Need some feedback.

Hey everyone,

I need a little feedback on Phoenix-born. Namely, has Raven seemed out of character in the last few chapters? I have a feeling about the answer, but I'd like outside perspectives on the matter.

Thanks.

The Voice in the Water

Comments

[Secundum]

A little, yeah. She's seeming more like someone that would want the 'correct' person to become a Phoenix Born, which is what she was trying to stop.

[Theresa]

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Plus she is forgetting that being honest with someone who you want to trust you will gain more cooperation in the long run plus this isn't an adult who is used to putting up with not nice people. She is rushing sunset into her new role and sunset is still a kid who is still trying to get use to all the changes and just needs friends who don't care who she is in society or where she from but like her for her. She should have explained all the things she has done the minute the girls were revealed to Phoenix born. It be a long time before sunset loses her mortal mindset.

[midnight arrow]

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i agree with them

[MLfan]

Yeah, I get where you're coming from. She's come across a bit mean-spirited lately, and hasn't been dealing with Sunset's childish tendencies with the grace she did before. Before the ceremony, she was often able to redirect that passion into more productive means, where now she's utterly failing to connect like the did before. I don't necessarily think it should be edited or anything, but I wouldn't mind a scene where she's called out on it by someone, and she has to realize she's been doing things wrong. There are ways to explain the behavior shift IC: maybe she's incorrectly seeing Sunset differently now that she's a fellow Phoenixborn, or she's not used to forming nonpolitical long-term relationships. Obviously that's just my take though!

[Forevermore]

I wouldn't go so far as to call it "out of character" so much as we're getting a better look beneath the mask of public persona. Raven, for all her experience and longevity, is still human at the end of the day. With all the weaknesses and faults that entails. She's been under tremendous stress for a very long time and every time she seems to be making progress it turns out to be even more complications.
Add onto that she's very out of her element when it comes to raising a child (let alone one as willful and fiercely intelligent as Sunset) and you've got a recipe for some serious cracks in her armor. At the end of the day, Raven is not emotionally or intellectually equipped to raise Sunset but she's also in a position where she can't easily hand her off to someone else. The only other person really qualified to do so would be Roseluck who has her own mountain of responsibilities to deal with. Spitfire's right off the table just for being kind of a shit in general. Steel has had actual children and for all we know he was a great father (judging by his relationship with Flash Sentry). There's only about a thousand reasons why him raising Sunset would be a terrible idea.
I don't think there's anything wrong with how you've written Raven so far from a writing standpoint. But she would absolutely benefit from a co-parent. Maybe Dawn Wings? She gave Sunset some very solid advice not too long ago and might be one of the only people alive actually willing to look the seneschal in the eye and say "You need to take a step back."

[Xarmar13]

Whether you raise a child or raise a nation, either one requires the right combination of a gentle touch and a firm grip. Too much of one can leave the child or the nation unbalanced. Too gentle and the child becomes spoiled, too firm and the child becomes unruly and rebellious.

Right now, Sunset seems to view Raven and Roseluck as parental figures, but with Raven being as strict as she is, it's fueling Sunset's rebellious streak whereas with Roseluck taking a gentle approach, it makes Sunset more receptive to her.

It's also not helping that social expectations that are better handled by adults are being placed on Sunset which she is far from ready to handle. If she were born a Heliopolis citizen then she would have been a little more prepared but that isn't the case here.

Frankly, I'm not even sure if Raven knows what she is doing when it comes to Sunset. It seems to me that Heliopolis, the Eastern Territories and the Western Territories are so culturally divided that they might as well be their own countries. Even if Raven tried the same method she used when raising Roseluck, it isn't going to work with Sunset.

I also think that Raven is treating the matter of raising Sunset like something to fit into her busy schedule and that is a bad idea.

What Raven needs to do is to take the time to understand Sunset better and to custom tailor her education to an acceptable compromise. Maybe she could throw in a little positive reinforcement. Otherwise Raven may end up with another Spitfire in the end.

Okay, that's the end of my rant.

[_CheckMate_]

I kinda agree with what the others have said. While Raven has done a decent job with Sunset in the past redirecting her by asking questions and making her think things through, this recent development of her merely telling Sunset what to do without explaining isn't really working. Perhaps she is too time crunched to use her usual methods or is under stress that is making her forget her usual Sunset-taming methods and instead falling back to her usual Helios-citizen wrangling. It may not be quite OOC, but a different look beneath the infallible persona she's been trying to present. Either time to self-reflect or someone confiding/scolding her is what the Goddess ordered. I'd actually think that Steel would be a good candidate to show the side of him more used to dealing with kids (Flash). While he might not do so out of the goodness of his heart, I don't think he would miss a chance to one-up Raven in something she doesn't quite grasp.

[Revel Montaro]

I understand her apprehension, especially since I am dealing with a now 13 year old daily, but Raven has been down this road before. She saw every other Phoenix-born raised. She saw Steel as a child, Spitfire, Roseluck, all of them. She HAS done this before. As others have said she is coming off as rushing things, which is strange in that as an immortal you have plenty of time, which makes me wonder if she feels they are on a time limit. As if she knows/thinks this is a critical moment in history and needs this new phoenix-born ready for the next crisis sooner than later. If so, then that is more information she is compartmentalizing for the 'greater good.'

I agree that a reality check from Dawn wings could do wonders.

[Dr Mysterious Shade]

Not necessarily OOC per say, but I think Raven forgets that she's dealing with a child from the western boonies. One who didn't actually want the blessing/curse that was thrust upon her and who isn't aware of or accustomed to the life of nobles.

[Tsuguri]

Just reinforcing what the others have said.

Not really OOC, but she has been acting differently than she used too. I was figuring you were setting up an example of how she was still fallible when the crunch happens. The time lines of prepping for the festival, Sunset causing trouble with Blueblood, all the hassle with the ascension fallout, helping to govern the country, dealing with the various from Steel and Spitfire, ect... she fell back into her old ways and expected Sunset to keep up

Thought that when whomever smacked her upside the head would make her realize what she was doing and then she would need to try and reconcile. Which could help Sunset trust her a bit more later on while also teaching her that the Phoenix Born are still just human after all and still make mistakes. Constantly sometimes.

[lifeguard15]

She's not OoC necessarily but she is being very harsh to Sunset and I understand Sunset is difficult to deal with but I feel like she is definitely rushing sunset's growth despite being immortal.

[The Voice in the Water]

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Thanks everyone. This is just what I needed.