• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 2,290 Views, 39 Comments

retirement in equestria - bigheart675



The mercenaries of TF2 retire in Equestria after they finish their 6 years of fighting. Will they learn to live in peace or will their antics cause disrupt the happiness of equstria?

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The end of an era

It was a hot day as the sun hung high in the skies over New Mexico. The gravel that normally bustled with the sounds of explosions, gunfire and death seemed oddly quiet. It had been on year since
Grey Mann killed his two brothers and sparked the Mann Co wars. Grey Mann’s gravel empire lay in ruins destroyed by the mercenaries that had once worked for his brothers. The gravel wars which had lasted since 1850 were now at an end. The only questioned left unanswered was, what to do with the 18 mercenaries who were veterans of a war against themselves.

“Why’d they have to call us down here” exclaimed the RED soldier with a sigh

“Heck should I know” snorted the RED engineer “maybe they’re givin us more hats”

“That be real sweet dontcha think” butted in the RED scout

“Vill you dummkopfs be quiet, zis might be important” said the RED medic

As the nine members of the RED team made their way further down into the bunker that housed Mann Co.’s R&D little did they know that their former enemies were making the same trip down a different hallway. They stopped in front of a large wooden door with a sign that read

SAXTON HALE’S OFFICE No hippes allowed

The door opened to reveal Saxton Hale talking with Meramus the wizard. They turned to greet the RED.

“Ah, so glad you could make it. Saxton and I were just talking about your retirement.” The wizard stated

“Retirement!?” Soldier shouted “No way, I won’t retire till I’ve beaten those BLUs three ways to Monday”

“Well I’m afraid that can’t be helped. I was just telling Saxton here how I would like to reverse the spells I cast on you 7 years ago”

“Spells? What spells did you cast on us” Tavish asked

“When you were contacted by BLU and RED Mann they both wanted the best fighters in the world. They contacted me to split your souls into two halves, that way they wouldn’t have to deal hiring different mercenaries”

“So the BLUs are really…”

“…the other halves of your souls.” Meramus finished

“But do we have to retire? Why can’t we fight other tiny men?” Heavy asked

“You will retire because I say so!” yelled Saxton “Now we’ve already talked to the BLUs and they want to stop fighting”

“Those maggots, they pack in easy don’t they engie” Soldier asked his builder friend

“Well Solly, I kinda want to just live a normal life again and not have to be sacred of spies and being killed all the time.” Dell explained “everytime I close ma eyes I see back to the battles that we’ve fought”

“Oh, well do the rest of you want to chicken out too”

They all nodded as soldier mouth hit the floor.

“Look mate, we’re all sick and tired of being killed and being yelled at by the Announcer. We just want to live so form of normal life” The sniper said

“Ok, ok but where would we go” soldier asked

Several names flew around, Austria, Africa, Texas, even Siberia much to the team’s disapproval. Finally the Scout spoke up asking to go to Equestria.

“Equestria? vat kind of silly place is that” the medic asked

“Well its kinda hard to explain but I’ll try the best I can” scout responded

He proceeded to tell his teammates all about the magical land of Equestria, the ponies that lived there, and each of his favorite characters spending the most time on a certain rainbow mare.

“… and she’s super-fast all like woosh! And she leaves rainbow behind when she flies and.”

“Sounds like someone got over his fear of ranibows” spy mocked

“Yea, yea keep talking ya French bastard.” scout retorted.

“There is no way I’m going to a frilly pony land” Soldier stated

“I will go with scout” Heavy said

“What do you see in that overly happy place?” soldier asked

“I think Heavy will make good friends with little color ponies” the Russian said

“Is anyone else with me here” Soldier asked

“I am” Spy said

“Well I think it’s a damned good idea and if you two are the only ones against it then you’re all going” Saxton commanded

“What about the BLU’s? they might not want to go.” Said soldier hopefully

“Well they are a part of you so they would have the same feelings towards this place” Meramus responded

“Then its settled your backpacks will be packed with all of your things and you will leave tomorrow after you rejoin with the BLU’s”

“Sweet, so when does this mumbo jumbo begin?” asked scout

“Well it starts… right now!”
As Meramus finished his sentence knockout gas filled the room and the team’s vision faded into darkness as they passed out.

By the time the mercenaries woke up from the gas they were in a large steel room with a huge observation window. They were all wearing different colors of the clothes they normally wore except Pyro. Scout and Heavy had tan shirts with black pants, Sniper was wearing a molted brown shirt under his vest, Engineer had on a bright red shirt, Demo and Soldier were wearing dark blue shirts, Medic wore a white collared shirt under his lab coat and Spy suit was black with a dark blue tie. There were nine backpacks each labeled with its owners name and filled to the brim with hats, weapons and everything else given to the mecrs by their employers.

A voice blared through the intercom “Engie, we gave you the plans to build a respawn machine and a supply locker when you get to this “Equestria”.” The announcer told them “the portal should be opening in five, four, three, two, one!”

A bright blue hole in the room appeared revealing a cloudless and grass covered meadow. As the team picked up their packs and cautiously approached the swirling portal, the intercom crackled

“As we go through the documents that RED and BLU left behind we will send you anything regarding your hiring or history. Now go!” she barked at them one last time

The portal flickered as the veterans of the dustbowl war walked through. The portal then vanished leaving no trace of its existence.