10 Years Later
Scootaloo was rolling through the halls of her school when a basketball appeared out of nowhere and collided with her head, causing her to fall off her scooter and send her glasses off her face making her vision go blurry. “Morning Babs,” she said sarcastically, picking herself up off the ground as the darker orange mare walked by her, her friends Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon following close behind.
“Good morning Scoots,” Babs sneered. Suddenly Babs lunged at Scootaloo making the smaller mare jump. Scootaloo shook off her shock but said nothing as her tormentor and her cronies strode away, laughing amongst themselves.
Scootaloo let out a sigh, dusting herself off from her fall. “Every day,” she muttered to herself. She picked her glasses up off the floor and checked them for damage before putting them back on.
Scootaloo set her scooter against the wall and looked at her reflection in a nearby trophy case to see if she had a bruise. Her reflection stared back at her from the mostly transparent surface. She had a messy purple mane and an orange coat. On her face was perched a pair of glasses. She didn’t really like the glasses, but without them she could barely see her own hand in front of her face. She was wearing her usual attire, an orange T-shirt, jeans and a faded pair of sneakers.
Her morning encounters with Babs Seed were, unfortunately, a ritual. It had all started back in fifth grade. Scootaloo had been the only foal in her class not to earn her cutie mark. Babs Seed and her friends immediately took advantage of this and would constantly ridicule her, calling her a blank flank.
However, fate had decided to smile on Scootaloo and she eventually did earn her cutie mark, which was a small red scooter. At first, Scootaloo hoped that this would bring Babs’ bullying to an end, but, Babs just found some new way to torment her.
Scootaloo sighed and grabbed the small red scooter from against the wall the wheels gliding across the white and blue linoleum.
“Scootaloo!” a teacher shouted her name, just as she was getting up to speed. Scootaloo jumped off her scooter and lifted it off the ground.
“Um, yes sir?” she asked, hoping that she wasn’t in any kind of major trouble.
“You wanna keep those wheels?” The older stallion asked, glancing down at the scooter.
Scootaloo looked down at the scooter. “Um, yes sir.” She answered as she walked by.
“Then keep em off the ground,” her teacher said sternly.
“You got it sir,” Scootaloo said as she rounded a corner. She jumped back on her scooter as soon as the teacher was out of sight.
She made her way outside to the open courtyard where most of Ponyville High alumni went to eat lunch or catch up on homework.There wasn’t a whole lot to look at. A grassy hill covered the far side, students spread out along its length studying or horsing around. In front of the school was a concrete walkway that led to the eating area. There were only about twenty tables outside, the main cafeteria being indoors. However it seemed most people liked to eat outside and would sit on the ground and eat as opposed to just having an indoor meal.
As Scootaloo scanned the area her eyes fell on a yellowish-grey pegasus colt with a brown mane that was reading a text book and writing in a notebook. He seemed oblivious to everything around him. Which maybe wasn't the best thing at that moment.
A commotion on the other side of the courtyard however, caught her attention and she turned to look in the direction of the noise.
A crowd of students were bunched up in a circle, all focused on one of the tables. Scootaloo couldn’t see what was happening over the crowd, but she had a good guess that the center of attention was.
Scootaloo sighed and pushed her way through the growing crowd. She felt anger well up inside of her at the sight in front of her.
“Come on Dinky, eat your sandwich,” Babs sneered as she shoved a smaller light purple mare’s face into a plate of what looked like brown mush, staining her face and clothes in the mess.
“Babs, let Dinky go,” Scootaloo demanded, doing her best to sound authoritative. Everyone gathered around the spectacle turned to look at her.
“Hey Scoots,” Babs said regarding the smaller pony. “You want a bite too?” Babs sneered. The unicorn below struggled again, only to get her face shoved down again by Babs, who was still looking at Scootaloo.
Scootaloo looked at Dinky. Dinky looked like she was almost in tears from the humiliation. Scootaloo felt her heart harden a little in anger at the sight of the innocent filly being humiliated in one of the worst ways imaginable.
