Just Wing It
Our story begins on a large hill that rests between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. On said hill, there was usually nothing of interest.
So, why does our story start here?
Well, because there was usually nothing of interest.
Today, something interesting was about to occur.
A blanket was laid out on that hill tonight, and a pony was sitting on it: Twilight Sparkle. A telescope and notepad had been placed beside her.
One might say that she was an odd sort. Though she became a princess after ascending to the form of an alicorn, she didn't care much for dressing up all fancy or wearing her crown. She preferred to lay low, wings curled in rather than spread out. Getting so much attention wasn't an idea she was fond of.
Don't get her wrong though; she still did her job just fine. She was just a little less 'Princess-y' than the other alicorn rulers.
That was okay though; she was just starting after all.
...What wasn't okay though...
"Ah, shoot."
Twilight squinted slightly in mild annoyance as she peeked through her telescope. Upon doing so, she brought her notepad to her and scribbled down a few notes.
"I seem to be approximately two degrees off around Point B. Besides that, Star #205698 is off-center compared to Stars #205687 and #205693."
Comparing her current notes to ones she had drawn just yesterday, she pouted somewhat and stared up at the moon. "I guess she lied to me..." she muttered.
...Or maybe she didn't notice?
"...Impossible," she said, mindlessly fumbling with a corner of her blanket as she thought.
"She does it every night. She must know the layout perfectly."
Her wings grew slightly ruffled as she became irritated with her findings; not angry... just irritated.
However, her irritation slowly died down as she felt a presence approaching her. Nervously pulling her wings in even more, though they were already clamped tight against her midsection, she turned her head to see a stallion approaching. It was relatively dark out, so she assumed that she had failed to catch his sight. If he did in fact see her, he didn't show it, as he paid her no heed and laid out a blanket.
She watched as he magically fumbled about with said-blanket, trying to lay it out just right. Afterwards, she grew curious as she noticed that he had a telescope and notepad of his own.
She then studied him as he sat down and looked through his telescope. His fur was a gentle yellow, while his mane was blue and spiked up. His eyes were a lighter blue, and she could just make out his horn, which glowed ever so gently as he brought the notepad to his face. She tried to make out his cutie mark, but failed due to the darkness of the night and said-mark being partially covered up from his tail.
All in all, he wasn't much to look at. That wasn't to say he was horrid-looking, but he wouldn't be a face that stood out from the crowd; mostly because he wasn't very tall. Not to say that he was short though; he was average. And though she couldn't be completely sure from how far away he was, she was almost certain that he wasn't built well at all. He wasn't lanky, but muscular was most definitely not the term she would use to describe him. However, unicorns never were known for being buff in the first place, so she didn't focus on such thoughts for too long.
Growing more curious over the stallion though, her ears twitched as he flipped through pages of his notepad, looking back and forth between his notes and his telescope.
Now, Twilight was never one to get easily excited, but the thought of another pony sharing her love for astronomy was far too stimulating for her not to be. Her wings flared out slightly in ecstasy, but she quickly calmed herself down before trying to get the yellow stallion's attention.
"They're a little off-center today, don't you think?" she asked loudly, noticing the confused look on his face after gazing through his telescope.
His head jerked up quickly, and he searched for the source of the voice before his eyes settled on her. His look turned to one of great surprise, but he suppressed it quickly and nodded.
"Why, yes. Yes they are," he replied, though rather softly.
Twilight smiled at him, then glanced down at her blanket. There was more than enough room for two.
"Would you like to compare notes?" she questioned, holding up her notepad. He paused for a moment, then nodded again.
Seems to be rather cool-headed...
Glancing down to his blanket, her horn glowed an intense red as she magically gripped its fabric. She pulled it, along with the stallion, closer to her, but a bit too strongly.
The stallion was next to her within milliseconds, and the momentum had sent him falling right into Twilight, whose wings flared out in surprise.
Right. Right. Alicorn magic is stronger than unicorn magic.
"Eheh. Sorry about that," she said softly, standing up as the stallion regained his composure.
"No no. It's perfectly alright, Princess," he muttered, adjusting her blanket, as he had messed it up slightly from his fall.
