Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #42 · 6:00pm Dec 19th, 2022
You know, no matter how much I tell myself this is the year to get Christmas preparations sorted nice and early, they always build up towards the end. This despite me indeed getting some done early. But between yet more Christmas shopping, other bits and bobs, and a Jinglemas story that has been a slow nut to crack, I’ve got a hectic week ahead. Even with today being my last day of work until the new year.
It’l be worth it in the end, of course; Dec 24th onward will allow for some much-appreciated relaxation without stress (and yes, regular attempts at relaxation do sometimes still carry stress with them, usually that of obligation). As they say, eyes on the prize and all that.
[In other news, I saw and adored Avatar: The Way of Water. Actual pure, sincere visceral cinematic experiences, a total 180 from the quip-addicted jokey tone of most ‘cinema’ these days, is a real treat when done right, enough so that the flaws – and they do exist – didn’t bother me.]
Back to a regular menagerie of stories this week. In light of the time of year and wanting to provide happiness, I’ve skewed these fics towards those with higher ratings than if I’d stuck to my usual order and selection methods. Just to provide you with a good time. Because, sure, that’s what we want this time of year. Nothing festive or Hearth’s Warming-themed here, more skewing towards adventure, comedy, and feel-good yet nuanced character relationships. As it were. The festive-themed stories are for next time 
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
The Amazing Adventures of Captain Invincible! by shallow15
...And Borrowing Dulls The Edge Of Husbandry by Softy8088
A Day for Mommy by Hivemind
The Lessons Left Unlearned by Donnys Boy
The Book of Ended Lives by Loganberry
Weekly Word Count: 46,972 Words
The Amazing Adventures of Captain Invincible! by shallow15
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Spike, Mane 6, CMCs, Derp Cheerilee
30,149 Words
January 2013-January 2014Reread
An ordinary day of reshelving books for Twilight turns decidedly unordinary when she finds a journal she’d gifted to Spike before their move to Ponyville stuffed behind some shelves. Unordinary because within its pages, she finds an original fiction starring Spike as a superhero, with all the other players modelled after his friends. Against her better will, Twilight can’t stop reading. Which is a problem, as Spike put in a big disclaimer stating it was for his eyes only.
There are many levels on which this story excels, such that I’m having trouble deciding which is the most important. Certainly, they all boost each other. To begin with, this is an unbridled joy mashing up many stylistic elements from different comics eras, prominently Silver Age with a bit of Bronze, and thus even when the plot of the narrative gets a bit melodramatic and overly moody or gloomy, it’s never anything less than an absolute corker of a read, with exactly the kind of unbridled gee-whiz colourful pop mentality elevating the simple black-and-white situation of colourful, eccentric personalities, exactly what a tween boy would adore (we’ll get to that). Sounds like a dicey proposition, but it really is done very well (not quite Sam Raimi Spider-Man, but close). Almost fully untroubled with having to stick to canon personalities or commit to an MLP-suitable character arc, it’s a country mile better than either the Power Ponies episode or the Power Ponies comic (though that one’s pretty good, and captures much of the same Silver Age effervescence, especially in its Rogue’s Gallery plucked from 60’s Batman by way of The Powerpuff Girls).
That’s one element. Then, of course, we have the author effectively ghostwriting as Spike from the story-within-a-story. This manifests in the prosaic writing at the micro level, feeling like how a tween would write with all the immersion-breaking lack of language control taken out (except for elements in the first chapter, where it’s the point to be a bit rough, reflecting Spike breaking in his writing muscles). More obviously, it manifests in the story’s content, making a plot and structure that would be rather jerry-rigged and rickety in isolation make perfect sense in context, while still being enjoyable without that context. And, the most joyful element comes from seeing which of Spike’s friends each new role corresponds to. Not just standard cartoon story-within-a-story substitution either (the Cheerilee and Derpy analogues share their bodies and one token attribute with their inspirations, nothing more), and even when it is, the story doesn’t mug them for laughs, delivering their speech patterns and attitude, maybe with a delightfully appropriate superpower or leaning along the way. Nor are they reflecting what Spike thinks of his friends (well, outside of Rarity as a Lois Lane analogue, and possibly the final antagonist), which is a good thing, given there’s twice as many bad guys as good guys here.
