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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Now that the villain has finally and explicitly showed her true self, we move to that slow transition of clop-psychology: from erotica to smut.
On a side note, I showed the (humanized) clop scene to my ex-girlfriend for a quick proofread. She responded by saying the following: "Wow, you're so good at writing fellatio it's like you've had alot of practice sucking dicks."
I have very high expectations for this chapter. So excited.
Edit: You monster. I can't stop reading this. Keep going. I think you have kept all the characters believable, good job.
Holy. shit.
Well, ok, that says very little. First, let me get this off my chest: God damn it. God damn it! GOD DAMN IT!
I mean, I wasn't deluding myself, I knew it was going to just descend further into the abyss (metaphorical abyss), but I still wanted this to turn around a bit in my heart. I'm a fan of the vanilla love, what can I say.
But damn that was a nice descent. That whole analogy with the plastics to snitches? Freaking amazing. Abso-freaking-lutely amazing. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Interesting. Seems SA's personality is shifting a bit, or he's acting out repressed bits of it.
I i i Rarity you..... this is turning into a soap opera and that isnt a bad thing. i can't wait to see where this goes.
*clap* *clap* *clap* well done, and if you let me get something off my chest, you magnificent bastard , the romance between the two, the love from Jacqueline to Rarity is so beautiful and sweet, the whole castle thing was just beautiful, first time that reading something like this i thought to myself, "god i wish i was with her there, embraced by the sky in the pool of water, holding her close to me" (why can´t i find a girl like that in my life xD), i know that by the end i won´t be hating Rarity, but already i´m starting to feel my heart broke for poor Applejack, the preface once again, comes to bite and stab at my heart, the broken mare in the weeding, the one with an injury so deep that no amount of alcohol would be enough to ease the cries that are inside of her.
and the villain what can i say, masterfully done, well thought and sufficiently ambivalent to left the reader with a mix of hate and pity, there could be a grand revelation to why she acts like that, or not, but everything that Rarity has said and done i was able to picture her doing, all except this one
don't ask me why sure she doing almost anything to steep up in the social ladder that is 100% Rarity, but she saying that Friendship is immature that i´m not sure, like sure she become friends with Twilight almost just for her personal gain at the beginning of the show, but still she values her friends in an honest matter, maybe it will be better for me to shut up and move to something else
one last thing, since that Author´s Note at the end of the chapter, since you put that, is it a sign that the next chapter is close to release? Celestia helps me, if you have the chapter ready and you are only letting time pass to build up tension.... lets just say that every Fanfic that puts Pinkie like a psycho and all that she does is nothing but a spec of dust compare to the desert that would be brought upon your SOUL!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA (insert evil lightning sound effect here) oh right i forgot i can actually put the evil sound effect MUAHAHAHAHAHA (Lightning Sound)
P.S. sorry for the long comment loving the story
I hate you, Rarity! You bitch! Well, so much for even a smidge of redemption. Rarity's gone full blown evil. If I was a villain, I would attack now. The Element would no longer work. I can't stop reading this. I bow down to your superiority. Almost makes me want to give up writing my story in the face of such quality.
Glad I hopped on this train at the beginning. One small note: I still find Shining's motivations hard to understand. Is he just unhappy in his marriage? I understand why Rarity wants what she wants, but not him.
30,000 words?! Hmm.. I'll have to block out some time when you publish.
DEAR MOTHER OF ARCEUS! D:
This is possibly better, and yet somewhat worst, than an ever-changing emotion filled roller-coaster of doom.
In other news, I didn't find the deep and profound fellatio taking place in the story, being so explicitly and eroticly-maddening composed, that only those with a "first-hand experience" could had expressed it in writing.
Welp I shall await eagerly and/or terrified for what await us in the next chapter... *whimpers* Please have mercy
I truly hate shining armor in this. And I'm sure killers do not only act on strong emotion.
One thing I remarked and that Rarity should know.
Rarity's all about Shining's a prince, Applejack's just a farmer.
Shining's got a castle, Applejack's just got a beautiful cavern
etc etc etc.
How doesn't she realize that Shining only has all that because of Cadence?
Without Cadence, shining's just a soldier. (A bit exaggerated, but never the less.)
