Spike's Journal

by WorkingClassWriter

Call of the Cutie

Spike's Journal
Written by The39Ponies
Edited by cwiis

Call of the Cutie

Dear Diary,

I can't believe this. I was just counting your pages out of boredom (Twilight was babbling on about cutie marks and the wonders of childhood), and I noticed that some of your pages were ripped off. Plus, there was a hoofprint on the next untorn page. I tried complaining to Twilight, but she was too busy going on about some theory on the Celestial Fountain of Youth. I think it's time to do some serious fence-building.

-Spike

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Meanwhile, in a nearby clubhouse...

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The Official Cutie Mark Crusaders Meeting Record Book

Transcribed by Apple Bloom Hope Apple
Comments by Sweetie Lillian Belle
Arguments and all other stuff by Scootaloo K. Hill
(Note: The Record Book and The Rule Book are two different things. TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Got that?)
P.S. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, are ya reading this? If ya are, lemme reveal a great secret to you. *inhale* Phobos and Cedric are your fathers. Filthy Rich knows about it, so search all over town for him, ya hear?
(Note: Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are fairy tale geeks)[/]

Record 1: How the Club Formed, and Thus, How We Stole Spike's Pages And Totally Got Away With It
Sunday, April 14th, 3PM, Apple Bloom's House

I cannot believe we just did that.
Did what?
Stole some pages from Spike's journal thingy.
Well, we had to, 'cuz Scootaloo lost the originals and his journal was the closest thing nearby.
I told you, I didn't lose it. Some aliens with wrinkled foreheads came out of the sky and STOLE it.
Uh-huh. And we're supposed to be the geeks.
...Can we just go back to what we were SUPPOSED to do?
And that is?
Ya forgot already? This is a record for all our adventures. I was gonna write what happened to me last Friday and Saturday to get us started off.
You? We'd been waiting under that table for six weeks.
Alright, US. So can I start now?
Sure. Whatever.
So, it all started in Science class last Friday afternoon. Ms. Cheerilee was talking about cutie marks. I, of course, didn't have one yet.
And you still don't.
And? So yeah, while Cheerilee was talkin' about it, I decided to play the scribble game to pass the time. Diamond Tiara, of all ponies, passed me a note. Now, being the perfect, attentive student I am, I decided not to pick it up.
Wait. If you're a perfect, attentive student, why were you playing the scribble game?
Let's not dawn on that, Sweetie Belle. Everypony knows that last year, I was so good that the Easter Pony gave me extra coal!
...Right.
Unfortunately, Diamond Tiara tainted my lil' filly heart enough to make me pick up the note. Cheerilee caught me, but, surprisingly, the paper was blank. Turns out DT and her BFFPIC were just trying to get in a jab about me being a "blank flank".
What's a beef pick?
Best Friend Forever and Partner in Crime.
Oh.
Ahem. Anyway, after class, Diamond Tiara invited us to her party celebrating her newfound cutie mark. Which was plain silly. First off, her cutie mark was a tiara and she's not even royalty.
Even if she was, I'm sure she would have been kicked out.
And second, she required everypony to go. If we didn't, she was gonna have some of her personal ponyguards taser us.
Wait, isn't that illegal?
Sure is. Anyway, since there didn't seem to be any alternative, I decided to go with my friend Twist, who still didn't have a cutie mark either. Even though I had a fellow blank flank to accompany me, I still complained to my big sis, Applejack about not having one yet. She began to ramble about patience, until I had a brilliant realization: all of our family's cutie marks were related to apples.
Uh, question. What does your brother's cutie mark mean?
Well, he never finished his food, and he never does.
I've heard worse things to get cutie marks for.
So I was pestering AJ to let me help her sell apples. After a full hour of begging, she finally agreed to bring me along. Unfortunately, she didn't approve of my business tricks.
Which were?
Er, no time to explain. Even worse, when I dropped by Twist's house, turns out she had gotten her cutie mark in the 4 hours since I'd seen her.
