Mock Princes
My mind was lost in the haze of an early morning wake-up call. Even with my eyes closed, I could tell the sun was only slightly above the horizon.
I was aching all over. My muscles were stiff and the slightest of stirs sent pain signals through my body. It made me groan.
What kind of messed up position had I ended up sleeping in? Well, my head had sunk into comfortable fabric if that was any indication, but my body was sprayed all over.
My body…
Wait… something’s wrong.
Am I… naked? … it’s all… my forehead’s sorta… why is my back… what’s that over my… M-my hands are… MY HANDS! My eyes shot open, toward my arms.
My fingers were gone. There were just two golden yellow furry blobs instead.
I let out a bloodcurdling scream and recoiled so violently I fell into some sort of curtains, who could not hold me up more than a few seconds before their bonds were torn apart. They engulfed me in a tornado of pale beige fabric.
The impact against the ground hit hard, as it seemed to be stone, but worse even, the pain spread from appendages on my back. I had grown something on my back.
To make matters worse, voices started to join a chorus of panicked questions and at least one child let out a panic call for help. And I knew that child.
“T-Tom?” Wait, wasn’t he…
“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!” A male’s voice boomed into the room, rendering us all silent.
Things were coming back to me.
Four limbs batting away useless at the curtain I had entangled myself in, I tried to throw it off me. Useless. Luckily, something suddenly lifted them,
Pony. Cartoon pony. This one was wearing a doctor’s outfit and seemed pretty pissed.
Aw… bucking buck… That’s right. I managed to get here yesterday… “M-my… my most sincere apologies…” I muttered, feeling so ill I would throw up any second now. “I was the prey of a truly terrible nightmare and I disturbed everypony else…”
“That you did,” the stallion said, voice so cold it made me shiver. His death glare was impressive too. “You are still doing it too.”
Time for me to break out the nervous awkward laugh. One, two, thr-
“Holy Buck, Sam!” A blue colt popped out from under his pillow, eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong with you?”
I blinked.
About a dozen ponies gasped in shock.
I blinked again.
Then, snorted.
“Oh, little brother, you mustn’t use such bad words.” I grinned, unable to hold back. Unfortunately, my tone carried little if any reprobation at all, something most ponies in the room picked up.
“You use them all the time!” Tom harrumphed, his whole expression falling flat.
Now the adults in the room were collectively glaring at me, and, if I was reading their severe expressions correctly, probably thinking that I was an irresponsible bum. Heck, by the way that vein budged on the doctor’s neck, a lecture was coming.
Under the curtains, I extended my wings, very clearly making it known that I was, perhaps, not just another John Doe. I am, but hey, they don’t need to know that.
It worked, somewhat. The stallion paused in his movement, an uncertain light glistening in his eyes for a moment. It gave me an opportunity I gladly used.
Stretching and cracking the stiffened muscles and tendons, I stood up.
“You have my most sincere apologies, Sir.” Keep up the act. Remember the right way to talk… “I will of course leave as quietly as possible to allow your patients to rest properly. Is my brother allowed to leave with me?”
At that, Tom’s attitude did a 180. He jumped off the bed, landing at the doctor’s hooves, an hilariously over-the-top cute expression on his face.
“Can I go too, pleaaaaaaaaaaase?” His voice turned grating very quickly, hurting everypony else’s sensitive ears.
That worked in our favor. The stallion had flinched, mouth twisting into a pained grimace. “Yes, yes, fine! Just leave quietly!”
“Sure will!” Tom shouted, too happy to get out of a place he had to be quiet and peaceful in.
Of course, his reaction earned him one too many glares and he offered his most apologetic smile, in an attempt to soothe them.
The doctor’s eyes narrowed at me. “Go.”
Well, I was not going to wait any longer. Neither was Tom.
I barely had the time to notice that a blue blur was already bolting out of the infirmary.
“Brother! Don’t run in the castle!” I shouted after him, again, with too little conviction to be convincing.
Someone cleared his throat next to me. The sound was enough to get my attention and I turned around, only to find myself face to face with a very annoyed doctor.
My cheeks started to feel hot, embarrassment starting to get to me.
I did not manage to keep up the appearances this time. Swift urgency washed up over my careful mask and forced me to run as well.
I dashed through the door, glancing at the stony arch overhead… The feeling of insignificance returned rather quickly, as this was the least impressive feature I had been given the chance to see yet. For example, at my right, the sun was shining through a painted glass, projecting an expertly crafted image onto the very ground I walked.
