I Destroyed a Universe

by TheLastBrunnenG

Elements of Bureaucracy

INSTRUCTIONS:

Required information is indicated by brackets {}. Please fill out each marked section. Failure to provide all necessary information may delay our response. For multiple choice items, circle the appropriate answer. For blanks, enter the requested information in the space provided. Please write neatly and legibly. Remember to provide full contact information in order to expedite a response. The Elements of Harmony promise to answer every request within five (5) calendar days from date of receipt. Address completed requests to: Elements of Harmony, ATTN: Spike, Golden Oak Library, Ponyville. Thank you for contacting us, and we hope you have a pleasant day.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elements of Harmony,

We, the __________ {sentient species} residing in the __________ {form of government} of __________ {name of locale} do hereby {humbly / desperately / pleadingly / reluctantly} request your assistance with a matter most {dire / pressing / banal}.

We have come under {attack by / influence of} the {cruel / unjust / foul} tyranny of a wretched {being / force / species / power} known as __________ {name or title of oppressor}. They have {enslaved / looted / abducted / inconvenienced} our {loved ones / homes / food supply}. We attempted to {resist / oppose / infiltrate / appease} them to no avail.

Their attacks were based on {magic / mental attack / physical assault / hurled insults}. Our tormentor(s) appear(s) to be a type of {chaos god / eldritch abomination / invading army / demon goddess / other (specify: __________) }.

The attacking force(s) have the following characteristics {check all that apply}:

_horns _antlers _fangs _claws _scales _feathers _venom _slime _wings _flame breath _halitosis _deadly aura _shapechanging _chilling laugh

They can best be described as {check all that apply}:

_evil _cruel _oppressive _sinful _wicked _spiteful _malicious _baneful _impolite

It is our firm belief that the menace described represents a threat to {our town / our nation / all of Equestria / the known universe}. Our preferred solution to the problem at hoof is {banishment of / defeat of / destruction of / negotiated settlement with} the offender(s). We {will / will not} require assistance rebuilding our {neighborhood / city / continent} after the problem is dealt with.

We will be most grateful for any assistance you can provide. For your benevolent aid we are prepared to reward you with {a land grant / titles and office / a sum of bits / personal favors / our sincerest thanks}. NOTE: Rewards are not required for services rendered by the Elements of Harmony. Tips are appreciated.

Sincerely,

Contact Name: _____ _____

Contact Address: _____ _____ _____

Date of submission: _____

~~~~~~~~~~

TERMS OF SERVICE

By submitting your request to the Elements of Harmony you agree to be bound by these Terms of Service. You agree that the Elements of Harmony, either together or individually, may choose to subcontract their intervention to other forces, powers, individuals, or divinities as they see fit. The Elements of Harmony make no guarantee that the problem(s) described can be dealt with easily, quickly, or at all. By employing the Elements of Harmony you agree that you make no claim(s) to ownership, use, lease, or other possession of the Elements of Harmony themselves (as represented by the physical jewelry manifestations of the Elements), the power(s) displayed by the Elements, or the ponies wielding them. The Elements of Harmony are not responsible for consequential, inconsequential, incidental, or intentional damage inflicted during the intervention(s) required.

The Elements of Harmony are not owned by, operated by, or in the employ of the Princesses of Equestria, the Equestrian Royal Court, or by Elements of Harmony Management, Inc.

FORM # TW_SPRK13 REV. 20121208

Author's Note:

TMP Prompt # 191. The prompt: Dear Elements of Harmony…

Comments

[djthomp]

Red Tape is Magic.

[Silvernis]

That was marvelous. (Admittedly, It probably helps that I handle a lot of the contracts our office processes. Stuff like this cracks me up.)

[TheLastBrunnenG]

2088480
I was using lines from The Raven for half a dozen prompt titles in a row.

2089114
Loved that line from Heathers! I've been waiting to use it for ages and I could only hear it in Applejack's voice.

2089328
Thanks! I tried to pull off a mostly descriptive piece, with zero dialogue and almost no narrative. Hope it worked.

2092913
ZecoraShy has some interesting forest-and-woodland-creature dynamics to it. How much would it surprise Shy's friends if they knew that not only was she shacking up with their local Zebra sorceress, but that she was willing to brave the Everfree alone at night to do it?

2093105>>2093210
True. I tried to keep her from writing phonetically (Ah / Mah / Yer / Thar for I / My / Your / There) but still have her write it in her own way. Her response would be, "That there's the way I was taught, and that's the way I'm writin' it, y'all hear?"

2093115>>2093153
This almost became a longer story series on its own, where the Elements were a villain-smasher-for-hire group.

2093227
Oh, that's beautiful - that response is exactly what I can hear Rarity saying. That quote is almost a one-paragraph sequel all by itself. And if you write RariLuna, Lunity, MoonRare, whatever it is - count me in! That would be delicious, especially coming from your pen.

[Avid Reader]

Thorough.

NOTE: Rewards are not required for services rendered by the Elements of Harmony. Tips are appreciated.

Seems like a good idea to tip.

[Stratege]

That formletter was awesome. Goes to show how often they get deployed that they had to get such a form thing going ^^

[nemryn]

2093621
Right, it's not in quotation marks because it's not dialog, it's a letter.

[BenjiCG]

2093451 so much love for gothic poetry XD
and how do you find these quotes?
I someday want to fit in an obscure firefly/galactica quote into a fic sometime (possibly when I have the ability to write fic XD)

[BenRG]

Bureaucracy is magic