The frozen wastes of Stalliongrad teem with conflict and strife as pony, machine, and the wild battle ferociously for control. One unicorn, on a mission she did not ask for, makes her way into Tartarus itself.
7047132 Heh~ Yeah, that's on purpose. What it is now is what I thought it was supposed to be, plus it makes sense to me. It's the Fallout universe, but it's Equestria, and then the title of my story in particular. So "Fallout: Equestria, Darkness Falls". And what's your story about~? If I get time I would love to read it in turn.
So her not knowing what snow is, having lived in a stable all her life is a pretty funny part of the story... if told in present tense and not past. She does full well know what snow is now, so keeping calling it "white powder" until someone mention it just seems kinda weird
Nitpicks: "and that was perhaps more worrisome than a wall of cacophonous sound.." double period. "only rougher than the white metal that made up Stable 46." Delete "If there is a caged guardian of tartarus on the other side, " Tartarus is a name, so capital letter "My eyes could see no possible way to operate this...Door? " Remember your spaces "Here and now I was convinced that this tartarus was working against me in ways so unfathomable," still a name
Good chapter, looking forward to seeing more.
7047132 Heh~ Yeah, that's on purpose. What it is now is what I thought it was supposed to be, plus it makes sense to me. It's the Fallout universe, but it's Equestria, and then the title of my story in particular. So "Fallout: Equestria, Darkness Falls". And what's your story about~? If I get time I would love to read it in turn.
7058589 Thanks~!
7058650 Your welcome, I'm a huge Fallout: Equestria fan, so been reading as many of them as I can find.
So her not knowing what snow is, having lived in a stable all her life is a pretty funny part of the story... if told in present tense and not past. She does full well know what snow is now, so keeping calling it "white powder" until someone mention it just seems kinda weird
Nitpicks:
"and that was perhaps more worrisome than a wall of cacophonous sound.." double period.
"only rougher than the white metal that made up Stable 46." Delete
"If there is a caged guardian of tartarus on the other side, " Tartarus is a name, so capital letter
"My eyes could see no possible way to operate this...Door? " Remember your spaces
"Here and now I was convinced that this tartarus was working against me in ways so unfathomable," still a name