Twilight had dashed off to the train station to get on the next train to Canterlot spouting how there was another in about twenty minutes or so. We watched her leave weighed down with enough quills and extra parchment to start a second library and with Spike in tow while the rest of us cleaned the library.
It took us roughly fifteen minutes to finish thanks to there being six of us and Rarity’s magic. We left the library and hurried to the station to catch the train. We arrived at the platform just in time and boarded the train.
I sat next to the window across from Rarity so I could look out the window. Pinkie Pie sat next to me excitedly. For me it felt like I had just left Canterlot behind not too long ago but the girls were glad to be returning to the city.
“So do you think this test is going to be hard?” Pinkie asked rocking back and forth to some random rhythm in her mind.
“She’ll do fine, she always has.” Applejack commented from under her hat which she had used to cover her face so she could rest. I zoned out from the conversation and watched the hills roll by.
We made our way to Canterlot once again only this time I hoped there would be only good news waiting for us.
We pulled into the station after some time and we stepped out onto the platform. I turned and saw Twilight walking towards us with her head down in disappointment.
“Twilight!” Applejack called out to the unicorn. Twilight looked up and smiled. Applejack leapt forward and embraced her friend.
“Did ya pass?” Applejack asked. Pinkie Pie rolled out her cannon.
“Are we going to celebrate your awesomeness?” Pinkie asked as the cannon erupted and she jumped into the air.
“Not quite.” Said Twilight. Pinkie paused mid-air and fell back to the ground and the confetti appeared to be sucked back into her cannon.
“We’re going to the Crystal Empire.” Twilight proclaimed.
“Huh?” my friends all gasped at once.
Snow fell thick and slow and lay like a heavy white blanket across the ground. I smiled remembering my home in the winter. The pristine snow was a beautiful thing after all.
We arrived at the platform and stepped off of the train out into the howling wind. Only I and Rarity had prepared for the cold in any way. We had gone home prior to pack for the journey but Twilight had assured us we would only be here for a few days at most.
While we were home she had informed me of the enemy we were up against and had warned me against Sombra and his powers. She didn’t know if he had returned or not but I was not going into the situation unprepared.
“And you all laughed at me for bringing so many scarves.” Rarity said with a smug smile on her face.
“I didn’t say a word.” Spike said from underneath a pile of her luggage.
We moved to the edge of the platform the girls were holding hooves in front of their faces to shield themselves from the icy gale.
“Twily!” came the call through the blizzard. Shining Armor materialized out of the snow like a specter with a black mask and cloth cover over his face. Twilight ran forward and embraced her brother. Shining Armor turned about and removed the mask from his face.
“Come on, we don’t want to be caught out in the open.” The stallion said.
“Why?” asked Twilight.
“Let’s just say that the Empire isn’t the only thing that came back.” Shining said. Through the blizzard a howl sounded low, mournful and sinister.
“What was that?” Fluttershy asked shakily looking about.
“Sombra.” I growled.
“Come on!” Shining Armor yelled taking off into the snow. We ran after Twilight’s brother into the wind.
On the horizon I could see a light blue dome that could only be a magic shield. From behind the howl sounded again only closer giving us cause to run faster. Twilight lifted Spike as he began to fall behind. I looked over my shoulder and saw a dark mass coming after us. Shining Armor saw it as well.
“Go, get to the palace!” he yelled. Twilight and the others ran on but I halted and turned to stand with the captain. I drew both of my axes as the top of the smoky mass formed into a massive head of a unicorn and roared its triumph to the sky. The head was massive in scale with boiling green eyes and red irises that trailed purple mist the king’s horn was massive and tipped red like the color of blood. I was not to be dismayed however as I stood side-by-side to Shining Armor.
“Good thing you’re here.” He stated as Sombra came on.
“Good to be back in the swing of things.” I replied raising my axes as the head opened its maw and charged us.
I felt blood trickle from the cut above my eye as I threw Shining Armor through the shield wall and dived after him feeling the tendrils of darkness grasp at my leg one last time. I was through the wall and looked back to see Sombra smash his face into the shield. I did not boast over my victory as the series of gashes and bruises the king had left began to be felt.
