Where's Hat Been? / Whatever Happened to the Iron Horse? (Preview!) · 10:43pm Jul 18th, 2023
The answer to both questions is surprisingly related...
Well, the general answer to the first question about why my updates have been so sporadic is pretty pedestrian: real-life, job stuff, and a bit of writer's block. That's the boring answer, but the good news is that I've been pushing past those issues and making it a point to write more and write more regularly.
But okay, here's the more interesting news: I've been working on a pair of novels that I intend to publish professionally.
"Oh, yeah, you and every other writer on this damn site," you might say. First of all, ouch, though you're not wrong. But here's why you might care:
While one is a Young Adult novel that is around 50k words so far, the other one is a non-pony version of "The Iron Horse," simply titled Everything's Better With Robots. It took me a long time to get to a place where I was ready to tackle this project, but I think it's finally time for Turing to meet the world outside of MLP. The book will be a re-telling of Turing Test's original story but with some obvious changes in style, setting, etc., but it will still be a sci-fi/fantasy comedy story with a lot of feels. So if you liked the original, you'll almost certainly like the re-imagining. 
My goal is to have the YA book done in the coming months, no later than the end of 2023, while Everything's Better With Robots will be a multi-volume story, and volume 1 will hopefully be done within a year. Unfortunately, the latter is still in the very early stages, but I owe a lot to all my readers who have been kind enough to read my work and share how much they enjoyed it so, as a treat, here's a portion of Chapter 1.
Keep in mind this is all very rudimentary and subject to change, and you'll no doubt see the pony expies at this stage, but I think this is at least good enough to share here at this point. I hope you all enjoy it. 
Once upon a time in the magical land of Falnumbra…
This is a story about robots. One typically hears things like “once upon a time” or “in the magical land of so-and-so” and it conjures up things like elves, princesses, wizards, maybe a unicorn or two, etc. You know the type.
All of these and more existed in Falnumbra, of course. It was a beautiful, peaceful land filled with magic and wonderful, fantastic beasts and numerous races who lived in harmony under a kind and benevolent queen.
But for all that, the cause of science had moved at a snail’s pace, such that the most advanced technology you were likely to find there were steam-powered trains that chuffed and puffed across the land, telegraphs, photographs, and - if you were rich - electric lightbulbs. Falnumbrans were living in an age when people shrugged their shoulders at levitation and conjuring fireballs but would see someone turn on a lamp and go, “Oooh, do it again!”
In such a place, there was obviously no such thing as a robot.
And then, one day, there was.
***
It came steadily from the darkened forest and down a deserted road, its silvery skin gleaming under a bright sun. The metallic sound of its feet hitting the stones in the dirt path was accompanied by the mechanical whirring of gears and a faint electric hum. It moved onward, completely undistracted by sights or sounds. Birds and wild animals fled as soon as they saw this alien creature. It slowed only for a moment as it came to a bend in the road and saw a trail leading off the dirt road and through a gathering of trees. It was not a natural forest; these were all apple trees. An orchard.
Far in the distance, over the trees and the nearby hamlet, it saw a glimmer of light shining like a beacon from the golden dome of the observatory. It tilted its head a moment, then looked at the path it was on, and then turned and stared out over the orchard with unblinking violet eyes.
“Faster route determined,” it uttered to itself in a synthetic, echoing voice. “Proceeding onward to Freeburg.” The thing left the sunny road and entered the orchard.
Now under the shade of the heavy, fruit-laden branches, its metallic exterior barely glinted in the dappled sunlight.
Soon, it would arrive.
***
Freeburg was a hamlet of around two thousand citizens that was nestled in a green valley between two neighboring mountain ranges. It had a train station, a post office, a few local guilds, a few taverns, and was best known to the world at large for being the birthplace and namesake of a popular loose meat sandwich served on a bun with mustard and a few toppings. (According to most Freeburgers - the people, that is - it was considered improper to serve ketchup on freeburgers - the sandwich, that is - for reasons that culinarians considered so obvious that they refused to explain by any other means than a long sigh and a rolling of the eyes; a tradition that remains to this very day.)
It was a quaint little village with old-style half-timbered buildings that did little to protect against the elements but looked adorable on postcards. It was so quaint, in fact, that the town council had almost put “O quam quant!” (Old Edoman for “Oh, how quaint!”) on the town seal. For the record, they opted for “Visne cum fricta?” instead, which, roughly translated, means “Do you want fries with that?” to capitalize on their local foodstuff’s growing popularity.