Eh, I never liked Twist anyway.
Hey, y'all can't say that about my best frenemy!
Okay. I'm terrrrrribly sorry. May I offerrrrr you some tea?
...Bad Trottingham accent, Scoots. So, I decided I was gonna try to get my cutie mark just in time for the party. First off, I visited Rainbow Dash--
-the world's best pony.
Will ya quit interrupting me? Anyway, she thought I could get my cutie mark in athleticism, rainbows, and dashing.
Isn't dashing part of athleticism?
Actually, dashing is way cooler than athleticism. Mostly 'cuz it's easier to spell.
Well, regardless, it didn't work. Desperate to earn my cutie mark, I marched into Sugarcube Corner and consulted Twilight Sparkle.
Wow, you must have been really desperate.
Pretty sure I just said that. Twilight tried to use one of her fancy-schmancy spells on my to give me an artificial cutie mark. Sadly, nothing lasted more than a few seconds. After that, Twilight tried lecturing me again (naturally), but I was saved by Pinkie Pie, the town's craziest pony.
Isn't the town's craziest pony Derpy Hooves?
Scoots! The impossible has happened! I actually agreed with you!
Well, congrats, you two. The town's SECOND-craziest pony tried to help me bake cupcakes. Unfortunately, mine came out as a lump of coal.
Hey, don't feel bad. Pinkie probably bewitched the cupcakes or something.
Eh, maybe. Well, since I didn't have anyone to comfort me then, I started heading toward the main entrance. And walked right into the party. I had forgotten it was gonna be hosted there.
Odd that DT would stoop to someplace so low.
I've heard of worse places. Besides, she was probably planning to brain-freeze everyone before brainwashing them.
Brainwash?!
Buy some apples!
Err... Apple Bloom? I think you meant to say "crap", and that isn't exactly a swear word.
Oh. I still think "buy some apples" is funnier.
But why in Equestria do you think DT would do something like that? She's not THAT evil.
I... don't know. But I still think she did.
So during the party, Apple Bloom tried to sneak out, or at least hide her flank. Unfortunately, DT, being the Esme Squalor she is, found out that Apple Bloom was still a blank flank anyway. Little did they know that I-- I mean, Sweetie and I were hiding under a table, ready to defend any blank flank!
Hey, now wait just a darn tootin' minute! I thought I was gonna record what happened!
And we were hiding under that table because you played a prank on Rarity by covering her hair in yellow paint! And how did you know about Esme Squalor? I thought you were failing Reading!
Which is exactly why I decided to take AB's job! To practice!
Fair enough.
Anyway, Twilight Sparkle was actually cool for once when she defended us. Even cooler. the other fillies started to take our side. Best of all, Esme and the tap-dancing-fairy-princess-ballerina-veterinarian gave up. Well, at least for now. After that, we officially made a group: The Cutie Mark Crusaders!
I still think my name was better.
What does "Cutie Mark Acquisition Program" even mean?
Guys, I'm trying to focus! We stole some of Spike's journal pages after that 'cuz, as I said, some aliens with wrinkled foreheads stole the original notebook. Meeting adjourned, let's meet up again at the Iron Pony Competition next week. I've got to leave now 'cuz I need to take my dyslexia pills. Bye~!
...Now I've seen everything.
My silent knot is fully tied.
So, should we end the entry?
*nods*

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Transcript ends here, although there were what appeared to be ice cream stains at the bottom of the page.
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Author's Note:

Wow. That was one crazy chapter. First one who enlists all the references gets a peek for my next fanfic. And, no, you can't annoy cwiis via Pm by asking him what it is(he's still the editor for it).
Also, the reason why this chapter was so late was because of a.final exams,b.the length, c.my brother was being a pest.

Comments

[RanmaChaos]

Nice

[WorkingClassWriter]

2519564-Fixed. What, not even WITCH could take FIW away?

[WorkingClassWriter]

2519818-Thanks. Don't worry, I think I won't send you an entry for another two days.

[BrianPony]

Loving all the Friendship Is Witchcraft references!