If he decided to break up with Cadence for Rarity, He'll lose everything she likes in him.
His honor (thing that he seems to lack already), his status, his castle, his job (probably), and so on....
If she's clever like it seems to be told, how come she hadn't seen that already?
Well if she had, there wouldn't be a fiction so.....
anyway, great writing and story, but unless it goes better for Applejack and Rarity. I'm not sure I'll read it to the end...(I'm a RariJacker all the way in.)
So keep up the good work, that's a very good story. only to dramatic and sad for me.
Ehh... I really hate to say it, but I think you're losing me again. I really can't praise your writing talent enough, and this story is compelling to no end but I just can't bring myself to like any of it at all, even if you say it is supposed to have a happy ending after all this. I just can't see or justify Rarity acting like this and ever doing this to any of her friends for any reason (including Cadance and Shining), and definitely not if she loved them romantically (Applejack) because she is exactly the opposite of this, she represents generosity and we've seen she's willing to give up everything for her friends even when it doesn't involve baseless lust and making them suffer horribly. Dark and grim psychological fics are one thing but I don't want to read anything that makes me hate one of my favorite characters like this, because I really can't stomach her in this story and how cruel and selfish she's acting, it's just WAY too OOC for me to be able to reconcile it.
I'm really sorry. You're amazingly talented and your writing is great, but I don't want to read something I don't enjoy and I just can't enjoy this at all. I wish you luck though, please don't stop writing no matter what because you have a ton of skill, even if I can't bring myself to like this particular story.
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Well, there's nothing I can do about it if these kinds of stories aren't really your cup of tea. Having justified contempt for the villain is the main purpose of the story afterall, and you can't make a villain out of any of the mane6 without being OOC to a degree (because there's no way Hasbro will show any of these in a kid's show).
So, anyway, thank you for the patronage and the time you have taken to read as well the criticism you have given. Here I am hoping, fingers crossed and cherry on top, that when All About Rarity is finished you'll have a change of heart–shall we say, a more courageous or tolerant one?–to finish it as well.
2475032
I hope you don't get me wrong, it's not really the fact that it's a dark story, even if they're not usually my favorite. I guess I feel like there could have been ways to have Rarity make bad choices and still be a villain while keeping her a little more in character, for example in this chapter I can see her giving into her temptation and sleeping with Shining then yelling at Applejack in the story universe you've built, but the way she so casually goes back to have sex with him again immediately afterward and then blackmails Fluttershy with almost no (if any) visible remorse kind of takes it to the point of no return for me. I think it would have gone down a lot easier if she had displayed more distress about what happened with Applejack instead of just smoking a cigarette before going down on Shining again, like Applejack was a lost cause not bothering about anyway and she didn't feel much real guilt about what she'd just done, and if we could have seen some inner conflict and desperation in how she handled Fluttershy instead of just cold calculation, indifference and manipulation, bordering on real cruelty. It would have been much, much better and still felt like something that was within the realm of possibility for her character I think, even in a dark setting like this. In other words she could still make the same selfish choices and ruin everything in all these characters' lives but at least retain a modicum of conscience to feel appropriately guilty and react accordingly, so that she still feels a little bit like Rarity instead of just coming off like a complete and total selfish b!tch (sorry, I can't think of any other word that feels appropriate) who is completely unlikeable and unsympathetic... like I said I just can't reconcile that at all.
So yeah, I don't know. I really do want to try and come back to this again someday, but if it's going to keep continuing like this probably not... I'm really having a hard time seeing how there can be a happy ending after all this, or how Rarity will be able to live with herself if she ever comes to her senses (or how readers can be made to forgive her). Sorry again, please keep up the great writing no matter what though, you're still crazy talented.
Edit: Added some stuff for clarity.
2475211
First of all, please don't apologize because I love your comments. It means you're taking the fic seriously with the amount of conscious attention and scrutiny you are giving it. This story, as I have stated in the first Author's Note, is only for practice and experimentation so every intelligent criticism helps.
