Twilight has finally come of age, into a new world of experiences, love and some unexpected feelings. She discovers her inner self and new ways of seeing the world, and she may not have control of it...
But seriously, the awesome writing and concept have me interested.
I think I've seen the concept used before, but I still like what you've done so far. The clop came (lol) in swift, but I can tell that aspect is going to be one of this story's charms.
For a random, "Clop because clop" fic, this was one of the better ones. I don't expect much in the way of a plotline but you seem to have a decent grasp of formatting, grammar, and spelling which, other than the quality of the clop itself, is one of the only redeeming features of these kinds of stories. So you hit the two important points and did them well. If you need some help working on the emotional aspect of the story, shoot a message to Applejinx. He's very skilled at emotional clop-heavy stories and I think he might be willing to set aside 15 minutes to give you some pointers if you're willing to listen. Of course, I'm not him so he could just tell you he's busy and that would be the end of it.
So... Twilight is some sort of a succubus whose heritage is just awakening? Maybe possessed by one? Could be interesting, especially if you do some decent world-building and add the other kind of plot. The sex scenes were alright, though a bit too visual for my taste. You kinda made it sound like she has a water hose down there. Seeing a bit more emotion and feelings instead of just flesh on flesh action would be nice - remember that the sexiest bits are these which we do not see.
I'm not really a fan of first person writing unless used to describe inner monologue. Why go with it here?
Wow, this is intense. I am intrigued as to what may come next.
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But seriously, the awesome writing and concept have me interested.
I think I've seen the concept used before, but I still like what you've done so far.
The clop came (lol) in swift, but I can tell that aspect is going to be one of this
story's charms.
For a random, "Clop because clop" fic, this was one of the better ones. I don't expect much in the way of a plotline but you seem to have a decent grasp of formatting, grammar, and spelling which, other than the quality of the clop itself, is one of the only redeeming features of these kinds of stories. So you hit the two important points and did them well. If you need some help working on the emotional aspect of the story, shoot a message to Applejinx. He's very skilled at emotional clop-heavy stories and I think he might be willing to set aside 15 minutes to give you some pointers if you're willing to listen. Of course, I'm not him so he could just tell you he's busy and that would be the end of it.
So... Twilight is some sort of a succubus whose heritage is just awakening? Maybe possessed by one? Could be interesting, especially if you do some decent world-building and add the other kind of plot. The sex scenes were alright, though a bit too visual for my taste. You kinda made it sound like she has a water hose down there. Seeing a bit more emotion and feelings instead of just flesh on flesh action would be nice - remember that the sexiest bits are these which we do not see.
I'm not really a fan of first person writing unless used to describe inner monologue. Why go with it here?
First masturbation. At the age of 21. I dare not be presumptuous, but, WHAT???