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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Really nice. I love it. And no, I'm not just saying that because I'm your friend. This is very well written, and I can't wait to see more.
All due respect towards you author, that was well written and quite frankly satisfying to say the least. All I can ask for now is MOAR if and when you get around to it.
I was about ready to let this story go without dealing with it. You said your peace, you were saying that you got the complaints, and I'm cool with that.
And then my name pops up in the story. Huh, you say one thing and then that pops up. I didn't see that dog guy you keep griping about pop in at any point. I'm not a spoil sport so allow me to retort with what I think of this chapter.
Your note said that you were getting complaints or something and you didn't know why because you tried to fix the problems. First of all that's not true in the slightest. None of the problems in the past chapters were fixed. Even some of the things you fixed in the past chapters were reversed back to old territory. We've been waiting for this contest for years. Or some people have. It's a pretty long chapter and contest, impressive, except it focuses on some really bad moments and takes away from good things.
Let me start with the guests of the hour: We've got Cheese Sandwich who is pretty interesting and has a clever song, who gets interrupted by Champagne's laughably 'evil' antics. I get that there's this whole 'corruption' thing going on but the rules don't make any sense. Champagne can try to murder people in broad day and yet Celestia can't even punish him for talking to royalty like garbage. Take a trip to medieval times; they'd kill you for anything, but this sun goddess can't do anything. Good thing Josh broke that tape we spent three chapters mulling over. That classy moment where Champagne is ticked off and still goes for Josh AGAIN and severely injures him AGAIN even though Rainbow Dash beat him; you've already heard me complain about that. But we're at guests now; some of the side characters are cool, the King of the Hill reference was clever, Henry Rollins came completely out of nowhere and was kinda just... There. Not even fazed so we don't even get a funny reaction.
There's a few rays of hope in the story. Meowth's time with Spike is nice. It's nice to see him somewhat concerned about his own problems and not obsessing over someone else's. It was even great to see them just play around the fair. The chapter's plenty long, but I wish there was more time with them just running around playing games and stuff. There's a lot you could've done here. I thought Josh and Fluttershy were going to get some time doing this and time to bond. Remember what I said before about Josh being best when he's not over the top? or something like that. Josh and Fluttershy playing games, maybe her getting better at them with practice, or getting scared at some sort of spook house, or just hanging out would have actually made Josh look better. Because it would be another instance of us seeing a character and not 'FALLEN ANGEL HERO'.
Josh ruins it by not being there, but by suddenly having ANOTHER meltdown over nothing. If meeting Rollins was that bad then why was he even here? Josh recovers, acts normal again, alright I'm going with it, and then the ending just...
You know what? I don't get the necklace thing at all. I sort of get the concept, but I don't get what it's here for except to introduce this new guy, uninteresting possibly evil spirit guardian stereotype, and give Josh powers to make Champagne go insane. What was even the point of the necklace being what stopped Champagne? Everyone is just that worthless that there has to be a powerup to stop him? Ponyville isn't only corrupt it's full of show ponies. They just stand and stare blankly while doing nothing except occasionally commenting.
You probably think this critique is based on anger towards the character who is me, but I'm not mad about that, because my character is entirely right. Though I would have added five or ten more lines of dialogue before going to enjoy the actual festival. End of story.
Going on to the final chapter.
5811175 Right first off mate I think you either need to retake history classes or you need to learn it properly because:
is complete and utter bullshit!
Have you EVER even met someone with the kind of mental trauma he is going through? That kind of thing causes severe mental breakdowns over the slightest thing I should know my mother's ex had this.
Did you even read it through before typing this? It wasn't Josh who made him go insane, it was the [for lack of a better term(I have not slept for at least four days now)] necklace guy.
And finally
yes because someone who is in power nowadays IN REAL LIFE can legally just go over to someone and go "Hey I don't like you and I have no concrete evidence you have done something wrong but I still am going to send you away for a long time or better yet have you executed" let alone someone of the populace taking matters into their own hands. The only reason the mane 6 get away with it is because they are the EoH.
Also I have one question for you, have you ever even tried writing a fanfic? Let alone when you've got a lot on your plate?
5811637
Oh? So you're saying that ruthless leaders didn't have the capacity to kill who they wished? That did happen. You can't say that considering all Champagne has done, like trying to randomly stab people all the time, Celestia doesn't have the means to do something.
But that's the thing. WE DON'T KNOW HIS PAST TRAUMA. We know the constant attacks here, over and over, but they lose edge to the point when you just say 'why should I care anymore'? As for the family things he brushed over; there are a ton of people who have lost (I'm assuming that's what happened) their family. That doesn't allow a character to constantly use it as an excuse.
Same difference. Magical necklace saves the day. Josh is now controller of necklace. It still involves this sudden thing.
They did have evidence. Josh destroyed it. Also, Champagne is screaming at random times "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU" and claiming he has done so. So he beats the rules but everyone else obeys without doing anything, ever. This isn't Earth anyway, not human laws, it's whatever's going on under Celestia's control.
Yes. I have. Under a different account. Stress isn't an excuse to sugar coat problems. Especially when it took a couple of years to finished. If you can just ignore problems then that's fine, but I'm not doing it for anyone.
I, for one, enjoyed the story all the way through! Don't get discouraged, keep writing and going with it!