the larger city itself. The implication of this type of stuff happening in either location is just another layer of agony.
She taken his whole cock inside her before
The elementary school-aged ponies proceed to fuck each other, urinate inside of each other, and drink each other's piss. Oh, and the filly gets impregnated. Because of course, she does.
Do you think it can't get worse?
11 months has past since Nate impregnated Kate and they're glad that the foal Kate is pregnant with is female. They both had a special fetish of impregnating the female baby foal that just been born.
I have no words.
Immediately after this line, we get to hurt a little more:
Right now both of them are in the hospital for the birth of their foal because Kate's water broke and has been trying to hold the birth of their foal in.
Kate's pussy was leaking vaginal fluid from trying to birth this foal. She screamed as she felt her foal trying to come out of her.
Nate was holding her hoof as she continue trying to get their foal out of her leaky pussy.
This is not how you describe giving birth. 
This went on for about a little bit until Doctor Oli saw the head of the foal. "I see a head, just keep on pushing this foal out of you."
Kate kept on pushing this foal out of her, she didn't suspect to become pregnant with a foal at the age of 9 and birthing this foal out of her close to both her and Nate's 10th birthday. She continues to scream.
Hey guys, how pony-like do you think Oli's full name will be? 'Cause I can tell you right now that Oli isn't the full name.
Also, no fucking shit she didn't expect it. None of us know what to expect from this agony. I can't be making complaints about biology when in this simulated CP the male character has an ever-growing dick.
Doctor Oli look at both Kate and Nate with a smile. "Your foal is out." She looked at the just born foal. She saw the foal looked healthy. The foal's coat color is blue, has a yellow mane but no tail, and has a pussy. Doctor Oli smiled at the foal. "Your foal is a healthy female earth pony." She looked at Kate and Nate. "Do you want to hold your newborn filly?" When she just asked that question, the filly just started peeing at her.
Newborn foals pee after they're just born, whether their male or female. Doctor Oli just stared at the peeing newborn filly. The sound of 'psss' filled the room as the filly kept on peeing, making a puddle of piss on the floor.
The filly finally open her eyes for the first time since she was just born. Her eyes were a pink color. She looked at the pony in front of her with a curious look. Her head tilted to the right side.
Kate and Nate looked at each other, then back at Doctor Oli, and nodded. Nate first spoke up. "Well, we like to name our newborn filly..."
"Jane McTonny." Both Kate and Nate said at the same time.
Doctor Oli nodded. "Okay, your newborn filly will be named Jane McTonny. What do you want to do with your foal now?" She looked at the both of them.
With the knowing looks of Kate and Nate as they decided to. "Impregnate our daughter."
The smell of urine from Jane was making Nate's hyper 7 foot cock fully erect.
What is the doctor's immediate response to this, I wonder?
Doctor Oli's pussy winked as she was getting turned on for wanting a newborn filly to be impregnanted. She wasn't on her estrus cycle, but she's damn well felt like it.
Nate just smiled. He wanted to buck a foal in this filly right now that his cock twitched and throbbed. The cum in his balls also wanted to get this newborn filly pregnant as well. They demanded to be sent to the filly's egg to impregnate it. Nate felt his balls twitch and heard the cries of his cum in his mind.
"Kate, I think... you're not gonna believe this but, I think my cum wants to be inside our daughter's womb right now." Nate said looking at his wife.
Kate looked at him with a surprised look on her face, she didn't think that Nate's cum became alive during these 11 months of being pregnant with their foal. But then sighs. "Okay."
Jane just look at her parents in confusion. What were they talking about. Her freshly newborn mind couldn't come up with anything at all.
The author really likes to emphasize this in the story. This is not even the first instance of something like this appearing. 
Doctor Oli has a special relationship with Kate and Nate. When she's off the clock from being a doctor; she, Kate, and Nate are in a polyamorous relationship. With Nate being lead husband for his wives.
This just happens. Because. Reasons.
The doctor proceeds to act as a voyeur while the twin characters proceed to jointly violate their newborn daughter.
And then we get to this part:
Nate was just waiting patiently for his daughter to ride his cock inside her. His cum really demanded for his cock to be inside his daughter's pussy. "Kate, my cum is getting angsty for my cock to be inside our daughter's pussy right now."
Kate looked at Nate. "Hold on Nate."
Kate kissed her daughter on the lips for a few seconds. After that, she let go of the kiss. She sighed happily. "Okay Nate, you'll get to finally buck our daughter her very first foal or foals."
His cum heard that and cheered in unison. "My cum is happy. Now get our daughter onto my cock and push inside her pussy. I want to be her first."
I have transcended beyond mere mortal levels of disgust and pain.
Alas, there is still more that awaits us.
