• Published 24th Apr 2013
  • 2,291 Views, 39 Comments

retirement in equestria - bigheart675



The mercenaries of TF2 retire in Equestria after they finish their 6 years of fighting. Will they learn to live in peace or will their antics cause disrupt the happiness of equstria?

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The Onslaught of the Pan

Rarity ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She didn't know what was going on with Demoman but she was determined to find out. She burst open the library door just as Twilight was reading a book on strange creatures, looking for anything to help her with the humans.

“Rarity! What’s wrong you look like you just saw a ghost.” Twilight asked with concern

“It’s Tavish. I was showing him my hats when he started acting strange and then he fell to the floor and screamed.” Rarity responded frantically

“Do you think he’ll be ok?”

“I don’t know but we should talk to his friends about this. Maybe they know what’s going on with him.”

“Lets make our way over there. Spike go get the others and tell them to meet us outside their base.”


Soldier eyes fluttered open as her started to regain consciousness. He saw many ponies standing around him with concerned looks on their faces.

“Do you think he’s ok” one asked

“I think so, maybe we should get Nurse Kindheart.” a small colt said

Said nurse came galloping over with Applejack close by. She carried a small black briefcase in her mouth and was dressed in white lab coat with her cross-shaped Cutie Mark visible. She opened the briefcase and took out a stethoscope and put it up to Soldier’s chest.

“Now Applejack i’m sure he’ll understand that it was an accident. I don’t think he’ll be mad at you if you explain the situation to him.” Nurse Kindheart told a nervous Applejack

Nurse Kindheart’s prediction turned out to be moderately true as Soldier started to get up.

“Ugh, this is the second time this week i’ve been knocked unconscious. Last thing I remember was a barrel coming straight at me.”

“I’m so sorry Soldier I shouldn't have rolled the apples at you. Can you forgive me?” Applejack asked

“If you let me take the apples without payment then maybe I’ll forget your mistake”

“But that a lot of apples for one little mistake can’t you just accept my apology?”
“I could but this way i solve two problems and i get free apples.” He boasted rising to his feet and preparing to take the barrels.

“Ok i guess ya can have the apples fer free, but next time ya’ gotta pay for em’!”

“You should really let me examine you more closer Mr. uh.. Soldier. You might have a concussion or...” She was cut off by Soldier’s laughing

“The only doctor I trust is a mad German. Got it sister?”

“Uh yes”

“Good! now out of my way!”

The crowd of ponies parted to let him pass loaded down with the barrels. The crowd watched him disappear behind some buildings. Soldier reached their base without any further interruptions and deposited his barrels outside the front door. He entered the base to find that the team had taken a break from renovating their base to play video games.

“Ah Soldier you came back. Vhy are you so late? Spy came back an hour ago.” Medic asked eyes fixed to a large T.V. screen

“I had trouble with that apple pony whose barn we stayed in.” he replied sitting next to Medic and watching Heavy beat Scout in Super Smash Brothers.

“Well at least you came back which is more than we can say for Demo. Do you think something happened to him?” Pyro asked

“Knowing him if anything did happen we’d hear the explosions. Plus I think these ponies are a little stronger than you give them credit for Soldier.” Engie looked up from his laptop and looked at Soldier ready for a debate.

To Engie’s surprise that debate never came. Soldier just mumbled something under his breath. Engineer continued to work on his laptop until there was a knock on the the door. Engie set down his laptop and opened the door.

“Hi ya Twilight, Rarity! Did ya come over to see our new base?”

“Not right now Dell something is wrong with Tavish.” Rarity was nervous interacting with the team partly because she was scared of Soldier.

“Well he came to my shop asking for hats, when I showed him one of my best hats he froze and told me to leave. The last thing I heard was him screaming.” Rarity said nervously
Engineer’s face hardened as the rest of the team came over to see what was happening.

“What type of hat was it?” Engineer asked idly slapping his wrench in his palm

“It was a Shako that I made for the band leader of the annual summer sun festival. It’s coming up in a few days.”

“Damn it! I thought he said he was over that curse a long time ago.” Engie swung his wrench idly as the rest of the team considered what to do about their friend

“You mean Tavish was cursed? Why did you tell us about that!” Twilight yelled

“Because ve vere told my demo that he was no longer suffering from the effects of the curse. Zis could lead to a very bad zituation” Medic observed

“I’ve dealt with curses before. I don't think Demo’s will be any different” Twilight retorted

“No” Spy replied “Demo’s curse is the worst of the issues between us.”