And yet, despite the appearance of the typical isolated, insular little mountain town where one expected to see a monoculture of one race of people with a lot of shared last names and not a lot of branches to their family trees, Freeburg was shockingly cosmopolitan and varied. While many cities across the kingdom were founded by elves, dwarves, humans, or other creatures and had remained so for ages, Freeburg was home to one of the most diverse populations in the nation. On a typical day, a walk through the streets of Freeburg offered views of all sorts of races: elves, dwarves, and humans, yes, but also harpies, ogres, and even a few succubi. It even had a centaur as mayor who’d won the most recent election despite being considered a dark half-horse candidate.
Nowhere was the diversity of Freeburg more apparent than in the lively Market Square. With its eclectic mix of local agriculture and skilled artisans, the town marketplace was the best place to get a good deal on almost anything a person needed, be it fresh produce, cookware, children’s toys, books, phonographs, medicine, or - if you knew who to ask - “medicine.”
But that morning, a young lady was just out for a few groceries and spotted one of her best friends at a rustic stand selling bushels of reddish-pink apples.
“Mornin’, Terra!” she called, waving her over.
“Good morning, Annie!” Terra replied, giving her a warm smile.
Terra Stelwyn was a petite elven woman of 20 years with olive-tinted skin and dark hair that draped down to her back and forward into a set of pronounced bangs. She was dressed in a blouse and trousers that looked quite plain, but she also wore a white gold necklace that hinted at her true station. Her ears, though pointed, were short and a bit stubby, and her eyes were deep purple. (This was not common for elves, it should be noted, unless said elf happened to be the protagonist of a Far Eastern graphic novel. In Terra Stelwyn’s case, it was an unintended side effect after years of intensely studying magic, which was known to alter the color of different body parts, usually the eyes and hair, with a few exceptions like the unfortunate case of Hermistris the Literally Silver-tongued.)
The young woman selling apples was Annie Chapman, a human female of 22 years. She was shorter than Terra and wore work clothes of cotton and denim along with a wide-brimmed brown felt hat and scuffed work boots. Her ruddy, sun-scorched skin was dotted with freckles and her dirty blonde hair was tied into a long braid. Small stature aside, she had a sturdy build and muscular arms and legs. With her strength, hardiness, short stature, and her ability to down copious amounts of hard cider, it wasn’t uncommon for strangers to mistake her for a very tall dwarf and get a black eye when they asked her why she’d shaved her beard.
Terra took a whiff of the sweet scent of the fruit behind Annie’s stall. “I’ll take a bushel of your finest, please.”
Annie nodded and immediately hauled up a sizable bushel, setting it on the counter of her stand. “There ya go, hon. On the house.”
Terra frowned. “Annie, no. I keep telling you, I don’t want any special favors.”
“No no,” Annie said, waving a hand dismissively. “I won’t hear none o’ that. Ya forecasted a year o’ plenty for me an’ the rest o’ the farmers in town. This is the least I can do.”
Terra rolled her eyes. “Annie, please. I read the stars and measured the flow of celestial energy to tell you how things might go. I didn’t actually make anything happen!”
“Well, just the same,” Annie said, though her resolve weakened under Terra’s gaze. “Fine, be that way. Ten leaves for the bushel.”
Terra crossed her arms. “Is that the actual price, or just for friends?”
“Fine, fifteen leaves!”
“Much better!” Terra said. Then she put on a sly look and leaned across the counter, resting an arm on it in a way that she must have thought looked casual and confident. “Now, do you think you could do ten leaves instead?”
“But… but I just offered it to ya for ten!”
“Yes, but that was because of privilege. This is haggling!”
Annie’s eye twitched. “Dang it, Terra, I ain’t got time to play around. Thirteen an’ that’s the final offer.”
“Deal!” Terra exclaimed, shaking her friend’s hand eagerly.
Annie couldn’t stay angry when she saw Terra’s face. The younger woman had grown up in the capital all her life, so when she’d been assigned to her post, she immediately did her best to dispel any notions of elitism or privilege and demanded to be treated like any other common citizen.
The villagers did their best to accommodate her, but it wasn’t easy considering that she wasn’t just some government official but the Royal Astrologer, and a prodigious mage to boot. (Or not to boot. Footwear was footwear to a mage.)
With a flick of her wrist, Terra caused the bushel of apples to levitate, and it gently floated over to the line of groceries that followed her in midair like she was the leader of the world’s most edible parade.