Jane felt her vaginal lips open from her dad's cock being pushed inside her. She felt her slick walls open with cock meat inside her. Even after being born, she felt like a natural. Like her special talent is being a breeding mare for any colts and stallions.
"Oh look Nate, our daughter is a natural. She'll being a great breeder for our job at the strip club. But lets put a foal inside her first before letting others buck foals inside her." Kate said ecstatically.
Jane felt something bump her unbroken cervix. It was her dad's cock. Not even a couple of inches in and she felt full of cock inside her. She felt his cock slide out of her, she felt empty. But then she felt his cock inside her quickly and let out a scream as her cervix teared open. Tears rolled down her face as fresh virgin blood leaked out of her pussy. His cock was inside her warm womb.
"Oh my Celestia, she's bucking tight!" Nate groan with gritted teeth. "I can't believe I'm inside her womb already. I don't think I can last longer." He felt his flare grow inside his daughter's womb. He was that close to cumming. And after a few more seconds, he felt his balls extract and let out a loud moan as the first burst of cum leave his cock.
His cum were ecstatic to finally being inside the womb of Jane McTonny.
After a few more bursts of cum left his cock, he felt his cock soften and with a pop, cum fell out of her pussy.
His sperm was swimming towards Jane's egg.
'Come on brothers and sisters, lets get this filly pregnant. I know we were getting impatient inside Nate's balls, but we finally get what they wanted.' Lets name this sperm John. 'A sister or brother for Jane or even twins for that matter. Now let's do this!!!!'
While all that was happening, Nate was kissing his daughter on the lips like Kate did earlier. "We love you Jane and I hope you'll be a great breeder."
Jane is 17 minutes old and a light shown on her flank. When that light disappeared, a loud gasp was heard from Nate, Kate, and Doctor Oli.
They couldn't believe their eyes that Jane McTonny, a 18 minute old filly, got her cutie mark. Jane's cutie mark is of a cum filled womb, meaning of being a natural born breeder.
The randomly sapient pony sperm is the least abominable aspect of this entire story. That's how you know this is such a special level of bad.
Kate notice that her daughter needs something, so she grab Jane and put her in front of her crotchboobs and began to breastfeed Jane. She felt her nipple being sucked on. Her milk was being sucked out of her. "We will Oli Hanginton."
Yes, that's their main doctor's name. Doctor Oli Hanginton is her name.
Oh, you fools who expected a pony name. How do you feel now?
Oli added. "I'll even quit being a doctor for Manehatten Pediatrics and become your own personal doctor at your home instead so that I can be with you two in your own home."
Both Kate and Nate were shocked to hear that their wife Oli Hanginton, will quit being a doctor for this hospital and become their own personal doctor so that she can be with them at home. They both looked at Oli and nodded. "Do it."
Oli just smiled. "Thank you, you two. Now I'll just write up on why I'm quitting and just go home to your place." She went and left the room again to do just that.
Just a standard doctor thing to do. 
The chapter comes to a close with the doctor drinking her own piss and taking a nap on her shift. I am completely fucking serious.
What did we learn from this wretched experience?
Thank you for suffering through this with me. Perhaps I'll blog about more badfics soon.
It's funny how I can labour over a comedy story until it gets to 25,000 words and still not come close to crafting a sentence that fucking funny, by complete accident
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“Lets name this sperm John [sic]” was the line that got me.
Something tells me this blog post is not long for this world, but I WAS HERE nevar forgurt o7
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It’s not breaking any rules so it should be fine.
IT'S 3.8K WORDS!
Yes and no. I've come across many stories with these fetishes (either a combination or single) in this fandom and others. But never, in my 29 years of walking on god's green earth have I ever read a story with sapient sperm. And the sapient sperm has even more dialogue than the character that's getting violated minutes after being born. It truly is a sublevel human of bad.
...anyway
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Are you asking for more?
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Thank you for counting the dialogue attributed to the sperm.
Every time you quoted this story my mind went blank and I found myself wondering what the hell I was reading. At a point I just skipped to what you were saying next. Truely that story is completely insane... I find myself wondering if there is anything worse out there.
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Yes, there is genuinely worse on this site.
thanks for reminding me to read more ethesto
HELLO YES I HAVE ARRIVED.
I'm still reading the blog but that line made me laugh so hard I had to comment right away. I'll edit with more thoughts.
Edit:
Okay I'm back.
From the bathroom. because I threw up. Thanks i hate all of this.
I have nothing against smutfics. If that's your thing, either to write or to read, you do you. But there's a point where it crosses the line, and that point was about two or three words into this mess. If there's one thing I hate more than gross abhorrent smut content, it's badly written abhorrent smut content.
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Always glad to guide someone back to the classics.
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Your stuff is actually good though.
And you're welcome.
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In your despair, you must laugh.