I placed my axe into its place on my belt and stood up helping Shining Armor to his feet. His horn appeared to be infected as black crystals were showing along the length. Twilight and the others moved to help us.
Twilight took a hold of me and made me stand still as she began to patch up my minor wounds numerous as they were. The others helped her brother fully to his feet.
“We need to get to the palace.” Shining Armor said putting a hoof to his head. We began to move and I finally took in my surroundings.
We were in a beautiful grass field that stretched for miles about and was peppered with huge crystal monoliths. The sky above was clear and bright showing a beautiful blue that few other sights could rival. In all it was breathtaking but it paled in comparison to the sight of the crystal palace in the center of the city.
I followed from the rear keeping an eye on the shield behind us. It did not take long to move into the city which was utterly breath taking in its serene and clean cut beauty.
Shining Armor led us to the entrance of the palace which was below the main portion in one of the four pillars that held up the palace proper.
We moved up into the palace. The interior was the color of fresh ice with heavy red carpets and the walls were hung with fine tapestries.
We entered a grand throne room with massive windows on each side and covered in thick velvet carpet. On the far side was a massive and ornate throne and Cadence sat upon it looking bedraggled and worn. Her horn was aglow with power. She smiled as she saw us enter. Shining Armor stepped forward and embraced his wife. Cadence then broke away from her husband to greet her sister-in-law with their sunshine song.
“One of these days we need to get together when the fate of Equestria doesn’t hang in the balance.” Cadence said. Twilight laughed at the statement.
The smile was wiped from the princess’s face as a burst of power shot up her horn causing her to grimace in pain. Shining Armor gripped his wife holding her so she didn’t collapse.
“The effort required to keep the shield up is killing her. Cadence hasn’t slept and has eaten little and it’s been days. My spell won’t work Sombra is countering it but Cadence has managed to keep him out by using love which seems to be working for now but she’s fading fast and I don’t know how to help her. I haven’t had any time to go ask the crystal ponies for any information.”
Rarity inhaled audibly.
“There are crystal ponies!” she exclaimed pulling on her mane. Everyone stared at her awkwardly.
“Uh sorry.” She said.
“I’ve had no time to research this place either with all of the excursions I’ve needed to take out into the blizzard.”
“A research paper!” Twilight exclaimed putting a hoof in the air.
“Huh?” asked her brother.
“That must be part of my test is a research paper. Let’s go.” Twilight stated.
“Is there a library around here?” she asked Shining Armor.
“Yes I’ll escort you.” Shining said. “Ol can you stay here with Cadence?” he asked me. I nodded and the princess smiled at me.
Shining Armor led his sister and friends away to the library while Cadence trudged her way back to her throne. I stepped beside her and assisted her up the steps.
“Thank you Ol.” she said gratefully as she plunked down onto her rear and sighed tiredly.
“Looking at this you’d think the changeling invasion was a stiff breeze.” Cadence said looking out the window. I chuckled a bit.
“My ribs and shoulder would disagree with you princess.” I told her.
“Ol we’re friends, you don’t need to call me princess. Call me Cadence.” She said as cheerfully as she could considering the circumstances.
“Cadence.” I smiled at the name. “How long have you and the captain been here?” I asked her. She put a hoof to her chin in thought.
“About three weeks now.” She said. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
“So long and Shining hasn’t been able to come up with anything?” I asked her.
“Nothing, the arctic is harsh on him and he’s been coming back with more and more bruises and wounds. I can’t heal him because all of my magic is being taken up with this.” She pointed to her horn. “And it’s been brutal.” Cadence looked down at the floor looking dismayed. “He’s right though. This shield has taken its toll and it feels like screw is turning in my mind especially whenever Sombra attacks.” She sighed heavily. “It’s good that all of you are here though, I don’t know how much longer I could hold out for but now that you’re here Ol,” She looked at me and smiled. “It’s like someone took my magic armor and added another layer on top of it. Between you and Shining Armor nothing will ever take this place no matter how strong or evil it is.” I smiled back at her.