“No Babs, just let her up,” Scootaloo said in as commanding of a voice as she could manage.
“Just take a bite and I'll let her up,” Babs said, smiling, her voice now impatient.
Scootaloo tersely shook her head. “No. Now please let her go,” Scootaloo hesitated, doubting her own sanity over what she was about to say next, “Barbra.” Everyone went silent at Scootaloo’s words. In the background, someone could be heard whispering “Oh she’s gonna get it now.”
Babs smile disappeared, morphing into a look of blazing fury. She shoved the unicorn onto the ground. She then made her way towards Scootaloo who was trying to get around Babs to check if Dinky was okay. Before Scootaloo could take three steps however, Babs swiped a fist at her, sending her sprawling to the ground. Babs then gave her a sharp kick to the side, her face a boiling rage.
“You think you’re so funny Scoots?” Babs asked rhetorically. “Come on make a joke. Say something funny chicken!” She emphasized her shouts with a series of sharp kicks to Scootaloo’s side.
“Babs!” a voice shouted from the crowd. Babs looked up and stopped kicking Scootaloo.
Scootaloo groaned and looked up. She was surprised to see that Babs’ expression suddenly changed to an almost frightened look. Scootaloo turned to see who had interrupted her beating. It surprisingly turned out to be the Pegasus colt she had been watching before.
The unknown colt looked at Dinky and then Scootaloo, a disappointed look on his face. “So, what did one of them say they wouldn’t do your homework for you?” he asked. Babs was about to respond before the colt continued. “The same homework I showed you how to do last weekend, because your parents thought you needed a tutor?”
Babs shrugged and chuckled uneasily. “Um, well…”
The colt shook his head. “Babs, am I going to have to tell your parents again? I mean seriously?”
Babs bit her lip. “Um…. no, no you don’t.” Scootaloo noticed that Babs’ cheeks were crimson with embarrassment.
“Then leave them alone and let’s get to class,” The colt said, his voice confident, a total opposite compared to his tiny frame. “And I mean everypony,” he continued turning to the crowd. “Come on, shows over, nopony wants the principle right? Then we’re all going to have detention,” That last sentence seemed to do the trick, as the mob suddenly dispersed along with a grumbling Babs Seed, who shot Scootaloo a dirty look as if to say “This isn’t over.”
Once the group disappeared, the colt turned towards Scootaloo and Dinky and smiled sympathetically.
“You guys alright?” he asked, leaning down to help Scootaloo up.
“Oh of course. Why do you ask?” Scootaloo asked a little sarcastically, as she took his hand. The colt shrugged and rolled his eyes, turning to Dinky.
“What about you? You okay?” he asked helping the unicorn up.
“I’m okay, I guess,” Dinky said, sniffling as tears threatened to escape her eyes.
“Hey come on. I’ll take you to get some hay fries after school,” He offered, smiling. “Both of you,” he said looking to Scootaloo.
“Okay,” Dinky said timidly a small smile crossing her face. “I have to go to Biology now, but can you meet me after school?”
“Sure thing,” he said, nodding at the unicorn. “And you?” he turned towards Scootaloo, eyebrow raised.
“I’d love to, but I gotta help my aunt and uncle out with their little ones after school. Uncle Carrot has trouble helping them with homework these days,” Scootaloo said, rubbing the back of her neck out of reflex.
Technically, that was true, but honestly Scootaloo mostly just didn’t want this guy asking her why she jumped in. She herself wasn’t even sure of why she had gotten involved. She just did.
“You sure?” the colt asked.
“Well besides my own responsibilities, I’m not really supposed to go anywhere with strangers,” Scootaloo told him.
The colt’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh sorry, I’m Featherweight,” he said introducing himself, laughing nervously at his mistake. He held out a hand to Scootaloo.
Scootaloo looked at the hand cautiously. This Featherweight seemed nice, but Scootaloo had had her share of false friends over the years. “And I’m Scootaloo.” she said simply, shaking his hoof after a brief hesitation.
