• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 2,300 Views, 39 Comments

retirement in equestria - bigheart675



The mercenaries of TF2 retire in Equestria after they finish their 6 years of fighting. Will they learn to live in peace or will their antics cause disrupt the happiness of equstria?

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Question time

Celestia was in her chamber preparing for her day when a letter arrived from her pupil. As she read the heading she called
for Luna.

“Sister, what is it? I was planning on going to bed" Luna whined.

“Luna, Twilight just sent me a letter about some odd visitors" The sun goddess replied.

“I’m sure it’s nothing she can’t handle with the elements of Harmony"

“She specifically asked for us to come meet and warned that they might be dangerous"

“Fine. Let’s go meet ‘odd visitors’. Who knows, it might just be exciting"

The two sisters walked down the hall to the royal flight deck where a large chariot was waiting to take them to Ponyville. They
thanked the guard ponies flying them and flew off into the early morning sun.

----Sweet Apple Acres----

Applejack walked with Big Macintosh by her side on the way to the barn. Big Mac nervously pawed the ground before asking,

“You sure we should wake ‘em this early? Most folks ain’t used to being up at the crack of dawn"

“It’ll be fine. Besides, that Spy fella still has to pay me back"


Applejack knocked on the barn door. The door creaked open slightly to reveal Sniper, who still looked to be half asleep.

“Aw piss, its barley 6 o’clock and we already have peop... er, ponies at our door. What’d ya want, shelia?”

“Aw shucks, I just thought I’d check up on how ya’ll are doing. I didn’t mean ta wake you up"

“It’s alright, come in and see what we’ve done with the place"

The door opened wider to reveal several new machines against the walls. There were 3 sets of bunk beds, some of which
were occupied. Several posters hung on the wall, including a picture of what looked like Engineer with a huge neck. Several members of the team were seated around a large table drinking brownish liquid and discussing the gender of their masked
member.

“What did ya’ll do to my crop barn?!” she shouted.

“We made it into a real base and not some storage unit" Soldier answered as he cleaned his rocket launcher.

‘Well, change it back before I put the hurt on you" Big mac said.

“Hahahaha! Do you think I’d be scared of some red farmer pony who’s unarmed?”

“Ya should be! Ma brother is the strongest stallion in Ponyville and we don’t take too kindly to being pushed around"

“Whatever, I bet that librarian wants us to answer some questions. Come on, team. And bring all the weapons you got"

“Wait up. We’re not done here"

Even before Big Mac finished the team had already packed up and headed out. They walked through Ponyville without being
interrupted, mainly because everypony was too scared to make eye contact. They were led by Heavy, who, after much searching, finally found the Library. Soldier tried the door.

“Damn, locked. Heavy, do you think you can bust the door down?”

“Da, but Twilight will be upset"

“Who’s that?”

“Is little pony that lives in tree"

“She lives in a tree? These ponies sure are strange. Anyway, I’m going to rush it on 3. 1... 2... 3!”

The door swung open just as soldier charged. He crashed into a large bookcase and was buried in a mountain of books.

“Can you wait next time before you barge into my house?” Twilight asked annoyed.

“We’re in a hurry! After your questions we are going to find a house and maybe get some jobs around town" Scout answered.

“Alright then. Come on in, make yourselves comfortable"

The team came into the large living room and settled down onto three large couches facing a small chair which Twilight soon
occupied. Spike came downstairs only to be shocked at the sight that greeted him.

“Uh... Twilight, what are these weird ponies doing here?”

“Well, they’re not ponies and I wanted to ask them some questions about how they got here. I think you should go help out Rarity"

Spike needed no further urging as he floated on a cloud of hearts out the window and in the direction of Carousel Boutique.

“Alright, let’s begin by telling me what you are"

“Ve are humans, a bipedal species that dominated the land vere ve come from"

“Ok then, Heavy briefly mentioned something about fighting each other. Could you elaborate Spy?”

“Gladly, We were hired by two feuding brothers, Blutarch and Redmond Mann. We could not fight for them both so they decided to split our souls into two halves. We were divided into two teams and given objectives based on where we were fighting and what team we were on. Sometimes BLU had to push a bomb cart while RED had to stop them. Other times we had to capture each other’s secret information or intelligence. Life on that battlefield was horrific and I’m sure you couldn’t listen to our stories"

“Really? I handled what Heavy told us quite well"

“Alright then Soldier; care to tell us a dustbowl story?”

“Hell yeah! One time on Badwater, I pushed out of the spawn room and killed that Scot who was placing sticky bombs. You should have seen it, his head flew 10 feet away from his body. Then I killed the spy behind me. His French blood was all over my best helmet!”

Twilight began to look green and promptly excused herself. She tried to hold back the bile in her throat as she thought about what soldier had done. Could she really trust these humans if they killed each other so often that they got enjoyment out of it? She lost it and emptied the contents of her stomach onto her bathroom floor. She came back pale and distant to find the mercenaries retelling some of their favorite horror stories.

“Can we please continue with the questions?”

“Of course Sheila. Just tell us if we make you uncomfortable like that again, wouldn’t want ya to lose your lunch again"

“Ok, how did you get here?”