Between these two elements, the fic is able to brush over very nearly all actual issues along the way with an “oh, that doesn’t matter”, be it the story devolving from a more gung-ho “villain(s) of the week” structure to a villain team-up story that gets too wrapped up in pure plot as it goes (somewhat justified in much of the second half being written after Twilight confesses to Spike of reading it, thus adjusting his focus of delivery), some inappropriate cliffhangers that distract Twilight’s reading for poor chapter breaks, and occasional slippage of the voice therein. The only point I find fault with is the framing story, which is a contradiction, given how the content and layering of this adventure loses all double-meaning that makes it excel (it would be diluted, at least). So it is essential, and the story there of Twilight’s guilt and making things up with Spike is conceptually fine, and a nice sedate contrast. Plus, it has unstressed commentary on the writing process and why one writes, one done with suitable grace and restraint that makes it resonate stronger. Yet it feels undernourished, mostly in how the prose style there isn’t more then marginally different than for Spike’s story, where it’s not depicting heightened superhero characters with exaggerated personalities. It doesn’t make them a drag or anything, but it does make them feel artificial.
No matter, they don’t harm much. This was very nearly as much unrestrained kinetic joy as when I read it before, and while it’s an easy fic to pick apart, it’s simply so much giddy fun that it seems cruel to do so. Not one to skip on by, my friends!
Rating: Really Good
...And Borrowing Dulls The Edge Of Husbandry by Softy8088
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie
8,588 Words
May 2014Reread
One incident after another has left Sweet Apple Acres in deep financial trouble, and thus Applejack finds herself approaching Twilight for a loan. The good news – Twilight has the money. The bad news – she doesn’t want to loan it, fearing it may ruin their friendship. Yet Applejack’s determined to be no charity case. With neither party willing to relinquish on their principles, it falls to Pinkie to act as negotiator. Course, she’s caught between an earth farmer and a stubborn unicorn…
I’m going to get the one major flaw with this story out of the way – it is indecently long. Or, well, not even long, but meandering. Not just that 8.2K is far more than is needed or ideal for two conversations that are largely just exposition dumps (funny dumps, mind), but the actual flow is awfully circumspect, with diversion and asides lasting long enough you’d think that’s the new direction, until the flow returns to the initial matter. And so forth. This is all subtly felt, for a reason I’ll get into shortly, and thus not a drag on the reading experience at all, yet it’s hard to shake off in the aftermath.
That aside, I adored this once again. The early-show charm and encapsulation of the characters is perfectly on point. In the former camp, the nature of the conversations, the backdrop of Twilight’s failed cooking and Applejack’s harvesting, and many of the gags make it feel right at home in Season 2 (a throwback even at the time, for this was written during Season 4; an author after my own heart!). And that’s while tackling a topic, financial loans, that could never be done on the show, and making it gel with this.
In the latter camp, there’s not a word of dialogue from either AJ or Twi that feels out of place, with their brittle edges making their lines flow with energy and spark while keeping them sympathetic and believable in sticking to their guns. Of course, the real standout is Pinkie, fully in her “wiser than she lets on” mode, yet not sacrificing her naivety either, and keeping within the wheelhouse of her zaniness even when being shrewd.
There are a few other niggles; an epilogue chapter that is fine but softens the perfect ending, the exposition standing to do with being better organically integrated throughout, and some jokes landing a bit softly, and some prose slips (plus Lavender Unicorn Syndrome a little distractingly in places). But the comic-yet-sincere characterisation, the tone, the atmosphere and pleasantry, that all carries it to a delightful, fun rush, and if its slack pacing and meandering direction means it’s not quite a fan-written classic, it’s pretty darn close. I was surprised how much of this I remembered, four-years-and-change after I read it last, and if that doesn’t speak highly of its strengths, I don’t know what does.
Rating: Really Good
A Day for Mommy by Hivemind
Genre: Slice of Life
Fluttershy
1,085 Words
May 2013Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Mother's Day means many things all across Equestria, but primarily it's a chance for everypony to show gratitude to those most important in their lives. And there are few ponies for whom this is more true than Fluttershy.
The actual content of this fic is as typical and predictable as you might expect. Though if this is your first fic of this variety, it's not a bad one to start off with; it's the right length, it doesn't play the ending up for undeserved pathos but instead just presents it as a fact of life, the tone through is most wistful than melancholy, and the bulk of the fic is well-constructed language laying out just what Mother's Day bring out in ponies across Equestria. It's not enough to make the fic feel fresh, but it does keep it from being stale.
So, as far as 1K diversions with not a single surprise go, this is a reasonable effort. More so if you like Fluttershy being quiet and reserved, yet with her own inner strength.
