• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 2,291 Views, 39 Comments

retirement in equestria - bigheart675

The mercenaries of TF2 retire in Equestria after they finish their 6 years of fighting. Will they learn to live in peace or will their antics cause disrupt the happiness of equstria?

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The Meeting

Heavy was the first one to wake up, his internal clock told him it was sandvich time. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed one of the many sandviches inside. He sat down and began loudly eating his meal, “Om nom nom, nom nom” as he finished his food and idea came into his head. Why not visit the little ponies down in Ponyville? He decided to take Pyro with because Pyro lost one of his favorite hats in the forest.

“Pyro” Heavy whispered as he shook the arsonist “I go see little ponies, will you come?”

“Mmhuh” it mumbled back as Heavy made his way to the door with Sasha safely in his pack

They walked found a dirt path and walked down it till they reached a small woodland cottage. Heavy knocked on the door and then looked at Pyro, who was laughing. Heavy massive fist had punched a hole clean through the door. Inside Fluttershy awoke to the sound of wood splintering. She let out a small epp and decided to see what made the noise. She opened her door and was greeted with a pair of large creatures she had never seen before. She quickly backed away and yelled

“Don’t hurt me please!”

“We will not hurt tiny yellow pony. Heavy is sorry for scaring you”

“Wait, you talk?!” she blurted out

“Yes, I am Heavy weapons guy and this is Pyro” he said pointing to Pyro who was trying to light a blade of grass using a lighter

“Mmh” he gave a thumbs up as Fluttershy slowly inched toward the two.

“What is you name tiny pony?”

“Flutt.. shy”


“Fluttershy” she said after a few more moments

“Good, now can Fluttershy take us to pony town?”

“Oh, of course I can let’s go see Twilight first”

“Da, that will work” he said as trio exited Fluttershy’s cottage and headed down the path toward Ponyville

Sniper awoke to the feeling of metal being drawn across his back. He instantly reached for his kukri but stopped when he heard Soldier shout

“Where did that oversized Russian and Walking tire go! We need to find them before they find the ponies”
He turned to see Spy idly toying with his knife as the rest of the team searched frantically for the lost mercs.

“Sniper, did you hear anything last night” asked Engie

“Na, nothing but the sound of Heavy snoring.” He responded

“Um fellas, we may have a bit of a problem.” Scout said nervously

“What is it” asked the Medic

“I found dis note hear”

The team moved over to see scout holding a piece of paper that read

Went to go see pony town with Pyro be back soon. Heavy

Silence reigned for a few seconds before soldier shouted

“Solly, calm down we’ll find them before they do anything stupid” Sniper reassured him

“No, this your fault”

“My fault, what I do?”

“You fell asleep on watch duty! Medic hand me a beer, NOW!”

Medic ran to the fridge grabbing the first can in sight. Soldier popped it open and took a long swig. He then started to
scream as clutched his head in pain. The rest of the team slowly backed away from their friend, already knowing what was about to happen.

“I am PAINis CUPCAKE! I will eat you!” he uttered mechanically

“aww piss”

The team tried to contain the wild Panis Cupcake but he dashed out the front door clicking all the way

“Ve must follow our friend before he hurts someone in ze town” Medic cried frantically

“What ‘he drink anyway?” asked Engie

“One of ma Bonk! Drinks.” Answered Scout

The team hurried out the door after their strange colleague

As Fluttershy accompanied her new friends into town many of the townsfolk began hiding from the two humans.

“Gosh, everypony seems to be really busy today” she said as watching the streets empty as they walked through

“Mmhmm Mmmh” pyro responded

“What’d he say? “asked Fluttershy

“Said small ponies are running away from us” Heavy answered

“Well you are kinda scary, but I’m taking you to Twilight so we can learn more about you.” She said cheerfully

Heavy stopped in his tracks, eyes fixed on the horizon

“Whats wrong Heavy”

“Little flutter pony should be careful when wanting stories, not all come cheap. Come let us talk no more till we reach Twilight."

“Uh, we’re here already”

Heavy turned around and saw the large tree that housed Ponyville’s public library. Fluttershy tapped the door lightly and was quickly pulled inside by a pink blur.

