Deep beneath the castle of the Crystal Empire, two menacing unicorns both dressed in matching black ceremonial robes, silently wound their way through pitch-black tunnels. Lord Anthautu, the leader of the Sombranian Cult, was fuming, angry that he had been unable to help his King. If only I had been able to get there in time... Glancing down, he looked at his second in command, Mordronous, who had his horn lit to guide them down the tunnel.
Out of all those in the cult, Mordronous was the most intelligent, due to the fact that he used to be a bookworm in his foalhood. But when he joined the cult, evil had taken over his mind and and pushed away his affection for books. But still, somewhere deep down inside him, part of that bookworm still existed. Because of that, Lord Anthautu had made him the caretaker and interpreter of the Sombranian Cult's holy book, the Ponynomicon, which was tucked safely and securely in his saddlebags.
Turning his head back to gaze down the tunnel, Lord Anthautu could barely make out the outline of the large archway that led to the main chamber. As they approached the broad and imposing entrance, Mordronous glanced up and admired the intricate carvings that depicted King Sombra's takeover of the Crystal Empire over a thousand years ago. As they passed under it, Mordronous dimmed his horn, as the tunnel they were walking through was dimly lit from a series of magical lights at the base of the walls.
They walked through the winding tunnel in silence for a minute, listening to the echoing voices of the cult, and eventually came upon the entrance to the main chamber. Their eyes adjusting to the bright light, they saw that the rest of the cult were arguing amongst themselves around a large stone table.
Mordronous silently listened to the cult argue amongst themselves. He groaned in disgust and was about to shut them up when his master, Lord Anthautu, spoke, “Listen to those ponies bicker amongst themselves.... such imbeciles. We should silence them before they... do something stupid,” his voice sending a slight shiver down Mordronous’s back.
“I agree, my lord,” he answered, his gaze shifting back to the occupants of the room. “Please, allow me...”
Mordronous sucked in a deep breath, used his magic to amplify his voice, and loudly barked, “Cease!” His loud voice echoed throughout the chamber, shocking those sitting around the table into silence. “That's better...” Mordronous dryly said, glaring at the room as a whole.
Lord Anthautu silently took his place at the head of the large table, his gaze shifting to the ponies gathered around it. He sat down, looked at all of the ponies staring at him, and slowly said, “Ever since our king was slain, we have been without a leader; without direction. We must exact our revenge on those who laid him low. My right-hoof pony has come up with a promising plan, and I will allow him the privilege to present it. Mordronous, you have the floor.”
Mordronous quickly stepped forward to stand beside his lord, gave him a quick bow, and said, “Thank you, my lord. Since the day following the death of our mighty king, I have been scouring our most holy writing for something; anything. And after weeks of hard and grueling work, I have finally found it.” He paused, his eyes sweeping to look at each pony. “I have found a way to resurrect our beloved king."
As everypony gasped in surprise, he pulled out a heavy leather-bound book from his saddlebag, and reverently laid it on the table. “If my interpretation holds true, the text says that we must have a piece of the fallen, such as a horn or a feather, the blood of a baby dragon... and most importantly,” He paused again, glancing down at the book before him, “the sacrifice must take place on the eve of the summer solstice, which is exactly two weeks from this very night.”
“But how can we get a piece of King Sombra? He was laid low in his attempt to reclaim his rightful kingdom!” one pony exclaimed, slamming a hoof on the table.
The others murmured in agreement for a few moments, and then the newest member, Zeo, an earth pony, spoke up. “I move that myself and two others kidnap the baby dragon known as Spike from his home in Ponyville. We'll be able to resurrect our fallen lord with his blood, and also take revenge for his death. We will be able to effectively kill two birds with one stone! We still need something from King Sombra, or all of our efforts will be for naught.”
This idea was met well, as shown by the excited whispers of those around him. After a few minutes of deliberation, Lord Anthautu lifted a hoof, instantly quieting the large room.
“I concur. Both Mordronous and Garath will join you on this mission. As for something from King Sombra...” He pulled out a small object wrapped in worn leather, and carefully laid it on the table, drawing several looks of confusion from several members. Mordronous slowly and carefully unwrapped the small object to reveal the severed tip of King Sombra's horn. The rest of the cult gasped, whispers and shouting breaking out amongst them.
Garath, a pegasus, yelled over the rest, “How did you get ahold of something so sacred?”
Lord Anthautu covered up the horn with his magic, his voice instantly quieting the group. “That is of little relevance now. What truly matters at this time is that we must make our move on the baby dragon. Mordronous, take Garath and Zeo and plan the attack. Once you have taken the baby dragon, we will reconvene and perform the ceremony on the eve of the summer solstice. With that being said, this meeting is adjourned.” He slowly rose, his voice echoing across the cavern as he spoke. “Mordronous, Garath, and Zeo, I wish you luck in your monumental task. Do not fail us…”
stare at the abyss... the abyss stares back.
DESTROY THEM WITH LAZERS!
1896538
Lol, that's the plan! XP
1896545 WOOHOO! AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS YOU NEED TO PLAY THE KNIFE PARTY SONG.
1896566
Lol, which one?
I wouldnt say twilights mind is fragile and saying that would turn alot of readers away
The ony place i see this hinted at in the show is lesson zero and she learns her lesson in that (what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i think theres a couple million songs about that)
and in lesson zero she snapped due to academic reasons while when the hydra or cerbrus threatend them she kept a cool head so ya shes not alaround fragile minded
anyways still sounds like a good story besides that tidbit so im off to read it
That cover art... so damn cute! Now, I'm going to read this and give you a proper review! Maybe we can discuss some of the finer points of the story.
Not bad. You might want to consider varying your descriptions a bit more; most notably you called Rover a "mangy mutt" and "mutt" several times successively, but on several other occasions as well you used the same terms for characters repeatedly. Not necessarily bad, but it's better to mix it up a bit.
1896571 Destroy them with lasers of course
You can't blame the cult for being stupid....Just look at their recruitment posters.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6925521920/h54651390/
This looks good. I will join you in your anticipation for the twidashy goodness. I don't normally like shipping all that much, but twidash has always been a special exception for me. The two are just too cute together
Have a thumbs up and fave my good writer.
1945183
Thanks man!
Congratulations, this story has good enough grammar to be included in the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive list of gramatically-correct stories on Fimfiction.
I would fix these two typos, though
Two ands.
Two thes.
2862164
The second excerpt is also wrong because either it (the cult) should argue among itself, or they (the cultists) should argue amongst themselves. One entity cannot act upon itself as though 'twere plural.
This is certainly an interesting start. And with the promise of a dual-plot involving OTP, this should be good.
I find it odd, though, that King Sombrero would have a cult worshiping him and trying to restore his reign. I can understand such a thing with, say, Nightmare Moon or even Discord, but Somby is a different matter altogether. He supposedly enslaved and abused everypony. Who would want that..?
3579949
Depending, some believe if they do something like helping an abusing/evil as fuck ruler back to power or reviving them that said ruler will for the helping, give them special treatment and say them an equal and for the reviving, obey them.
Stupid as fuck right? this is what i get from these cultists. i may be wrong but yup.
Evil cult worshipping biggest baddie in the show? Nice. Spike not being overlooked as a potential main character? Very good! Twidash? Nuf said, I'm reading this!
Instantly reminded me of Nyx's story, so I know it'll be good
1896545
You said you didn't like this story as it was your first story and you have improved a lot since then. You know what I say:- you were a great writer from your first story onwards and don't ever believe otherwise.