“I’m not that strong prin- Cadence. I just know what I have to do to protect those who are important to the land and to me.” I told her staring off through a massive window. “If I have to give up my life to preserve those around me then it is spent well. When I first came here I was told to not expect a glorious death but after going through the changelings and then this,” I indicated through the window to the blizzard going on. “I know that I’ll die as I should, protecting those I’ve come to care about.” Cadence set a hoof on my armored shoulder.
“I hope I’m one of those ponies now.” She said. I smiled but didn’t answer her. I thought about the circumstances.
Twilight had become like family to me. Taking me in and caring for me like one of her own and the others even after I’d tried to put an axe into them. They had accepted me and to think that I would lose them to Sombra or some other evil cur. I felt anger well up inside me at the thought. I would not let that happen I would not lose another set of people I cared about even if they were ponies they were like people to me.
Shining Armor returned to the chamber.
“Well their off doing research we should go back out Ol and see what we can do.” I stood.
“No.” Cadence said adamantly.
“What?” Shining Armor cocked an eyebrow at her.
“No I won’t let you go back there not with your horn like that.” Cadence said coming up out of her throne and walking to her husband.
“I won’t let you go back out there even with Ol, it’s too dangerous.” Fear showed across her face. She was obviously more afraid of Sombra than she had told me.
“Okay, okay, I won’t go out again I promise.” Shining Armor quietly reassured his wife as he put his forelegs around her. “But I am going to patrol the city. We need to get some information from these ponies.”
“I thought Twilight was doing that.” Cadence said.
“We’re going to help her.” Shining stated smiling an award winning smile. “And I promise I won’t go out again.” Cadence nodded and put her head on his shoulder. He patted her as he guided her back to the throne.
“Now sit and rest and Ol and I will be back to talk with Twilight.” Shining Armor beckoned to me and together we left the throne room.
“What exactly are we going to do?” I asked the captain.
“We’re going out.” Shining said to me a steel determination creeping into his voice.
We moved through the streets and even spotted Applejack asking about the town but we avoided her. The two of us made our way to the shield.
“What exactly are we looking for?” I asked the captain.
“A rematch.” Shining stated putting on his mask. I laughed at him.
“Why are you laughing?” he raised an eyebrow as he asked.
“Where I come from captain we don’t break promises.” With that I launched a strike to his jaw knocking the captain out cold. “And I’ve been looking for an excuse to pay you back for what happened in the pit.” I pulled on fake leather and fur gloves that Rarity had made for me and smiled wickedly as I stepped into the chill. I was indeed in the mood to see the good king again.
The wind howled like a banshee and the snow had turned to ice in my short time from being inside. I smiled it felt so much like home. The snow muffled my steps as I set out in search of Sombra. It felt like hunting not like when I was home where you stalk your prey carefully tracking it down until you were nearly close enough to touch and then ‘thwack’ an arrow is protruding from your kill. This was different though I had hunted things that could kill a man but not something this dangerous, this exciting.
Trying to find Sombra, however, was something that seemed meaningless when I could bring the king to me.
I reached down and drew both axes. I kept my forefingers just underneath where the steel met the wood and spun the weapons on my hands. It felt good to have steel in both whole hands again and a purpose for it. I locked my hands around the hafts of both weapons and pressed the wood into my thighs to push weapons to their full length. I inhaled the biting air into my lungs and felt the beast within me stir again like an old friend filling my breast with power and fury. I let that fury go and have its control continuing to suck air in until my lungs and belly were full and then I truly let go.
I roared to the icy heavens like one of the gods my call echoing about until my lungs ran dry and my throat went raw and ached. I sucked in air my chest heaving after my verbal outburst. The wind seemed almost silent by comparison. I didn’t have to wait long for the reply. Sombra’s mournful howl sounded out across frozen plain the call answered to the beast within and I could feel the rage build even more.
I could see him coming, the black cloud of shadow moving in leaps and bounds like a dark and dying frog. I gripped my weapons tighter and snarled as the King’s head materialized once again and he was glaring at me. I began walking calmly through the snow towards him as he surged and lurched his way over to me roaring at me like a crazed animal.