“Fluttershy! Thank goodness you’re safe from those monsters!” Pinkie exclaimed

Inside the library was the rest of the Mane six with Twilight searching for any book that could tell them what was outside her door.

“Those aren’t monsters, they’re Heavy and Pyro. They stopped by my cottage wanting to come into Ponyville.” She explained

“They kinda look like those varmits who stole ma apples.” Applejack observed

“Yea maybe these guys are here to steal us!” Rainbow

“Rainbow! Calm down if we let them in I’m sure they will explain” Rarity responded

“Hello? Are little ponies not ready to see us?” Heavy asked through the door

“Sure, but we got some questions for you as well” Twilight answered

Heavy grasped the door with his hand and pulled open the door. As the two veterans walked in everyone but Fluttershy
grew nervous. They sat on the floor ready to answer the barrage of questions from Fluttershy friends.

“What are you?” Rainbow asked first

“We are Humans, have hands that are good for grasping sandvich and things”

“Did yall steal ma apples?” Applejack questioned

“Not me was Scout and Spy, we needed more food.”

The apple mare turned to buck Heavy in the face but felt a hoof on her shoulder

“We’ll work that out latter AJ.” Rainbow reassured her “Right now we need to know if these guys are dangerous or not. Where are you two from?”

“Heavy is from Russia and Pyro is from, from place team dosen't know. He answered

“Could you describe how you got here?” asked Twilight who was scribbling all this on a scroll for the Princess

Heavy told them about the rest of his team and how they had decided to retire in Equestria. He explained that they all used to work for BLU and RED but did not go further, afraid of scaring his new pony friends.

“What kind of work did you guys do?” asked Fluttershy
Heavy hesitated before talking to Pyro in a whisper, eventually the Russian let out a sigh and broke the news

“Heavy was paid to kill other team. Teammates were once enemies and tried to kill Heavy. Heavy was told that war would last forever. Then Grey Mann killed bosses and we fought robots. Heavy had told you all Heavy knows about gravel wars.”
The mares stood in shock, wondering if the two who stood before them were really paid to kill.

“Are you lying to scare us!?” Rainbow shouted

“No, Heavy does not lie. Heavy can show you Sasha.”

He pulled the minigun from his backpack and placed it on the floor. Blood stained part of the dented chamber that held the gun’s massive ammo supply.

“Where is the rest of your team?” Pinkie asked

“Heavy and Pyro snuck out of base. Team is looking for us Soldier will be mad that ponies know about team.”

“Heavy, I think that even though you have done terrible things to your teammates in the past, you are and kind and gentle.”

Rarity looked up at the Russian who smiled and gave her a large bear hug.

“Let us have Sandviches and Daloakes to celebrate new friends!” He opened gave each of the mares a vegetarian sandvich and a piece of a Daloakes bar.

“I must say this is quite delectable Heavy. Did you make the sandwiches without help.

“Da, Sandvich has saved Heavy many times”

“Why didn’t you all come into town together? Twilight asked

“Soldier wanted not to be found” he responded

“Would you kindly show us your base? I would like to meet the rest of your team.” Rarity inquired

“Later, could we meet rest of town?”

“Mmphmph mph mph hudda.” Pyro remarked

“If six ponies like Heavy, all ponies will like us.”

“Girls, we’re being extremely rude by not telling these two our names” Rarity noticed “I’m Rarity, this is Twilight, Rainbow
Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie”

“We should throw you a party! With cake and games and funny hats!” said Pinkie

“Hats!? What kind of hats” Heavy demanded

“Party hats, frilly hats..”

Pinkie Pie was interrupted by Spy materializing next to Heavy and Pyro

“Spy, what is wrong?”

“Soldier has become Painis Cupcake and is heading for zis town. We must move quickly to stop him!”

“Da, Sasha is ready for strange baby man. Lead way to fight.”

Author's Note:

This took longer than I expected but I'm happy with what came out. I'm going to be studying alot for my finals and things so I might delay the next chapter. Next chapter will probably come out next wensday.