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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Given chapter 9 and the alternate ending, I have question about Sweetie Bell.
How old is she? Rarity ran away at 8 years old right? And it was supposedly not long after Sweetie was born. With Rarity near 36 that would put Sweetie in her mid-20's instead of around 7-11 like in the show.
Also if Rarity is a runaway then Pinkie would not know about Sweetie. Not unless Rarity reconnected with her family. Which would fit in with canon of Season 1-2 but still raises the question of Sweetie's age. Course canon does entirely apply to the story does it.
In alternate ending 2 Sweetie does show up but I'm guessing this is an illusion caused by Rarity's guilt. Which wouldn't effect the age anyway.
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definitelyfilipino.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/failed____i_failed_by_felnix-d364ha1.jpg
H...Holy shit... I actually missed that... even after I thought I had everything stitched together.
There's no going around it, I miscalculated. I knew that Sweetie Belle was the wild card I should've been more careful with.
Though the conflict can easily be resolved by going back to Chapter 9 and editing the number (quite possibly by ageing up Rarity), I made it a principle in this fic to not go back and edit anything (beside a few grammar errors).
I... I'm sorry.
Heh. I never trusted Rarity's sudden turn, shortly before the end. It was a lie. Again. One more lie, this time to protect.
And she really did use everypony's love against them, didn't she? Even herself.
I'll still admit that Pinkie strikes me as... off. Irritating. Yes, you can hate me for it, but all throughout her scenes, I never once could accept what you were going for with her. Not even at the end; especially not at the end. Maybe it'll be different after a complete reading, but I doubt it. After all, I'd read the first eight chapter in one go multiple times already, and I still couldn't accept this Pinkamena version as real. She goes against everything we've seen of the character without going through any of the changes the others were subjected to. I know I'm meant to believe she's always been this uber-trickster super chameleon, but I... can't. I just can't. It's too much, it breaks suspension of disbelief for me.
Sorry, I'll quit ranting now. It's a fantastic story!
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No, please don't apologize.
That rant about Pinkie Pie is one of the few things I expected and hoped to hear from most readers. I knew the risk when I started writing the fic, and that it was an all or nothing move for me that will either piece together the whole of All About Rarityor ruin the jigsaw puzzle entirely. Pinkie Pie/Pinkamena's role was established since the prologue (that speech is actually double entendre for Rarity). I really want to know what was it in my writing that made it impossible to believe. Haven't I left enough clues? Was Pinkamena speech about masks (in chapter 6) not concrete enough? Any fault that I can discover here can greatly improve me in the near future (again, AAR was primarily for practice and experimentation after all.)
Anyway, in the upcoming epilogue, Pinkamena gives a brief commentary about Cadance and Rarity. Hopefully, when that's out, it'll give some better light to her character.
Holy crap. That ending. Damn. I'm stunned, especially when I read the epilogue and saw how much planning went into this.
And yet somehow I never actually got around to giving this a "thumbs up." Huh. Well, you've got one now. You've certainly earned it.
Seriously, wow.
Good sir here I thought I couldn't possibly like a fic about such things as you've and others helping have written here, but good lord I was wrong this has been one of if not the best emotional fics I have ever read... and sorry for sounding like a kiss ass.
So, is this the epilogue, or is that still coming?
Honestly, I've got to admit that I would've preferred either of the alternate endings at this point in time. While I understand that you have your own reasons for preferring a happier ending with a chance for Rarity's redemption, my own inner gears are turning in ways that leave me uncomfortable with the offered olive branch of a possible happy ending for a pony who tried to commit a double equicide, probably still left one of those potential victims brain damaged, and was willing to actively destroy the lives of those she supposedly loved most just to live a life that, deep down, she knew she would hate for the entire time she lived it.
She doesn't deserve a happy ending. AJ and Cadance come off as the most forgiving beings in all of Equestria as it stands, especially Cadance right now. AJ can always say that she's atoning for her own sins against Rarity, but Cadance... honestly, there's part of my head that really does wonder if she's trying to atone for something of her own in the course of so steadily forgiving Rarity.
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Thank you for taking the time to address my point! And, well, I'll apologise in advance if I fail to put my thoughts into the proper words. I'll try, of course!
You see, I ascribed the scenes with Pinkie's personality shift to Rarity channeling her guilty conscience. Up until the second last chapter, it was fairly easy. So, whenever Pinkie took Rarity apart, it was actually Rarity screaming at herself, projected onto her friend. And I suspect that's what you were going for.
Then, the above mentioned chapter came, and it was no longer possible. I commented on that, in fact—earned a few downvotes too, though I suspect for tone rather than anything else.
My problem with this Pinkie is, I think, that it erases Pinkie Pie as a character. At least the character she is on the show.