“We retired after we defeated the robots of Grey Mann, who killed our employers and launched an attack against Mann Co.,
which is where we got our weapons" Dell explained.

“You retired? Why would you do that?”

“We were offered the chance by the wizard who separated our souls. Many of us were tired of endless fighting so Scout recommended zis place because you have no wars"

“Ok. What weapons did you use?”

“Well I used me grenade and sticky bomb launchers that could blow ya to pieces. Solly used a rocket launcher that works the same way. Pyro lit us on fire with his flamethrower, Sniper shot bullets into our heads, Scout attacked us up close as did Heavy with his minigun, Engie put up sentry that were a pain to get rid of and Spy used a knife to stab us in the back. Medic healed us with some contraption he put together" Tavish finished his explanation and took a deep swig from his bottle of scrumpy.

“Maybe later you can show us a demonstration, but for now I have more questions. What is Pyro?”

“I vill answer that question to the best of my abilities. Pyro is a human that was severely burned as a child. It has been mentally scarred and sees things in a very comical way. Although I cannot reveal its gender due to doctor patient relations, I can say that when Pyro is ready to take off the suit you will be surprised at the years of reconstructive surgery I’ve done" Medic responded.

“How did Scout know about us before you came here?”

“I... uh... read a book about you guys"

“Really? We’re famous where you’re from?”

“Ya you could say that"

“Ok last question. Would it be ok if I cast a spell so I could understand Pyro’s speech?”

“Yes as long as Pyro is ok with it"

Pyro gave a thumbs up and waited for Twilight to begin casting her spell. Twilight’s horn light up and a faint aura surrounded
Pyro. The arsonist began to rise into the air as the aura became brighter and more colorful. A blinding flash obscured Pyro from view. When the flash ended Pyro was on the floor slowly getting up from the powerful magic that was just cast upon it.

“Pyro are ya alright?” Scout asked with concern.

“I… think so” Pyro’s new voice sounded somewhat like Morgan Freeman’s if he took helium.

“Did ya’ll hear that? Looks like Twilight’s fancy magic worked!” Engineer exclaimed as the rest of the team stood stunned.
“It wasn’t that fancy, just a simple spell princess Celestia taught me" She blushed slightly at his praise.

“Vait a minute, you mean this world has royalty?” Medic pondered how this happy land could have an institution of royalty.

“Yes, but they’re super nice and understanding of everypony’s problems"

“Vell zats the first time I’ve heard zat said about royalty. Anyvay, ve should be going. Soldier is getting antsy"

Fluttershy suddenly burst in through the window carrying the falcon that Sniper had killed early. It was limp and still had the arrow protruding from its breast. Fluttershy was in tears as she set the bird down much to Twilight’s shock.

“Who could have done this to that poor falcon?” Fluttershy cried as she tried to breathe life back into the dead falcon,
“When I find out who did this they’ll be sorry" Her eyes burned like coals as she looked out the broken window.

“I told ya she would notice! Better fess up before she goes on rampage" Scout quipped at Sniper.

“Alright then, just don’t blame me if we get run out of town. Uh, miss yellow pony, I might know who, uh, killed your bird there” Sniper piped up.

“Who! Tell me or I’ll give you The Stare!”

“I shot the bird with me Huntsman the first day we were here. I figured we needed some food and that falcon was just sittin’ there, so, uh, no hard feelin’s, right?”

“Wait, can you guys it meat?” Twilight yelled.

“Yes ma’am. Meat is one of the staples of the human diet. We need meat to live" Soldier said proudly.

“Solly’s kind of right. So anyway, miss, uh, Fluttershy, I promise I’ll make it up to you, really, I will, it’s…”

“No, I shouldn’t be mad at someone trying to get a meal. Just promise me that if you do that again you’ll tell beforehand"

“I promise, sheila. Now if you’ll excuse us..."

The team turned with the now vocal Pyro and headed out the door. They looked through the vacant houses in near Sugar Cube Corner before settling on a relatively new house that was built after the events of the parasprite infestation. They spoke with the landlord briefly before purchasing the home.

“How will you be paying for this house? Do you have any bits perchance?” The landlord asked.

“Damn stupid pony money... No, but we do have metal and the money from back where we came from" Soldier fished out 2 scrap and 20 dollars, “You want any of these?”

“Hmm… I’ll take the 20 of the paper things and 10 of those metal piles"

“Alright let’s pitch in everyone" Tavish suggested.

The salespony left after his price was meet and gave the team the keys. They quickly set up a supply locker and a respawn machine. There were only 8 bedrooms, so two mercs had to share. The team argued for hours before drawing straws. It was determined that Engie and Pyro would share a room. Dell quickly set up a series of dispensers and teleporters as a measure of habit. A sentry rigged alarms system was set up in case they had any ‘unwanted guests’. Soldier put up a sign that read ‘Base 2’ in reference to their old camp in the woods. As late afternoon approached they were greeted with a knock on the door.

“Sister are you sure this is the place?” Luna asked.

“I’m sure Lulu. Let’s see who these strange visitors are"

Author's Note:

Sorry for the long wait between chapters. I've been busy with my family for the past few days. I'm working on more chapters but might still have delays due to some online classes. Thank you all for being patient. :)