The King lunged at me screaming his fury. I screamed back and swung my right axe. I had timed the swing nearly perfect and the steel bit into Sombra’s nose. The King didn’t flinch and plowed into me smacking my chest and burying me into the snow. I swung my left and put the steel into his snout deep enough to be used as a handhold. The King pulled himself from the snow with me still attached by the axe. I pulled my right axe from his nose and swung it again pulling myself belly down onto his snout. The King tried to shake me off but my axes were in too deep and my grip was too strong.
Sombra was again dove for the snow and smashed me into the ground and he disappeared into the air. I rolled over and stood up. I put my right axe back in my belt and I knelt to snatch my dagger from my boot.
I looked about into the wind half-crazed from battle lust and covered in snow. The King however had disappeared into the blizzard. My rage grew again. I had been cheated from a fight that cowardly bastard.
You fight well. A voice sounded from within my mind. It felt greasy and thick dredging its way through my thoughts. I tried to step forward but my boot felt stuck. I looked down to see a pool of thick black muck growing around me.
I wonder how you taste. The voice taunted. Sombra’s eyes rolled up out of the muck and a slit appeared around my ankles and began to open. I fell into ever widening hole slipping down into the hot, wet mouth of King Sombra.
The maw was stinking and wet filled with spit and a writhing pink mass of a tongue. I looked down and could see the King's throat throbbing and pulsating waiting to consume me. I was determined to make myself the last meal this evil unicorn would ever try to eat.
My head slipped below his teeth into the fleshy pink mass. I reacted by jamming my dagger into the roof of his mouth to halt my fall. I could feel the unicorn’s tongue on my back trying to push me down but I fought back. I placed my boots on the roof of his mouth and pushed as hard as I could forcing the massive muscle back into its place still holding onto my dagger and axe.
Sombra closed his jaws up over me but I was not going to die like this. I took my axe and slammed it against his gum to my left just above the tooth. The steel cut through the flesh like paper and the King groaned as blood began to trickle out but I was not finished. I pulled my axe back and continued to assault Sombra’s molars striking chunks of flesh and bone with each swing. Sombra’s tongue continued to writhe against my back which made me push all the harder. I twisted the dagger to make sure the hold kept true and Sombra opened his mouth to roar his pain out flecks of spittle and blood coating my face and armor as his hot putrid breath blew past me.
I slammed my axe into the gap between his two front teeth. Sombra slammed his jaw shut again forcing the axe into his gums. I heard a loud snap as blood spurted down onto my head. The King screamed again as one of his teeth wobbled. I reached up behind and felt the handle of my axe. I gripped and pulled the handle to the right causing another loud snap and another scream from the unicorn. He seemed to have redoubled his efforts with his tongue trying to pry my axe loose. I put all of the power I could into another pull and the tooth came free. The tooth fell and struck me in the head causing stars to dance before my eyes. The beast pushed the pain from my mind in a rush of anger.
Sombra screamed again louder this time in frustration. My axe was free once again and I sunk it back into his exposed gum. I pulled the dagger free and stuck it into the hole with the root of the tooth sinking the steel up to the hilt.
Using all of my power I pulled myself up. I pulled my boots beneath me and pushed off of Sombra’s tongue. I pulled my axe free and sunk it into the side of the other front tooth. No matter who or what the being was nothing could stand this much pain and blood inside of their mouth and Sombra was no exception. Sombra bunched his tongue beneath me and he spat me out into the air.
The change from putrid and hot to cold was exhilarating as the air whistled past my head. I looked down to see the King Sombra retreating back into the ground but I was not about to let this kill get away. As I fell I readied my weapons aiming for one of those massive green eyes.
I’ll be back for you. The voice promised as Sombra disappeared into the white. I slammed into the snow with an audible ‘oomph’. And just like that Sombra had disappeared back into the snow to hide away and lick his wounds. I screamed into the snow surrounding my face. I stood up fury raging through me and I screamed into the howling blizzard my face and body covered in blood, spit and snow. I roared again and again challenging the cowardly king to come finish what we had started. But I received no challenge in return. With every scream the rage began to dwindle like bonfire that had used up its wood too fast.