Twilight frowned slightly at his formality, but quickly hid it with a smile when his eyes fell back onto her. "So..." she began, bringing the stallion's telescope and notepad over to them. As she did, she noticed his cutie mark, which she could finally see. It was a shooting star, which further confirmed her thoughts.
"I see you have a fascination with astronomy," she said.
"Oh, absolutely!" he quickly exclaimed, his levelheadedness vanishing for a moment as he grew excited.
"So do I!" Twilight said in response, smiling warmly at him. He seemed suddenly quirky when it came to his interests; she found it rather cute.
"This night has me particularly interested," the stallion told her, sitting down on her blanket and gazing through her telescope. "As you said, the stars are off-center. Perhaps it indicates some inner frustration with-"
"-Princess Luna allowed me to raise the stars for her tonight," Twilight interrupted, blushing slightly in embarrassment; she hadn't meant to admit that right out front, but she had felt oddly comfortable from gazing at her own work earlier.
"O-oh?"
"Don't worry. You didn't insult me or anything." She giggled slightly as she held up her notes again, directing a hoof towards the stars. "I noticed right away!"
The stallion smiled warmly at her in response, then slid his own notes next to her. "Well, you were still very close. I could hardly tell that they were off."
Twilight faked a huff. "Cute," she said. "But I could tell just by looking at your reaction that you knew something was up right away."
He blushed slightly, knowing that he was caught, then took his blanket in his mouth and threw it over her.
"W-what's this for?" Twilight questioned, gazing down at the pattern of a night sky on the fabric.
"It's cold tonight. I wouldn't want you to be chilly," he replied, smiling warmly at her.
"O-oh no. I'm fine, really," Twilight argued, though lying somewhat; her wings had been disheveled from the chilly air. "You shouldn't feel obligated to assist me just because I'm a Princess."
"It's not a problem," he insisted, tugging and pulling at the blanket slightly as he adjusted it to fit around her body.
"Aren't you cold though?" she asked.
"Not at all," he replied.
Twilight grew doubtful of him, and her suspicious were confirmed as she noticed him rub his right hoof against his left foreleg, as if to warm it.
Stretching out her right wing, she rested it on his back, thus draping the blanket over him as well.
"...Princess-"
"There's room enough for two," she interjected.
The stallion seemed displeased with her response, but accepted it and smiled after growing warm from both her wing and the blanket.
"...And..."
"Yes?" he asked, knowing that she was hesitating.
"...Twilight's fine," she muttered, having not suggested that anyone address her informally before. It wasn't Princess-like, but it felt so weird hearing the words 'Princess' emerge from the stallion's mouth when he spoke with her; even more so than other ponies.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
The stallion grew quiet for a moment, then smiled softly at her.
"Comet Tail."
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Could use a tad smoothing out (dialogue/descriptions seem a bit blocky at times.) Otherwise......
This has caught my interest....I shall follow.
Following at full warp speed.
2945369
Yup!
2945526
Yeaaah, you'll have to forgive me on that. Twilight is actually my least favorite of the mane 6 (I still like her though. She's just my least favorite), so I don't have her exactly down pat. Hopefully, any blockiness is bearable.
2946023
Awesomeness! XD
Yes. Love it all.
So much enjoyment has been made in this chapter as usual. Only one question, dear Sonic fan , whom is this "Comet Tail"?
2948584
And this is why this ship is going down the freakin drain (THANKS MEGAN)
Anyway...
Here he is...
2949072
So he is an OC or an canon charcater?
2949463
*Sigh*
Cannon
2947614
2948584
He's a background character from the show who the fans dubbed 'Comet Tail'. He's not very well known, but those who do know him tend to ship him with Twilight...like me.
2949608
Makes sense. Anyway keep it up! And for a talentless pony, you sure do have alot of good stories.
2951597
Thanks. I just named myself that because I have no self-esteem.
Well, I'm not really one for blatant shipping tales... but this caught my interest. Looking good so far.
A few remarks, though:
If you don't know what I'm talking about... google "pomf".
> as she peaked through her telescope
I think you mean "peeked". Peaking is what mountain tops do.
> not angry...just irritated.
