• Member Since 27th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen March 21st

siketotasonosenu


E

Authors' note: if the story seems to have a slightly inconsistent writing style, it's because it does. This is a joint story made by two people, published under one account.

When Daring Do runs out of ideas for writing, she decides to crash at her sister's place in Ponyville.
She runs into some of her friends at Sugarcube Corner, and a mysterious stallion gives them a map. They don't recognize the map, but can confim it is for treasure. They decide to go exploring based on its directions, and to tell of this mysterious, new - old - land to Princess Celestia.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 1 )

Interesting. I have a couple of pieces of advice. Since you are already putting breaks between the paragraphs, you should use the horizontal rule (it's a little button on your editing toolbar that inserts a line across the page) to show changes between scenes and time skips. Simply adding extra space between paragraphs isn't easy to spot, so it can look like the narrative has abruptly shifted without reason.

Next, you need to work on your pacing. Daring and Ditzy seem to resolve their argument pretty darn quickly (although the setup clearly draws a lot of inspiration from The Sisters Do). You keep leaping from one set piece to another without taking time to develop characters or the situation. It's okay to slow things down and pad things out a little.

Finally:

Hehe, well, I actually came to crash here to think of a few ideas for the next book.

Okay, given Daring's entry this line is just begging for a snide remark on how she shouldn't have planned on doing that literally. :trollestia:

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