• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 2,300 Views, 39 Comments

retirement in equestria - bigheart675



The mercenaries of TF2 retire in Equestria after they finish their 6 years of fighting. Will they learn to live in peace or will their antics cause disrupt the happiness of equstria?

  • ...
4
 39
 2,300

Taking care of Panis

“Let us move. Ve have cornered him in the woods near that farm” Spy urged his teammates onward

“Da ve must stop Panis before he hurts little ponies.”

“Wait ya’ll took ma apples!” Applejack shouted

“Yes and I’m sure we will reimburse you, but later right now we must help our college.” He responded

The mane six flowed close behind the three running humans. Ponies were gawking at the odd sight.

“So what’s wrong with your friend?” asked Twilight

“He has a condition where he becomes a … thing that talks about eating you.”

“That sounds scary! Is he dangerous?” Fluttershy asked

“Not really, ah here we are.”

As they entered the forest they saw the rest of the team surrounding Panis who was growling menacingly. They had their
weapons drawn and pointed at Panis.

“So ya got our runaways eh Spy?” Sniper asked not looking up from his scope

“Yes and I brought Heavy’s new friends.”

“Ah vell later I vould like to examine one to see how zey talk.” Medic remarked

“Bout time ya got here! We’ve been holding him here for ages!” Scout yelled

“It has only been 15 minutes Scout” Medic responded

“Lads, let’s just get Panis contained before he scared the ponies.”

At that moment Panis yelled as this entire body glowed and unearthly red. He dashed through Tavish and stopped abruptly before the ponies.

“I am Panis Cupcake. I will eat you!”
The girls shrieked and ran all except for Pinkie, who looked at Panis quizzically.

“You’re not a cupcake. Although you might taste like one.” She said

“Pinkie don’t touch ‘im he’s crazy!” Scout warned
Pinkie ignored his warning and slowly extended her tongue till it was near Panis’s face. She hesitated a before licking him on
his check.

“Bleh, you taste like sweat.” She told Panis

Panis did not respond as he was busy rocketing 60 feet into the air before crashing down.

“Vell, zats new.”

“You mean he’s never done that before?” Twilight asked

“In all my years of medical experience never have a zeen zomthing like this.” Medic responded

“How in blazes did she get that bugger to stop?” Sniper asked Twilight

“It’s Pinkie, don’t question her. I gave up months ago.” Twilight sighed

“Vell I’m sure it’s nothing a little science can’t solve right Heavy?”

“Da look soldier is waking up.”

“Ugh, my head. Feels like I got scout rushed. What happened?”

“Vell you became Panis cupcake und zis “Pinkie” turned you back by licking you”

“Did we find those two Awol’s?”

“Da ve are here” Heavy Answered

“Good. Now that our existence has been compromised who want to meet these frilly ponies?”

“Hey watch it bub, you still haven’t paid AJ back for the apples you stole.” Rainbow reminded him

“I don’t owe that farmer anything, Scout and Spy do.” He pointed at the two mercs

“Yall need to pay back what ya stole!” Applejack shouted

“Ok, Ok just please don’t be mad.” Scout begged

Scout gave the orange pony 20 dollars. He turned to spy and asked
“You gonna pay her back?”

“Why would I pay zat bumpkin a single cent? She was kind enough to leave her hard work out In ze open, like you engie.”
The French saboteur snorted at his comparison

Rainbow flew full force into spy’s head, determined to teach him a lesson. Spy uttered a small yell as he fell down lifeless.

“Rainbow you hurt him!” Fluttershy scolded as Rainbow cut her speed

“Um girls, I think she might have done more than that. He has no pulse.” Twilight observed by pressing her hoof against the “body”

“What Omi gosh I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me…” Rainbow babbled as she looked up at Heavy

The rest of the team looked at her with surprise befor sniper attempted to reassure her.

“Shelia, it’s alright we know ya didn’t mean it. Spy’s fine, bloody wuss does that all the time.”

But Rainbow wouldn’t listen. Tears started flowing sown her face as she glance back at spy’s fake body. Sniper scooped her up and let her cry on his shoulder.

“Shhhhh, just let it out. I know it looks like hes dead but he’ll be back any minute.”

“You mean hes not really…”

“Yea, but he will be when I’m through with ‘im.”

Spy materialized next to soldier snorting up a storm. “You should have heard yourself, you were pathetic.” He continued laughing but was interrupted by a sudden fist to his face that pushed him to the ground

Heavy stood over him cracking his knuckles at a chance to punch a tiny baby man.

Twilight stepped in just as Heavy was preparing another punch “Stop! Why don’t we talk out our problems over lunch at
AJ’s?”

“What!? Twi ma sister’s still afraid of ‘em. I don’t think it be a good idea to bring them over.”

“Nonsense to little farm house we go!” Heavy yelled carrying his frying pan


“Well you heard Heavy let’s go!” Soldier barked

The Team rushed forward but were stopped by the gate leading to the farm house. Engineer quickly built a system of teleporters around the gate.

“Engineer is credit to team!” Heavy yelled as he made his way up the dirt path carrying his pan. The rest of the team followed shortly afterwards all holding their pans.

“We need ta get there before they do!” Applejack urged

The man six ran after the mercs, desperate to catch up with them and warn Granny of their impending guests but it was too late. Granny was already in the kitchen cooking up a large batch of apples.

“Well Applejack there ya are! How ‘bout telling me next time ya invite nine ..uh guests over.”

“Granny I’m really sorry we just found met them and they ran off ‘fore a could tell you and…”

Applejack could not continue as a Sandvich was thrust into her mouth.

“Little pony should eat and be happy. Time will be later to introduce rest of team.”

The Team ate a mixture of Sandviches , apple pie and cupcakes brought along by Pinkie

“So what are the rest of your names?” Fluttershy asked

“I’m Scout, this is Soldier, Medic, Sniper and Spy”

“I’m Tavish Degroot but you can call me Demo or Tavish” the Scotsmen awnsered

“I’m Dell Conager But ya’ll can call me Engie or Dell.” The Texan replied in between bites of pie

“Well then it’s gettin’ pretty late. AJ why don’t’ these fine fellows stay here for the night?” Rarity asked


“Alright then, come on guys you’re staying in the barn till we find a better place.”

“What about Base?” Heavy asked

“Oh, Panis Pretty much destroyed it when he went on his rampage.” Tavish answered


“Very well, can Heavy have a goodnight hug?”

“Uh… not right now Heavy. Get on off to bed ya’ll got an early start tomorrow.” AJ called out as the mercs left to go to their sleeping quarters

When they had left Fluttershy asked Twilight “Will they be alright to live here in Ponyville?”

“I don’t know Shy, but the princesses need to know about them. They should be to help them.”

“I Just hope they don’t cause any more trouble.” Rainbow added

Author's Note:

Yea so Panis will get a larger role in the future but for now I want to focus on Ponyville's reactions to the Team. Also chapters should be longer now that i'm done with school and have more time. Thanks for waiting so long :D

P.S. After three weeks in development hopefully this chapter will have been worth the wait