Revelations VII
"So as I said, when I came into her room she was just gone. No signs of struggle, no suspicious items, and after interviewing the guards, they truly seem to have no idea what happened. We are performing more in depth scanning spells on them now, but preliminary care shows that none of them appear concussed, so they were likely put under a sleep spell."
The doctor seemed to be telling the truth, but being sure was a matter of absolute importance.
"Thank you doctor, just one more thing before you may leave, I require you to accompany me to her room."
The stallion nodded without inquiring further and followed Luna to the room that had served to house Twilight for the past week.
The guards that had once stood outside the sealed room had been replaced by Luna's elite guard. Upon seeing the night princess, the pair saluted and turned to release the charm that sealed the room.
"No pony has been in or out since we relieved the injured unit." the right guard said as he opened the door for his princess.
"Continue to deter any who would try to enter, we are not to be disturbed."
The guards saluted once again as Luna continued inside with the doctor in tow.
Once inside the clean room, Luna turned to the doctor.
"You and your staff were the only ones permitted into this room. And amongst them you were the only unicorn to operate in this room, correct?"
The doctor once again nodded, "Yes princess, nurse Rosewood, nurse Camphor, and I were the only ponies permitted into this room. Rosewood and Camphor are earth ponies, so yes, the only unicorns that were in here were myself and the patient."
"Good." Luna lit her horn and began casting her spell.
The doctor watched the unmoving monarch for a moment. "Princess, uh...should I leave?"
Without opening her eyes, Luna turned to him. "No," she levitated a pen off of a nearby table, "Here, hold this with your magic."
Without question, he did as he was commanded.
Luna focused more deeply on the traces of magical signatures in the room.
Making sure to exclude her own and the aura that currently embraced the pen, she could sense only one more recent aura.
Her eyes shot open as she instantly recognized it.
The aura that she knew better than any other. The aura of the one who for a brief moment had held her very essence as she tore off the husk of her parasite.
Twilight's aura was to be expected within the room, and to any other observer it would be a good sign to find only her aura after excluding the doctor's and her own.
...but as one so intimately touched by Twilight's magic, she could see what others could not. She could see that Twilight's aura was different...
Changed...
She could tell that a foreign force had attached itself to the mare; another experience she was intimately familiar with...
"Princess?" The doctor squeaked.
Luna looked to the stallion, finding undisguised fear on his face. Only after a second did she realize the cause for his fear. Policing her own features she found an amalgam of intense fear and boiling rage.
Immediately returning her expression to a more neutral frown, she opened her mouth to calm his fears, but before she could, a lunar guardstallion kicked the door in on the two.
"Princess! We have news!"
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Well well well, another 'everypony is an emo douche with the brain of a depressed teen on meth' fic.
Send in the "Twilight Saga" fans!
5186087 i don't mind necessarily if people want to go with OOC or even not make sense, but at least they should slap on the AU tag a bit more liberally
Hah! The chances of me finding this in the recently updated list! And it happened!
Well we FIIINALLY get another chapter(after almost 4 months) and its a short chapter with a cliffhanger whhyyyy do you tease us so
P.S: great chapter and I really cant wait for the next chapter
5186038
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No matter how well written this fic is, it can't rise above its deeply flawed premise.
Twilight and Celestia are complex characters who've been strong enough to save their world, multiple times, each. Here, they have been boiled down to nothing but the sum of their idiot ball moments, and emotional breakdowns.
Please go work on one of your good fics instead.
Will all due respect Iron Sky, I personally am enjoying the fic because it is not ashamed to be following the idea that you never know what the breaking point of a person will be.
Ok my two cents are in.
5186813
I would actually say that the premise of this particular story is actually all that matters, and that it is actually the execution that has failed this story to most readers. I'm not promising miracles, but I think that those who read this one to the end will find it's premise to be more engaging than it first appears.
TL;DR: don't judge a book by its first 80%.
5187141
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Hey look! This thing still exists.
5187141
<chuckles>
Fiction is designed to play upon the unreal. Fan fiction is designed to play upon the non-canon of something already fictional.
There is no flawed premise in a fan fiction; there is only exploration and whimsy if it is boiled down such.
Heck, we've all wondered exactly why some of the cited events played out as they did, why otherwise great characters performed truly facepalm-worthy acts... but that's why stories like this are great: they step away from the accepted fiction and look at how differently events could have played out.
If someone's not enjoying it, brush off their criticisms and allow them the freedom to choose to desist their engagement in self-inflected displeasure. Especially if they request something else in the same breath as an insult... that's not constructive criticism, it's panhandling and trying to guilt the author into crafting something for their pleasure.
So, let me counter: Well done. I'm happy to see this is once more alive and well. I want to know what Twilight's letter says (if anything), I want to see how this plays out. Heck, we've seen Twilight use "dark magic" in the show, and we've also seen (well after this period of time at least) what Twilight is really capable of when she's driven to anger. She's always been a bit timid, a touch socially awkward, and prone to fits and panic, but really what always got her through it was the timely intervention of her friends.
This story's premise is the perfect application of a "what if" moment. What if at the critical moment someone didn't intervene? What if Celestia made (another) bad choice? What if the unique experience of losing a parent set the bar higher for those interventions? What if the unshakable devotion and love of Twilight's mentor where put into question under those conditions?
Those are the seeds of a great story that runs perfectly within the world of the show at the time it was written. Those are questions that we can all wonder at and devise our own headcanon around. And those are some of the seeds that YOU have decided to plant and nurture and grow where others have left the field fallow and untouched. You are the author. You are the farmer of this crop. You are the one who might harvest those fruits while others may wail and glare from behind their fences and untended fields.
Well done. I look forward to seeing how your efforts grow this story.
5187153
It got weird, but it is still more than just about anyone else has EVER made of original animation.
geekalabama.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/283996__unopt__safe_rainbow-dash_pinkie-pie_double-rainboom_fourth-wall-destruction_51579571a4c72da34b000156_zipper.png
Feel free to craft some of your own. It's the only was to improve after all.
5187907
Come spring 2015 we'll see Twilight gone Nightmare Moon. Unless there will be an intervening chapter before these events, in which case Nightmare Twilight may be pushed to Fall 2015, or even into 2016.
This chapter was like a 605-word synonym to "a shitstorm approaches".
Injured? They were put under a sleep spell.
10759311
And the lunar guard units are supposed to know that how? They only know the other guards were unconscious and likely have not been informed of the 'why', yet. So 'injured' is appropriate from their perspective.