I shook my head, trying to chase away this impression. I did not have the luxury to just stop and admire windows. I had a hyper kid to chase after.
W-where was he?
…The hallway was desperately empty. Stone walls as far as the eye could see. No colt whatsoever anywhere in sight.
My chest tightened painfully.
“TOM?” I shouted, voice cracking with the irrational panic taking me over.
Oh, I did not just lose him. I just got him back. Tch, why don’t I just hang on my big brother plaque and pick up my medal of the worst legal guardian in history? Come on, Tom. Tell me you’re ju-
“Huh… Sam?” His voice came out very hesitant, from around a corner.
Again, my legs moved beyond my control. My goal started growing into the distance, with each stomping of my hooves against the stone floor. When I got within reaching range, I turned so violently I almost crashed into the wall.
I fell head over heels, literally, when I saw why he had been out of my sight. Abruptly stopping from the combined relief and incredulity did that to someone’s balance, unfortunately.
Dangling by his tail, lifted by a cloud of green magic, Tom was pitifully squirming and trying to get free. The unicorn in the golden armor holding him did not look pleased. “Is this colt yours?”
Tom flashed me a million watt smile, every bit as awkward as that of Applejack when she was trying to say a convincing lie. Oh, he was in trouble and he knew it.
My eyes narrowed in an echo of my displeasure. “In the way that he is my little brother, yes.”
“Then keep a better eye on him…” Just then, he seemed to realize Celestia herself had made us her guests and he quickly added a “Sir” to his speech.
“I will…” I muttered, willing my magic to pick him up, which it did, to my surprise.
Well, not my surprise, as that was little in the face of the much bigger reveals I had faced yesterday. No, of course, Ventus Vinco was an alicorn, centuries old even… so magic was probably just a second nature to him. Me.
A golden aura surrounded Tom, as per my will, and placed him on my back.
“Don’t run off by yourself like that again.” My tone grew icy. “Understood?”
My little brother quickly nodded.
Satisfied that he would behave for a least a little while, I allowed my attention to focus on the guard. He still hadn’t loosened up in the slightest.
I held back a sigh.
“Thank you, good sir. You have been a tremendous help.” I bowed my head graciously, hoping this would appease the stallion a little.
A quick glance to his face revealed wide eyes and a mouth halfway opened.
Wait… what’s so surprising here? I just thanked you, man… oh dear, that’s either disturbing or worrying.
“Yeah, thanks,” Tom chipped in, every bit as sincere as I had been.
“Hum… you’re welcome… I’m only doing my job, Sir.” The guard fumbled a bit, until he just gave a salute.
“I am grateful nonetheless.” I smirked, almost snorting at his obvious unease now. “Now, far from me the idea of distracting you from your duty, but I am new to the castle, would you please tell us where we could go to eat?”
“Oh, right, huh, t-the dining hall with all the nobles is in the west wing.” I bit back the desire to further my interrogations about the way he spat the word ‘nobles’. I had an inkling of an idea as to why that may be so. One white unicorn stallion came to mind… “You just have to follow this corridor, then turn left again. There’s one room for the maids. One of them will have to leave for the hall soon, so you could just follow her.”
“Thank you.” I smiled, if only to see him getting uneasy again.
It got even worse when Tom joined in on the thanking.
Stiffly, the guard nodded, hurrying back to his post.
Following his form with my eyes, I felt a sickness grow in my guts. They’re that bad, huh? …Well, no use worrying about them now. Better just go with the flow for now…
I walked in silence for a moment, trying to keep in mind the directions of the unicorn guard.
“Hey… Sam?” Tom shifted on my back, much more subdue than his usual self.
“Yeah?”
“Why’d you scream earlier?” I turned my head at that, meeting his inquisitive eyes head on. He seemed genuinely curious about that.
“I woke up in Equestria, Tom.” I rolled my eyes.
“Me too,” he countered distressingly quickly.
“You’ve been here for a week, you can already expect it at least. This was literally the first time in my life I woke up as something other than…” I did not say ‘human’. In the back of my mind, there was this paranoid fear that pronouncing the word would suddenly make the universe implode and we’d be gone. Ironic as it may be, I knew our status as alicorn was infinitely less damaging for the show than the reveal we’re actually human. “…Anyway, I just had the scare of my life.”
“You’ll get used to it. It’s really cool!”