Then her smile wavered a bit. “Actually, Annie, there’s something else I wanted to mention,” she said, leaning in closer to her. “I didn’t just come here for apples.”
Annie blinked. “Well, I mean… I got other veggies, too.”
“No, what I mean is… well, I’ll just come out and say it,” Terra said, sighing. “I did a reading the other day, and I detected an incredible flow of celestial energy that was flowing through my own star. Something important is coming soon, and it’s coming for me.”
“Oh. So, ya think you’ll finally get yerself a fella? Some of the boys around here oughta be happy to hear that.”
“No no no!” Terra sputtered. “Well… no, I don’t think so. I mean, it would be nice, I suppose…”
“Early congratulations, I guess,” Annie said. “But what’s this got to do with me?” she asked, crossing her arms.
Terra recomposed herself. “Annie, the energy is flowing to me, but tracing its path back, it comes through the star of Katree, the Harvester. I think that symbolizes you.”
Annie paused to consider that. “I mean, there are other farmers in Freeburg. Doesn’t have to be me.”
“True, but I adjusted my instruments and calibrated my divination to myself. It has to be someone close to me, and you’re a farmer and a close friend.”
Annie smiled. “Well, ain’t that sweet? All right, assumin’ I buy this, what am I supposed to do about it?”
“That’s up to you, Annie,” Terra said solemnly. “As I said, I just read the stars to find out what might happen, but nothing is set in stone. Whatever’s coming, it will come to you first, and you’ll have to make a decision about what to do next.”
Annie rubbed her temples. “I didn’t ask for this,” she muttered. “I just wanted to sell some fruit, then go home, have dinner, have a drink or two, then call it a day. Well, fine, I’ll keep my eyes open. But if this ends up with you datin’ one of my exes, I’ll throttle ya.”
“Fair enough. Thanks, Annie,” Terra said with a smile. She began to walk off. “Oh, and you might want to pack up pretty soon,” she added, glancing over her shoulder. “It’s going to rain.”
Annie raised the brim of her hat and glanced up. While there were some scattered clouds, the sky was otherwise quite clear and sunny.
“You sure about that, hon?” she asked.
“Meteorology is one of my hobbies, you know. I ran the measurements this morning!” Terra hollered as she continued walking away. “In fact…”
Annie felt a chill as a stiff breeze blew through the marketplace, causing merchants and customers with lighter goods to scramble to collect anything swept away by the sudden wind. She looked up and saw a cascade of clouds rising over the mountains and spilling downward toward the valley in a manner that resembled a pot of pasta boiling over.
“Yep, never shoulda doubted her,” Annie grumbled as she hurriedly began to pack her goods back into her cart and hitch up her horse. “Wonder if I can beat the rain back home…”
***
The answer, it turned out, was no, she could not. And while she had a raincoat, it did little to keep her dry as she guided her horse-drawn cart through the downpour of rain.
The rain itself wasn’t what worried, her though. Granted, she wanted to make sure her house and barn were shut tight and her animals protected, but what really worried her was the lightning.
Though the rain was so heavy and the clouds so thick that she could barely even see the country road ahead, searing white streaks of lightning crisscrossed the sky, illuminating her family’s orchard around her in brilliant flashes followed by cacophonous peals of thunder that shook her very bones.
The horse spooked and slowed, bringing them to a halt a few times before she could convince the poor creature to proceed.
“Come on, Brownie!” she hollered over the storm. “We gotta get you home! Just think of the warm, dry stable, an’ that nice mare in the stall next to ya!”
But then she saw that Brownie wasn’t merely startled by the crashing thunder. Through the pouring rain and with brief flashes of lightning, she saw that someone had emerged from trees up ahead. Though they were almost impossible to see, they seemed to be approaching the cart steadily, as if in no hurry, totally unperturbed by the rain.
Though the strange figure was several dozen meters ahead, they appeared to be wearing some sort of metallic armor over their entire body and their eyes appeared to be… glowing?
Annie raised her hand to shield her eyes and saw that the figure did indeed appear to have glowing violet eyes. In the darkness between lightning flashes, in fact, those eyes were all she could see.
She was about to call out to the strange before her when the sky seemed to split open and a deafening blast roared out over the rain-whipped trees and a bolt of blinding white struck the middle of the road.
In the brief flash that left her seeing spots, Annie caught a glimpse of the stranger’s contorted body as the lightning struck them, their limbs twisting in all directions as the electricity coursed through them.