Rating: Decent
The Lessons Left Unlearned by Donnys Boy
Genre: Slice of Life
Fluttershy, Pinkie
3,168 Words
February 2014Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Following Fluttershy’s first non-curtained performance with the Ponytones, not all is well again. Pinkie notices that Fluttershy’s smiles are not quite all there whenever she’s around. They’re… broken. And the worst part is, Pinkie knows she did something wrong, but she can’t figure out what it is. Even an accepted apology hasn’t fixed this.
For the record, I do not find Filli Vanilli a broken episode on the part of Pinkie’s two in-your-face moments of intensity to Fluttershy – point of fact, it’s one of my favourite Season Four episodes. And thus, I’d be naturally wary of a resolution fic for that going way too far. This doesn’t: it is, above all else, a character study of someone who has immense difficulty reading emotional nuances in others, and instinctively pigeonholing everything in clear, isolated boxes. As we follow Pinkie getting advice from her friends that she can’t make sense of, and her eventually realising one off aspect enough to learn the rest from Fluttershy via a convoluted comparison, it’s remarkable how tight the character voice is. Donnys Boy never lets us forget Pinkie can’t understand these things, but is trying to and trying to do right by her friends, even if she doesn’t get it.
Pairing Pinkie and Fluttershy opposite each other must be tricky, as their personalities lend themselves less to bouncing off one another then Pinkie’s smothering Fluttershy (at least until the time of Buckball Season, when Fluttershy was less reserved). That this finds an avenue to get something else out of it, all while keeping Pinkie’s energy and enthusiasm while not exaggerating her into parody, marks it as quite the worthwhile read. Though it’s possible some edits made in the days after its release (primarily to the sections with the rest of the Mane 6) helped.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Book of Ended Lives by Loganberry
Genre: Drama/Sad/Slice of Life
Applejack, OC
3,982 Words
February 2017
Last Account’s job seems pretty simple on the surface: manage Ponyville’s Book of Ended Lives. Of course, that doesn’t account for interacting with ponies in the pits of mourning. And not just mourning the loss of ponies – animals too, with Fluttershy’s frequent visits for her animals friends being the perfect example of how close ponies can be to other creatures. Today, however, is a different kind of animal report. Applejack is logging the death of a Timberwolf she took out.
This fic’s a little divided and unfocused for my liking, though the positives do outweigh the downsides. As the conversation between the two proceeds, and AJ recollects the last time the two met in circumstances like this, she is nicely portrayed as not being quite in her right frame of mind, a little more short-tempered than usual. It helps to give the sparse prose and Last Account’s narrative voice, trying to stay collected, the right level of energy and momentum, making the fic, after a bit of a sluggish start before it gets down to the meat of things, a good pace. The same applies to his increasing discomfort as the piece proceeds. Narrative voice and character interiority is strong here.
What undermines this for me somewhat is the conflicting tones of the various bits Applejack delves into, and some flip-flopping as regards how she treats Last Account. It’s mostly fine, but there are some points that go a bit too strong or unfair. Perhaps more context or backstory could have alleviated that, but that would also undermine the narrow focus and brevity that gives the piece its power. Structural dilemmas are tricky to reconcile, aren’t they?
Still, otherwise this is quite a strong fic: Loganberry modulates his usual comedic fluffy style to a more somber biting voice mostly with success (there are some passages and prose that strains marginally, but not enough to detract). A bit muddled and compromised, but it’s got plenty of character.
Rating: Pretty Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Decent: 1
Passable: 0
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Thanks for your review!
Oh my gosh I love Lessons Left Unlearned. Donny Boy manages to capture Pinkie and Fluttershy's relationship in such a satisfying way. I always thought it'd be hard for those two to navigate each other and he really shows how they manage to do it. Such a good story
"Borrowing" is probably one of my favorite fics of all. A believable conflict without handing anyone the idiot ball, a lovely showcase of the strengths and flaws of the feuding duo, a lot of quiet humor and an altogether brilliant resolution. While 'long' for a one-shot it's overall a bite-sized happy distraction I keep coming back to again and again.
5704145
Given I remembered quite a bit upon reading it again for the first time in four years (I could tell it was four years because that was when I read Ponyfic here before I created an account, in August 2018, so there was no tick for this account having 'read' it), I'm inclined to agree with you. Even when I feel duty-bound to point out "it could have been a little better still just by being sleeker", it's a pretty darn fantastic one, as they go. For sure one I'll read again, and not with a four-plus year gap next time!
other than the third one, which I've never read, this was a solid slate of stories :D
man, I miss Donnys Boy though D:
Good to see ...And Borrowing Dulls The Edge Of Husbandry in there, as it's been a long time since I've seen anyone mention it. I read it back in 2015 and also liked it. Perhaps not quite as much as you (on your scale, it would have been a solid "Pretty Good" I think) but well enough. I'm right with you on how well the fic does Pinkie, certainly. It got a little overshadowed when I reviewed it as I happened to cover a little thing called The Celestia Code in the same week, but I'm glad the story is still around and still being read.