Oh how I wish I could appreciate it like you do. To me, this is nothing but one long awkward moment where I try not to think that I have a tail, or that less than twenty percent of the girls I see wear clothes, or that I might bump into flying people, or that my mouth is now the equivalent of a hand or…
Well, it’s weird as hell and I’ll leave it at that.
I bit back a grimace, hoping to forget the bitter taste filling my mouth.
Home, I wanted to go home. To walk on two legs instead of four. To open my laptop and type on my keyboard. To climb up the tree in our backyard and show Tom the secret carving I had made there. To take off this mask and return to being just Sam. To look at Mom in the eyes and apologize, to close my arms around Dad and give him the hug he deserved for putting up with us.
The memories just kept flooding. Sam. I was Sam and I wanted out.
The desire to just find Celestia and beg her to send us back violently took over my mind.
My footsteps became more quick-paced. If I could just find her now, before the day started…
I would be able to tell her… I’d admit to have lied. A lie… about a life that I had memories of, that she knew of.
The spell did not reveal my true form…
I came to a halt, so suddenly that pain erupted in the back of my head, where Tom had collided with me.
“Sam?” He asked, the questions in his voice all too clear.
What would happen? Somehow… the canon of the show is that I’m an alicorn from space that followed his lil’ bro here. I have the memories to prove it. If I tell her the opposite… do I get my mind wiped? Do they disappear? What if they don’t?
Would I develop a second personality? A Ventus Vinco, who was the alicorn that was meant to be, sharing a body with the alien Sam?
I felt cold.
Something else, something else! Anything at all will do! …Got it!
“Hey… how did you know I was lying back in the infirmary?”
That seemed to put him at ease. It distracted him long enough for him to forget about his previous question, at least.
“Easy. You don’t have bad dreams.” He grinned. “You’re too cool for that.”
My heart exploded.
“…That…” I could not find the words. I fell silent.
I ruffled his mane with my right hoof. “You’re not that bad either, squirt.”
He giggled. Music to my ears.
How cheesy that a little laugh was all it took to make me feel better. Just a few seconds of joy and my day suddenly got brighter? Ah, I was such a snugglebear inside.
A strangely hollow sensation attacked my stomach though. A hungry snugglebear it is.
“Come on.” I laughed, adjusting his position on my back with my wings. “Let’s put some hay in that body.”
“Hay yeah!”
Even if he tried, I wouldn’t be able not to cringe. Oh boy, that’s a painful one, Tom. Nevertheless, I gave a goodhearted chuckle.
All to my newfound happiness, I turned a corner a bit too quickly, too absentmindedly.
A bump into something. A flurry of clothes. A basket that flew through the air, thrown away by a sudden impact.
I barely had the time to register what was happening, already imagining the disaster that was unfolding in front of me. Eh, I’d probably be forced to clean it all up myself. Crap…
Everything froze in place, held by an aura of magic.
“Gotcha!” Tom grinned, horn glowing blue.
Hell yeah, squirt! I rose a leg, to which he responded by launching his hoof into mine. Brohoof!
“Hum… excuse me…” A timid, almost ill quiet voice interrupted us.
Surprised, I turned in direction of the noise and blinked. A pink poor mare was stuck in midair, with her hooves in the air, right under the frozen clothes. Oops.
“Oh Elders, I am so sorry, madam,” I muttered as quickly as I could, pushing the articles of clothing away and rushing to her side. “Tom, get down.”
One hop from him later and I was burden free, able to place myself behind her, with a hoof ready to support her fall.
“Are you ready?” I asked, locking my gaze with hers.
The mare stood still, flabbergasted. Complete shock was written all over her face. Well, except for her cheeks, those were just colored with a slightly darker pink.
“Madam?” I pressed, trying to snap her out of her daze.
That did the trick. She blinked once, then quickly nodded with a little squeak.
Still looking at her, I called out to the one maintaining the sparkling magic. “Alright, Tom, release her gently.”
The maid closed her eyes in anticipation. I tensed, ready to catch her falling body. I waited, for the one moment gravity would remember it existed…
I waited…
“Tom?” I frowned, returning into a more natural position.
My eyes scanned the room, between the multiple still floating blankets and such objects among other places. Quickly enough, they fell on him.
My brain sent an emergency signal when it registered the mischievous smile on his face. Everything fell into place when his horn’s light flickered and fizzled.
Panicked, I barely had the time to turn around that a pink coat hit me square in the face.