In my own defense, I'd like to address the following:
Yes, Rarity does feel guilty, best indicated by the line "I'm trying to, desperately" when asked by Shining Armor if she's going to cry. It's also true that Rarity isn't "distressed" because, despite that she didn't saw it coming, she knew it was bound to happen one way or another. I made it this way because it's still too early in the fic for Rarity to be crushed by guilt. That comes later because, if I added it here now, in this chapter, to a more heightened degree then it will diminish the effect of future scenes. As of yet, Rarity still haven't gone past the point of no return (to which the scenes here doesn't nearly compare in terms of villainy). When she does, that's the time the distress and the soul crushing guilt comes in.
This (speech about "Plastics") is really a mild form of blackmail in my opinion, the kind of friendly threats that happens almost daily IRL as opposed to the FiM universe. I mean, sure it's cold and manipulative and contains a profanity but I'd say that this is more "bad" than "evil" and not enough to warrant inner conflict. This just goes to show how serious Rarity is about keeping the secret than anything else. But then again, maybe that's just me. Primarily, I think, because this is nothing compared to what threats Rarity is capable of in the future.
Again, I can't thank you enough for these insights of yours. It was, and I truly mean it, beneficial.
I'M IN.
2589580
Damn it, you read fast.
2589585 What can I say?
NOW I DEMAND MORE.
Also, was I the only one who imaged this in my mind when I read the chapter title?
oi40.tinypic.com/117tw6v.jpg
2475426
Yeah, I get what you're saying about not wanting to make Rarity seem really remorseful this early on because you don't want to lessen the impact that'll have later in the story, but still, I can't get behind it. I'm sorry. And if Rarity did feel guilty, she would never have to "try" to cry, she probably wouldn't be able to stop herself, so that just leaves me feeling like she doesn't actually care about Applejack at all. And even shipping aside, Rares and Applejack are obviously great friends in canon and care about each other a lot, same with her and Fluttershy, so I can't see her ever doing that to either of them or anyone else (including Cadance like I said before).
So yeah, I appreciate the fact that you're writing this story for practice and think it's a brilliant bit of writing for that, but it's way too darkly out of character for me to want to read more of it. Especially if it's just going to get worse--I don't want to read about Rarity acting that way because she's not even Rarity at that point, she's just an unlikeable evil character to me that I don't want anything to do with, I hope you know what I mean. Still I'm happy if my comments really do (or did) manage to help you at all, and I'll always keep a look out for your other stories if you write more. (And if they're hopefully not quite so dark, hehe. )
2762475 Rarity you cheap little wh*re!!!!!!!!!!! don't you DARE do anything to Fluttershy!!!!!!!!
Alright, I just wanna say that I still ultimately blame Shining for starting this, and this chapter's end is the most glorious Moral Event Horizon moment this side of Breaking Bad S02E12, buuuuuuuut...........
>It becomes apparent to me that not once has Cadance done this
...i'm sorry, come again?
>“She’s never done this to you, has she?”
CADENCE DON'T SUCK DICK?!?!
lmao GTFO say it ain't so O Princess of Love, say it ain't so
sheeeeeeeeeiiit bish
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/6/365767/full.gif
... o_o
Dayyyyuuuum Rarity.
You.... I like you Rares
Once more, let me express how much I love your take on this.
It feels so serious, so grown up.
This is just.... Ah, it's fucking awesome
2951400 LMAO Right! Thought I was I was the only one thinking that! LMAO! Oh my Celestia im only on chapter 4 and this fanfic is so fucking good!
Great writing Wellspring How on earth did you manage to keep up with Rarity talking so much? I think my ears would burn...so much you can do with plastic I never knew.
Rarity’s is quite the monster when she wants to be. (This line, particularly, shocked me. It sort of marked the bottom of Rarity's descent - than I read on.)
Rarity's become, or always has been, quite the villain in this story. The bit about 'friendship is immature', reveals as much as it suggests. That she's pretending, and always has. Which, is saddening at this point for I don't wholly believe it and hope Rarity doesn't ever. Alas...as a reader, I am just speculating what will happen next...what events will the writer reveal in the next chapter? Only reading will reveal :D
But that last line...oooohhh! Similar to the last chapter, hooks you right around the neck and pulls you in. With a sudden, orchestral 'da-da-DAA!'.
Damn i'm so glad I found this fic. Its pure and simple genius! in a most appropriate devilish sort of way.