As for the others, I still haven't read ...Captain Invincible! which is to my shame as it's been on my RiL list for ages. I should probably do something about that. I'd never heard of Hivemind's fic before, but a 1k-word Flutterfic has a good chance of being read by yours truly at some point, even if it's not likely to blow me away. And although I haven't read that Donnys Boy fic, one of that author's stories was among the first I ever reviewed and liked (Almost Beautiful, if you're curious) so I may give that a shot as well at some point.
...oh yeah, there's that Applejack fic too, isn't there?
You're not the first person to note that Applejack isn't entirely consistent with how she treats Last Account. I wrote her that way deliberately -- it's intentional that a few of the things she says don't feel entirely fair -- but it wasn't easy to judge how to write that and I'm not surprised that not every reader was entirely convinced. As you say, I wanted to keep the focus tight and so too much background stuff would have diluted that. (As an aside, the flashback to Fluttershy's visit to Last Account was about twice as long in a draft version and was cut down for exactly that reason.)
"Narrative voice and character interiority is strong here" is a line I'm never going to be unhappy to read about something I've written, though! No complaints with the review and I'm glad you mostly enjoyed the fic, even with a few reservations. I'll take a Pretty Good -- thanks for the review!
5704148
Haha, yep, one of those weeks where it's almost fully stuff you've read before!
Happens when you've reviewed 6000+ stories, of course.
Whenever I review a story from an author I don't already know to still be active, I usually take a glance at when they were last online. Of course, in many cases they may not have posted a story in years, but could have been online here for a random check-in recently, even if they have otherwise dropped out of the fandom. After all, other than one fic in April 2017, Blueshift stopped writing Ponyfic in January 2015, yet he was online (or at least had an occasional check-in, you'd know better than I would) up until January 2020. Which is plenty alarming still, of course.
Regardless, for Donnys Boy, a "Last Seen: May 20th 2015" from an author that wrote over 20 stories, and who, to read from their profile, seems to have just vanished, is concerning and a bit sad. Anyone ever find out if anything happened to him, or is it still a mystery?
5704223
Ah, so a time long forgotten, when Logan could review novel-length Ponyfics in the same week as other normal-length fics. What must that have been like…
Obviously nearly any fic would seem minor next to that (you know I adore The Celestia Code), so, hey, timing's a tricky customer. Fic's still plenty strong, mind! I guess one reason it got Really Good for me was that it managed to be really funny while still also being a believable plot with character dilemmas I was invested in.
Hopefully my endorsement sells it for you! And also hopefully its just on the side of a length barrier as to not require a spotlight to cover, though I wouldn't complain if it did need one, given it means you can discuss spoilers!
It was one of those fics I read purely because Scribbler's new reading of it (though one recorded back in August 2013, which tracks, she reads very few fics these days) popped up on my feed, and it was only eight minutes long. Which certainly tracks, given its eventual rating. But, it is a better take on this idea than some (a fic will a similar concept recently only netted a Passable), so the Decent isn't nothing. Given you often like to slot in quick 1-2K fics to fill up your Ponyfic Reviews, I can see it working fine for you.
Yes, I did read the comments and see what other readers had noted. Not that you could have known that. Always a tricky debate, balancing that, and even here, it was more of a niggling flaw than a harmful one.
Ah, so that wouldn't be the thing you changed in the fic after publication, then? In any case, sounds like a wise call.
As Iron Will might say, "When someone walks the walk, tell them they rock the rock!"
Not at all, buddy! Hope it made for a nice li'l early
ChristmasHearth's Warming present for you!5704236
I think I read recently that Blueshift still makes occasional visits to a Discord group that some people here (not me) frequent, so as far as I know he's still around in some capacity. Good if so.
5704239
No. If you've read the comments, you probably saw someone pointing out a flaw relating to timberwolves' ability to reform after destruction. I agreed with the commenter and eventually did a quick fix on that. It's why Applejack makes that brief reference to how Sweet Apple Acres isn't where it is for the hay of it. The implication is that it's there because there's some magic (along the lines of a ward) that prevents the re-forming. Although, as AJ notes, that magic "ain't gettin' any younger each day"...
5704248
Yeah, Blueshift still exists, he's not goin' anywhere. :)