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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I just saw the new chapter marker and saw...32,000 WORDS!?
<crack neck> Bring. <pull out lightsaber> It. <activate lightsaber> On.
Awww.
That last line, good lord I love that last line!
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Credit is given where credit is due, you can thank my editor, Serenity Viewer, for that last line.
Also, special thanks to him for his patience. He edited this chapter line by line, all 32,000 words of it... twice.
Boy oh boy, i just can't wait for it all to start crumbling down on her. I wonder what well happen to her?
Okay, first is Ponymane. HA! Nailed it! Loved that scene.Damn, Rarity is just digging a whole with Fluttershy, Rainbow, Twilight's bound to blow up at her, now Pinkie. When the truth comes out how is some-one not going to kill her?
And the shower scene, it looks like Rarity is suffering from...butt hurt(Yeeeaaaahhhh! I know I could have come up with a better pun, but I'm not that good with them).
Shining Armor has trouble with his tie? Every man needs a woman to adjust his tie when he screws it up which he often does. It's usually his mother or wife, it's a very intimate thing and few women should be trusted with cords around a mans neck.
You spent a lot more time with this torrid romance than I liked, but it grew on me. Thank you for doing it. And many thanks for telling about Applejack's family troubles, I never would have guessed. And thanks for drawing the not exactly 'parallels' more like 'perpendiculars' between both staring romances. Applejack is WAY out of Rarity's league but it's so sweet.
That whole thing with the Black Velvet I don't get. I know a flute glass, beer, campaign, a warning, I don't get how it all fits together.
And then you have the flash-backs. My heart broke, no mare should be treated like that, especially not !
Do I care how long I'm making this? No. I have been waiting for Shining Armors motivations. You sir/madam deserve an award for your writing, I applaud you. Damn, now I've finished and will have to continue to wait "patiently" but you always please me.
Question: I remember a comment about you saying this was planned for ten chapters, so what happens in the other half of the story?
I have a lot more to say but I should be going to bed. Yes I'm going to read it again. And start on your Twilight "heart broken antagonist" story tomorrow.
May the Light of Aether shine upon you.
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Hey there Articuno, Wellspring here. Thank you very much for the comment, I always look forward to your insight every time I press the publish button.
To answer your question about the flute glass:
The scene is a clue to Rarity's psychology and motivation. Champagnes are usually served on a flute glass because it's beautiful to see the bubbles rise up. However, in a public place/party, when serving an elderly or middle-aged woman champagne it is advisable to use a martini or low-coupe glass. This is because, when drinking from a flute glass a person would have to tilt their head back like so:
i162.photobucket.com/albums/t267/traehnoil/fluteglass.png
As oppose to a martini glass or a low-coupe glass where a person can drink it while holding their head down:
i162.photobucket.com/albums/t267/traehnoil/martiniglass2.png
Women, especially those approaching their middle-age, are very, very conscious about the wrinkles on their neck, and would hide it even at the price of fine liquor.
As for the remaining five chapters, well, I wouldn't want to spoil anything, so I'll just say that Rarity doesn't easily give up what she wants and, painfully so, neither does Applejack.
Okay,,, that quite the ride.
Now for my well reasoned breakdown....
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHGH! FU, Rarity! FU. ARRGGGH.
*throws brick at the monitor*
I hate her so much! How dare you do that to Applejack and Fluttershy! ARRGGGh!
Okay, deep breathes....
As expected brilliant writing continues. I didn't really understand the part with the fluted glass.
The manipulation and destruction of Cadence.... I want to reach in and strangle Rarity so bad.
At this point for the story to come full circle and based on your foreshadowing I predict complications for Cadence due to drinking too much wine. Either both her and/or baby will be lost paving the way for Rarity to finally marry Shining, thus taking us all the way back to the start.
I just really hope there is some sort of comeuppance for Shining and Rarity... something.