To prevent the "angry...just" from being seen as one word (and, notably, not splitting at the end of a line when it should), you should always add a space behind an ellipsis.
> She watched as he magically fumbled about with said-blanket
The hyphen in "said blanket" is not needed.
> Her wings pomfed out slightly in ecstasy
I'd strongly advise against using such memes in fan fiction. Especially ones that originate in a manga comic about underage not-very-consensual sex
> "Why, yes. Yes it is." he said, though rather softly.
Should be "Yes [they are]". She said "They're a little off-center", and that's plural.
> "No no. It's perfectly alright Princess."
Separate addressing terms with commas. The reason being this. In other words, comma before "Princess".
2989780
OH SWEET CELESTIA.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY HORRID WRITING...EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY DO.
...
...
In all seriousness, thanks for the comment. Though I proofread my chapters before posting, there's always errors that slip through the gaps.
And no. I actually didn't know what pomf implied. I took it as a verb+sound effect kinda thing.
(Curses! My innocence betrays me once again!)
I've seen it in some comics being used when a pegasus is surprised or blushing, but I didn't know it meant anything like....that.
Some errors however are actually intentional. With the no comma before Princess, the no space before the ellipsis, etc.
I know this'll sound completely dumb, but I write dialouge like I talk.
What I meant by that is that, I'm not gonna put a comma somewhere if I don't think there should be a pause between a word and a name.
And I always think it looks really weird to put a space after an ellipsis. I really really don't know why I think that, but it's always been something that I absolutely cannot bring myself to do.
I know it's dumb; I know it's stupid. I'm just really weird and that's how I write.
My username is TheTalentlessPony for a reason; because I have no writing talent. I like to write, but I will fully admit that I am not good at obeying all the rules of writing.
Sorry.
2989835
All right. Time to drag in the heavy artillery, then.
The fact you need the commas on addressing terms is to avoid misinterpretation. As the image already showed, if you clicked that link.
images.signals.com/graphics/products/regular/HN3281.jpg
To make this perfectly clear, compare these two sentences:
"I kill, my Queen," the soldier said to Elisabeth. "That's what soldiers do."
"I kill my Queen," the soldier said to Elisabeth. "That's what soldiers do."
The first is the soldier saying, to his queen, that he kills. The second is the soldier saying he kills his queen. Quite a difference that little comma can make, no? So please, please pay attention to that. If only to avoid accidental regicide
2990183
Yeah, I saw the picture.
It's just...I haaaaate putting a comma in there if there is no space. I write dialouge like how I'd speak.
I am pretty aware of the big error that could happen with that, but usually, with sentences like that, I would actually put a comma there. Because when I read the words 'I kill my Queen' in my head, I sense that there's a comma there, because it would sound stupid and unnatural if he didn't pause between 'kill' and 'my'. I'm pretty good at that sorta thing...I guess.
Never read CometSparkle (or however one puts it).
I shall try it out...
4295687
I wish you good luck on your journey through my fanfic.
4378243
Yeaaaah, I tried, but...
Not so great at... y'know, anything character-driven. =w= (*was about to say 'anything' without adding on to that but resisted XD'*)
I actually had a Notepad and was writing about what I wanted his character to be before doing this whole story, buuuut yeah. Didn't help.
Great start! *claps hands*
5300024
Hey, thanks! >w<
8052828
Awww, thank you!
I can already tell this is going to be adorable.
Also, dat like number tho...
8109436
Oh mai.
Also, AJBHBDAF, EVERYTIME I SEE YOU COMMENTING ON ONE OF MY OLD STORIES, I JUST GO, "THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE ONE THEY'RE GOING TO HATE."
8111901
Indeed.
Let me fox that... there!
Also, don't worry: you're far, far too good of an author for me to actually completely dislike anything you do, let alone hate.
8113573
D///X<
Very cute start of a story and another underrated background character Comet Tail so Twilight let's just staring at the night sky still not getting used to have the princess title and she's just studied them and everything until she saw another Pony and apparently she got very interested with him so she went over there and said hello and it was pretty surprised to see somebody out here but other than that they really enjoyed their company and even talk about the stars and everything which that's pretty cute and not only that they introduced themselves to each other I guess that's another love for sight