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Chapter One1,014 words
Chapter Two1,650 words
Chapter Three1,226 words
Chapter Four1,667 words
Chapter Five1,451 words
Chapter Six1,529 words
Chapter Seven1,062 words
Chapter Eight1,012 words
Chapter Nine1,008 words
Chapter Ten1,343 words
Chapter Eleven673 words
Chapter Twelve325 words
Chapter Thirteen568 words

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:

Alec and Bob both knew Freddy Jenkins, but before either he or Twilight could explain what was going on, he vanished. Literally. Into thin air.

"What? Twilight, did you do that?"

"No...must be physics acting up again."

Then, right where Freddy was, someone else was dumped face-first.

"John!"

"Wait...what the hell? Where am I? What are you two doing here?"

Alec groaned, "We're all in a land of magical ponies, not sure how we got here, not sure how to get back. I ponynapped a Princess and Bob and I are slowly looting a nearby town. Members of both the Liberum and the Dominandi are randomly appearing here. You somehow just replaced Freddy. Any questions?"

"Nope."

"Good."

If you thought that things were going fast now, just then there was an explosion by the cave entrance. A magical one.

"Celestia!" Twilight shouted and began to run toward the exit.

"Oh no you don't." Alec knocked Twilight out with his gun. She flopped the the cave ground rather un-princessley.

John, who was dressed similarly to Bob and Alec looked down at the pony.

"Harsh much?"

"No." Robert and Alec answered in unison.

"Well, who's Celestia?"

"Twilight's boss I guess. We pranked her and made her think that we murdered Twi' here. Looks like she's here for revenge."

"You guys have planned for this right?"

"Yesh, grab Twilight's body and follow us."

John shrugged and reached over to grab the purple pony.

As he began to follow Bob and Alec he noticed their impressive stash.

"Wow. Gold, money, food....and some completely useless stuff. You guys have been busy."

"Yes, yes we have."

"Can I...can I join in on the fun?"

"Why of course you can my friend."

"In fact, we're going to have some right now. We're going to a tunnel that Alec and I have been digging out for a while. It leads to a cellar in another Pony's house. We're gonna go there, loot that house, and stake out a base there. Then when Celestia and her troops find us there, we'll put up a heroic last stand, die, and return to the cave."

"We're not really going to die are we?"

"Of course not."

As the found the hidden tunnel, the collar around Twilight's neck began to blip.

"Piss!" Alec threw here rather violently back into the cavern.

"Hehe, forgot about the dead-man's switch."

He reached over and slipped it off.

"Okay let's go."

"Things are really weird right now. I like it," John said.

"It's great fun isn't it?"

[/hr]

It was lunch time, and Octavia and Vinyl sat down, said grace, and began to eat their cucumber sandwiches.

"Thanks for making the food, again, 'Tavi."

"Oh, I suppose it's not that much of a problem. Besides, If I ever let you cook again...well there are no more houses that are available for purchase, and our insurance doesn't cover fire."

"I could try and cook them with-"

"No, no, I assure you, the dishwasher was enough."

"It works, and pretty good too."

"Yes, but that doesn't make it any less annoying."

Vinyl only chuckled and they continues eating some more. Then Octavia's ear cocked.

"Vinyl...did you hear that?"

"Nah...what was it?"

"Sounded like the cellar door opened-"

"Holy buck!"

"Vinyl! Language!"

"Look!"

"Wha-"

Every single window in the building shattered in a cacophony of noise.

"You have been evicted in the name of the Liberum Order, out, outoutoutoutout."

Neither Vinyl no Octavia had time to react; they were both shoved out the door. They were both laying in awkward positions on the ground.

"'Tavi....did you see that?"

"I believe that I did..."

"Off my lawn!"

The ground around the ponies exploded in several spouts of dirt as Alec emptied his pistol clip around them. The two ponies scattered.

"Okay gentlemen, lock the doors and board the windows. Today we die."

"Yes sir"

"Yessir!"

"Away!"

[/hr]

Princess Celestia's troops flooded the cavern.

The Princess waited patiently for her guards to drag the monsters out.

She was just contemplating on whether she should eviscerate them, or disintegrate them, when they returned.

"Where are the monsters?"

"They escaped you majesty, we cannot find them! But come inside, look at this."

Princess Celestia followed her guards inside.

"Woah..."

There was an amazing heap of bits, diamonds, gems, clothes, food items, household appliances, blades, tools, and what she assumed were improvised weapons. No order, just hoarded.

"Well," she scoffed, "They certainly know what they are doing."

[/hr]

"Alec..."

"Yeah?"

"Where's this glorious fake last stand you were talking about?"

"Not sure. Maybe she gave up."

"The two ponies we booted will probably get Princess Whoever."

"I thought that they would, but it seems-"

The front lawn shattered, for lack of a better word.

"There she is!"

"Load your weapons!"

There was an array of clicks and snaps as they primed all of their weapons.

"Remember, don't kill any other them. Maiming is fine, but we don't want any dead ponies on our evil, stupid hands."

They all sat. Soon, an army of pikes began to rise on the horizon.

"Woah....she brought....wow..."

It was a pretty impressive army. She must have been furious.

"We didn't go to far, did we?"

"Of course not."

"Okay...three...two...one....OPEN FIRE!"

The bullets tore apart the ground in front of Celestia's army.

"Forward Stallions! We Avenge Princess Twilight!"

"Flour bombs?"

"Yep."

Bob pulled out a crate filled with bags of flour, each with a tiny bit of C4 inside.

John only looked at them.

"You guys are idiots."

"We know."

"Yeah! Flour!"

Bob, Alec, and John all began hucking the bags out of the window, right in front of the charging golden-shod ponies.

"NOW!"

The explosion of white (Hehe, dirty mind) was something to behold.

It blinded many of the first few ranks, who tripped, and the domino effect made its way throughout the entire mass.

All three humans burst out in unstoppable laughter.

The Stallions, however, were not amused. They all began to get back up. They were close to the front of the building.

"Shall we run for our lives?"

"Yes, we shall."

"Full retreat! Angry ponies avast!"

They all retreated into the cellar again. Bob picked up Twilight and threw her, quite roughly, back into the tunnel.

"Ketchup?"

"Da."

"Semtex?"

"Affirmative."

"Set it up."

"Yes commander."

He did that, and they all huddled into the tunnel. Just as they heard the soldiers make their way inside, Alec shouted, "Fus ro DAH!" and detonated the charge. The spray of ketchup was immense, as was the explosion.

"Gentlemen, we have just committed suicide to defend out honor, rather then be captured."

"Yup."

"Alec?" John asked.

"NNNyess?"

"I'm never going back home."

"I know dat feel bro. Onward!"

"URA!"

Author's Note:

I'm freaking hilarious, I know.

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