Author's note, My chapters shall be re-edited by, SlenderPony7. Please check out and follow his stories here, http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Slender+Pony7.
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The pony on the balcony who was, indeed, Ditzy's mommy, walked to the edge of the balcony and pointed at her- or at least, that's what she thought. Her mommy had really pointed at a n older filly that was next to her. When the filly didn't move, she was grabbed by two stallions in suits and carried her over to Ditzy's mommy.
She petted the filly's mane and said in a voice that mocked sweetness, "You have such a pretty mane my dear... It's such a shame that it must be stained." The poor filly's eyes were huge, her pupils dilated and full of the utmost fear, and her face was wet with tears, but not for the first time- though definately for the last.
And before Ditzy or any of the other young ponies in the room could look away, there was a sickening crunch accompanied with an equally sickening sight, and the filly was no more. At least, almost no more. She still had just enough life left to feel the pain of getting thrown into the machine. Then she was no more. This was accompanied by even more cracks and crunches, and then out of the color-stained pipes at the end came colored liquids, landing on a large conver belt and making a rainbow. When Ditzy looked at it, she may not have known what the other colors were, but now she definately knew where the red came from.
She tried to get the images out of her head, but every time she closed her eyes, Ditzy had the scene on replay. She felt dizzy, her stomach was feeling queasy, was swaying back and forth and covering her mouth in an attempt not to get sick from the event. She did
Woah man, is this a fic about the Rahnbow factuary?
Seriously though, you may need an editor and a decent spell check to help you out.
Okay the story is there but 1 the size of your chapters are really unnecissary 2 you could really flesh it out more and 2 it's not written very well you lack any description even for a first person fic. In all fairness it would make more sense to be 3rd person. Basically the idea is go the execution is not good.
Her mother is RD.
2241020
be nice!
2241052 My story is in third person, and you know, I already know it has major spelling issues, I know that. And thank you for actually telling me what you think about my story insted of just hiding behind a mask like a coward.
2241255 Nope, but I'll give you a clue, she is like RD and is a pegasus, oh.. and shes in G1, thanks for being nice
2241020 This story is about how Ditzy, when she was a little filly, was sent to the rainbow factuary, I have never read rainbow factuary, so don't say I stole it. Thanks for telling me, I'm gonna try to fix it and see if someone can help me with it.