I fell to my knees my chest rising and falling quickly as I tried to compensate for my outbursts. I finally managed to stand shakily my body catching up with me. I could feel the fatigue in my muscles and an ache in my back as I stood and sheathed my weapons. I began my trudge back through the snow heading for the protection and warmth of the shield as the cold began to set in as well.
It took me several cold and slow minutes to cross back into the warmth of the Empire. My first goal was to find the captain. Stepping onto the grass and feeling the sun upon my skin was a blessing and my mood improved almost immediately.
I picked up my pace and moved to where I had left the captain. He was awake when I found him sitting up with an angry look on his face and a new black eye. He looked up at me.
“That was unfair Ol.” He scolded me. I smiled through blood flecked teeth.
“I just made sure you kept your promise.” I told him.
“How am I supposed to explain this?” he asked me pointing to his eye which had swelled up to the point of closing. I shrugged.
“Tell her the truth. It’s not like she’ll get mad at you for not going out, she might get mad that you lied to her but then you’ll look all the better when you dragged me back in through the wall.” I told him as I plunked down onto the ground next to him.
“What you mean lie to her again?” Shining looked at me. “That just might work.” He laughed.
“It might and then again it might turn out that I should’ve let Sombra eat me.” I chuckled darkly. Shining raised his good eyebrow.
“You’re kidding right?” he was confused. I shrugged again.
“I wish I were.” I told him. “But I made a poor meal for the old king what with my pointy bits and all.” Shining Armor laughed at that.
“Sounds like quite the fight.” I snorted.
“That it was.” I went on to describe my encounter with Sombra. By the time I had finished his mouth was wide open in shock.
“You, sir, are becoming quite the legend.” He told me. I held up a hand defensively.
“I’m no legend captain, I’m just a man with an axe.”
Ol. You is ferret.
Laars. You is ferret.
<3 DarqFox
2305731
Yo dawg...
I’m just a man with an axe.
gonna have to use that one sometime.
2305731 Magic.
25.media.tumblr.com/fbe6a5fb7a56f669f6995965c99dacba/tumblr_mhijvh1eNj1rwej9io10_400.gif
Historically inaccurate, a hulk-smash mode with an on/off switch, he's proficient at modern German. He kicks Chrysalis' ass even though she had already been captured, and then he knocked out Shining Armor?
Oh, and then you deleted the review by the guy who actually knows what the fuck he's talking about? Yeah...
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2373266
That doesn't mean that Vikings spoke (bad) modern German. Yes, English has both Germanic and Latin aspects, but have you ever seen old English? Not the flowery Shakespearean crap (Early-Modern English), but the actual Norman/Saxon English? It's utterly alien to English speakers today. A similar process is going on here. Also, Vikings were generally from Scandinavian areas of Europe, not bloody Germany. End of.
2467647
Well I'm tired of the whole 'historically inaccurate!' people knocking on my door and I'm probably going to lose some readers over this but I don't care. I wrote this how I wanted to, he speaks German, he uses a claymore, and whatever else someone says is inaccurate, good for them. I wrote this because I thought it would be fun and I'd get the chance to put some of my religious perspective into a narrative. Yes, I wrote this for religious purposes of creativity. As for the review that was deleted. Yes I deleted that guys review. I deleted it because he expected his words to make me want to go through and change the story. He did not consider how every criticism, if I were to listen to it, would cause me to have to rewrite enormous sections of an already written and well established story at that point. You didn't enjoy the story, that's fine just say that and be on your way. Oh, and the things you're bitching about other than the accuracy confuse me as they make sense to me and the people who did enjoy the story. Now that I've had my piece, and I know some people are going to stop reading the story because of this and others will be turned off and I don't care, go away. Oh, quick edit before you go. This is FANFICTION ABOUT MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC! You should keep that in mind, just sayin'.
2468268 2467647
I honestly give zero fucks about historical accuracy. I don't, really. The story is damn good, and does NOT need accuracy to be great. The fact that I have deemed this author worthy of my stalkerhood, speaks volumes.