Brownie reared up, letting out a long whinny in surprise and fear. Annie managed to rein him in, but then immediately leapt from her seat on the cart, her boots sinking into the mud as she made her way toward the figure.
But she saw that the stranger was still approaching her. But now those glowing eyes were seemingly blinking - dark one minute and violet the next - and the figure was now staggering toward her as steam poured off their metallic exterior.
“H-hey!” she managed to call out, despite her fear and racing pulse. “Are… are you okay?! Do you need help?”
The thing before her looked up at her unsteadily, and a strange whirring filled the air as it took each wobbly step. In a jittery, metallic voice, it managed to stammer, “T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T—”
“What’s that?” Annie asked, unsure if she wanted to get closer to this strange figure in armor. There was a strange, unnatural distortion to the stranger’s voice, and it reverberated in a way Annie had never heard.
“T-T-T-T-TER-TER-TER-RAAA,” it stopped and then, its legs giving out as it took a few final steps, it made one more attempt at speech. “TER-TERRRAAAA ST-STELWYNzzzt!”
The thing finally gave a distorted wheeze as it stumbled and pitched forward, collapsing loudly in a smoldering heap as its purple eyes went dark, the rain and mud sizzling off its metal exterior.
Annie could only stare at the strange spectacle that had played out before her, but a moment later her brain re-engaged and she rushed to the cart, removing the tarp she’d placed over her remaining apple bushels. Using the tarp, she gathered up the fallen stranger and picked her up, intending to place her in the back of the cart to drive her back to the town hospital.
It was then that she realized that the stranger was exceptionally heavy. Now that she was close, the figure appeared to be a young woman clad from head to toe in armor, but she was so heavy that even Annie had to give up on carrying her back to the cart and instead dragged her by the feet until she somehow managed to hoist her into the back of the cart.
“Sorry, Brownie,” she hollered, launching herself back into the driver’s seat, “but that cute mare is gonna have to wait. We gotta get to a hospital right now!”
That's all for now, folks. Let me know if you have any thoughts, feedback, or questions. Thanks again for reading.
How serendipitous that you would choose the name “Terra,” for that is the name of the character whom Twilight replaces in the pony adaptation/romhack of Final Fantasy VI for the NES: Filly Fantasy VI.
I look forward to the final publication.
As you said it's pretty 1:1 right now, but I will definitely look forward to this as it progresses.
5738484
That, plus it sounds like "Tara," as in "Tara Strong," Twilight's VA.
5738486
It will definitely evolve a bit, but I've made it a point to change a few things. It would be boring - not to mention impractical - to just swap out pony names for human names and otherwise keep it the same.
Originally, Turing was found by the CMCs, but I switched it to just have AJ's expy find her. A bigger change is the narrative voice, which more closely resembles the way I write these days, though I'm still on the fence if I want to adopt such a "Lemony" style.
Pretty cool. I look forward to more.
Promising. Keep it up.
5738512
That's the plan!
Oooh the books just in its beginning stages and I already want it!
5738521
Hopefully folks still feel that way when it's actually done!
5738526
Well I absolutely adored Turing tests adventures through equestria and really enjoyed her as a character so I'm more than hyped to read how a humanoid version fares in a more traditional high fantasy world. Makes me want to brush off the character sheet for my old warforged, gadget, again and find a campaign for them lol. Looking forward to purchasing your book when it comes available
Oh my gooooooooosh!
I am flat broke, but I will sell possessions to buy this book when it's out!
I love seeing this adaptation to the core story! Can't wait to read the full novel when it comes out. Good luck!
I've still not gotten to Natural Light, sorry. So many things coming up, other story updates...
Maybe I should make time for it some time... relatively soon...
Ooh! Good luck with the novels! :D
And the part you shared seems a good start. :)
I mean, the deponification felt somewhat odd, but that presumably wouldn't be the case for someone who'd not experienced the story in pony form first.
5740814
No worries, Natural Light is a bit on-again, off-again anyway. Glad you enjoyed the story, even if it is a little hard to completely separate it from its equine origins!
Nice. I am curious how you would handle the world building aspects, especially since for the original fanfic, you had an entire world already with characters that you could assume the reader will know, while you cannot assume such in this retelling.
5741035
Thanks. :)
5741066
That is the ever-present issue, isn't it? Writing exposition and having it not suck.
Which is part of the reason I've opted for a more lemony narration style. We'll see how it works out down the road.
Turing evolving from fanfic to YA novel. Surprise indeed. I wonder if I will have the means to buy myself a copy.