The frozen wastes of Stalliongrad teem with conflict and strife as pony, machine, and the wild battle ferociously for control. One unicorn, on a mission she did not ask for, makes her way into Tartarus itself.
7285093 Thank you again for the feedback, it's great to get some criticism.
As for Ghost, for now he seems flat, but the way I'm trying to portray him, that is intentional. At this point in time he's not supposed to be super interesting, or interested in Silver. There is a reason, however, that he stays with her. One that I plan on showing down the road.
Silver doesn't refer to the skeleton as an "angel" or anything of the sort is for a couple of different reasons, and one of which is exactly as you said; she believes she is in hell, or some form of hell.
Arrugh~ The hardest part about this is that I want to elaborate right here and now, but I know it would be spoiled if I do. I want to discuss this so badly!!
Only thing that I can say about this chapter… Another one bites the dust!
Nitpicks: "We departed from the temporary shelter and made our way into tartarus." Normally do we not capatalize hell, but I think that you need a capital letter here. "I had no idea what to do and it was made situation impossible by the insipid raiders that constantly vied for my life!" I thin you need to go over this sentence one more time "The safety of the structure lay just ahead" laid/was
7285093 Thank you again for the feedback, it's great to get some criticism.
As for Ghost, for now he seems flat, but the way I'm trying to portray him, that is intentional. At this point in time he's not supposed to be super interesting, or interested in Silver. There is a reason, however, that he stays with her. One that I plan on showing down the road.
Silver doesn't refer to the skeleton as an "angel" or anything of the sort is for a couple of different reasons, and one of which is exactly as you said; she believes she is in hell, or some form of hell.
Arrugh~ The hardest part about this is that I want to elaborate right here and now, but I know it would be spoiled if I do. I want to discuss this so badly!!
7283605 Thanks~! The feel I was going for was that she doesn't know what those words mean and she is reserving judgment.
Am currently working on the next chapter, both for Darkness Falls and for my other story: Love & Tolerance.
And yeah, I wouldn't mind more views, really~ But it's a ride I intend on finishing, regardless of how many read.
Only thing that I can say about this chapter… Another one bites the dust!
Nitpicks:
"We departed from the temporary shelter and made our way into tartarus." Normally do we not capatalize hell, but I think that you need a capital letter here.
"I had no idea what to do and it was made situation impossible by the insipid raiders that constantly vied for my life!" I thin you need to go over this sentence one more time
"The safety of the structure lay just ahead" laid/was