I think we all know that Pinkie knows what's up. As for final scene, I have no sympathy for what Rarity endured whatsoever.
i don't even... what should i... well Wellspring i think you are the first author here that has rendered me speechless with a chapter... and i have read "120 days of Blueblood", the "Tarnished Silvers" series, "After That Fateful Night", the classics like "A Dream of Dawn", "Past Sins", "The Things We Leave Behind", "Yours Truly", "Que Sera, Sera", "Windfall" and its sequel "Earth & Sky", "My Little Dashie", and the less popular but equally touching "Dreaming with Ponies" by ROBCakeran, etc, etc.
i could write every story that i loved or was shocked by, you get the picture, but this chapter, i have nothing, and that is a first for me, even if i didn't leave a message in some of those stories they always left me with something, a thought, an idea, but this one, i have nothing, but in case that this could be misunderstood, this comment or the attempt of a comment, is nothing but pure praise.
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Credit where its due, I actually stole that line from Maiden Voyage by Cynthia Bass. I can't remember the exact line, but I'm pretty sure the soap and water reference is almost perfectly quoted. I try hard to avoid using others phrases and sentences, but this one stuck with me, and it seemed appropriate to where you wanted to stop. The only other direct quote I can recall from memory is one from Thomas Mullen, where he describes a sigh as "the very sound of eyes rolling."
As far as that Bass book goes, it's surprisingly funny. I can't pick it up without giggling myself to death every few pages. Lots of good humor for a coming of age story.
I hate you, damn it. I hate this Rarity, but you're handling the psychology of cheating and desire so fucking well that I can't stop reading.
Shit is gonna hit the fan HARDCORE at some point, and I'm just waiting for it.
Ha, clever boy
I've just only read the description and i can already tell this is going to be great
I started reading this at 9:30 last night. Didn't stop until 11:30, and was up at 5:30 to keep reading.
Still only through Chapter 3.
I know that doesn't sound like much, but bear in mind that I'm usually up at 5:00 to get ready for work, and Sundays are usually my day to try and sleep in.
I want you to know that... well, honestly, I love and hate this story, and you, both. I love you for writing something so goddamned twisted that, at its core, is just a story about ponies in love. I hate you for writing something that makes my gut twist up despite the fact that, objectively, I myself have read and written vastly, vastly more horrific material that didn't bother me so much.
I love this story for being such a twisted, gut-wrenching story while, at its core, just being a story about ponies in love. And I hate it for much the same reason. It's like a car wreck, particularly with the prologue.
We know that, by the end of this, Rarity will have utterly annihilated her every relationship that mattered. Only Fluttershy and Pinkie can even pretend that they still have enough respect and residual affection for Rarity that they can give the toast at her wedding. Her best friend, and the pony who loves everypony, are both reduced to basically faking it and praying that everypony else buy into it, especially themselves. Twilight is still in shock, Rainbow would probably be pummeling Rarity into paste if she could get away with it, and Applejack is (if not an abject alcoholic), reduced to dangerous levels of binge drinking in order to get through the event.
Rarity, by the end of this, has become what Cadance hated being, and we get to see exactly how it happens to her. The fact that we don't see Cadance in the prologue is, while certainly expected, equally upsetting in that it leaves every possibility open as to "what happened to her?" Did she find out about the affair and leave? But that would probably leave the Canterlot Elite not wanting anything to do with the cuckold and his new bride. Did Shining take the chance to leave her when the Crystal Empire demanded her presence, and his duties as Captain of the Guard kept him in Canterlot?
Is she even alive anymore?
The fact that I know about All About Eve, Sunset Blvd, and other classic noirs doesn't help, mind you. The fact that, ultimately, those stories leave little hope for redemption, instead suggesting that this is going to end in madness, death, or an utterly hollow life-in-a-lie for Rarity is heartbreaking. And the fact that I'm looking forward to it... damn you, sir, for writing this so well!
I don't mean grammatically and spelling; there are a few flubs here and there, a few parts where the word choice makes my inner editor cringe. But those can all be fixed in post. The core of this story - ponies who are desperately in love and are driven to do horrible, horrible things by it - is solid. And made all the more horrible because at least one of them isn't really in love with the pony she's pursuing, but only what she has in her head about him.