Pain erupted in the following places, in order: my muzzle, my forehead, my right front leg (unbalanced fall), my wings, my chin and my tail (because of course, that poor mare had to crush it under a lost limb)…
Yeah… We became an entangled mess of limbs, bed sheets and clothes.
A cool sense of detachment washed over me, even as I failed to hold in a groan. I had to, otherwise having a mare sprayed halfway over me would either send me into a sputtering rage, a worried mess or an incoherent idiocy.
“That was so uncool.” The colt stuck out his tongue at me, reveling in the success of his prank.
“What?” I growled playfully, feeling my spirit fill with mock malice. “I am cool and I have the hooves to prove it.”
“Nu-uh!” He protested.
“Come here, you little squirt! I’ll show you the consequences of dissing your big brother!” I shot to my hooves, completely forgetting where I was, why and how. My mind was focused on showing up who was the boss.
Tom saw the danger, too late, for I had already reached him.
With more dexterity than I thought I had as a quadruped, I dropped on one side, keeping his head stuck in a headlock with one front leg. With the other, I mercilessly started rubbing a hoof on top of his head. The result was instantaneous.
“AAAAAAAAAAH! HELP! SAM’S TORTURING ME AGAIN!”
“Surrender!” I demanded, with the voice of an evil overlord. “Submit to my coolness!”
“NO WAY!” Tom shouted, kicking empty air in the hopes of hitting a vital organ.
“You asked for it. Here comes the wet willy.”
“NO! NO, NO, NO!” His struggle became increasingly frantic as I moved the wet hoof closer to his face. As an added bonus, I took it on myself to reproduce the Jaw soundtrack.
In any other context, seeing his pupil dilate with fear would have sent me over the edge, but darn this was just too funny not to go on with.
“UNCLE!” Tom finally relented. “YOU’RE COOL! YOU’RE COOL! NOW GET THAT HOOF OUTTA MY FACE!”
Well, that was almost too easy. I had to gloat. “Have you learned to respect your elders now?”
“YES! LEMME GO, SAM!” He squirmed a lot harder and even managed to land in a hit. Not painful, just noticeable.
With a chuckle, I loosened my grip, which he used instantly to worm his way out and run behind the pink maid.
Oh… I did forget about her… And it showed… Her mouth had dropped and her fur seemed paler around her cheeks. Well, that’s one mystery solved. Cartoons biology allow fur to pale to imitate human expression.
A nervous laugh bubbled up my throat. “Ah, that was… improper. I apologize for letting you see that.”
For a moment, she seemed unable to think of the right way to reply, as if I had grown a second head. She settled for something safe. “You need not apologize.”
Alright, I’ll take it. I got up on my hooves, scratching the back of my head. “We wanted to get to the dining hall for some breakfast. Could you please show us the way?”
“Of course,” she replied with a small bow.
“Thank you!” I breathed a sigh of relief. “I am surprisingly dumb when it comes to directions…”
“He’s terrible, Ma’am. He got us lost in an amusement park once! Mom got really mad at him!”
“Oh no, I hope she wasn’t too hard on him,” the mare said, hiding a smile behind her hoof.
“Eh, could have been worse.” Tom shrugged, ridiculously trying to look aloof and, of course, failing spectacularly. “You should have seen how she reacted when I tried to use my parent’s bed for my trampoline circus act!”
“You fell through the window, Tom…” My eyes went to the ceiling, annoyed.
The mare however, did not appear to have heard me, as she decided that he was an adorable little colt and therefore could never be wrong, at most misguided. She had apparently forgotten he had just pranked her.
I’m torn… why is my young padawan so talented? Yet he uses his power for evil…
I had to facehoof at my own stupidity. Wow, this place was not good for my brain.
Just great, he’s got her in the bag. Now I have to make sure he doesn’t smuggle candy in his bed before going to sleep…
I sighed. This was a little too much.
But hey, at least we had a guide to lead us to the dining hall.
--
His aunt had created a lovely morning, once more, but much too early, again. Cruel sunrays had illuminated his room and his bed, signaling the beginning of another day of tireless slaving on his desk. Alas, his job was an ingrate one, but a noble had to do it and who better than the one and only Prince Blueblood.
Viper tongues would hiss and spit their poison by pretending his work was all cut out for him, but of course, they were the vilest of jealous ponies.