Both of the Pegasi looked at Dinky expectantly. Dinky looked back a little confused before a look of sudden realization crossed her face. “Oh…uh, I’m Dinky. Dinky Hooves,” she finally replied, blushing slightly.
“Well it was really nice to meet you both. Dinky, I’ll see you after class,” he said smiling at the unicorn. “And I’ll see you around I guess,” he said, tipping his head at Scootaloo before he turned to go back to class.
Scootaloo was about to follow his example, but Dinky fidgeting in the corner of her eye caught her attention. “You alright?” she asked, feeling rather concerned.
“Umm… Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you. For stepping in when you did,” Dinky said nervously, biting her lip and twiddling her thumbs.
“Oh… uh sure, no problem. I’m sure anyone else would have done the same thing,” Scootaloo replied, modestly, smiling rather self-consciously.
“But they didn’t,” Dinky pointed out. “They just watched and laughed,” she sighed, tears once more welling up in her eyes and threatening to stain her cheeks. Scootaloo didn’t know what to say.
“Then you showed up. I don’t know why Babs thinks you’re a chicken when you’re the only pony around here willing to stand up to her alone,” Dinky finished, now smiling faintly.
Scootaloo’s smile faded at that last compliment. “She calls me that because chickens don’t fly,” She said, as she hopped back on her scooter and rode away, not giving Dinky a chance to put the pieces together.
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As for you not mentioning me in the last chapter.
You are forgiven.
And as for links, you can put a link the description of the story.
And, this story is off to a nice start.
So wait... Is Featherweight Harry Osborne? Then who's Norman?
2248139 No Featherweight is Gwen Stacy. That sounded better in my head
2248155 Been a while since I saw the movie. Sorry 'bout that... So.... FeatherLoo?
2248339 That sounds about right.
Yes! I Love it so far.
“And I mean everypony,” he continued turning to the crowd. “Come on, shows over, nopony wants the principle right?
It's actually Principal.
Oh god... poor feather weight
I certainly do like your potrayl as Babs. You show her insecurity and her need for relevance quite well indeed, she's a fun character thus far. No I don't like bullies, but I enjoy insecure characters, they're fun to poke around.
Focusing, your writing gets better here, your already picking up experience. But you need to work on action scenes (Only slightly, they're good really, but just need a few adjustments). That's understandable if your new to writing. I took years (Only 2 years ago I got the hang of it) to do a proper action scene, pace was always the same and all that. Focusing, it just requires some minor adjustments that again you might have already fixed over time.
So yes, start off with, try to avoid using '-ly' words in action or fast paced scenes. It's believed they do more damage than good, especially ones like suddenly, because they're a three syllable word that takes away that fast paced feeling. For example.
Suddenly Babs lunged at Scootaloo making the smaller mare jump.
It's almost as if we got a warning that Babs was going to lunge. Take out that word and the reader can feel the suddenous of Babs lunging at Scootaloo.
Also keep sentences short and sweet. In a fight scene, it's hard to concentrate on anything if your getting hit, dodging and so on. I assume the stories being told through Scootaloo, so I would only tell what she picks up, for example, here.
Before Scootaloo could take three steps however, Babs swiped a forehoof at her, sending her sprawling to the ground.
We don't need to know that Scootaloo was going to take three steps (Kind of awkward sounding really). We could also possibly take out Bab's forehoof, because what else is she going to swipe with? Maybe her rear legs, but everyone would imagine it was with a forehoof. We can also imagine that Scootaloo was sent sprawling to the ground. If you don't mind, here's how I'd do it if I was writing this.
Before Scootaloo stepped forward, Babs swiped her to the ground.
To me, it almost sounds like a jaguar did that for setting foot on her territory. Again my opinion.
Hope this helps anyways and again, good job.
No mistakes that I could spot, here.
An improvement over last chapter but still lacking some details. And that's all I can really say at the moment.
but last chapter carrot had a hand
i thought you said hoof!
MAKE UP YOUR MIND
ok hoof?
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4566061
*ahem* sorry
HAHAHAHAHAHA