I may not be religious, but I believe in a little something called 'Respect' that is slowly dying in this world. I had my usual neutral 'I don't judge people I don't know' respect for you. And like the book in your gif, you made me throw it away.
Don't like the story, stop reading and move on.
<3 DarqFox
2468268 Nigga I'm drunerk than youd eliv right now and Im making mor sens than that
2468268
This does not make you exempt from putting effort into the non-pony elements. If there's something in the story that needs changing, YOU SHOULD CHANGE IT. Being a dick to a guy who was trying to be nice and help was the worst way to handle the comment. And I SAW the comment before it was deleted, so I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I have a little present for you I think you'd appreciate. I'll send it your way when Simon hundred-percents it, assuming he still thinks he can bring himself to do so.
2468520
No but I am putting effort into the character just not what everybody else is looking at, except one reader who actually pointed out the Blot, and I've been using modern German since the word "Gydhja" popped up which means priestess. And again I wrote it for a religious perspective which I've focused on for the character. So when people call it a load of shit because he speaks German and uses a claymore I feel somewhat confused and defensive but then again I've only ever met one other Odinist in my life so maybe I'm giving everyone else too much credit
2468576 What, so the shit everyone else is looking at isn't JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE CHARACTER HIMSELF? And if EVERYONE'S looking at it and saying it's wrong, IT WARRANTS FIXING.
2468596
IMO, not really, not for this story at least. If someone wants to come along for the ride, then come right along. If, however, they throw a big fucking hissy fit about what I consider to be minor details then don't read it. You didn't have to read it, you didn't even need to acknowledge its existence. But here we are, all of you guys arguing with me and all the while I'm not going to change anything about this story, at all unless it's an error of spelling or a misplaced comma and that's that. My only question is have you enjoyed the narrative? Did you like the story as it is at face value for the story alone? That is all I really care about.
2468642 And the answer to that is a no. Because inaccuracies do take away from the narrative, and even if they weren't there, I'd STILL be slamming my head against a wall. It's just plain NOT THAT GOOD. Also, to direct you to an edit I made while you were replying to me...
2468642
I for one did. I don't give two shits if Ol spoke fucking Chinese. I like the plotline, I like the character development, and I like the writing style. I shall keep watching and loving this story because I see it for what it was meant to be from the beginning.
<3 DarqFox
Keep doing what you do, Laars. You is ferret. Don't let food tell you otherwise.
2468656
So here's what this has boiled down to. You say everyone thinks it's wrong. I say I don't care. In the end I win because I don't care so what if it's wrong I'm not 'fixing' it! You didn't like my story so move the fuck on like a normal person should.
2468705 Fine. Your stubbornness and utter refusal to improve have won you the day this time. Before I go, though, I'll just give you Simon's present now.
2468735
Figured you were one of his friend/henchman/kiss ass people. Oh I've already seen those and I didn't care. If he sent you along to show me those you can tell him I've seen them already and they're not particularly clever or funny.
2468775 I'm not a kissass. I'm a friend. There's a difference. Don't treat them like they're synonymous. And you can't deny he's right about most of it.
2468780
From what I've seen it's hard to distinguish for all the fellating that goes on over there.
2468791
Oh don't you even fucking start.
2468775 YERASSN'SGRASSNIMTHEGRASMAN
2468791 Hey, wasn't this about your shitty story? Why are we flinging shit at Simon and the people he associates with?
It's like watching two assholes on their first date.
2468775 If you consider friends to be the same as sycophants, you obviously don't have friends.
2468510>>2468268 Believe him. I'm on a Skype call with Barata, and he is drunk as hell!
It is glorious!
2468814 Sorry, Laars, but the drunk Scotsman's kinda right.
2468815
Because you came to my story now didn't you. I was perfectly fine with leaving it be then you showed up so I feel I'm allowed to defend myself considering the situation even if I'm aggressive about it.
2468806
Kind of looks like I already started doesn't it.
2468845 Don't play innocent. You're very much at fault here.
2468905
I'm not, I insulted them but their big boys now aren't they?