“From what i’ve seen you all look to be relatively normal psychologically speaking of course”

“Then tiny ponies know little about us” Heavy growled

“So what should we do about Demopan?” Dell asked

“Vell here is my plan. We find Demopan and lead him into a trap, then Sniper shoots Demopan in the head and he respawns as normal.” Most of the Team gave nods of approval at the germans plan.

“There is one problem though. How do we know the respawn machine will work?” Pyro's statement lowered the confidence in Medics plan

“Ve vill just have to hope it does Pyro. Ve need to move quickly if ve are to find Demo before he causes any damage.” Twilight, you and your friends tell everyone to get inside. It vill be too dangerous for them to interact with Demo.”

“Can i ask why we need to warn the town?” Rarity huffed. She was upset with how little the mercenaries were telling them

“Have you ever had a steel pan come at your skull at 20 miles per hour?”

“No i can’t say i have Soldier.”

“Well its messy, one hit can cause irreversible damage to the skull. If it crits which it probably will it will crack open the skull and kill you”

Rarity was speechless. She now realised just how violent the mercenaries jobs were


“Excuse me what is a crit?”Twilight asked

“Well a crit is… uh a crit is… Medic what's a crit?”

“Ve have no explanation for a crit its just happens to be extremely powerful. I have studied the nature of crits and found very little information about why they happen.” Medic pondered at how to explain just what a crit was when soldier swung his shovel as a test. It crited against the german stunning him.

“That was a crit! Now lets go take out Demopan.” He smiled as Medic was helped to his feet by Engie.

“Why are you going after him? Shouldn't we get Celestia and the guards to handle this?” Twilight was now very concerned for the safety of her new friends if she could call them that

“We don’t need civilians getting in the way. Just let us handle this!” Twilight could see the anger in Soldier’s face and backed down


Demopan was lost. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. He did know that there were many potential customers around. He dashed over to the nearest pony and plopped a shako down in front of him.

“Stout shako for 2 refined!” Demopan uttered his trademark deal. thinking this to be an easy deal he took out his pan and started to polish it.

The pony on the other hand had no idea what trading was and started at the Shako, not sure if to touch it or ask the strange being for help

“Are ye going ta’ trade me or not?” Demopan said as he looked up from cleaning his pan

“Oh you want me to buy this hat? I’m sorry i didn't know.” She began fishing through her saddlebags for some bits. She pulled out 20 bits and put them on the ground next to the shako.

“2 refined, not little metal coins.” Demopan was starting to get annoyed with the apparent stupidity of his buyer

“What's a refined? Is that a new word for bits?”

Demopan picked up his shako and moved on to find the next buyer. He was stopped on the way by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Whoa look at this guy, he’s got a cool hat.” Sweetie Belle stared at the shako in Demopan’s hand

Sensing another trade Demopan got down to the Crusaders level and put the Shako on the ground.

“Stout Shako for 2 refined!” He secretly hoped that these customers knew what he was asking for

“Sweetie Belle do you know what a refined is?” Scootaloo asked

“I’ve never heard of a refined before maybe its a test and if we pass we get our Cutie Marks!”

Demopan was no longer amused by these ponies antics he took out his pan waving it above Appleblooms head

“You either buy this Shako or or I bring this here pan down on your heads!”

Soldier came charging through knocking the wind out of Demopan. Demopan slid backwards before falling to the ground.

“You kids should get out of here! It’s not safe to…”He was cut off by a pan that came at his face.
He fell down broken and unmoving

Heavy rushed forward with his fists and put himself between DemoPan and the Crusaders, who were cowering in fear. He swung a right hook at Demo’s face but it missed. Demo brought down the pan on Heavy’s head producing an audible crack. Heavy became dazed but quickly snapped out of it. Moving with a speed that betrayed his size, he ran head first into Demopan. Demopan was thrown backwards into a wall, several bricks came loose and fell on his head. He shook them off and charged at Heavy taking a fatal swing at the russian’s exposed head. Spy and Scout were quickly dispatched with one swing of the steel pan. Enige was trying to get the rest of the ponies away he held his trusty pistol in his hand. As Demopan charged he sidestepped and fired five quick rounds at him

Two of the shots connected causing the Demo to wince in pain. He shot forward like an arrow and kicked engineer to the ground. He brought the pan down once. The entire market was in chaos. Ponies were running to escape the madman that was let loose onto their streets. Medic hit Demo in the shoulder with a bolt from his crossbow. Demopan wrenched out the bolt and hurled a rock at Medics head. He crumpled to the ground. Pyro was came forward flamethrower in hand.