~~~Spoilers follow~~~
So far (remember, only at the end of Cahpter 3) there are only two parts that ring a little false to me. The first is that I want to take Twilight and bludgeon her firmly about the head and face with a 2x4 for how she handled Rarity and AJ. Yes, I realize she'd spend her time seeing AJ almost killing herself with guilt about what she did. But basically locking Rarity in the house with her attempted rapist so that they can 'work it out' is the epitome of cruelty if Twilight has any real sympathy for Rarity.
Which was the point where, this morning, I realized that she doesn't, and that it made perfect sense. After all, "nothing really happened" to Rarity, Twilight stopped things before that. Applejack was drunk. All the excuses that hammer some familial trigger points, but that also all add up to a very cold, calculated cost/benefit analysis. "Nothing really happened to Rarity. Applejack is killing herself over it anyway. Ergo, Rarity needs to buck up and forgive Applejack, whatever the cost, so that AJ can get over it herself, not kill herself, and I can get on with my life and not have to think about it anymore." Very understandable, as long as you keep in mind that she hasn't had our front-row seat to the fact that Rarity does feel violated by what happened.
What's probably the ugliest part of that assessment is that I've seen that in real life. From actual rape victims, who utterly dismiss the trauma and violation felt by an "almost rape" case as not being "real."
"Nothing happened, so it doesn't count, get over it." Some of the most disgusting words in the English language, and Twilight says them loud and clear when, with Rarity pleading for her to stay and AJ asking for some privacy... she chooses to give them privacy. And then gets mad at Rarity for trying to physically beat Applejack away from her when the Earth Pony was approaching her with *some* sort of unknown intent.
A part of me is almost tempted to lay the responsibility for this at Applejack's hooves because of that almost-rape; it's probably telling that every time after that Rarity has had sex, it's been forced on one end or another. She throws herself at Shining Armor, who turns her down... and, denied that chance to take back her sexuality from AJ's clumsy, drunken attempts, she takes it back from AJ herself, in an act that's half-rape, half-lovemaking, only because her victim does want her. Then, when Shining comes back the next day... while she wants him, and he wants her, it's still portrayed in such a way, and at such a time, that it makes that consent seem half-revoked, an act of primal animal urges that the higher being knows it should be making a protest to, and wants to protest, but can't after the shameless way permission was given the night before.
And yet, and yet... as tempting as it is to blame this on Rarity's psychological scarring, we know that we can't. She was already jealous of Cadance before any of this, throwing her dreams of a perfect royal wedding into Cadance so that she could at least live it by proxy, and loathing herself and the bride for doing so.
That Cadance interpreted that ultimately selfish gesture as a demonstration of true friendship is as heartbreaking as anything else in this story so far.
The other thing that rang a bit false was Shining's actually coming back to Rarity - why turn her down that night, so resolutely, and then come back the next day? He didn't seem nearly tempted enough to do that. But, given the rest of the story... I suspect I'll find that out in Chapters 4 and/or 5. If not then, then certainly before Rarity's tragic end, perhaps involving that chandelier?
And so, in conclusion, f#$k you, sir. F#$k you for writing something that hurts so good.
I've finished Chapters 4 and 5.
How did you... but... WHY DO I FEEL SORRY FOR RARITY AT THE END OF ALL THIS?!?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find my Nerf Maverick and play Russian Roulette with it. The darts don't do any damage, but there's a certain catharsis to shooting yourself in the head after a story like this, even if it is with foam.
I usually stay away from fan-fiction and had never read a 'clop-fic' before, despite friends sending them my way. I don't know whether it was the description, the picture or the fact it contained Rarity that made me choose to read this one. I don't know where the majority of my day off went and why I am feeling so emotional. I know it doesn't carry the same weight as other things but...
Thank you for being my first.
"We live in a stallion world; stallions are the powerful, the industrious, the capable, the conqueror of nature. And what are we, the true mares? What is our chance on this world that stallions have made?"
Hmm... are you sure it's a stallion world?