Dude, when people provide advice for your story, you listen and consider what they have to say. You don't delete advice you don't like. If you don't like the advice, fine. Don't take it. But deleting it is the mark of someone who's incredibly insecure and can't handle any sort of criticism.
Now, you did say this:
Sure, mechanics are important. However, so are plot and characterization. And those are much harder to get right than mechanics. Mechanics are fairly simple. Plot and characterization are both fairly complicated. Therefore, when someone gives you advice on either of those aspects, you should pay attention. Sure, some of it is subjective, but there is actually some objectivity to it. Pay close attention when people offer you advice, and you'll be fine. Rage when people do so, and you're not going to do very well.
2468944 Obviously you aren't a big boy if you resort to insults instead of trying to make your points through logic and reasoning.
2468944 I do hope that you aren't starting shit with my friends. I would HATE to go off on ya.
2468845 Good job. You summoned a whole armada. I doubt this is gonna end well for anyone. If you need me, I'll be watching comfortably from the sidelines as 2468995 tears you a new asshole.
2469013 I got the booze and popcorn!
2469013 Considering how torn Laarsy's buttocks is already, I doubt there's much left to tear.
LET IT RAIN DOWN ON ME!
Go away, yeah I insulted you because I don't like some of you considering you show up to my story just to tell me how you think it's shit and starting the 'criticism' in such a way. The 'criticism' offered would make me have to rewrite major portions of the story and I'm not doing that because I LIKE THE WAY IT WAS WRITTEN. GO AWAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO READ IT!
2469013
WATCH OUT, here we come!
2469025 s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/1352865252_27997749.jpg
2469025
Oh poor you! Heaven forbid you actually have to do work!
Seriously, dude. It's one thing to not take advice because you prefer what you have. So long as you can do that civilly, fine. However, not only have you done this uncivilly, you have also not taken the advice because you're a lazy bum. Honestly, I have no desire to read this story for two reasons: 1. You can't handle constructive criticism. 2. You're a lazy bum. You've managed to completely turn me off the story just by the way you handle things in the comments.
2468995
WHAT COULD YOU SAY! I'M A FAT TWENTY YEAR OLD WHO LIVES IN HIS MOM'S BASEMENT WHO DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE WHO DOESN'T WORK AGAIN UNTIL THIS SUMMER. I'M A SOCIAL OUTCAST, RELIGIOUS OUTCAST AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER SHIT. I'M A MEDIOCRE AUTHOR I NEVER WANT TO SEE THE FEATURED BOX, I DON'T PLAN TO EVER SEE IT. WHAT MORE DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT I COULD NOT SAY MYSELF, BY THE GRACE OF THE GODS GO AWAY!
2469025 Yeah, those major portions of the story are major PROBLEMS with the story. You need to give a shit about FEEDBACK if you're gonna get anywhere here.
Also, NEVER SAY "DON'T LIKE DON'T READ." They can't KNOW they don't like UNLESS they read.
2469048 Who's fault is that? Don't expect pity for your own fuck-ups, mate. Ya gotta try to do better.
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2469048 You feel better now? Let all your anger out?
2469087 Less anger and more emobombing pity-rage.
2469064N
I'm simply pointing out that there is little that you could say that would effect me. The only reason any of you are here is because you're friends with someone who put up a review which I deleted.
And again this all boils down to all of your opinions which will coincide with your friend's opinion. I'm not rewriting huge portions of the story when it will affect the plot I already have planned out. This is the only story where criticism isn't the most welcome especially when you put it up in the manner that most of you have.
I don't care what you have to say so stop talking.
2469101 If you don't care what we have to say, what's with all of the butthurt?
2469107
Because as I've stated before I wrote this partly due to my faith so I'm going to be a little upset about it considering I'm a rather spiritual person.
Even more so that so many of you would come so far out of your way at the behest of one of the most unlikeable people I've ever been in contact with and I will say that because that person comes off as a jerk considering the tone of his review and his reaction to my deletion of it. So he calls upon all of you to come down and reiterate his opinion when I offered no further provocation. I am not happy about this because it's bullshit and frankly why you all wasted your time in such a manner confuses me. So I say again go away.