“Please Demo, you don’t have to do this.” Demopan ignored it and charged at him head first. Pyro let out a burst of flame that lit Dempan on fire for a brief moment. Pyro then air blasted Demo back and waited for him to come again. This was repeated several time until Demopan threw his pan at Pyro like a frisbee. It connected dead center causing Pyro to fly backwards into a wall. The entire wall collapsed in on Pyro leaving only a hand sticking out of the rubble.

Demopan retrieved his pan and slowly walked up to the cowering fillies. They looked at him fearfully with tears in their eyes. Demopan slowly raised his pan above their heads.

“This is what you get for dishonoring my Shako!”

The fillies closed their eyes ready for the impending doom. The fillies looked up when their doom had yet to arrive. Demopan looked surprised as though he had found something he should not have. He then fell forward a blood pooling beneath his head. From across the market Sniper stood still, looking at the carnage that Demo had created. He shook his head solemnly and went over to the crying fillies.

“There there loves, It’s alright now nobody’s gonna hurt ya.” He slowly coaxed the three fillies closer towards him keeping his voice low and calm.

“We..we thought he was going to hurt us.” Sweetie cried

“Not while i’m around. It’s a shame he messed up Rarity's best Shako.” The Shako lay on the ground with a hole torn clean trough. Sniper picked up the Shako and put it into his backpack. He then picked up the fillies and put one on his neck and carried the other two in his hands. He walked past the awestruck ponies and over to the Rarity.

“Demopan is taken care of now, won’t have to worry about him for a long time.” Sniper set down the fillies. Sweetie Belle jumped from Sniper’s neck and hugged Rarity

“He saved us from that weird monster! He’s so cool and…” Sweetie Belle looked up at her sister who was smiling wide

“Now Sniper, Did you happen to recover my shako from that ruffian?” Rarity asked

“Uh… heh.. I kinda damaged it when i was taken him down.” He produced the shako from his backpack.

“Well its nothing I can’t repair. What did you do to him anyway?”

Sniper stood silent as Medic came up behind him

“Zat was a nice shot Sniper. I thought for sure he was going to fall on ze fillies.”

“Nah you kidin’ me. It was a clean shot, didn't carry enough energy to do that.

“Oh vell, vhats done is done. Ve should get the rest of the ponies together and explain vhat happened.”

Sniper and Medic rounded up the confused residents of Ponyville who were desperate for answers as to what happened and who these strange character were. Medic stood behind the podium of Mayor Mare and waited for the ponies to quiet down.

“Now, zer is a perfectly logical explanation for what just happened here. One of our colleges vas cursed when he was little and and zat thing you saw vas what he turns into. Ze curse is now as the curse of the pan. It is a very old curse cast on him by ze vizard Meramus. Ze rest of his life he may turn into Demopan. I am researching a way to reverse the curse but i know very little about magic.” Medic straightened himself and waited for any of the ponies to ask questions.

A pony in the back called out “Are you going to eat us?”

“Nah. We wouldn't do that. Besides we just stocked up on food today.”

“Are your friends going to be ok?” A green colored pegasus asked

“Ya Engines got a weird machine that allows us to come back when we die. It’s called respawn. Don’t know how it works but it does.”

“Um so you mean that those guys are…?”

“Yes zey are dead. Ze bodies will disappear eventually and leave nothing behind.”

“Excuse me but i think one of them might still be alive.” Nurse KindHeart called out.

“Zat is very unlikely. The chances zat someone can survive a pan are very slim.”

“Well how come i see one moving then?” Medic turned his head to see Pyro crawling out of the rubble, the fire proof suit around its body was torn and tattered.

“Pyro! Are you all right mine freund!?” Pyro made no answer but instead fell unconscious next to medic. Medic saw that Pyros head had several bumps and divots on it

“Ve must operate immediately if ve are to save Pyro!” Sniper picked up Pyro and they rushed off to back to the base together, ready to save their teammate.

Author's Note:

So yea new chapter. I'm really sorry It took so long to make it but i had school and things. I'm going to try to write at least once per week and hopefully post more chapters. Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Comments ( 10 )

3213183 no that was 3 months ago. I will work on the next chapter today

im still going to do the story i just hit a huge writers block. Im working on the chapter now hopefully it will be out this week.

I loved it :raritywink:
Please feel free to make more chapters of this awesome story! :yay:

I Demand More of this story......pretty please?

THIS IS AWESOME
MAKE MORE SOON

come on man, We need an Update!!!! where are you man.

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