Twilight has finally come of age, into a new world of experiences, love and some unexpected feelings. She discovers her inner self and new ways of seeing the world, and she may not have control of it...
Nice, getting better and better. The sex could use some more work though; "vagina", "cock" and so forth are best left behind when writing erotica as it's generally better to dance around the subject a bit instead of spelling everything out explicitly. As in photography it's the bits we don't see that make us want more.
The "Ooh.."s through the prose are a bit distracting, I suggest making them italic or substituting them with plain old descriptions of mental state.
Also, I hear that Celestia and Luna are the best lay in Equestria, hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Okay I struggled with this but I'll give it the seal of approval for Twilight's Library. Generally it's very hard for clop to get in (there are only 35 stories in the fold). If it doesn't tell a story and is just a sex scene it normally won't get in. Since this actually has a story (and a weird one at that) I meets the requirements. Also have a fav and a like
Well, i cant say i saw it coming
Awesome.
CanĀ“t wait to see more^^
Good work
Nice, getting better and better. The sex could use some more work though; "vagina", "cock" and so forth are best left behind when writing erotica as it's generally better to dance around the subject a bit instead of spelling everything out explicitly. As in photography it's the bits we don't see that make us want more.
The "Ooh.."s through the prose are a bit distracting, I suggest making them italic or substituting them with plain old descriptions of mental state.
Also, I hear that Celestia and Luna are the best lay in Equestria, hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
2368231 Why I make some of the wording so vulgar is emphasizing Eclipse's violent and psychopathic tendancies.
And again, thankyou for feedback.
-Twhylight
Is this story abandoned already ? I need to know what's going to happen. :x
2536298 Its just that I wrote these in bulk, now im going to write the next bulk after I do some other shiswazz.
-Twhylight
2349303
Appropiate choice of words lol
Okay I struggled with this but I'll give it the seal of approval for Twilight's Library. Generally it's very hard for clop to get in (there are only 35 stories in the fold). If it doesn't tell a story and is just a sex scene it normally won't get in. Since this actually has a story (and a weird one at that) I meets the requirements. Also have a fav and a like
This story holds my sex of approval
I like how the clop intertwines with the story.
a few grammatical errors, but no big deal.