Most population is composed by mares and fillies.
There are four rulers. They're all mares.
Common stuff you can see everywhere in Equestria is, for example, hearts and tons of different pinks. I'm not saying that girls only use pink or should use pink or anything related but, they're not exactly very masculine symbols
So you can just beat the shit outta bartenders w/ no consequences in Equestria, eh?
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Yeah, Equestria is a Matriarchy unless a story canon clearly states otherwise. Her statement should be taken as another red flag of how fucked in the head she really is, like her earlier bizarre comment about adults not having friends or something.
2836666
Nah, I still maintain that its all Shine's fault. Tony Braxton - "Love Shoulda Brought You Home Last Night". His ass should've stayed home with his NEWLYWED WIFE instead of even bothering to visit ol gurl........at midnight.........just to say "no". Rarity would've gotten over her selfish bullshit soon enough otherwise. All he had to do was ignore her sales pitch at the party and like, not fuck her, and everything else would've worked out. That's how these Protagonist Journey To Villain tragedies go. No-one escapes while they still can.
2836666
"Is she even alive anymore?"
That's a verrrrrrrrry good question that the prologue teases us with.......right now I got a miscarriage at 2:1 odds.
Also, after reading the last chapter's author notes, I think its very cool that Wellspring is intentionally going from gorgeous purple prose Mommy Porn clop scenes to nasty Guy Porn every-other-word-is-cum "IMMA THRUST PAST UR CERVIX, YO" clop scenes.
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Oh, I know exactly what you mean, and I'm not saying Shiny is blameless. All I'm saying is that, in a lot of ways, Cadance is the only true victim in this whole mess, and her foal (I'll see your 2:1 odds on the miscarriage, and give you 3:1 on 'foal is born damaged in some way and she's accused of being unfaithful.')
As an aside, I hate it when stories make me wish they could be rated double-plus-good, because otherwise they make me feel like I need to go back and remove my thumbs up from other stories that are less deserving, but still very good.....
i can't wait for the next chapter. Even though I felt a little bit sorry for Rarity at the end... i really want to see what happens when everypony finds out!
As I read this the FimFiction Banner is of Rarity and AppleJack, smh the irony
Ok, I put off this chapter for a while, literally because it was so long. I looked, and thought, "hmm. A new chapter? What the fuck. 32,000 words? I'm not reading this now."
And now that I actually have time to read it, I think "Rarity sucks in this story. Not so much to take her away from my #2 spot, but enough for her to suck."
And at the end I thought "meh, I'm not sorry for her. And how many tears does she store in her body? Because there is a fuckton of them."
These are my thoughts on this chapter. Maybe they were abbreviated but they are legitimate. But don't think that it was bad, because it was good. Just long. And rarity seems to want to ruin Cadence a little too much. I don't understand the want to destroy princess #2 (#1 being TD).
..wow, nothing kills the dramatic tension and destroys my immersion like a blatant Pokemon scene.
Everything is beyond beautiful, you made Rarity this perfect, conceited, egotistical, bitch that I just adore.
But.... *Rubs temples* the Pokemon thing bugged me to no end.
32k word? I... I don't believe you. It went by so fast
Part of me is wanting Rarity to be pregnant, if only to add more delicious drama
I'd be surprised if she isn't, even with pills.
I didn't think Rarity would turn Canterlot against Cadance, that one surprised me.
Rarity is my favorite Mane 6, and this story is just... delicious. The way she thinks, acts, and the way she speaks is just what I imagine, never once (yet) have I stopped to think "Wait, Rarity wouldn't say that."
Keep doing what you're doing.
If I were Shining, I wouldn't be out and about in public as much as he is. If your marriage (And the invasion, don't forget that!) was that big of a thing, you'd have been in the papers, and pretty recognizable.
Then again...
...half the fun is in the risks
OW. My eyes hurt from looking at all of the words and my heart hurts from reading them. Dammit, I kinda don't want these chapters to be so long, but it's such a good story and... oh, sh. I have another chapter to read?
...it better have RariJack sex this time around.