All the others are fundamentally themselves; even Rarity/Lapis Lazuli is still a warped version of herself. A caricature of her generous personality, but as with any good caricature, we can still see what she's meant to represent. Not so Mask!Pinkie.
Moreover, with all the other characters, we get a sense of how they've become what they are now. They had character development to explain the changes. With Pinkie Pie, It's just there. And it's not a development, either, since it's shown that she's always been like this, and that her entire character is all an act. Hollow.
It's created a dissonance, similar to unexplained Tyrantlestia. Perhaps even worse, since Tyrantlestia usually shares some characteristics with Celestia's regular characterisation. I have no idea what Mask!Pinkie's character is; but unlike other readers, my reaction wasn't being intrigued so much as confused and irritated.
Plus, I did see the foreshadowing but, well, denied it. Like with the Tyrantlestia example above, I kept telling myself that no, it wouldn't happen. When it did happen, I didn't really know how to react anymore.
So, it's a combination of factors, I guess. I hope this is at least partly intelligible...
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Don't feel bad. It was an easy mistake to make. Until that brief point Sweetie Belle served no purpose story wise.
Age aside, I am curious why Rarity reconnected with her foster family. Or did they find her?
Can't wait for the epiloge. Want to see how things go for Cadence, Shining and their poor colt
Awwwww, i would of loved to see that Nurse scene.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I liked what you did with Pinkie. When she wasn't being Pinkamena she was written exactly how I'd imagine her to behave in the show. Pinkamena's final reveal worked for me too because of the few glimpses we've seen of her before. I can see her happy-go-lucky usual self just being her mask, so it doesn't clash to much with the canon for it to be irritating, for me at least. I can see how it could be jarring though. Even I, who re reads this fic almost daily, took a few days to process what happened in chapter 9 and I've read and re read every word of the story.
I would have liked to have seen the Sweetie Belle ending!
As I said before, my only real issue is that I would've liked to have seen more of Cadance and, especially, Shining Armor's POV. At least with Cadance we see her enough with Rarity in casual settings to at least try understand her thoughts, but Shining Armor never really appears unless being used or manipulated by Rarity in some way. I'd have liked a small chapter just for him, and his thoughts. I get that it would've made it really disjointed though, suddenly skipping from Rarity to Shining Armor. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to read the whole story again through his eyes though! ;)
Anyway, it's wonderful to see these notes and how the story has evolved :) looking forward to the epilogue!
I don't really mind the idea of Pinkie being not really herself. Maybe it's just that I don't actually like the actual Pinkie character. I don't like the idea of her coming out and explaining everything at the end though. It's the trope of a villain coming out and explaining everything to the protagonist right at the end, except the villain isn't even a character we knew about until just then. It's especially jarring when you assume that Pinkie was working from the shadows the whole time, it doesn't really make sense for her to fully reveal herself. You'd think she'd be a lot more subtle.
Likewise I'm not sure making Rarity into Lapis Lazuli and making her older than she claims to be is the most effective way to say she is living a lie. While having Rarity be a fake name and her cutie mark being rhinestones made sense, something about her being several years older than every other character took me out of it. I think it's a strong idea for Rarity to have fully convinced herself that she is "Rarity," that everything she has done in her life is in pursuit of what "Rarity" would want. I don't feel like that it's nearly as believable when there's such a huge age difference.
I don't like the idea of an ending where Rarity dies. Not because I want to see a happy ending. I think an ending where Applejack, Shining Armor, or Cadence dies would be fitting for the story, actually. I was actually worried you would kill Rarity off at the end, and was glad that you didn't. While Rarity probably does deserve to die, I feel like it's just too easy for her to be offed in the end. Given that the whole story is told from her point of view, we can see that she does feel regret and knowing the terrible things she's done hurts her. She needs to be around to see the aftermath of everything. This isn't to say Rarity can't die. It's just that to me, the only appropriate place for Rarity to die is after she has seen through all the troubles she started, after she's fully redeemed herself.
It was an appropriate ending to a story I love. I feel like there were more spelling and grammar issues than usual in the last two chapters, and I'd like to point them out, but I don't think I'm going to go back and search for them now unfortunately. I want to say I would have not been at all surprised if the story took a misstep and did something I thought was really inappropriate, but it didn't. While I have some issues with the Pinkie Pie scene, they're not issues with the Pinkie Pie visit happening. They're just issues with how much information is revealed in that scene. I'll be eagerly awaiting the epilogue.
Well done good sir! Well done :) I was hoping Rarity wouldn't get her happy ending, you really had me worried there for a minute lol (yes i know RariJack shippers will hate me for this) but Applejack is better without her, in my honest opinion. I also liked the subtle FlutterDash in the story. I am curious to how Sweetie Belle will handle all this. Maybe we'll find out in the epilogue? Can't wait :)