And so, the white stallion had made his way to the dining hall in a rather foul mood. Things did not get much better when sat down at his personal seat amongst his pear. The servants had taken much too long to serve him. He was the Prince! Couldn’t they have put a hold on their ridiculously narrowed minded perspective and look at the bigger picture? He was starving.
Unacceptable.
Feeling incredibly gracious, the prince managed not to sigh at their unsightly oversight. Oh Celestia’s Mane, details like this were a great reminder of the distinction between commoners and ponies like him.
“Your Prench crêpes and homemade whipped cream sorbet, Prince Blueblood.”
He dismissed him with a wave of a hoof, not interested in anymore of that incompetence. At least, they had gotten the order right. Had they dared serve him the imported Bitalian tea with fresh pastry first again…
The unicorn promptly levitated a bite from his plate, cutting himself from expressing his displeasure in public. That would be rather mortifying of him to behave so commoner-like.
The meal was… adequate, he supposed. The wait spoiled his delicate taste buds.
More than ever ticked off by the actions of the servants, Blueblood instead focused his attention onto the local newspaper, folded nicely and waiting for him to pick it up. As was his routine, the unicorn wasted no time in opening it, finding the gathered information enjoyable in general.
Such was not the case this morning. Good gracious, was there a conspiracy against him? Nothing would go right for more than a few instants, it seemed.
On the paper he had decided to snob, one could read the title on the front page, probably the most eye-catching since the editor’s first day of work.
‘World exclusive! The princesses' long lost relatives! All about the lost princes!’
Tch, sometimes, Auntie’s charity can get so annoying. Not that he resented her quick recognition of their shared bloodlines. He was above that. Of course.
But the idea of two new princes to be added to their family, not very long after the ascension of that Sparkle mare, seemed ridiculously premature. Had they even proven themselves able to represent the aristocracy their kingdom was built on? Certainly not yet. The colt in particular had ghastly manners.
Blueblood would rather not have his name associated with such uncouth ponies, be they alicorns.
His inner rambling got cut short, however, as was that of many of his fellow nobles at the tables by offensively loud noises.
A pair of unknown voices could be heard through the great doors, though they were muffled and incomprehensible. One detail sticking out however was how they could be qualified.
One definitely belonged to a stallion, while the other had to be that of a foal.
The Prince barely hid a scowl when the doors were opened over two alicorns.
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The wet willy? Now that's just evil.
...
Blueblood, stop being a high horse. Your first-world problems mean nothing to this world as a whole.
... and I just realized that I'm talking to a brick wall.
...
Breakfast ought to be interesting.
Ventus and Blaze versus Prince Blueblood. Round 1, Breakfast. FIGHT!
And this entire chapter is totally adorable, even though Sam freaked the buck out almost twice at the beginning, but waking up as a totally different creature than what you were born as would do that to someone. Please, continue good sir.
2425995
Well I had my suspicions about that for a while since he came into Equestria, I keep thinking that the brother is going to somehow make him evil or that they have to find a way to defeat these dark minds by making sure that they truly patched up whatever problems they have before they leave or it will look like it will become some sort of weird plot point where Sam had to struggle against the darkness inside of him or around him to try to solve those internal conflict he has at this very moment.
In the latest chapter, it's nice to see the two brothers hanging out with each other now, but it seems like Prince Blueblood will make things worse for Sam's memory problem, unless he can play the silent tactic and say that whatever Blueblood says to him is his imagination or "figure it out himself."
I have a feeling there is going to be a spit-take at breakfast.
Now we bring Blueblood into the equation? Well, things this will be very interesting to see...
Keep going...
Can I have my breakfast with a side of spit take and a desert of Humiliated blueblood?
2439435 Evil Sam is evil.
Also, how dare you ignore the Prince's dreadful problems?! Tch, leave it to non-royal ponies not to understand the struggle of
the Great and Powerfulhis Majesty Blueblood!2439551 Continuation, confirmed. Also, I need someone to find me an appropriate soundtrack. You know, so the first round gets the right background music.
2439639 Yeah, there is something that needs to be done. You can't be quite in your right mind when you dream of rainbows and bloodbaths.
2439990 Oh, it should be.
2440179 Will do.
2439929>>2440688 Well, if you want a spit take so badly... here are some glasses of water. Keep them ready for when the conversation starts.
2441192 'kay
2441192 How's about this?
You know, something along those lines? But instead of Kombat, there's *Takes deep breath*
MORTAL BREAKFAST!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Okay, I'll stop now.....
2439929
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